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[Zombine]

Why do they do this to me? This is the second time this calendar year that a bird has suicided itself using my car and I feel awful.

Back in September on a really warm Saturday morning, I was driving back from my job doing about 55mph, and this little sparrow flew right into my windshield and exploded. I started freaking out. It looked like a crime scene. There was blood and stuff everywhere and I couldnt figure out why the hell it did that. It looked right at me and just ended itself. I was freaking out so bad my first reaction was to turn on my wipers and clean the windshield, but I had left my window open because it was a nice day, and all the blood and wiper fluid shot into my car and onto my face. I felt like shit for a week.

Fast forward seven months later after I had finally gotten over that bird, and I'm driving in my mustang to this high end barber shop for my haircut while I'm on vacation, and I see this thing that looks kind of like a leave floating slowly into the middle of the road. By the time I got close enough, I realized that it was an injured Blue Jay, and I could not stop. I was going 45 and there were at least 4 cars right up my ass. I tried to drive between it, but I think my wheel ran it over. I looked behind me in my mirror and it stopped moving and now my day is ruined. I'm the type of dude that looks down when I walk to make sure that I don't step on bugs, yet these fucking things choose me twice in a year. Why? Does this happen to anyone else?

I knew I should have just stayed home and watched Game of Thrones.

 

[Haloid1177]

I had a friend hit an owl on the interstate, fucking destroyed his windshield and I ended up having to pick him up at 3 AM.

Fun times.

 

[Napalm_Frank]

Pheasant destroyed 2 of my house windows few weeks back. Bastard seemingly didn't even get a scratch.

 

[studyguy]

 

[Extra Sauce]

You are special OP.

 

[Deleted member 47027]

 

[Lactose_Intolerant]

 

[Caribou]

There's more where those came from

 

[Kinyou]

There's more where those came from

What if not. What if OP killed the two last birds on planet earth?

You have now crossed over.... into the Twilight Zone

 

[Timeaisis]

I killed a baby owl once. I think it was on my birthday. Flew right into my front bumper.

 

[Icefire1424]

Here's to hoping you never hit a deer.

Happens to everyone that's been driving long enough. If it helps at all, the second one you hit sounded as if it was already in pain and suffering. You likely put it out of its misery.

 

[joelseph]

You are special OP.

Don't be on a plane over the pacific today OP

#4/8/15,16:23:42

 

[YoungHav]

Came for the Brian "Baby" Wlliams references... did not disappoint.

 

[Business]

I hit a bird once too, the image from my rearview mirror of the poor thing rolling on the asphalt strikes me many times I pass through that same spot.

 

[Grieves]

Nothing you could have done, OP. Don't beat yourself up about it.

 

[Zombine]

I honestly might have pulled some Fast & Furious shit with my car. As I drove back from the salon I kept looking for the aftermath on the other side of the road and I didn't see anything. Maybe my maneuver worked? The only thing that freaked me out was the street sweeper on the other side of the road so maybe it got cleaned up...

 

[obin_gam]

I got attacked by a murder of white demons a long time ago.
To this day I dread white birds.

 

[Zombine]

I got attacked by a murder of white demons a long time ago.
To this day I dread white birds.

In a vehicle or on foot?

 

[depths20XX]

I once saw a semi truck hit a hawk. The thing smacked right on his windshield and was plastered there for a good mile. Dude just kept driving. Eventually the hawk fell off to the side of the highway and was actually hobbling around so maybe it survived.

 

[Mr Git]

Years ago I saw 12 magpies all sat together on a single streetlamp. I didn't know what to do. Salute? Not salute? Does the rhyme even go that far? I had to have a sit down.


If I did drive I'd also feel pretty terrible OP, sorry.

 

[Iksenpets]

This has never once happened to me in like a decade of driving? Am I weird? Do I have some kind of magical bird-ward?

There was one time that I noticed a sticky red fluid on my bumper, but I don't remember ever hitting anything. I've always tried to convince myself that someone just spilled slurpee on my bumper when I was parked at the gas station, but I've always been worried that I hit something and didn't even notice.

 

[Burgess_101]

Birds are the worst, a red kite tried to kill me whilst I was playing cricket around 4 or 5 years ago now.

Never trust a bird.

 

[Evolved1]

Don't be on a plane over the pacific today OP

#4/8/15,16:23:42

Holy shit... hahaha

 

[Lamel]

I've had some close calls with stupid birds.

 

[Dad]

Never hit a bird, but I hit a bat once.

 

[SocksAndShoes]

My mom hit a flock of ducks that flew out of bushes on the side of the road...I'll never forget seeing blood go up the windshield, a duck corpse on our side mirror, and my mother telling my little sister "It's ok, they're just sleeping."

 

[Jesus Carbomb]

Forget about the birds. Let's see your fancy high end haircut.

 

[Zombine]

Forget about the birds. Let's see your fancy high end haircut.

It was $35 and I gave her a $10 tip. She just gives me a 1 all the way around with whatever the hell you call it on top.

 

[MonkeyMan29]

It was $35 and I gave her a $10 tip. She just gives me a 1 all the way around with whatever the hell you call it on top.

For what's basically sounds like a fade?!

Yeah no. Never. Great Clips, $12 bucks for the cut, and $5 for the tip.

 

[Gentle Rodriguez]

Don't be on a plane over the pacific today OP

#4/8/15,16:23:42

Dude holy shit

 

[Mupod]

Partridges are common where I previously lived, and they are the most fantastically slow and stupid animal (as well as tasty) so it's amazing they somehow aren't extinct yet. In particular the ones where I lived seemed suicidal - it was the middle of the damn woods so you always had to look out for crossing animals but they were the dumbest. Many times I've had to stop and once even open the car door so the thing would get out of the damn road, they just sit there. I've been tempted to just KO one with my bumper then take it home for a stew - I've been in the car when my uncle did exactly that.

 

[Snkfanatic]

What about all those poor innocent bugs you splattered while driving OP...what about them you monster!?!?

 

[obin_gam]

In a vehicle or on foot?

On foot.
On an island out in the ocean.

I will never forget the horror

 

[Extra Sauce]

Don't be on a plane over the pacific today OP

#4/8/15,16:23:42

Holy fucking shit.

The plot thickens indeed...

 

[Zombine]

What about all those poor innocent bugs you splattered while driving OP...what about them you monster!?!?

I don't think bugs give a shit. I still respect them and I don't intentionally step on them out of principle, but they can't even really feel pain, right? They're just like tubes and shit and a brain that executes basic functions.

 

[Clydefrog]

Heh, I hit a bird once and posted about it on GAF too.

RIP birdies

 

[Zombine]

Heh, I hit a bird once and posted about it on GAF too.

RIP birdies

They torment me though. Imagine this happening once every quarter. It blows.

 

[Mr Git]

If it's happening very often it might be something captivating about your car.

 

[Zombine]

If it's happening very often it might be something captivating about your car.

Different cars. The first car was an SUV and this is a muscle car. What you're saying though is that my cars are chick magnets literally.

 

[joedan]

Don't be on a plane over the pacific today OP

#4/8/15,16:23:42

Gatdamn.

 

[Yonafunu]

I hate fucking birds. So messy.

 

[billeh]

There are protected birds that happen to nest near the parking lot in my office during the summer that frequently attack people that happen to be in the vicinity. Asshole birds have gotten me a couple times and that shit HURTS. And it's like a $10000 fine + jail time if you hit back.

I feel no sympathy for birds that simply don't know how to get out of the way.

 

[Plywood]

FUCK THE BIRDMAN

 

[Zombine]

There are protected birds that happen to nest near the parking lot in my office during the summer that frequently attack people that happen to be in the vicinity. Asshole birds have gotten me a couple times and that shit HURTS. And it's like a $10000 fine + jail time if you hit back.

I feel no sympathy for birds that simply don't know how to get out of the way.

I mean, it wasn't even a sparrow that I ran over. It was definitely exotic and really pretty. I do hope it wasn't an actual Blue Bird...that's our state bird.

 

[McLovin]

this lol

 

[A_Gorilla]

I used to hate birds.

Then I adopted my stray cat. Now, there are no living birds within a 50 meter radius of my house...

 

[DJMicLuv]

Why do they do this to me? This is the second time this calendar year that a bird has suicided itself using my car and I feel awful.

As a Brit I was initially confused by this thread.

Spoiler

Bird is slang for a woman.

 

[whitemex88]

Years ago, my grandma was driving through Mexico with me and my sister, cousin, etc. then all of a sudden a dead bird just lands splat on the windshield and wedged itself under the wiper blade. took a solid 5 minutes to get it off still driving.

pretty sure a bigger bird just dropped it out of the sky but we'll never really know

 

[benjipwns]

I'll go toe to toe with anyone in this thread on bird law.

 

[Regiruler]

Don't be on a plane over the pacific today OP

#4/8/15,16:23:42

I don't get it. Is this supposed to be a lost reference?