Yeah and it's a moronic statement.
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GAF, do you think this is unintentional racism, or thoughtful parenting?
- Thread starter royalan
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Yeah and it's a moronic statement.
Care to explain why?
StopMakingSense
Member
Do you know for a fact that she isn't having this conversation with her child as well as making this gesture? One doesn't preclude the other at all.
No, I didn't. I wanted to have a deeper discussion with her about it (especially since she asked me for hair tips regarding her son because she likes how I wear my own hair). But I didn't know how to quantify my thoughts in the moment, and I didn't want to risk offending her, since as I said that my gut response was that it was an adorable gesture.
RiccochetJ
Gold Member
I'm trying to understand why you would think that OP. So forgive me if I'm way off base but is this to you a version of blackface?
MisterNoisy
Member
She sounds super cool, actually.
Metaphoreus
This is semantics, and nothing more
My thoughts exactly. And the fact that the mother chose the hairstyle can send a positive message all its own, by showing that hair like her daughter's is desirable.
Boom Boom Pow
Banned
wait, why would it be racist? if she's racist, then why would she adopt black kids?
It's like hitler adopting jewish kids
It's like hitler adopting jewish kids
Don't forget he would also probably grow out sidecurls.
I suppose, in a way. Although, I don't think it was that extreme.
As I said earlier in this thread, my reaction (and what I said to her) was "that's awesome!" And regardless of what I ultimately think about her methods, I do think it's great that she's at least thinking of her daughter and her self-esteem. This thread is ultimately just as much about me exploring why I felt a negative tinge as it is posing the question to GAF.
I think it was the action of her purposefully changing her physical appearance to placate her daughter that gave me pause. As I thought more about it, tt reminded me a lot of the stories you would hear in the 90s about white parents adopting African kids, and then start wearing dashikis around the house and listening to "tribal" music in an attempt to make the kids feel comfortable. In their zealousness to create a feeling of inclusiveness, these parents ultimately came off as ignorant and trivialized entire cultures.
But Keri's response on the last page was actually an interesting counter that I hadn't considered:
What negative affect is she having intentially or unintentially? You have a strange idea of racism.
Racism is not bad etique ffs
roosters93
Member
How does emulating her black daughter's hair style convey she thinks black people are inferior or is subjecting her daughter to discrimination
Read my last post.
Blackface is not based etiqute; there's two versions of black face. 'black face' to mock; and blacking up which was actors blacking their faces rather than hiving he job to a person of ethnicity. I guess there's also racial ignorance but that's not black face as you can not black face by misunderstanding.
I've not heard many stories personally of adoption parents running around in grass skirts. You also identify in your OP and last post this is not comparable so am confused why the question needs posed.
You seem to have already known the answer.
Some people need to take a step back, Royalan posed some valid questions. But thats what they were questions and feedback was giving. If there was a serious stance taken in this thread on something regarding precieved racism from that story, I havent seen it yet.
Calm them nerves.
Calm them nerves.
Note that "blackface" isn't the word I used. I was relating to the poster who was trying to understand my perspective. I even said that I didn't think it was that extreme. Racial ignorance might actually be more fitting.
Thank you.
RiccochetJ
Gold Member
Gordon Shumway
Banned
Damn. She sounds like a great mom going the extra mile to make her girl feel comfortable. Can't say I see anything wrong with that in the slightest.
User 73706
Banned
"How can you be racist unintentionally? Let's bust out Dictionary.com here. Racism is explicitly defined as the intentional degradation or dismissal of a person or persons based on race, ethnicity, or nationality. Now you're going to tell me the dictionary is wrong?"
Always-honest
Banned
My first reaction: pretty sweet gesture.
My second reaction: Sometimes we think and worry too much.
My third reaction: Let the kids just deal with reality, like everybody else does.
But come on.. i wish more parents were involved at parenting like she is.
My second reaction: Sometimes we think and worry too much.
My third reaction: Let the kids just deal with reality, like everybody else does.
But come on.. i wish more parents were involved at parenting like she is.
Angelus Errare
Banned
I think what that mother did is WAAAAAY better than the whole "sit down for 8 seconds and tell say...'hey your hair is awesome the way it as' as they're putting chemicals and other nonsense into it to make it more like the theirs (the adoptive parent)".
Pretty much.
Pretty much.
TheBlackMarvel
Member
She sounds pretty awesome to me. No racism involved imo.
EdwardTivrusky
Member
Here's another random bloke on the web who thinks she's a thoughtful and awesome parent 
roosters93
Member
There's no serious stance in this thread on something regarding perceived racism because it is so obvious that OP's story is devoid of racism.
Saintguine
Member
That seems thoughtful.
ShemhazaiX
Member
Ok, I understand the gesture and I don't think it's racist. In fact it's kind of nice of her to think that.
But isn't it kind of redundant since there's a much bigger difference that the mom can't really do anything about?
Though, that said, it was only in the last couple of years that I found out that black women often have hair extensions. Is it that big of an issue?
I say this as a guy who thinks afros are cool :[
edit: If I said something stupid, then I apologise.
But isn't it kind of redundant since there's a much bigger difference that the mom can't really do anything about?
Though, that said, it was only in the last couple of years that I found out that black women often have hair extensions. Is it that big of an issue?
I say this as a guy who thinks afros are cool :[
edit: If I said something stupid, then I apologise.
Marky Mark
Member
Why is absolutely everything racist nowadays? This mother sounds fantastic. If she painted herself blackface along with the hair, sure, maybe that's a bit racist but it should be about intent first and foremost. Her intentions are pure, stop jumping to racism as your default stance.
dripdripsplash
Member
I think these threads are the reason that it's becoming more acceptable for people to say "why is everything racist these days"
AbsolutBro
Member
Is this all that different than the father who wore dresses to help his transgender child? That's an honest question, btw.
It's a parent doing something to help their child feel normal in their own skin. I struggle to find it bad that a parent tries to help their child.
It's a parent doing something to help their child feel normal in their own skin. I struggle to find it bad that a parent tries to help their child.
……forgetit
Member
Not racist....maybe a bad idea, but far from racist.
TheWarrior
Banned
Sounds like a pretty thoughtful and loving mother, plus you only use the word racism when you want to end a discussion, not start one.
cyberheater
PS4 PS4 PS4 PS4 PS4 PS4 PS4 PS4 PS4 PS4 PS4 PS4 PS4 PS4 PS4 PS4 PS4 Xbone PS4 PS4
No, you use the word racism when you think that people you're having the disussion with are capable of understanding nuance.
The idea that "racism" as a word can't be used unless you're trying to attack someone for a direct and intentionally hateful action is absurd, and that's the very thing that holds discussion back.
TheChewyWaffles
Member
Holy crap some people want to see racism in everything.
I think it's fine, and thoughtful. My brother is married to a woman from Trinidad, he's half white and Filipino like me. My nephews all have slightly curly and kinky hair, and my niece has extremely soft, buoyant "white hair" (as she calls it) - like her father. So, my brother shaves his head really short and my niece uses oils in hers to make it more like her mother's and brothers'. They both do it to either mask the differences or make their hair more like someone else's in the family.
One could say it's bad by not celebrating their diversity. But I think it's cute.
One could say it's bad by not celebrating their diversity. But I think it's cute.
Agreed, as my initial response reflects that but the outrage that the very question may have been brought up is where I differ from some in this thread. Its a valid question to ask because it stands to reason that our society is vast and diverse, the views shared would also be as complex and certain well meaning behaviours might not be interpreted kindly.
Yes the question obvious falls into that reasoning, which is why I differ with some in this thread.
The question didn't even make an accusation and the OP's opinion on the matter was that the action was sweet, the OP just wanted feedback on the specifics of the behaviour over whether or not it might have been unintentionally racist. Which the consensus is a flat out NO.
There is no need to find outrage in the exploring of someones actions whom you dont even know who wasn't even accused of anything inflammatory.
...
Well I think that just about covers anything I was ever really going to say on this thread. Also I'll preemtively say No I'm not outrage at the outrage over the question the OP raised, I'm confused at the response yes but nothing more.
Glass Rebel
Member
This reminds me of those parents with kids in chemo that shave their heads. Totally innocent and really cute.
Yeah, I have to agree. The mother is just being awesome, and in no way racist. Very cool, loving gesture by the mom, in fact.
The OP seeing potential racism there might say more about him than anything else.
chaobreaker
Member
Why do you gotta bring up racism, OP? Maybe you're the real racist!
/s
But seriously, more people should watch Good Hair.
/s
But seriously, more people should watch Good Hair.
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