synchronicity
Member
This question hits pretty close to home for me since I'm recently separated from my wife. (married almost 19 years, together about 24.)
We're all creatures of habit, and it was a major adjustment at first - like any big change. There are certainly pros and cons like everything else, but I still remember a moment where I just felt the "shackles" fall off. (I don't mean this as any disrespect towards women or marriage, fwiw.) I just realized, "Wow, I can do whatever I want." It was such an intense and overwhelming feeling of liberation. Of course this is coming from someone who had been in a very long-term relationship that was full of tension towards the end - perspective matters, but I didn't know what to do with myself. I was so used to planning and living as an "us" that I was like a dog that is used to always walking with a leash and then it was removed and I didn't even realize I could run free for quite a while. (Maybe not the best analogy, but hopefully the point comes through.)
Being single again has suited me thus far. I'm very introverted and quiet most of the time, so it's a natural fit, but I'm not against the possibility of having another partner at some point. I was probably never a "traditional" family man, despite playing that role for a very long time. I need an absolute minimum of maintenance and most long-term relationships seem to require such constant attention. If I find another partner it would be on more of a casual, no-pressure (read bonds of matrimony) basis. I never desired to be married in the first place, but I did so for the pleasure and happiness of the girl I loved. To me, it's just a ceremony. I don't need an official ceremony to commit to someone.
But yeah, in short. Single is fine OP. Coupled is fine. If you're happy as you are, no need to stress for tomorrow. There's no obligation to be or live in any particular way. You may just be feeling societal pressure and expectations, if even below the surface perhaps.
We're all creatures of habit, and it was a major adjustment at first - like any big change. There are certainly pros and cons like everything else, but I still remember a moment where I just felt the "shackles" fall off. (I don't mean this as any disrespect towards women or marriage, fwiw.) I just realized, "Wow, I can do whatever I want." It was such an intense and overwhelming feeling of liberation. Of course this is coming from someone who had been in a very long-term relationship that was full of tension towards the end - perspective matters, but I didn't know what to do with myself. I was so used to planning and living as an "us" that I was like a dog that is used to always walking with a leash and then it was removed and I didn't even realize I could run free for quite a while. (Maybe not the best analogy, but hopefully the point comes through.)
Being single again has suited me thus far. I'm very introverted and quiet most of the time, so it's a natural fit, but I'm not against the possibility of having another partner at some point. I was probably never a "traditional" family man, despite playing that role for a very long time. I need an absolute minimum of maintenance and most long-term relationships seem to require such constant attention. If I find another partner it would be on more of a casual, no-pressure (read bonds of matrimony) basis. I never desired to be married in the first place, but I did so for the pleasure and happiness of the girl I loved. To me, it's just a ceremony. I don't need an official ceremony to commit to someone.
But yeah, in short. Single is fine OP. Coupled is fine. If you're happy as you are, no need to stress for tomorrow. There's no obligation to be or live in any particular way. You may just be feeling societal pressure and expectations, if even below the surface perhaps.