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Gay and Bisexual thread |OT2|Bears and Twinks and Otters. Oh My!

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Rez said:
I mean, I'm not making a judgment call on you as a person. I just know that if I was in your partner's shoes, the longer it went on without me knowing would only make things worst. Maybe he's completely loyal to you and has knocked back situations like this in the past? You and your friend making each other happy is one thing, but not revealing it to your partner and potentially denying him a similar happiness is cruel and could lead to some serious resentment.
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Totally see where you're coming from, and I appreciate it. Last week we started down that road, and in feeling it out more (he's wanted a more open thing in the past but deferred to me), I think there's a road that could work for us.

I don't want a door busted in open thing. I'd like to pursue connections like this if and when they come up. We already have amazing sex, it's almost not about that. I just truly begin to feel that people aren't meant to just love one person, and that perhaps this can strengthen rather than degrade the primary love. I'm no expert, but this is what I've been reading and hearing from friends that have had successful open monogamam-ish things. What's positive for us in that realm is that we already talk about everything without jealousy so I'm hopeful.
 
I honestly don't know what to tell you krypt. On the one hand you make it sound like the situation is fine, on the other I can't see how it would be if I was in your partner's situation.

You say it's akin to having a really good friend. I can see why you'd think that but you don't usually harbor strong romantic feelings for your very good friend to the point that you said (even as a side thing, but I think it's revealing somehow) that you'd be together if it weren't for your respective partners.

If I'm not mistaken he doesn't know the full extent of the relationship you have with that guy yet. Are you going to let him know you love that guy or just that you'd like to have sex with him?

In any case, I hope you guys are gonna work out what works best for you. Like you said, it's up to the parties involved to decide what's good for them and what they're ok with.
 
I'm still playing this out and I can definitely see everyone's points. That's part of why I posted it. This is a new situation for both of us, and we certainly weren't looking for it. Neither of us in our dating/relationship histories have never been cheaters.

I guess it's maddening on one side that society doesn't allow this to easily happen. I used to be of the mindset that you can only truly be in love with one other person. That's evolving now. I can definitely see why the whole "if things were different" part is a sticking point now, where yesterday I couldn't when I read it.

This is an intensely powerful thing, and it's hard to get reigns on it, but this morning we spoke about it and its making more sense right now. Right now between us at least, we are on the same page, so at least that stressor is removed. We've still decided to put the sex thing on the back burner.

I'm doing more research into people's polyamory stories and finding the right way to discuss this. I'm not finding any thrill or joy in the secrecy part as it's not my nature. Right now, it's a necessary evil of sorts, but I'm taking steps to remove that.

Once opened this is a Pandora's box that has sharp edges on one side, but the finest rewards on the other. This isn't easy, but it seems like it still may be worth it.
 
I personally wouldn't love to be in an open relationship, but I do think it's bullcrap that people can only fall in love with one person, once a lifetime. That's childish and ridiculous, the truth is there are a ton of humans out there and we can deeply fall in love with tons of different people, we're pretty much hard-wired for that.
 
Rm88~ said:
I personally wouldn't love to be in an open relationship, but I do think it's bullcrap that people can only fall in love with one person, once a lifetime. That's childish and ridiculous, the truth is there are a ton of humans out there and we can deeply fall in love with tons of different people, we're pretty much hard-wired for that.
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I couldn't be in a doors off the hinges fuck who you like open relationship, but truth is we're going to meet people that we have a strong connection with sexual or otherwise in our lives, and being able to express our true selves should be a goal of every life partner. At least in my eyes.

If your primary relationship is strong, it will remain strong. If its not based on a mutual love and affection, it's a goner regardless.

You're pretty wise already, Rm.
 
Rm88~ said:
I personally wouldn't love to be in an open relationship, but I do think it's bullcrap that people can only fall in love with one person, once a lifetime. That's childish and ridiculous, the truth is there are a ton of humans out there and we can deeply fall in love with tons of different people, we're pretty much hard-wired for that.
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I think the natural extension of this is learning to end relationships amicably and not just clinging onto them because of the time already committed. A break up doesn't make the years you spent together invalid and it doesn't have to make you enemies. It doesn't even have to mean that you don't still love the other person.

Skirting the middle ground has always felt like trying to have your cake and eat it too. Which is, hey, ideal if *everyone* is on the same page. It seems like this often isn't the case. There's often a awful bed of intimacy issues, fears related to being alone, abandonment issues and on and on and on.

But then again, I'm naturally the sort of person who'll usually recommend kicking the nest out of the tree and starting again in most situations. It's like breaking down a muscle to let it regrow better, or something.
 
Rm88~ said:
It's been easily over one year since I last dated anyone, I think I want to start dating again. These are the obstacles I have to overcome right now:

- Getting over the feeling that the time/effort-to-reward in dating is awful
- Being less picky with guys because otherwise I'm truly never going to date anyone again
- Knowing I'll most likely have awkward/unpleasant dates
- Getting more comfortable with my looks and personality dating-wise
- Actually trying, and not getting unmotivated almost immediately

I might have to update my profile too, lol. I don't feel like giving a lot of information, but I want to keep it short and appealing.
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234


Just teasing, good luck
 
@krypt0nian: Yeah, I agree. I'm just against the "magical" concept that love is this supernatural thing that happens to you ONLY with one person as determined by fate or whatever nonsensical crap. Ideally I think a strong relationship would be pretty much a strong friendship with some romance thrown here and there, lol. And thanks! I tend to overthink stuff a lot so I guess sometimes I'm lucky and get to the correct conclusion.

@Rez: Completely agree. If it's not making you happy anymore then put an end to it, period. It doesn't matter how many years you left behind - you enjoyed those, right? Then it was no waste. I don't think this is krypt0's case, though, so it's a good thing there's plenty of communication with his partner.

@MyAbsolution: Ahaha, thanks I guess :P I like my looks, but "skinny as F" isn't the most attractive shape there is, I don't feel like I look good shirtless so that somewhat gets in the way. I'm -very- low-muscle, that's something I need to fix but it's more of a long-term goal.
 
krypt0nian said:
Nope. We can't. We've made out, and light played a bit at the movies in the back row (lol), but like I said, hard and fast boundaries because of who and where we are in life.

For me, nothing we've done physically is serious or constitutes cheating. That part is silly fun. The emotional ties are the more important lesson I'm learning.

Like I posted before I've started a line of conversation with my partner around perhaps an open relationship on my end, but I know that's not going to be a possibility with my friend. His partner is not going to be up for it at all.

So we keep things on this odd level, and just enjoy our company. I've promised him that I'd never pressure him, and we're relentlessly honest with each other. Almost uncomfortably so, but that's an appeal of this too. We have nothing to hide, or lose with each other, so any thought or desire or hope or fear is never too much.
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Yeah it's cheating and I'd be surprised if your SO wasn't pissed off. I think I'd consider leaving someone for that. Maybe you're just easy with your 'rules', anyway it's incredibly disrespectful to your SO.
 
Dynopia said:
Yeah it's cheating and I'd be surprised if your SO wasn't pissed off. I think I'd consider leaving someone for that. Maybe you're just easy with your 'rules', anyway it's incredibly disrespectful to your SO.
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You're unaware what we consider cheating so your judgement is kinda unwarranted. We're far more secure with our sexuality and relationship I suppose. We've enjoyed a few three ways, and don't get bent out of shape by kissing, or horseplay. Over the years, and hey just last week we communicate about everything, unlike most couples too afraid to bridge anything uncomfortable, and end up closer for it.

Not everyone has the same rules. I didn't post this here because I'm afraid of repercussions. I posted it to share some things I'm learning about love, and polyamory that I thought might be interesting, or helpful.
 
Rez said:
I think the natural extension of this is learning to end relationships amicably and not just clinging onto them because of the time already committed. A break up doesn't make the years you spent together invalid and it doesn't have to make you enemies. It doesn't even have to mean that you don't still love the other person.

Skirting the middle ground has always felt like trying to have your cake and eat it too. Which is, hey, ideal if *everyone* is on the same page. It seems like this often isn't the case. There's often a awful bed of intimacy issues, fears related to being alone, abandonment issues and on and on and on.

But then again, I'm naturally the sort of person who'll usually recommend kicking the nest out of the tree and starting again in most situations. It's like breaking down a muscle to let it regrow better, or something.
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i've learnt this through experience and couldn't agree more.
 
Rez said:
I think the natural extension of this is learning to end relationships amicably and not just clinging onto them because of the time already committed. A break up doesn't make the years you spent together invalid and it doesn't have to make you enemies. It doesn't even have to mean that you don't still love the other person.

Skirting the middle ground has always felt like trying to have your cake and eat it too. Which is, hey, ideal if *everyone* is on the same page. It seems like this often isn't the case. There's often a awful bed of intimacy issues, fears related to being alone, abandonment issues and on and on and on.

But then again, I'm naturally the sort of person who'll usually recommend kicking the nest out of the tree and starting again in most situations. It's like breaking down a muscle to let it regrow better, or something.
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If you're tied together financially (such as a mortgage for example), this can also delay a breakup (even if you're both miserable for years). I've seen this happen to many people. This is why I rarely recommend people opening up joint chequing accounts.
 
Personally I could never do a open relationship Im just not the type of guy to sit by and let my bf go off and sleep with other guys.

I agree that you can fall for other people but I feel like you should respect the person you are with. Also Im in the mindset that if you like someone else to the point that you would be with him if you didnt have me then why are you with me?

Kudos to people that would make it work but my emotions are far to out there to do it and not be hurt every time. It already happened once to me so I just cant do it again.
 
Delio said:
Personally I could never do a open relationship Im just not the type of guy to sit by and let my bf go off and sleep with other guys.

I agree that you can fall for other people but I feel like you should respect the person you are with. Also Im in the mindset that if you like someone else to the point that you would be with him if you didnt have me then why are you with me?

Kudos to people that would make it work but my emotions are far to out there to do it and not be hurt every time. It already happened once to me so I just cant do it again.
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Well that part doesn't compute because I still love my partner and I'm with him by choice. If I wasn't deeply in love with him I would leave him. Life is too short.

I used to feel exactly the way you do now, but ideas change over time. I love him more not less by wanting him to be his complete self. Society has trained us wrong when it said that the only way to be a true person is to be monogamous. That was to make sure that children had their fathers. Not a structure that showed moral character.

The reality of the situation, gay or straight, is that in the majority of the relationships there will be some cheating. Why do we pretend otherwise? Why not have a cotta t wherein there are rules by which this cheating doesn't have to destroy but enrich?

I'm glad I posted now if only to show just one reader that we are not bound to society but to our own personal code.
 
I really don't think is society, its just human nature, we like people being committed to us, but we also get excited about new people, this is nothing new, our feelings act like an irrational child that wants everything, and all we can do is just decide what to do with them. Some do polygamy, some do monogamy, some do open relationships, they are all full of drama, no matter what :P

What do I know I haven't even been on a real date D: but I have a big hunch is the truth.
 
krypt0nian said:
Well that part doesn't compute because I still love my partner and I'm with him by choice. If I wasn't deeply in love with him I would leave him. Life is too short.

I used to feel exactly the way you do now, but ideas change over time. I love him more not less by wanting him to be his complete self. Society has trained us wrong when it said that the only way to be a true person is to be monogamous. That was to make sure that children had their fathers. Not a structure that showed moral character.

The reality of the situation, gay or straight, is that in the majority of the relationships there will be some cheating. Why do we pretend otherwise? Why not have a cotta t wherein there are rules by which this cheating doesn't have to destroy but enrich?

I'm glad I posted now if only to show just one reader that we are not bound to society but to our own personal code.
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Im glad you love your partner and are true to your ways. For me tho It doesnt work that way. I can honestly say I wouldnt cheat on someone if Im with just them. My emotions may be a problem or something in that reguard.

Ive been cheated on before tho and It never felt good to me nor felt enriching. But like I said that's me.
 
Delio said:
Im glad you love your partner and are true to your ways. For me tho It doesnt work that way. I can honestly say I wouldnt cheat on someone if Im with just them. My emotions may be a problem or something in that reguard.

Ive been cheated on before tho and It never felt good to me nor felt enriching. But like I said that's me.
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I feel the same way. I don't think I could cheat and I am too selfish to be in an open relationship.
 
Going to keep my mouth shut re: the krypt situation.

In other news, I'm finding myself having straight sex dreams again, so maybe my brain is trying to tell me something fo' reals.
 
My take on open relationships:

Are there kids involved? No? Why should we care what people do with each other?

Personally, I'd never do an open relationship because I don't think they work. And I'd agree that societal pressures are one of the many factors for that. But if someone is dead set on going for it, it's really pointless to try and argue otherwise. There isn't some great codebook for how relationships work and we've been mucking up the business since the start of time. This concept of "love" is pretty modern, however, and as a people and society we've managed to survive without adhering to it this long. Really, if you don't have kids, you're pretty free to do whatever you want.

As for straight sex dreams - I have those pretty frequently. But, well, I still identify as bi so *shrug.*

Cosmic Bus said:
Gross, no. I've never had wet dreams and hopefully never do.
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What's wrong with wet dreams? Haven't had them since puberty but they were pretty... vivid.
 
Fantastical said:
Don't masturbate or have sex for like 3 weeks.

I had the most sexual dreams when I swore off masturbation. It was actually very pleasant. Many times I would wake up mid orgasm. :P
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I've frequently gone well over a month without masturbation; my libido has never been super high. And no sex for three whole weeks? lolol. Try 32 years.

Just because I'm a minute man in real life doesn't mean I'm blowing a load when my dreams get heavy.
 
Yeah. I'm 28 and still succumb to wet dreams if I go three or four days without...well, I haven't tested that in at least a year, so maybe it's gotten better. Haha.

fernoca said:
Wait, Magnus..you look way different in that avatar (in a good way). Would you mind posting a bigger shirtless picture? Or am I just imagining things?

;)
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lol, thank ya!

I took some ironic Douchebag of Grindr-quality photos a few months ago (really, I was TRYING to go for the douchey look, and I think I succeeded):

http://i.imgur.com/cJJ0OpG.jpg
http://i.imgur.com/zVLSif0.jpg

From the same night (makin' a face; and yeah, I tower over my coworkers):

409007_10151191285094876_1620034855_n.jpg


Also, so, the guy I'm seeing tells me that this photo below is the photo he focused on most before meeting me in person. Apparently, he and his girlfriend had a peek at it and theorized that I had a facial palsy or something. Thankfully, his friend told him 'no one's perfect' and encouraged the meet-up anyway. I had to tell him it was just drunk-eye. The muscles around one eye just go to sleep when I'm hammered. Haha.

533868_10101011330842170_1450281893_n.jpg
 
Don't think I can swear off masturbation for more than 4 days, if that. Its hard not to want to masturbate after seeing so many cute guys around. Sucks to be stuck in this heavy exterior or i would be chatting guys up.
 
Cosmic Bus said:
I've frequently gone well over a month without masturbation; my libido has never been super high. And no sex for three whole weeks? lolol. Try 32 years.

Just because I'm a minute man in real life doesn't mean I'm blowing a load when my dreams get heavy.
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My libido isn't really high outside of the wet dream. If I don't masturbate for a week I'm usually good to go. Then I sleep and... things get sexy. I also masturbate a lot anyways, so maybe that has to do with it when I stop masturbating.

neojubei said:
Don't think I can swear off masturbation for more than 4 days, if that. Its hard not to want to masturbate after seeing so many cute guys around. Sucks to be stuck in this heavy exterior or i would be chatting guys up.
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If you just absolutely stop for about a week it gets a lot easier. You don't think about it nearly as much. At least that's my experience. I don't get super excited for things I don't want to be, but when I do want to finally masturbate it can be pretty impressive, not gonna lie.
I once was on vacation for a two weeks straight without internet / didn't masturbate. I got really good exercise, ate healthy, slept well... it was a very good vacation. When I got home and had access to porn I jacked off 5 times with very small breaks. :P
 
Magnus said:
Yeah. I'm 28 and still succumb to wet dreams if I go three or four days without...well, I haven't tested that in at least a year, so maybe it's gotten better. Haha.



lol, thank ya!

I took some ironic Douchebag of Grindr-quality photos a few months ago (really, I was TRYING to go for the douchey look, and I think I succeeded):

http://i.imgur.com/cJJ0OpG.jpg
http://i.imgur.com/zVLSif0.jpg

From the same night (makin' a face; and yeah, I tower over my coworkers):

https://fbcdn-sphotos-c-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-ash4/409007_10151191285094876_1620034855_n.jpg

Also, so, the guy I'm seeing tells me that this photo below is the photo he focused on most before meeting me in person. Apparently, he and his girlfriend had a peek at it and theorized that I had a facial palsy or something. Thankfully, his friend told him 'no one's perfect' and encouraged the meet-up anyway. I had to tell him it was just drunk-eye. The muscles around one eye just go to sleep when I'm hammered. Haha.

https://fbcdn-sphotos-c-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-prn1/533868_10101011330842170_1450281893_n.jpg
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Haha.. thanks for posting the pics (and the shirtless ones too XD)! Yep, you look great in all of them; so..whatever you're doing keep at it. ;)

Don't know why he focused so much in that second pic/eye thing. Even if it was a condition, well..to me is the imperfections that attract me more to a guy (at the same time, if the guy's an asshole I tend to notice said "imperfections" even more.. :p)
But, hey! I've been single all my (30 years of) life so... I'm doing it wrong!!! :p

And...That second "spoilered" pic! :O!!!
 
My 2c on krypt's situation... Don't want to be making any assumptions, but can only speak from my own experience.

I've been involved in 'open' situations - and I can't claim to be an expert on anything, but I do know this - if something you are involved in with another guy, is something you can't or won't tell your partner about, you're knowingly crossing a line. I'd be interested to see his reaction if you discussed it, given you've mentioned how you and this guy would be married if you weren't partnered. Just sounds like more than a sexual thing to me. I think it's too easy to treat an 'open' situation as an excuse to pursue something (or someone) without any of the repercussions, and then justify it to yourself because you're open.

I have my own views on monogamy, but they don't extend to anything like 'loving two people' at once or anything like that.

From my own experience matter how much you try justify it to yourself, because of how threesomes or a bit of fun have been fine in the past, if it's anything other than a one off hookup or whatever and you can't discuss it, it's gonna end badly. Non-sexual 'connection'/emotional stuff is just a whole different ballpark to an open thing.

All IMO, of course.
 
Ollie Pooch said:
My 2c on krypt's situation... Don't want to be making any assumptions, but can only speak from my own experience.

I've been involved in 'open' situations - and I can't claim to be an expert on anything, but I do know this - if something you are involved in with another guy, is something you can't or won't tell your partner about, you're knowingly crossing a line. I'd be interested to see his reaction if you discussed it, given you've mentioned how you and this guy would be married if you weren't partnered. Just sounds like more than a sexual thing to me. I think it's too easy to treat an 'open' situation as an excuse to pursue something (or someone) without any of the repercussions, and then justify it to yourself because you're open.

I have my own views on monogamy, but they don't extend to anything like 'loving two people' at once or anything like that.

From my own experience matter how much you try justify it to yourself, because of how threesomes or a bit of fun have been fine in the past, if it's anything other than a one off hookup or whatever and you can't discuss it, it's gonna end badly. Non-sexual 'connection'/emotional stuff is just a whole different ballpark to an open thing.

All IMO, of course.
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I definitely see what you're saying and that's part of why I'm in the process of telling him what's up. We can and do discuss things like this. The only reason it's "secret" is that it happened out of nowhere, and I've never experienced this kinda of connection so I wanted to process before I brought it up. The last thing I wanted to do was cause potential strife, however slight that chance was, without knowing what I was talking about.

I am crossing a line, until I make it an honest admission. And I wasn't going to admit something that I wasn't even sure existed or could name.

The mutual realization of our compatibility and the talk of being together given different circumstances is what made me begin thinking and reading about polyamory and how its handled. A have friends that have been in a successful triad for over 10 years (girl-girl-guy) with children involved and they are the most balanced, loving people I know, with the most intelligent, well behaved 9 year old girl that you'd ever want to meet.

It doesn't have to be free for all fucking, or unstable and hurtful. That's the sterotype. Along with the illusion that people don't cheat. The statistics back up the delusion of that last one. Generally if you're the one saying monogamy for life, your partner is the one not holding up their side of the bargain. Oftentimes monogamy is based on jealousy or insecurity anyway.

Isn't it better to just admit that we're not monogamous by nature in general, and make allowances and keep the main pair bond strong? Or is it better to pretend and eventually be devastated which is what happens to the majority of couples and marriages.


Cosmic Bus said:
Going to keep my mouth shut re: the krypt situation.

In other news, I'm finding myself having straight sex dreams again, so maybe my brain is trying to tell me something fo' reals.
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Eh it's all just conversation and I'm not taking anything personally. You may have something I hadn't considered. Hell, I knew I was putting myself out there with the topic in the first place. It's all about knowledge really. No worries.
 
krypt0nian said:
I definitely see what you're saying and that's part of why I'm in the process of telling him what's up. We can and do discuss things like this. The only reason it's "secret" is that it happened out of nowhere, and I've never experienced this kinda of connection so I wanted to process before I brought it up. The last thing I wanted to do was cause potential strife, however slight that chance was, without knowing what I was talking about.

I am crossing a line, until I make it an honest admission. And I wasn't going to admit something that I wasn't even sure existed or could name.

The mutual realization of our compatibility and the talk of being together given different circumstances is what made me begin thinking and reading about polyamory and how its handled. A have friends that have been in a successful triad for over 10 years (girl-girl-guy) with children involved and they are the most balanced, loving people I know, with the most intelligent, well behaved 9 year old girl that you'd ever want to meet.

It doesn't have to be free for all fucking, or unstable and hurtful. That's the sterotype. Along with the illusion that people don't cheat. The statistics back up the delusion of that last one. Generally if you're the one saying monogamy for life, your partner is the one not holding up their side of the bargain. Oftentimes monogamy is based on jealousy or insecurity anyway.

Isn't it better to just admit that we're not monogamous by nature in general, and make allowances and keep the main pair bond strong? Or is it better to pretend and eventually be devastated which is what happens to the majority of couples and marriages.





Eh it's all just conversation and I'm not taking anything personally. You may have something I hadn't considered. Hell, I knew I was putting myself out there with the topic in the first place. It's all about knowledge really. No worries.
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the bold part. If that's true what's the purpose of the main pair?
 
krypt0nian said:
I definitely see what you're saying and that's part of why I'm in the process of telling him what's up. We can and do discuss things like this. The only reason it's "secret" is that it happened out of nowhere, and I've never experienced this kinda of connection so I wanted to process before I brought it up. The last thing I wanted to do was cause potential strife, however slight that chance was, without knowing what I was talking about.

I am crossing a line, until I make it an honest admission. And I wasn't going to admit something that I wasn't even sure existed or could name.

The mutual realization of our compatibility and the talk of being together given different circumstances is what made me begin thinking and reading about polyamory and how its handled. A have friends that have been in a successful triad for over 10 years (girl-girl-guy) with children involved and they are the most balanced, loving people I know, with the most intelligent, well behaved 9 year old girl that you'd ever want to meet.

It doesn't have to be free for all fucking, or unstable and hurtful. That's the sterotype. Along with the illusion that people don't cheat. The statistics back up the delusion of that last one. Generally if you're the one saying monogamy for life, your partner is the one not holding up their side of the bargain. Oftentimes monogamy is based on jealousy or insecurity anyway.

Isn't it better to just admit that we're not monogamous by nature in general, and make allowances and keep the main pair bond strong? Or is it better to pretend and eventually be devastated which is what happens to the majority of couples and marriages.
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Yeah, fair enough.

Not saying the only option is some horrible toxic situation as the alternative to monogamy. Like I said, I'm in a pretty open situation, and yes, people do cheat. But just make sure you're not one of them! Respect the rules. Guess you can only confirm what they actually are if you are super honest with your partner about this situation. You'll know pretty quick at least :P

I just think the very notion of going to your partner and saying 'hey... here's the deal, I'm really into this guy and we have a great connection that I want to pursue, but I still love you" (especially given the 'more open' thing for you guys sounds pretty new) is gonna be an unbelievably tricky minefield to negotiate. I was getting ahead of myself - and you - though.

I (and my partner) are super, super relaxed about a lot of stuff. We've got up to all sorts of shit over the years. I trust him implicitly. But if he came to me and said 'hey, im really into this guy, let's look into working him into our relationship', well, at least we'd probably stay friends. To me, if you're just able to be with just anyone emotionally, you may as well not be in a relationship to begin with. What's the point?

Ah, beaten.
 
Ah but it's not just anyone. We've been together 16 amazing years and have worked hard and been through hell to get to where we are able to discuss these things.

The point is that the main relationship is amazing. I'm just not sure that it necessarily has to be a set of shackles. None of this is easy or part of my usual set of circumstances.

But not ready to say this is wrong or right for me yet. It's an exploration. Maturation of the relationship has made this possible. I once was a "oh god I could never see my partner with someone else" person. It's an evolution once you're secure in yourself and the love you share I think.

And specifically to Delio, relationships are far far more than a monogamous sex partner.
I hope you're never in a situation that tests that before you're ready to handle it.
 
krypt0nian said:
Ah but it's not just anyone. We've been together 16 amazing years and have worked hard and been through hell to get to where we are able to discuss these things.

The point is that the main relationship is amazing. I'm just not sure that it necessarily has to be a set of shackles. None of this is easy or part of my usual set of circumstances.

But not ready to say this is wrong or right for me yet. It's an exploration. Maturation of the relationship has made this possible. I once was a "oh god I could never see my partner with someone else" person. It's an evolution once you're secure in yourself and the love you share I think.

And specifically to Delio, relationships are far far more than a monogamous sex partner.
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Then I suppose I dont really get relationships then. There is just no way I could be that open with it. BUT I havent had a bf in a while so meh.
 
Delio said:
Then I suppose I dont really get relationships then. There is just no way I could be that open with it. BUT I havent had a bf in a while so meh.
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It's fine. I'm not even sure it's right for me yet. But I'm never the type to leave something unexplored. Or rather I'm not anymore.
 
krypt0nian said:
Ah but it's not just anyone. We've been together 16 amazing years and have worked hard and been through hell to get to where we are able to discuss these things.

The point is that the main relationship is amazing. I'm just not sure that it necessarily has to be a set of shackles. None of this is easy or part of my usual set of circumstances.

But not ready to say this is wrong or right for me yet. It's an exploration. Maturation of the relationship has made this possible. I once was a "oh god I could never see my partner with someone else" person. It's an evolution once you're secure in yourself and the love you share I think.

And specifically to Delio, relationships are far far more than a monogamous sex partner.
I hope you're never in a situation that tests that before you're ready to handle it.
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No, it doesn't have to be a set of shackles, just be careful going from just exploring an open thing, to talking about polyamory or whatever it is. It's a whole other step up, IMO.

Your buddy is partnered too, which is a whole other thing for him to deal with, particularly if it's a long term one. Good luck with it all, anyway.
 
krypt0nian said:
The mutual realization of our compatibility and the talk of being together given different circumstances is what made me begin thinking and reading about polyamory and how its handled. A have friends that have been in a successful triad for over 10 years (girl-girl-guy) with children involved and they are the most balanced, loving people I know, with the most intelligent, well behaved 9 year old girl that you'd ever want to meet.

It doesn't have to be free for all fucking, or unstable and hurtful. That's the sterotype. Along with the illusion that people don't cheat. The statistics back up the delusion of that last one. Generally if you're the one saying monogamy for life, your partner is the one not holding up their side of the bargain. Oftentimes monogamy is based on jealousy or insecurity anyway.

Isn't it better to just admit that we're not monogamous by nature in general, and make allowances and keep the main pair bond strong? Or is it better to pretend and eventually be devastated which is what happens to the majority of couples and marriages.
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This sounds like an awful amount of justifying.

A quick search brought up this: http://www.statisticbrain.com/infidelity-statistics/

And the relevant information:

Percent of men who admit to committing infidelity in any relationship they’ve had : 57 %
Percentage of women who admit to committing infidelity in any relationship they’ve had: 54 %

I don't think a 7% and 4% is really that much to make such wide-sweeping claims about human nature. Also, I really don't understand the bolded. Often times monogamy is based on religious beliefs and fear of supernatural punishment. I don't know what I would draw from that, though. Often times infidelity is based on low self-esteem and personal issues.

But this is really something you should be discussing with your partner. I don't think sounding off Gaf is really going to change things one way or the other.
 
You don't think 57% is enough to make sweeping comments? Well I sure do. If its not you, it very well could be your partner.

I'm not trying to use GAF to fix anything. I thought It might be more interesting than the typical conversation here. Seems only a few are able to handle it.

Wow. Talk about missing the point. Feel free to scroll past then.

I've learned some things and considered others because of this thread. Maybe some others have too.
 
krypt0nian said:
You don't think 57% is enough to make sweeping comments? Well I sure do. If its joy you, it very well could be your partner.

I'm not trying to use GAF to fix anything. I thought It might be more interesting than te typical conversation here.

Wow. Talk about missing the point. Feel free to scroll past then.
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Regardless, open relationships aren't for everyone, and it's not something that's going to become the norm for a long time. I think in the absence of kids there's not much reason - for me - for monogamy but that's my opinion and I won't force it on anyone.

Also, like I said earlier I think polyamorous stuff is hugely different from just a 'regular' (ha) open relationship allowing occasional casual sex with someone, and i think it's a mistake to equate the two.
 
Ollie Pooch said:
Regardless, open relationships aren't for everyone, and it's not something that's going to become the norm for a long time. I think in the absence of kids there's not much reason - for me - for monogamy but that's my opinion and I won't force it on anyone.

Also, like I said earlier I think polyamorous stuff is hugely different from just a 'regular' (ha) open relationship allowing occasional casual sex with someone, and i think it's a mistake to equate the two.
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I see no lies here. Thanks for at least serious consideration man.

I suppose given the general level of life experience here, I'm super happy with the majority of the response I got.
 
krypt0nian said:
I see no lies here. Thanks for at least serious consideration man.

I suppose given the general level of life experience here, I'm super happy with the majority of the response I got.
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No probs at all man, like I said good luck and be careful :p hehe
 
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