Support NeoGAF

[Bel Marduk]

hello gay and bi gaf! a trans* and genderqueer individual here whose sex is female I'm not too sure what my sexuality is but i just roll with it! How is everybody? Also, does anyone have any advice for heartbreak and someone going through a tough break-up? ;(

If you don't mind me asking, whats a genderqueer? Is it synonymous with transgender?

My advice for heartbreak is to keep yourself busy and constantly surrounded by others. Bury yourself in work and try to make as much time as possible to spend with friends. Don't spend a lot of time at home or by yourself. Think about what you're doing constantly. Don't let your mind wander into negative territory as much as you can help it. Keep doing that and you will get over your breakup faster.

Rebound relationships and drugs/alcohol are just going to make it worse.

 

[Bel Marduk]

I'm going through one now and well, sometimes I think it would be easier if we could be friends so there isn't complete detachment from him (that would certainly be easier). Then again I can't be around him pretending he didn't break my heart. Fuh :/

Do you really think that's a good idea? If you two did become friends, it seems it would prolong the agony of the breakup.

 

[Tuck]

Came back from a trip to Istanbul.

The men, oh god the men <3

Like 80% of them have beards *.*

So what you're saying is that Istanbul is the worst place on Earth? =P

So, uh, yeah. I put a ring on it. And he said yes!

Congats!!

 

[Dany]

Do you really think that's a good idea? If you two did become friends, it seems it would prolong the agony of the breakup.

No I know its a terrible idea that I keep thinking about >.<

 

[bsej87]

So, uh, yeah. I put a ring on it. And he said yes!

Congratulations, Excel! That video is adorable.

 

[Mr. Shankly]

no! not necessarily. And also someone being trans* instead of transgender has a lot of categories they could fall under such as agender (which means you don't feel you have a gender whether it be male or female both or something else completely.) Genderqueer is different from being trans* and doesn't necessarily fall into how you see your own gender. It could be a political label too like the rejection of gender roles and sex in general, etc. I'm not too sure what my gender is but I know it's not male or female. Maybe I am agender or something else. This is getting ramble-y but...i kinda see my gender or lack thereof as my soul. As such I don't know whether souls have a gender or not.

Also thank you for your advice Marduk!

 

[HappyPuppy]

Came back from a trip to Istanbul.

The men, oh god the men <3

Like 80% of them have beards *.*

And the city itself was great as well.

Do you have pics of said men? Did they also have a lot of body hair? I searched pics on google, they are so beautiful. Holy shit I'm going to love that country if I ever go there, I was born in the wrong country . But seriously man, can you post some pics? even if they don't have men on them.

 

[excelforward]

I'm super glad that it's over and done with, haha. I was suuuper nervous.

The way we worked it out is that he has my ring whenever he's ready to propose. Once he reciprocates, we're gonna set a date and go from there.

Also, I'm glad that it came out as well it did. I are bad with words when I'm nervous.

 

[Achtius]

grats

 

[Natetan]

Came back from a trip to Istanbul.

The men, oh god the men <3

Like 80% of them have beards *.*

And the city itself was great as well.

I can concur on this. A really cute lawyer hit on me on the istanbul subway en route to the conference I was there for. Then we met for dinner. I stayed at his place for the rest of my trip there and enjoyed each others company. It is a beautiful city and food is great.

Very fond memories of that trip

Also that video was great! Very sweet.

 

[hateradio]

So, uh, yeah. I put a ring on it. And he said yes!

I really liked his reaction. That was great.

However, why do people not understand this: Always shoot landscape!

If you don't mind me asking, whats a genderqueer? Is it synonymous with transgender?

Gender queer is a person who doesn't like to or doesn't find that they conform to the two prominent gender norms.

 

[excelforward]

I really liked his reaction. That was great.

However, why do people not understand this: Always shoot landscape!

Gender queer is a person who doesn't like to or doesn't find that they conform to the two prominent gender norms.

Haha, bugged me, too. I think he was trying to be covert though.

 

[fernoca]

Congratulations excel!

Spoiler

So jelly! ...

And yeah, I can't shoot landscape neither. Can't find the option on my cellphone anywhere.

Lost a clip of my dog opening her first christmas gift last month trying to convert it.

 

[_Isaac]

Congratulations, excelforward. I wish the best for you two. It was pretty ballsy of you to do it in public like that. Why didn't you do it in private just in case he didn't want to get married just yet?

 

[excelforward]

Congratulations, excelforward. I wish the best for you two. It was pretty ballsy of you to do it in public like that. Why didn't you do it in private just in case he didn't want to get married just yet?

Two reasons:

A.) Andy likes a production. He gets really excited when he sees a big proposal or wedding ceremony. Friends are really important to him, so I thought he would love this.

B.) He and I have talked in the past about getting married/engaged/etc. and his answer has always been, "I'm ready to go when you. I know you aren't ready yet, so when you are just ask". Had I had any fears or doubts of his answer, I would not have asked in this fashion.

 

[p_xavier]

Two reasons:

A.) Andy likes a production. He gets really excited when he sees a big proposal or wedding ceremony. Friends are really important to him, so I thought he would love this.

B.) He and I have talked in the past about getting married/engaged/etc. and his answer has always been, "I'm ready to go when you. I know you aren't ready yet, so when you are just ask". Had I had any fears or doubts of his answer, I would not have asked in this fashion.

Congratulations! It's great to see people who commit themselves.

 

[krypt0nian]

Two reasons:

A.) Andy likes a production. He gets really excited when he sees a big proposal or wedding ceremony. Friends are really important to him, so I thought he would love this.

B.) He and I have talked in the past about getting married/engaged/etc. and his answer has always been, "I'm ready to go when you. I know you aren't ready yet, so when you are just ask". Had I had any fears or doubts of his answer, I would not have asked in this fashion.

Thrilled for you guys. Seriously.

 

[Blood Diamonds]

So, I've been watching a lot of Skins recently and I am in love with this guy:

It's cool that he plays a gay character.

Also, congrats excelforward

 

[RM8]

Wow, congrats! How old are you? You both look pretty young.
---

I just had a revelation, krypt0 needs to cosplay as Eagle from Street Fighter.

 

[stone128]

Me (Stein)

Tim <3

Me and my bf have just recently decided to move together, so excited

 

[Mumei]

Excel, that video is absolutely adorable. I can't believe it's been a year since I've seen you; I hope I can come visit soon.

 

[krypt0nian]

Wow, congrats! How old are you? You both look pretty young.
---

I just had a revelation, krypt0 needs to cosplay as Eagle from Street Fighter.

Haha! Gotta work on my pecs! By Summer!

My stache finally has a dissenter here in the real world. My new friend Joonmo says I should. not only trim it short, but (gasp!) shave it off completely. He thinks I'll look 10 years younger, and he's right, but I think I look way too young without facial hair and I'm not sure it'll ever suit me again. I shaved my normally shrt trimmed stache for a Halloween costume two years back, and might (might) do it this year as I want to go as David Bowie.

Well see.

 

[Mr_Zombie]

Kind of a random question, but how do deal with all the homophobia and hate towards gay people?

Last Friday Polish parliament rejected three different bills that would have legalized civil unions for both hetero- and homosexual couples. Of course the whole discussion around those bills completely ignored straight couples and both the right and the left wing focused on gay ones. The things the right wing politicians were saying during the debate in Parliament were reprehensible (we were called hedonists, deviants, perverts; that we shouldn't fight for our rights but rather cure ourselves; that we want to destroy the meaning of marriage; that we are unable to truly love and thus gay couples are all about perverted sex etc.), and sometimes hysterical (a single, childless 60yo female member of parliament accused us of being useless for the country because a gay couple can't have kids). The worst thing is, the discussion went beyond the Parliament. Nowadays every news site and facebook is filled with conservatives spouting hate-filled anti-gay comments. And while I know that one should simply ignore this, there is a limit; there's this moment when it all starts getting to you and you start feeling like a shit. :/

 

[Natetan]

Yeah it really sucks. I've made two friends at work that started acting funny towards me and eventually don't talk to me because of it. One didn't even want to sit next to me on a chairlift when we were skiing. Wouldn't introduce himself to my boyfriend let alone chat with him, and when I first came out to everyone at a party a he said was 'I don't want to talk about it'.

Has made me feel a bit hopeless about trusting people lately. I was extemely careful after my experience with the first coworker, but it happened again anyway. I even went to the rental room at th ski place we were all staying at and cried by myself a little. Just wish I didn't have to deal with this part if me that I worry if people will accept or not. I don't know if to just rub it in people's face to start with to avoid the pain that might come later or just closer it completely. Because whatever I've been trying hasn't seemed to work

 

[sphinx]

I just had a revelation, krypt0 needs to cosplay as Eagle from Street Fighter.

would definitely suit him.

I always thought I could pull it off with Kano (MK series)

what do you guys think? That's the plan come next october, get as much muscle as I can and have this as my costume, it would have to be a newer models, as those of old are bald and I do not want to shave my head...

 

[Replicant]

Yeah it really sucks. I've made two friends at work that started acting funny towards me and eventually don't talk to me because of it. One didn't even want to sit next to me on a chairlift when we were skiing. Wouldn't introduce himself to my boyfriend let alone chat with him, and when I first came out to everyone at a party a he said was 'I don't want to talk about it'.

Has made me feel a bit hopeless about trusting people lately. I was extemely careful after my experience with the first coworker, but it happened again anyway. I even went to the rental room at th ski place we were all staying at and cried by myself a little. Just wish I didn't have to deal with this part if me that I worry if people will accept or not. I don't know if to just rub it in people's face to start with to avoid the pain that might come later or just closer it completely. Because whatever I've been trying hasn't seemed to work

Why do you torture yourself like that? I had a friend who became uncomfortable and started avoiding me after he found out. My solution: I unfriended him on Facebook and cut off all communication. Now when we happen to be in the same place be it party or uni, he tries to get close to me, hoping I'll initiate conversation. Fuck that. I usually just ignore him and act as if he doesn't exist. I'd only start talking to him again if he talks to me first but of course he's got no balls since he knows he screwed up the pooch and don't want to face my wrath.

To me if someone doesn't want me then I don't want them in my life either. While making friends is not an easy thing for me, I won't allow anyone to make me feel like shit just because of my sexuality. And I know that if I try hard enough, I can actually make new acquaintances with other people. I told another guy about my sexuality a few weeks ago since he asked about it. And surprise! He still comes over to talk to me/go out with me without hesitation unlike the first guy I mentioned. So there will be people who accept you.

But if it helps do tell them upfront and if they are uncomfortable then don't spend any effort trying to get to know them further.

 

[Bel Marduk]

Kind of a random question, but how do deal with all the homophobia and hate towards gay people?

Last Friday Polish parliament rejected three different bills that would have legalized civil unions for both hetero- and homosexual couples. Of course the whole discussion around those bills completely ignored straight couples and both the right and the left wing focused on gay ones. The things the right wing politicians were saying during the debate in Parliament were reprehensible (we were called hedonists, deviants, perverts; that we shouldn't fight for our rights but rather cure ourselves; that we want to destroy the meaning of marriage; that we are unable to truly love and thus gay couples are all about perverted sex etc.), and sometimes hysterical (a single, childless 60yo female member of parliament accused us of being useless for the country because a gay couple can't have kids). The worst thing is, the discussion went beyond the Parliament. Nowadays every news site and facebook is filled with conservatives spouting hate-filled anti-gay comments. And while I know that one should simply ignore this, there is a limit; there's this moment when it all starts getting to you and you start feeling like a shit. :/

There's nothing really that you can do yourself except for two things:

Come out. (If you're not already out.) Its very difficult to hate someone who is one of your friends or family. If more people would do this, I think homophobia would dissipate greatly. If everyone did it, homophobia would be almost nonexistent.

Vote out and organize against the conservatives. These are people who irrationally hate you and don't deserve to be in your government. You're on the right side of history. The fight won't come easy but it has to be done. The tide is only now starting to turn in the US and I hope that it will soon for your country.

 

[Natetan]

Why do you torture yourself like that? I had a friend who became uncomfortable and started avoiding me after he found out. My solution: I unfriended him on Facebook and cut off all communication. Now when we happen to be in the same place be it party or uni, he tries to get close to me, hoping I'll initiate conversation. Fuck that. I usually just ignore him and act as if he doesn't exist. I'd only start talking to him again if he talks to me first but of course he's got no balls since he knows he screwed up the pooch and don't want to face my wrath.

To me if someone doesn't want me then I don't want them in my life either. While making friends is not an easy thing for me, I won't allow anyone to make me feel like shit just because of my sexuality. And I know that if I try hard enough, I can actually make new acquaintances with other people. I told another guy about my sexuality a few weeks ago since he asked about it. And surprise! He still comes over to talk to me/go out with me without hesitation unlike the first guy I mentioned. So there will be people who accept you.

But if it helps do tell them upfront and if they are uncomfortable then don't spend any effort trying to get to know them further.

Well your missing alot of details, but I do feel some responsibility to help people get comfortable with it. But I'm done at least with this person. I mean we went from being basically best friends hanging out all the time to it gradually disintegrating to where we are. Plus everyone around you says, oh no he's not homophobic you're just being too sensitive etc. really developed a good friendship, and its nit easy to treat that person the way you're suggesting.

 

[Replicant]

Well your missing alot of details, but I do feel some responsibility to help people get comfortable with it. But I'm done at least with this person. I mean we went from being basically best friends hanging out all the time to it gradually disintegrating to where we are. Plus everyone around you says, oh no he's not homophobic you're just being too sensitive etc. really developed a good friendship, and its nit easy to treat that person the way you're suggesting.

I was close as well with the friend I mentioned. But I can't convince people who don't want to be convinced and I'm not about to waste my time being sad for long period of time for something that I'm not even guilty of. Mind you, of course there was a period where I got really hurt by his reaction and was hoping he'd come around. But I got tired of waiting and I don't like being treated like I don't deserve being his friend just because of my sexuality. If that's what he wants then that's what he gets. He treats me like shit/makes me feel like one so I just returned the favor.

Let's put it this way: if he's a real friend, and he feels that you haven't talk to him for a while, he'd actually come over and talk to you, asking why the silence treatment. Then you'll have a chance to explain that it's because you feel that he hasn't been comfortable around you so you're just giving him his space like he wants it.

 

[Natetan]

I was close as well with the friend I mentioned. But I can't convince people who don't want to be convinced and I'm not about to waste my time being sad for long period of time for something that I'm not even guilty of. Mind you, of course there was a period where I got really hurt by his reaction and was hoping he'd come around. But I got tired of waiting and I don't like being treated like I don't deserve being his friend just because of my sexuality. If that's what he wants then that's what he gets. He treats me like shit/makes me feel like one so I just returned the favor.

Let's put it this way: if he's a real friend, and he feels that you haven't talk to him for a while, he'd actually come over and talk to you, asking why the silence treatment. Then you'll have a chance to explain that it's because you feel that he hasn't been comfortable around you so you're just giving him his space like he wants it.

Yeah we had that. I talked to him about it. I've really done everything I can within limits of self respect. He started bullying people around me too, callying this guy on my team 'princess' because 'hes fem (soshoku)' so I started the eye-for-an-eye treatment punching him and bullying him just like he bullies other people.

But you're right I look back on it and really shouldn't have extended myself. It's just something I'm self conscious about (bring out at work) and really needed some approval to get past some negative things from being our at work from before. So I think I overextended myself.

 

[runlikehell]

Me (Stein)

Congrats excelforward!

 

[krypt0nian]

would definitely suit him.

I always thought I could pull it off with Kano (MK series)



what do you guys think? That's the plan come next october, get as much muscle as I can and have this as my costume, it would have to be a newer models, as those of old are bald and I do not want to shave my head...

If we did this you know we'd have to fight to see who topped right?

 

[shintoki]

CONGRATS EXCEL!

Stupid post waiting, this is important

 

[excelforward]

Wow, congrats! How old are you? You both look pretty young.
---

I just had a revelation, krypt0 needs to cosplay as Eagle from Street Fighter.

I'm 26 in a couple of days and he's 31.

Thanks for all the replies! Now that I've popped the question, he gets to reciprocate when he's ready and then we can start planning stuff!

 

[shintoki]

I'm 26 in a couple of days and he's 31.

Thanks for all the replies! Now that I've popped the question, he gets to reciprocate when he's ready and then we can start planning stuff!

Checklist
1. Plan stuff
2. Invite Shintoki

 

[Magnus]

So, uh, yeah. I put a ring on it. And he said yes!

Congrats dude!!!!!!!

 

[RatskyWatsky]

<3 Shintoki <3

 

[RM8]

I know most people will disagree, but that's why I'm not crazy about being open to my co-workers. And actually anyone who isn't really close to me. You just avoid so much crap that way.

And speaking of work, I might be unemployed by tomorrow Can't complain, though, I got my job despite not being a lawyer (I'm a market researcher, lol) and it lasted for more than two years. So long, Gobierno del Estado de México. I saved enough to be comfortable until I get a new job, plus now I have more time for my thesis

Spoiler

and Fire Emblem.

 

[stone128]

Real classy of ya runlikehell

 

[Sai-kun]

breaking bad owns

 

[MyAbsolution]

I know most people will disagree, but that's why I'm not crazy about being open to my co-workers. And actually anyone who isn't really close to me. You just avoid so much crap that way.

And speaking of work, I might be unemployed by tomorrow Can't complain, though, I got my job despite not being a lawyer (I'm a market researcher, lol) and it lasted for more than two years. So long, Gobierno del Estado de México. I saved enough to be comfortable until I get a new job, plus now I have more time for my thesis

Spoiler

and Fire Emblem.

I used to be this way, now i just dont give a fuck and typically tell people very soon. I dont just throw it out there... but I will tell people if the subject of attraction or gay people comes up. Get it out there right away. That way, if we do become friends or better acquainted down the road it wont be some surprise to them and they hate me. They can just avoid me from the start if they already knew. Ive had zero problems though, like literally ZERO, no one ive ever told seems to give a fuck.

----------------

And congrats Excel

 

[TheSeks]

http://i.imgur.com/QM3p0xo.jpg

I laughed hard.

 

[hateradio]

http://i.imgur.com/QM3p0xo.jpg

:lol


Stein, you and your bf look nice. Hope it works out.



Oh wait . . . Stein means Stone . . . Stone128 . . . Stones are rocks . . . Blue meth rocks.

 

[RatskyWatsky]

Me (Stein)

Tim <3

Me and my bf have just recently decided to move together, so excited

Congrats and btw you make a cute couple. ^__^

 

[Natetan]

I know most people will disagree, but that's why I'm not crazy about being open to my co-workers. And actually anyone who isn't really close to me. You just avoid so much crap that way.

And speaking of work, I might be unemployed by tomorrow Can't complain, though, I got my job despite not being a lawyer (I'm a market researcher, lol) and it lasted for more than two years. So long, Gobierno del Estado de México. I saved enough to be comfortable until I get a new job, plus now I have more time for my thesis

Spoiler

and Fire Emblem.

How do you avoid it forever though? You get to be friends with people and the level of knowledge about your personal life escalates. Questions about girls increase. Etc. I've been at the company almost three years, I'm well respected, and honestly no one else has changed their behavior (except for the person whose acceptance I wanted the most )

I'll admit this is the first job where I've become friends with people at the office (all of which was primarily at this friends request to be honest) and hang our with them outside of work. I'd say I'll just not be friends with work people but that also seems like a short sighted solution.

I'm really in your court man about our sexuality being our business and keeping it relatively private. Which is why I always struggle on crossing that line from keeping it secret to letting people know.

 

[RM8]

Well, I guess it's easier for me because I have zero contact with coworkers outside of work (and as mentioned, I was here for 2 years and 3 months). Still, I've never found keeping it private any difficult, even with people who are close to me. Sometimes I think "well, maybe they figured out themselves!"... only to find out some people think they know my taste in women, lol. I always say "I'm single right now", which is true, and people don't really keep asking about it.

 

[Natetan]

Well, I guess it's easier for me because I have zero contact with coworkers outside of work (and as mentioned, I was here for 2 years and 3 months). Still, I've never found keeping it private any difficult, even with people who are close to me. Sometimes I think "well, maybe they figured out themselves!"... only to find out some people think they know my taste in women, lol. I always say "I'm single right now", which is true, and people don't really keep asking about it.

I actually had a very awkward situation where a good work acquaintance of mine was insisting I talk about my personal life at a work summer party. I had to dodge and duck and work around it and it frustrated both of us clearly. I'm not single, so I don't know how to not talk about that.

Right now, I just want to roll back the clocks to where nobody knew. It was easier. I almost want to change jobs now because of all this. Work used to be a happy and fun place to be for me. I like my work. Now this has added an awkward element to things.

 

[dark_chris]

One thing I've done recently is made a gay friend. I've never had a gay friend before, not that I was sheltered or anything, but oddly enough there was none in my elementary school or never had interaction with any in HS (i know their population in my high school was very very small.)
Im in college and a senior now and i've still never interacted with anyone like that. I have many friends too.
I was sitting in the cafeteria just enjoying my lunch when a guy (for one who likes visuals - short, very skinny asian guy) asked me if he can sit there. Eventually we began to small talk and got to know each other. Enjoys video games and anime, studying and some bands ive never heard of. Very simple person I thnk. lol.
He was open about who he was and all. I was glad to have a new friend (my mom doesn't particularly approve but I dont care because hes a good person). Sometime passed though, after we would hang out one day, he wanted to ask me on a date. I was a little flattered but I wanted to assure him that I just want a good friend, nothing more and I have a gf. He came to respect that and we just chill in the lunchroom sometimes or play video games on campus.

I know my story seems a little awkward and all but I figured I'd share a story on this thread.

 

[RM8]

@Natetan: In my experience it's simply not worth mentioning to people who don't play any important role in your life. Coworkers are rather low in my ranking, I care about them and we get along very well, but in a couple of days I'll cease seeing them forever. By keeping stuff private I avoided any awkward situation during my whole time here. But that's just me

@dark_chris: Well, you already have more homo friends than I do, lol.

 

[Natetan]

One thing I've done recently is made a gay friend. I've never had a gay friend before, not that I was sheltered or anything, but oddly enough there was none in my elementary school or never had interaction with any in HS (i know their population in my high school was very very small.)
Im in college and a senior now and i've still never interacted with anyone like that. I have many friends too.
I was sitting in the cafeteria just enjoying my lunch when a guy (for one who likes visuals - short, very skinny asian guy) asked me if he can sit there. Eventually we began to small talk and got to know each other. Enjoys video games and anime, studying and some bands ive never heard of. Very simple person I thnk. lol.
He was open about who he was and all. I was glad to have a new friend (my mom doesn't particularly approve but I dont care because hes a good person). Sometime passed though, after we would hang out one day, he wanted to ask me on a date. I was a little flattered but I wanted to assure him that I just want a good friend, nothing more and I have a gf. He came to respect that and we just chill in the lunchroom sometimes or play video games on campus.

I know my story seems a little awkward and all but I figured I'd share a story on this thread.

That's great. Glad you didn't freak out when he asked you on a date. Although was a bit inappropriate of him to even do that.

I have only one gay friend. I don't see him that much though. We messed around a bit when we first met, but that was like 10 ish years ago. He's been dating this French guy basically since then. They seem happy. He moved back to France for awhile, like a year or two I think even., so they did long distance for quite awhile. He was a coworker of mine at the time.