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[Mason]

Haha, I have a similar problem, or I guess the same one. I'm 'straight-acting' (or masculine or whatever term doesn't offend people... get over it, you know what I mean) and apparently "look/dress straight". I've tried to "gay it up" a few times but I just didn't really feel it.

I've gotten stopped at the entrance to gay bars/clubs more than once and asked if I'm "looking for gay night" or if I "know what kind of club this is". :lol It's just funny, because as other people have said, it's such a fine line between what is looking/acting gay and what is not. I dress in a way that some of my straight friends would think looks "gay" (read: well put-together) but then I can go to a gay bar and people think I look like a "preppy straight boy"... so it's all relative. For reference, I wear J. Crew, Polo, Gap, and Lacoste and act like a completely normal person. Nothing unusual. Anytime the subject has come up, guys say I look like an "All-American fraternity boy", which I realize they intend as a big compliment, but confuses me a bit because I don't understand how one can look "All-American"... and nobody can ever seem to elaborate on that for me.

Anyway, it kind of creates a problem I guess because guys generally seem hesitant to approach me, but they'll obviously check me out. Which is fine, I guess, because nobody I have approached has ever turned me down or turned me away, but it would be nice to not be in this weird 'is that guy gay' zone that I don't understand exactly why I'm in. I'm just rambling. I'll shut up.

 

[BlazingDarkness]

This this this this this.


Also, "straight acting" is indeed annoying. Why the fuck are you "acting" straight? You got an audition or something you practicing for? You are yourself. Whether that person sounds effeminate or not is up to you, and you are free to control that, just do it for the right reasons. Example: Lowering your voice and using the word "bro" to fit in and give yourself the satisfaction because you are in denial about what you are is a bad reason. Watching a video of yourself and noticing that saying a particular word or phrase sounded really effeminate, which you thought was out of character for you and not attractive then deciding to change that, is a good reason. In my opinion anyways. The whole topic is really sensitive and there are gays who will freak out and get pissy about one thing and others who will think it's fine and shrug it off. This very post is probably going to irritate some people and they'll say, if that's how you're saying it, that's who you are. I disagree.

As for stereotypes, to deny them is to lie, no matter who you are. Being able to identify and seek gay guys out is in itself, stereotyping. But people do need to be more sensitive. "You look gay as fuck" is VERY insulting unless you are there in person and see that the person doesn't care about being flamboyant, which doesn't seem to be the case with the OP. There are all types of gay men. You'd probably shit yourself if you knew how many college and pro football players liked a willy in their dilly.

i used that phrase (incorrectly, i know) but just to give you guys an idea of how i come across to other people, to give people a better understanding of my situation, i wasn't implying i act a certain way at all, i am myself , and don't do anything otherwise to fit in with those around me.

@mason, yeah you summed it up better really, very similar thing.

 

[Crab Shaker]

i used that phrase (incorrectly, i know) but just to give you guys an idea of how i come across to other people, to give people a better understanding of my situation, i wasn't implying i act a certain way at all, i am myself , and don't do anything otherwise to fit in with those around me.

@mason, yeah you summed it up better really, very similar thing.

I didn't mean my post as an attack aimed at you or anyone in particular who may have used it. I don't really judge people who do use the phrase. It's more of a thing that annoys me simply because it's another one of those kinds of things that distinguishes the hetero and homosexual worlds, making things difficult. I hate how it's something that gays have to strive for and advertise themselves as simply because the flamboyant stereotype is the dominant one and everyone else hides. If our society was more friendly to homosexuals, people would see really that gays are everywhere and of every type.

 

[Nolan.]

This this this this this.


Also, "straight acting" is indeed annoying. Why the fuck are you "acting" straight? You got an audition or something you practicing for? You are yourself. Whether that person sounds effeminate or not is up to you, and you are free to control that, just do it for the right reasons. Example: Lowering your voice and using the word "bro" to fit in and give yourself the satisfaction because you are in denial about what you are is a bad reason. Watching a video of yourself and noticing that saying a particular word or phrase sounded really effeminate, which you thought was out of character for you and not attractive then deciding to change that, is a good reason. In my opinion anyways. The whole topic is really sensitive and there are gays who will freak out and get pissy about one thing and others who will think it's fine and shrug it off. This very post is probably going to irritate some people and they'll say, if that's how you're saying it, that's who you are. I disagree.

As for stereotypes, to deny them is to lie, no matter who you are. Being able to identify and seek gay guys out is in itself, stereotyping. But people do need to be more sensitive. "You look gay as fuck" is VERY insulting unless you are there in person and see that the person doesn't care about being flamboyant, which doesn't seem to be the case with the OP. There are all types of gay men. You'd probably shit yourself if you knew how many college and pro football players liked a willy in their dilly.

I don't really find that offensive to be honest. Saying that though it probably has to do with how many times i've heard and seen guys mess around with it. Also why is everyone mentioning clubs isn't that what he dislikes.? I think there are more places than ''loud clubby'' venues. I dislike clubbing for so many reasons so I don't go. Though there are some nice social (non-sleazy) places you can find, of course it would depend on where you live etc.

Haha, I have a similar problem, or I guess the same one. I'm 'straight-acting' (or masculine or whatever term doesn't offend people... get over it, you know what I mean) and apparently "look/dress straight". I've tried to "gay it up" a few times but I just didn't really feel it.

I've gotten stopped at the entrance to gay bars/clubs more than once and asked if I'm "looking for gay night" or if I "know what kind of club this is". :lol It's just funny, because as other people have said, it's such a fine line between what is looking/acting gay and what is not. I dress in a way that some of my straight friends would think looks "gay" (read: well put-together) but then I can go to a gay bar and people think I look like a "preppy straight boy"... so it's all relative. For reference, I wear J. Crew, Polo, Gap, and Lacoste and act like a completely normal person. Nothing unusual. Anytime the subject has come up, guys say I look like an "All-American fraternity boy", which I realize they intend as a big compliment, but confuses me a bit because I don't understand how one can look "All-American"... and nobody can ever seem to elaborate on that for me.

Anyway, it kind of creates a problem I guess because guys generally seem hesitant to approach me, but they'll obviously check me out. Which is fine, I guess, because nobody I have approached has ever turned me down or turned me away, but it would be nice to not be in this weird 'is that guy gay' zone that I don't understand exactly why I'm in. I'm just rambling. I'll shut up.

Reminds me of a friend that went out clubbing one night. Sat in a bar and he's straight and saw two lesbians kissing and went over just staring. Then later some guy made a move on him and he didn't respond, needless to say the guy went and complained and he got thrown out because of it. I didn't even know they did that. It's not the one story either.

 

[Saint10118]

Ignorance is based on a lack of understanding. I've been a gay man since the age of 15 (so about 12 years now), and what I describe isn't "living a straight life with a woman", it's filling an emotional connection that the majority of gay men simply aren't willing to provide, for whatever selfish reasons they can come up with to justify their own behavior. It's not to say they're ALL like that, but rather than waiting around and feeling unwanted while that mysterious creature appears before you, it's important to fill an emotional void that they seem unwilling to, and so long as a woman is able and willing to provide you with emotional support and guidance, what's the harm in that? It's not like you'd be sleeping with them, or stringing them along. You'd be friends, a nice strong bond based on emotional support that goes BOTH ways.
And denying the prevalence of the cheap lay in dating culture in general, leaving the homosexual subset out of it, is pretty ignorant in and of itself. There is a vast population of people who simply don't want a relationship and just have sex, that's all. I don't advocate this as a permanent alternative or anything, nor that anyone should become a slut themselves, so quit trying to label me as a deviant just because I'm playing with the only cards that some of us are dealt. Once again, I'M NOT SUGGESTING SEXUAL DEVIANCY, just that if you feel like you need sex, there's your alternative.

Better to be happy and content with good new friends who can be there to meet your emotional needs and have your carnal needs satiated as necessary, then to feel unwanted and rejected to the point where it permanently fucks up your self-esteem, like it seems to have just started with the OP.

But whatever, if you want people to stay feeling lonely, none of my concern really. Some people just want to keep others unhappy.

Me thinks the lady doth protest too much.

 

[Terrell]

I don't really find that offensive to be honest. Saying that though it probably has to do with how many times i've heard and seen guys mess around with it. Also why is everyone mentioning clubs isn't that what he dislikes.? I think there are more places than ''loud clubby'' venues. I dislike clubbing for so many reasons so I don't go. Though there are some nice social (non-sleazy) places you can find, of course it would depend on where you live etc.



Reminds me of a friend that went out clubbing one night. Sat in a bar and he's straight and saw two lesbians kissing and went over just staring. Then later some guy made a move on him and he didn't respond, needless to say the guy went and complained and he got thrown out because of it. I didn't even know they did that. It's not the one story either.

Yeah, gay clubs are kind of a mess nowadays, because straight people started showing up there since the gay bars are generally a better party. But with straight boys ogling the lesbians and being rather rude to gay men hitting on them, they've basically had to draw a line in the sand, so to speak.
Bars in general are a dangerous place to meet people, since most of them are drunk and/or looking for something of ill intent, so to speak. Depending on your city, if they have one, a gay pub would be better, as it's a more social environment by comparison. But there's not many of those kicking around nowadays. More money to be made catering to club-bunnies, I guess.

Me thinks the lady doth protest too much.

Meaning... what, exactly?

 

[Saint10118]

Meaning... what, exactly?

That if you have to go to great lengths to defend your stance on your original statement:

It's not a fault of yours, it's just what comes with being a gay man in the 21st century. Start making the most of it. I'm a 7-year bachelor now, through very little fault of my own, so I've learned that when women are falling all over you, you pick the prettiest ones of the bunch and fawn over them to fill the romantic/emotional void (which is cool, so long as you completely establish that you're gay, they're typically OK with that. Then just find your sex with a cheap slut to fill that void, there's PLENTY of those in the gay world.

It's not exactly the same as a man to fill both needs, but it's a good solid stop-gap solution.

With this...

I don't advocate this as a permanent alternative or anything, nor that anyone should become a slut themselves, so quit trying to label me as a deviant just because I'm playing with the only cards that some of us are dealt. Once again, I'M NOT SUGGESTING SEXUAL DEVIANCY, just that if you feel like you need sex, there's your alternative.

Better to be happy and content with good new friends who can be there to meet your emotional needs and have your carnal needs satiated as necessary, then to feel unwanted and rejected to the point where it permanently fucks up your self-esteem, like it seems to have just started with the OP.

But whatever, if you want people to stay feeling lonely, none of my concern really. Some people just want to keep others unhappy.

It seems to me that there is some great justification needed on your end for suggesting that the OP use women for emotional support and men only for sex.

And yeah nothing about this sounds even in the slightest emotionally healthy and in my opinion constitutes a horrible suggestion for the OP. But hey only my opinion you have fun with your "cheap sluts" til that perfect man comes along.

 

[Rocket Punch]

me thinks gay GAF are projecting themselves too much on this thread.

 

[Terrell]

That if you have to go to great lengths to defend your stance on your original statement:



With this...



It seems to me that there is some great justification needed on your end for suggesting that the OP use women for emotional support and men only for sex.

And yeah nothing about this sounds even in the slightest emotionally healthy and in my opinion constitutes a horrible suggestion for the OP. But hey only my opinion you have fun with your "cheap sluts" til that perfect man comes along.

You keep suggesting that I'm just having sex with these kinds of people all the time or something, but whatever... you can think whatever you like of me, no matter how wrong you are. I don't personally partake of the easy lay, myself, simply because I don't find it necessary, but I also understand that just because I don't require sex doesn't mean others do not.
And no, there's no "grand justification", just explaining in full what the intentions of the exercise are, since you were so willing to jump to a faulty conclusion about it. I'd think that it's quite healthy of me to understand that being a gay man doesn't make women incapable of providing emotional stability and companionship to my life, even if sexual physicality isn't involved. If you think only men are capable of such a thing because you're gay, hey, those aren't MY arbitrary limitations to deal with.

 

[RiskyChris]

What?

The gay men I know are smarter than to go for a person that looks like such a fucking poser. The only people I know who do that are women.

What are the guys who find him attractive? Idiots?

 

[Raistlin]

Well you look gay as fuck. I don't know what the deal is.

Maybe start acting the part?

jesus :lol

 

[Nolan.]

Yeah, gay clubs are kind of a mess nowadays, because straight people started showing up there since the gay bars are generally a better party. But with straight boys ogling the lesbians and being rather rude to gay men hitting on them, they've basically had to draw a line in the sand, so to speak.
Bars in general are a dangerous place to meet people, since most of them are drunk and/or looking for something of ill intent, so to speak. Depending on your city, if they have one, a gay pub would be better, as it's a more social environment by comparison. But there's not many of those kicking around nowadays. More money to be made catering to club-bunnies, I guess.


Meaning... what, exactly?

Yeah, gay clubs are kind of a mess nowadays, because straight people started showing up there since the gay bars are generally a better party. But with straight boys ogling the lesbians and being rather rude to gay men hitting on them, they've basically had to draw a line in the sand, so to speak.
Bars in general are a dangerous place to meet people, since most of them are drunk and/or looking for something of ill intent, so to speak. Depending on your city, if they have one, a gay pub would be better, as it's a more social environment by comparison. But there's not many of those kicking around nowadays. More money to be made catering to club-bunnies, I guess.


Meaning... what, exactly?

There's a lot of bars in london I think i'm not sure since haven't really been visiting for a long while. Man! I only just read your earlier post and in honesty I kind of agree with most of the bits in your earlier post, controversial as they might be. I think a lot of the problem with (if some see it as that) with the majority seeming to just want to offer sex and nothing more is a combination of many things. For one a lot of kids just grow up around the ''straight'' structure if you like.

So if you aren't straight by the time you start your ''awakening'' there's so many things pent up that needs catching up with sometimes. Then the little info you try and seek out yourself is usually sexed up to some degree. I'm 21 now but when I was about 14 or even younger than that even the most innocent of gay info I got had something to do with sex one way or the other. I remember reading a magazine just with articles and stuff (nothing to do with sex at that point). Then when I get to the end and the back pages, it's just littered with numbers for guys and other stuff. Then I remember going to some social group for young teens and there were just graphic leaflets and conversations all over the place.

I think if thats your typical introduction it's very easy to have sex just become top of your list for a long time. Plus factor in the whole bitch culture and snobby attitude a lot of guys seem to assimilate, it really doesn't mix well (for me anyway). So I really wouldn't blame someone for seeking out the emotional thing from elsewhere. Not my thing though but if it works.

 

[Zoltrix]

Gay people are cool.

 

[MrPing1000]

Now you're just trying to piss of virgin gaf.

WE WILL NOT STAND FOR THIS SHIT.

 

[Operations]

You look pretty hot to me, provided you don't have bad breath, I don't see any issues.

 

[RadioHeadAche]

dating sites?

 

[Deleted member 17706]

Considering that homosexuality stil isn't really accepted in most societies (all societies?) I would imagine that gay people really have to go out of their way to meet other gay people, especially since a large portion of gay people probably hide the fact that they are gay unless they know the other person is gay too. If you aren't actively searching online matching sites or going to gay bars / clubs, then it is no wonder you aren't meeting other gay singles. You are in the minority here and if you are a decent looking guy it is only natural that straight woman will be attracted to you. The fact is that there are probably a lot more straight women out there than gay men, so you have to go out of your way to find someone.

 

[Cereal KiIIer]

So....... you like women but you wanna sleep with men. Did your mom did something to you as a kid?

 

[Saint10118]

So....... you like women but you wanna sleep with men. Did your mom did something to you as a kid?

Did your mom drop you on your head or something? Read the OP then read your post.

 

[Crab Shaker]

So....... you like women but you wanna sleep with men. Did your mom did something to you as a kid?

I read this sentence three times before I came to the conclusion that no, I was not reading it wrong, it really was that retardedly composed.:lol

 

[perfectchaos007]

I've always thought about acting gay to get women. And then ask them for sex. They would act surprised at first because I'm a gay guy asking a woman for sex, but then I'd just tell them its okay as long as I do you in the butt. If only I had the balls to do something like this.

 

[Count Dookkake]

I've always thought about acting gay to get women. And then ask them for sex. They would act surprised at first because I'm a gay guy asking a woman for sex, but then I'd just tell them its okay as long as I do you in the butt. If only I had the balls to do something like this.

A friend of mine uses this line with much success: "Does this shirt make me look gay?"