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[mrkgoo]

I'm in the same situation as the OP, except I'm almost 30 and not a virgin but only because of a blind date with a misguided young girl who saw an advantage. Mid-2006 I woke up one day and realized I had wasted a quarter of a century and hadn't lived a day in my life.

After a few missteps, some blind dates that didn't go anywhere (If you don't count that one.), I've come to realize that I just do not know how to talk to girls. Except as friends. But by the time I get around to asking them out, it's either too late (Three years for one), or I find out they have a boyfriend of course (The good ones ALL DO.) or we've entered the FRIEND ZONE, or worse, they disappear before I can ask them out never to be seen again. I'm just unlucky like that. My lack of experience has made me a nervous self-aware overthinking former xenophobe that just can't catch a break.

In 2003 I pushed away the one girl who showed any interest in me at all, even after somehow missing all of the fucking blatant signs. (Like the notes she left me at work that said "Hi, Jason! You're cute! Have fun!")

2006 made the mistake of telling the girl who was my best friend at work how I had secretly felt about her for almost 4 years (Think Jim Halpert at the end of season 2) and having it backfire.

Same year tried to rebound on another friend who I hadn't seen in 13 years who came back into my life only to find out we were pretty much the same person, but because of my inexperience and lack of confidence and fear of disappointment, I fucked it up, using only text messages to convey my feelings instead of using my fucking words in person. (Almost ruined our friendship, which will probably never mend completely)

The next year was the blind date with the horny girl which was just a big mistake since she was troubled and we never were able to get back together again as she kept jumping from house to house and number to number.

And the year after that was the last and only real date I had ever been on, which never resulted in subsequent dates because she decided to spend all her time helping her grandmother. The worse part, she's overweight. I got turned down by a fucking fat girl.

I have now typed a whole bunch of shit. Great.

Actually, today I met a girl at work who is really nice. We have a lot in common. Except that she has a boyfriend. She said they met through a blind date and hit it off. I have many friends. Many friends. But none of them will set me up except the one who set me up with the two girls I've ever gone out with and has now run out of eligible people to set me up with.

My life has pretty much been one wrong choice after another.

Two things - you're not unlucky. Sure, luck is involved, but you can set things up for more or less chance.

Secondly, there is no such thing as a wrong choice in life. Everyone makes mistakes - what weeds out the successful people from the ... less-successful is what you do with the knowledge gained from those mistakes. YOu're a wise enough person - you've done things - and seem like you have learned a few things from that experience. What are you going to do with that knowledge now? Go. Make it happen. For humanity.

 

[Why would you do that?]

Woah, cool! I'm not alone here.

I'm 19. Throughout the latter half of elementary and also middle school, I liked many girls and many of them liked me back, actually. However, I was so nervous that I messed up everything, and the one girl that I liked and actively tried to get physical with me I ended up avoiding in school.

However, I'm pretty shy and I think of myself as boring before I get to know someone, not knowing what to say and all, and I also ended up becoming 50 - 100 pounds overweight by high school. So the one of the two girls that liked me during High School I messed everything up with by not following through with anything.

So I decided that, since my college has a wonderful weight room, I should utilize it and lose weight. However, I'm nervous about doing so, because, from the looks of it, a lot of the people there are fit and/or muscley and I'd feel like a loser going in there with everyone there, and I also wouldn't know about exercising on my own.

However, I feel like, once I pass that "fitness" barrier, I'd feel much more confident in myself.

 

[DeadFalling]

You're in college...alcohol is an easy thing to come by. As far as if that'll help, maybe, if the other party has had some too. :lol

Edit: Wait, you aren't British are you? Otherwise I have no clue since college = our high school and university = our college or something like that.

Nah, not British. I guess I'll have to find me a source and get them to buy me some hard liquor :lol I don't drink, only have a couple of times, but I'm just going to use it occasionally to get some goddamn confidence. Prolly going to end up an alcoholic, since both sides of my family has severe alcoholics, and since I'd be using it as a social crutch a lot, but what the hell lol

 

[methos75]

And by begin, I mean it in the most literal way possible.

Backstory: So, after a long long period of being a complete idiot (or maybe I still am, otherwise why the thread eh?) and never having any contact at all with women, I finally realize now that, I would like to try and change that. But sadly, I'm not young and don't have a clue where to start. I've also got some handicaps that would appear to make things much more difficult (don't like to drink, not too much into the whole bar/big party scene).

I've started online dating, but it's kind of off-putting with all the calculations and categorizations that it comes down to, and that kind of leaves a bad taste. Also, it seems most women on these sites who are my age are looking to "settle down" and that's exactly the opposite of what I want to do.

But I guess what really scares me is, I got no clue how to actually "talk" to girls. I don't know what to say, or when to say it. Am I saying the right thing or not? It just frustrates me that I cannot seem to get over that, well, anxiety I guess. Maybe I need therapy.

So I guess, I was just hoping that I could maybe get something out of this thread before I go and spend a lot of money on a therapist. Or maybe I'm just beyond hope at this point (hence the desperation in making a topic).

I am 33 and starting over after marriage and I am sorta in the same place, after almost 11 years its hard to just jump back in to the dating scene. as to your "problems", I am not a drinker or into bars either, but that isn't a big deal. Go to bookstores, parks, hell anywhere people meet and just see who you meet. As too talking to girls, even girls have common interest with guys, just met one and try to decipher if you have anything in common and go from there.

 

[sestrugen]

Got my first kiss at age 24 and first girlfriend at age 25 so I understand where you are coming from. The only way to get out of that situation is to get yourself out of your comfort zone. Not going to happen if you don't want it to happen.

 

[Combine]

Oh boy, that dinner lasted longer than I thought. Now let me try and reply to some:

If Combine just wanted sex, he would have paid for a hooker a long time ago, I suspect.

I'm not being a dick when I say that. A lot of the advice here seems to be aimed at younger guys who are playing catch up (18-21). 29 years old is in a different league and if there are underlying issues, you'll probably find yourself at square one often because then the problem isn't just limited to a lack of confidence.

Yeah, I think another part of my insane psyche was that I was just so disinterested in sex for some reason, I have no clue why. Some speculate it was due to a combination of being both completely out of shape (zero testosterone) and taking medication that might have lowered the drive.

OP, why don't you like to drink?

Heh, back in college (yes, I did go, and yes, I was still a big idiot, ugh one memory in particular makes me want to kill myself), when I tried drinking I just didn't feel right. I mean, not only because of the taste which I couldn't stand, but I also seemed to get more depressed too. I dunno if that's still the case now, but its a reason why I'm averse to it.

Do you have friends? It's easier with friends, if you don't... well, then get some friends first.

I dunno honestly. I've met many aquaintances in life, but I don't know if any of them would want themselves to be considered a friend or not.

Got my first kiss at age 24 and first girlfriend at age 25 so I understand where you are coming from. The only way to get out of that situation is to get yourself out of your comfort zone. Not going to happen if you don't want it to happen.

And this is where it hits home. Perfectly. My "Comfort Zone" has indeed been my prison, and it has been so for so long, and it was probably the main reason why my college experience failed so badly. I'm someone, who's always been a strict schedule-oriented guy (and boy do I hate it now), and was raised that way and now, its really tough to try and break.

But, it is necessary, and hopefully, I'll be able to make opportunities to do so. The big hurdle is getting over this damn thought in my head where (what prevents me from "taking the initiative") I somehow believe that "no woman wants a random stranger to come up to them and bother them while they are doing something." It also doesn't help that I got no clue how to make a conversation and make it interesting (not come off as a complete moron).

 

[grumble]

To Do List:

- Find interests. You must have interests to be interesting.
- Participate in social activities involving interests. Must involve women at some point.
- Talk to women, who share the same interests as you. Be confident. Dominate. Women use dating as a form of social climbing, and you must have the confidence and attitude to make them feel as if you are awesome.
- Do activities with the women.
- Practice. You won't get it first off, especially with a total lack of experience, but it'll happen.
- Get off this forum. You have better things to be doing with your time, such as doing activities you like and meeting women who also enjoy them.

It's unlikely that you'll get a lot of one night stands at your age and with you credentials, but casual dating is absolutely a possibility. Good luck!

 

[minx]

I really don't understand how there are so many people on GAF that havn't even stumbled into pussy. It is not that hard. Go out. Be confident. What is the worst that dan happen if you start talking to a random girl? She gives you think cold shoulder? Who gives a fuck. Move on. If you asked 100 girls on a date at least one will say yes. Oh, did I mention to be confident?!

 

[BloodySinner]

I really don't understand how there are so many people on GAF that havn't even stumbled into pussy.

It's primarily a gaming forum. You know, for nerds.

 

[minx]

It's primarily a gaming forum. You know, for nerds.

How could I forget? :lol

 

[Combine]

To Do List:
- Find interests. You must have interests to be interesting.
- Participate in social activities involving interests. Must involve women at some point.
- Talk to women, who share the same interests as you. Be confident. Dominate. Women use dating as a form of social climbing, and you must have the confidence and attitude to make them feel as if you are awesome.
- Do activities with the women.
- Practice. You won't get it first off, especially with a total lack of experience, but it'll happen.
- Get off this forum. You have better things to be doing with your time, such as doing activities you like and meeting women who also enjoy them.

Ah, ok. Well, first I guess I'd better toss aside gaming cause that sure as hell ain't gonna work one bit. I guess other than that, the only interests I've found recently (though I haven't had much time to really "find" ones) are physical fitness and art. I don't know where, but I guess I have to try and find something involving those which might have women present. I just hope I can get in better shape soon and find a reasonably attractive woman.

I don't wan't a fat/obsese, woman, just because, having been that way myself, I wouldn't want to know someone who has no care of their personal health (which is, ironically probably one of the main reasons no woman would ever approach me, rightfully so).

I really don't understand how there are so many people on GAF that havn't even stumbled into pussy. It is not that hard. Go out. Be confident. What is the worst that dan happen if you start talking to a random girl? She gives you think cold shoulder? Who gives a fuck. Move on. If you asked 100 girls on a date at least one will say yes. Oh, did I mention to be confident?!

When you word it like that, yeah, it does seem too easy almost. Believe me, I wish I could have that attitude and just say "screw it all. I'm gonna do it!", and sometimes alone, I do feel that way. And yet, when I get put on the spot, all of a sudden things just come crashing down. Heh, who knows, maybe I should try alcohol again and see if things are different.

 

[Liu Kang Baking A Pie]

You can actually read the lack of confidence in every girl-age thread like this.

You seem like a nice guy. Use that and add cocky and funny to it.

 

[Mr.Squirrel]

Well, I certainly won't complain about dating younger. But, well, aren't younger women more interested in looks and money, and age too. Cause, then, well, I'm afraid I might be too old for them.

Again, I'm ignorant on this whole thing so please correct me if I'm utterly wrong.

Your main problem is your not confident enough. A lack of confidence comes from focusing on all the stuff you don't have and not on everything you do have. Instead of thinking younger girls only want looks money, think younger girls want a older dude who's mature and know how to check them on their bullshit. And stop thinking your unattractive. The sooner you realize how fly you are, the sooner other women will realize it as well.

The best way to build confidence is to start pointing out the things in yourself that you think are awesome and stop worrying about the things you THINK women want. Until you get over the confidence issue you'll be assed out.

Oh and 29 isn't old. you can 60 and still be young enough to get you mack on. It's funny because I was thinking about making a mack-age thread for this very reason. So gaf can help each other out with getting our game tighter.

Also, fuck online dating. Granted you can meet some chicks, but most the broads on there IMO is flaky. I've done it and met some pretty cool chicks, but you gonna have to get out and meet people in person. Tomorrow when you're out and about, go up to a female and start up a conversation. Be honest and upfront with her and be like "Lemme ask you a silly question, you think someone who's 29 is too old to be dating?" She'll more than likely say no why and there's your conversation. Do that everyday for two weeks until you get comfortable doing it. It'll help with your anxiety and let you realize that women are exactly like men.......just with a bigger penis.

 

[Mr.Squirrel]

Oh, and listen to some podcasts on the subject, it's helping me a lot getting my game tighter.

Mack Lessons Radio

Man Up! Talk Radio with Joseph W. South

Pickup Podcast

In the last week I've learned a lot from listening to these. I had an epiphany today actually about how confidence is a by-product of a change in mentality. It allows you to inherently without thinking take control, take charge, and be a leader. A few days ago I saw one of the biggest flaws in my game, I'm not bold enough when it comes to sealing the deal sometimes. I've had girls I've been with and friends I've talked to that basically said they like it when a guy just takes control and run shit. I was too laid back.

Either way good luck man, if you need some extra advice or whatever, hit me up.

 

[Mr.Squirrel]

Ah, ok. Well, first I guess I'd better toss aside gaming cause that sure as hell ain't gonna work one bit. I guess other than that, the only interests I've found recently (though I haven't had much time to really "find" ones) are physical fitness and art. I don't know where, but I guess I have to try and find something involving those which might have women present. I just hope I can get in better shape soon and find a reasonably attractive woman.

I don't wan't a fat/obsese, woman, just because, having been that way myself, I wouldn't want to know someone who has no care of their personal health (which is, ironically probably one of the main reasons no woman would ever approach me, rightfully so).

When you word it like that, yeah, it does seem too easy almost. Believe me, I wish I could have that attitude and just say "screw it all. I'm gonna do it!", and sometimes alone, I do feel that way. And yet, when I get put on the spot, all of a sudden things just come crashing down. Heh, who knows, maybe I should try alcohol again and see if things are different.

Man you're fucking crazy, you know how much ass you can get with a damn wii?!?!?!?!? I used to invite girls over all the time and play wii sports, mario kart, rock band, etc. They fucking LOVED IT! Girls love video games, you just have to have something that actually interests them. It's about confidence. Stop thinking girls don't like this, or girls don't like that. Keep telling yourself girls love the fact that I play video games. Or they loved the fact that I gotta gut, or they love my bald head or whatever it is about you that you think they wouldn't like.

 

[etiolate]

It takes time to learn. You just gotta go out there and bathe in the hellfire of courtship. Only advice I have is that honesty will make it harder to find people but leave you with better people to be found.

 

[Yoboman]

How do you look

 

[Combine]

Heh, wow, thanks for all that written advice bdizzle. I'm still working my way through it, might take a couple of reads to digest. Heh. Nah, I don't think I could push videogames completely aside, but I understand that lots of woman aren't into them, so I don't think it'd be best to be so enthused about them. Although, my thinking hasn't exactly been too sound in this whole category anyway, so who the hell knows huh? :lol

Heh, etiolate, I've been told that honesty is truly my double-edged sword. I am honest, probably all too honest. Also probably because I am not good at lying one bit (probably couldn't lie to save my life) or overexagerating at all. I just really don't want to be misleading. But, I guess I just have to work around it somehow.

 

[kaskade]

Everything starts with confidence, if you go up to a girl like you don't want to be there, she's not going to want to be there either. It is hard to build that up, I still get nervous when I talk to girls I think are really really good looking but most females I'm ok with. I'm not going to make it like it's easy to have confidence, it's not going to come magically. A good way to build it up would be to go out somewhere, see a pretty girl and just smile at her, chances are she'll smile back at you. It's simple but it helps. As for the not knowing what to say part that's kind of hard to help with because no conversation is going to be the same. I always think about when I'm are in the store and I do that silly flirting with the old lady behind the counter cracking jokes just being playful kind of thing, try and pretend that girl is the old lady(except not). Hopefully that helps out a bit.

 

[Justin Timberlake]

-stay in shape
-talk (give them compliments! they eat that shit up!)
-get out of the house every day
-read body language (if you don't know the basic stuff--ex: hair flip, shoulders forward, knees pointed toward you--read body language manuals)
-grow some balls; you have to do the approach
-shower
-spend significant amounts of money on clothes (i spend hundred on video games a year too; but you gotta spend a similar amount of money on your looks. its important)
-get friends that want to go out with you. You can't pick up chicks alone.

If you do all that, you will stumble into pussy more often than not. Hell, if you are in shape, smell ok, dress well, and are outgoing, you will stumble into pussy; social skills just help speed the process significantly.

Not drinking is OK. People have relationships without alcohol. I haven't had many (lol) but I am sure there are a lot of other people on GAF who don't drink who can give you advice.

 

[disillusion386]

*great advice*

This man knows what he's talking about.

 

[Jamesfrom818]

I suppose I'm not as bad as a position as the OP but I'm just getting back into the dating scene as well. I've gotten numbers and I've gotten call backs when I give out mine but nothing ever really pans out. Like last weekend, a girl calls me at 3:00 after she and her friend left the bar I met her at. I knocked out at 2:00. Her phone was on private and her message wasn't clear but I knew if I had been awake, I would have been fucking her that night.

 

[Combine]

Hmm, dressing well seems to be coming up a lot. I'll be honest (again) and say that I've never given much thought to the way I dress. No doubt, its a problem, and I've never been one to go clothes shopping. But now that I think about it, I do have an opportunity now, especially after losing so much weight that my old clothes really don't fit me too well (ie. too damn big now) anymore. I guess I need to add developing an eye for fashion to my really really big to-do list now.

Thanks again everyone for all the great advice. I was afraid this thread would become a backfire somehow, but it's been great and I'm happy I made the decision now. I'll probably spend days re-reading over all the great advice that has been placed here and learning from it. Hopefully one day, I can post about the first things I'll be able to experience.

 

[C.Dark.DN]

post some pictures and show us how you dress

 

[agrajag]

 

[Justin Timberlake]

Hmm, dressing well seems to be coming up a lot. I'll be honest (again) and say that I've never given much thought to the way I dress. No doubt, its a problem, and I've never been one to go clothes shopping. But now that I think about it, I do have an opportunity now, especially after losing so much weight that my old clothes really don't fit me too well (ie. too damn big now) anymore. I guess I need to add developing an eye for fashion to my really really big to-do list now.

Thanks again everyone for all the great advice. I was afraid this thread would become a backfire somehow, but it's been great and I'm happy I made the decision now. I'll probably spend days re-reading over all the great advice that has been placed here and learning from it. Hopefully one day, I can post about the first things I'll be able to experience.

Yeah...gowns aren't fly man. Get clothes that are appropriate for your weight.

post some pictures and show us how you dress

Honestly, this would help a lot. Don't worry about it backfiring (remember that comfort zone shit we were saying before?)...GAF is only mean with reason; and frankly, you sound incredibly nice. I know some people aren't comfortable with pics on the evil, evil internet and shit, but sometimes you gotta do what would help you in the long-term (ex: getting a girlfriend, getting advice on your looks, etc.) than the short-term (ex: getting rejected by a girl, thread backfire), especially when those long-term goals are so important and those short-term fears are so petty.

 

[minx]

When you word it like that, yeah, it does seem too easy almost. Believe me, I wish I could have that attitude and just say "screw it all. I'm gonna do it!", and sometimes alone, I do feel that way. And yet, when I get put on the spot, all of a sudden things just come crashing down. Heh, who knows, maybe I should try alcohol again and see if things are different.

Yeah you don't need alcohol, but it sure helps to loosen you up and help you not give a shit if they say no. It has been my motto at college this semester to think " what's the worst that can happen? She says no?" and sure I have gotten denied some dances, but all the others that said yes, ended up leading to more afterwards.

 

[OLyonnais10]

ok may advice .. do not settle for one girl and get all giddy about it .. cuz more often than not it will fail and u will feel like shit

talk to girls .. a bunch .. not all at once obviously. but throughout a month stack up a whole bunch of numbers, emails etc and just get them into your life even as acquaintances ..

at this point, just let things flow man .. girls do not mind givin out numbers, emails and such .. they may be hesitant if they smell your going into it all at once, which at this level might seem obvious

talk to them, and estabilish bonds with them .. friendzone is utter shit, but before a relationship there must be a friend period of atleast a week or 2 (no more)

ALSO .. most importantly as it is the backbone of all this .. have CONFIDENCE in your self .. walk and talk with swagger bro .. look into her eyes when u talk .. make yourself interesting .. girls love artsy/soulful men .. read some poems, read some theories on life, politics .. whatever .. if anything itll give u something to kickstart a convo with, and even if she isnt interested at first, it is something she can admire about you

dont be afraid bro .. girls are like u and me, and often times it is but societal norms which confides them to the role of being asked out rather than asking you out

cheers man, and good luck

 

[Ridli]

I would recommend you explore your interest in the arts. You didn't get into specifics (don't worry, you don't need to), but any kind of self expression is going to be good. And by putting more time into it, and getting better at it, it's just going to make a world of difference in your self-worth.

Also, maybe read a little courage wolf every day?

 

[Jamesfrom818]

Learn sanskrit. Bitches love sanskrit.

 

[grap3fruitman]

The longer you wait, the harder you have to work. Start now and work less than you will have to if you decide to start next year.

You're wasting your time moping around.

Been trying for some time now, the advice given here I've gotten elsewhere and it's complete bullshit. You guys are just gonna have this man waste his time and he'll just grow more bitter over the years as a result.

Just because you don't know what you're doing doesn't mean we don't

I've gotten the same exact advice elsewhere and I can tell you without a doubt that you don't know jack shit.

How could I forget? :lol

Seriously. It's also Friday night, where are these people? They're on the internet giving dating advice.

Dear op, this is not a good place to get dating advice but at the same time I don't know what a good source would be because I haven't found one myself. If I ever do I'll let you know.

 

[Jhoan]

I can relate. I'm 21, never been kissed, never gone on a date, virgin and haven't really been to a club. I'm a good looking guy; tall, tanned skinned, muscular physique, but my problem is that I put so much pressure on myself to get a woman's number to the point where I get frustrated, obsessed with them (I would try to find a woman through the internet) and depressed. I'm seeing a therapist for this and so far, it's going well; he told me to talk about things in general and that being relaxed leads to confidence. I also consider myself a shy person. Here's a funny anecdote: last semester, I was in this Asian festival at school, when suddenly this chick came up to me and said "I just wanted to let you know that you're attractive" to which I replied by saying thanks and left it at that. I'm an opportunist =/. Lemme ask you guys a question: Do you think that guys with no experience should go out with ugly women or should we have some kind of standards?

 

[dragonflys545]

As for me, well I am just fucking shy sigh...

 

[bluescreenoflife]

Just an open question for anyone with a response, have you ever dated a coworker?

How did you initiate the communication of desire for a relationship? Talk with them in the lunch room a few times, and when it happens to just be the two of you, ask if they ever want to hang out and do something fun together? Is it just that simple?

I'm 19 and I got a new job last month, there are a ton of average to quite a bit above average looking women, and far fewer guys. I think I've semi-successfully scoped out through casual conversation which have boyfriends and which might not. My mantra has been to not overthink things, and any advice from experience anyone has would be a great help. Are coworkers usually non-starters, or is it just the opposite and hooking up with one is a better idea than bar hopping?

 

[minx]

Seriously. It's also Friday night, where are these people? They're on the internet giving dating advice.

Dear op, this is not a good place to get dating advice but at the same time I don't know what a good source would be because I haven't found one myself. If I ever do I'll let you know.

A great point. With internet forums (especially gaming ones) you never know what kind of advice you are going to get. It is a good rule of thumb that getting advice from guys on a message board on friday night is not a good idea...... shit..... i am on the forum on a friday night giving advice....... ahhhhh! :lol nah i am just home from college for the weekend and taking a break from the continuous partying. If it was any other Friday night I would be going to the bars and hopefully meeting girls. That is what you should be doing OP. Leave now, it is not to late....

 

[Phthisis]

Hmm, dressing well seems to be coming up a lot. I'll be honest (again) and say that I've never given much thought to the way I dress. No doubt, its a problem, and I've never been one to go clothes shopping. But now that I think about it, I do have an opportunity now, especially after losing so much weight that my old clothes really don't fit me too well (ie. too damn big now) anymore. I guess I need to add developing an eye for fashion to my really really big to-do list now.

Clothes make the man. Updating your wardrobe can have more of an effect than you think; it makes you look better to others and it also makes you more confident in yourself.

 

[Danielsan]

Ehh I'm in a somewhat similar situation as the OP. I'm 21, still belong to virgin gaf, but I at least have had "some" contact with women.
Almost god laid this vacation. Went on a 6 day party holiday in Spain and we both hooked up with a girl (friends). We both ended up in bed with them but I didn't get to seal the deal due to the beds being in the same fucking room.... :lol *cries*

That shit has been haunting me every since. Still one of the best nights of my life and made me realize how much I have missed /miss out on being single all my life. There is something magical to even just sleeping with a gorgeous woman, arms wrapped around each other etc...

I'm an awful conversationalist, lack good looks and confidence so I'm pretty much dependent on luck.

I'd personally recommend going out with friends on a more frequent basis. The more you put yourself out there the better your chances. That's what I'm trying to do nowadays. I'm not too fond of going clubbing either but it's a great place to meet girls, no strings attached.

 

[MightyKAC]

You might wanna check this book out.....

Treat it kinda like the bible, not to be followed exactly word for word and concept for concept, but for the interesting and possibly valuable life lessons to be learned within.

Oh and also because it's a decent read that directly applies to the situation you're in.

 

[Max@GC]

ok may advice .. do not settle for one girl and get all giddy about it .. cuz more often than not it will fail and u will feel like shit

talk to girls .. a bunch .. not all at once obviously. but throughout a month stack up a whole bunch of numbers, emails etc and just get them into your life even as acquaintances ..

at this point, just let things flow man .. girls do not mind givin out numbers, emails and such .. they may be hesitant if they smell your going into it all at once, which at this level might seem obvious

talk to them, and estabilish bonds with them .. friendzone is utter shit, but before a relationship there must be a friend period of atleast a week or 2 (no more)

ALSO .. most importantly as it is the backbone of all this .. have CONFIDENCE in your self .. walk and talk with swagger bro .. look into her eyes when u talk .. make yourself interesting .. girls love artsy/soulful men .. read some poems, read some theories on life, politics .. whatever .. if anything itll give u something to kickstart a convo with, and even if she isnt interested at first, it is something she can admire about you

dont be afraid bro .. girls are like u and me, and often times it is but societal norms which confides them to the role of being asked out rather than asking you out

cheers man, and good luck

This. I think you don´t have to have super fancy interests to get to know women. A good common knowledge and some views that you share with the girl you like are doing the trick as well...maybe more than interests.

 

[Mr.Squirrel]

I can relate. I'm 21, never been kissed, never gone on a date, virgin and haven't really been to a club. I'm a good looking guy; tall, tanned skinned, muscular physique, but my problem is that I put so much pressure on myself to get a woman's number to the point where I get frustrated, obsessed with them (I would try to find a woman through the internet) and depressed. I'm seeing a therapist for this and so far, it's going well; he told me to talk about things in general and that being relaxed leads to confidence. I also consider myself a shy person. Here's a funny anecdote: last semester, I was in this Asian festival at school, when suddenly this chick came up to me and said "I just wanted to let you know that you're attractive" to which I replied by saying thanks and left it at that. I'm an opportunist =/. Lemme ask you guys a question: Do you think that guys with no experience should go out with ugly women or should we have some kind of standards?

Man stay away form the ugly broads. If you can fuck a ugly chick you can fuck a dude!!!!!

You gotta stop thinking so much man. Have a change of attitude. You gotta get you a theme song or somethin playa. My current theme song is I'm The Shit. Whenever you meet a girl you swag gotta be so crazy that your bold enough to say "bitch you better get your mind right and get you some of this man sausage I'm working with BITCH!" and believe 100% that she'll be like "OMG you're right I DO need some of that dick!!!! nom nom nom"

Then you sit back and be like that's right HOE!

Make a test for yourself. Go up to a girl and just ask her flat out, do you think I'm cute. Worst case scenario she'll say no and you can walk away knowing 100% you just met a lesbian. If she says yeah then pull your dick out and start rubbin on it and ask "so what we gonna do about this?"

 

[zoukka]

Not.
GAF.

 

[Mr.Squirrel]

Been trying for some time now, the advice given here I've gotten elsewhere and it's complete bullshit. You guys are just gonna have this man waste his time and he'll just grow more bitter over the years as a result.


I've gotten the same exact advice elsewhere and I can tell you without a doubt that you don't know jack shit.


Seriously. It's also Friday night, where are these people? They're on the internet giving dating advice.

Dear op, this is not a good place to get dating advice but at the same time I don't know what a good source would be because I haven't found one myself. If I ever do I'll let you know.

I hear that sentiment all the time and honestly, idk where people get that from. Granted some guys just say FHUTA and keep it movin, but there's a lot of good advice on here. Look at that post your girl thread. Some gaffers are pullin some bad ass women.

 

[LaneDS]

I vote for the getting in shape angle. You said you've been doing that, but I'm going to assume that you're not as in shape as you could be. Keep working towards that, and like others have said, confidence will follow.

I do NOT vote for shit like "The Game". Just be yourself. Don't know how to talk to girls? Keep dating them. You'll learn from bad dates, and combined with things like taking care of your physical (and in turn, mental) health you'll get over your inability to talk to girls. While I don't doubt that book has helped folks get laid, I personally don't like the idea/approach behind "pick up artists".

 

[BobsRevenge]

ok may advice .. do not settle for one girl and get all giddy about it .. cuz more often than not it will fail and u will feel like shit

talk to girls .. a bunch .. not all at once obviously. but throughout a month stack up a whole bunch of numbers, emails etc and just get them into your life even as acquaintances ..

at this point, just let things flow man .. girls do not mind givin out numbers, emails and such .. they may be hesitant if they smell your going into it all at once, which at this level might seem obvious

talk to them, and estabilish bonds with them .. friendzone is utter shit, but before a relationship there must be a friend period of atleast a week or 2 (no more)

ALSO .. most importantly as it is the backbone of all this .. have CONFIDENCE in your self .. walk and talk with swagger bro .. look into her eyes when u talk .. make yourself interesting .. girls love artsy/soulful men .. read some poems, read some theories on life, politics .. whatever .. if anything itll give u something to kickstart a convo with, and even if she isnt interested at first, it is something she can admire about you

dont be afraid bro .. girls are like u and me, and often times it is but societal norms which confides them to the role of being asked out rather than asking you out

cheers man, and good luck

DO NOT TALK ABOUT POLITICS UNTIL YOU GET TO KNOW THEM!

I've fucked up a few dates doing that. Ugh. One turned out to be a huge racist too.

 

[ArtG]

DO NOT TALK ABOUT POLITICS UNTIL YOU GET TO KNOW THEM!

I've fucked up a few dates doing that. Ugh. One turned out to be a huge racist too.

Well, if they're going to let a Republican/Democrat thing get in the way of a relationship, I think you saved yourself a headache by getting it out of the way early. (Ditto for the racist.)

 

[dejay]

29 isn't too late. Be yourself and get out more. That dancing school suggestion someone made was an excellent idea. Not only will you improve your social skills, but also your dancing skills which is always nice and you'll have something to talk about with the girls there.

You're also into arts a bit, so maybe a community college course in art, writing, poetry might be good to meet someone, as the girl:guy ratio in those courses are probably quite high and again you've instantly got something to talk about.

I never try and meet women in loud nightclubs. I'm not comfortable in that situation because I have to ask them to repeat themselves a lot, which annoys me (and them).

The reality is love can come along at any time and from the most unexpected source. But it won't happen unless you put yourself out there a bit. I'm friendly to all the girls at work, even though I'm not looking for a relationship there (although I did get into a long term relationship with someone from work). Just being friendly with people can lead to opportunities, even if you're not looking for them.

There's really not much art to conversation; just dribble shit and ask questions about her. You've got family and a lot of girls love to talk about family. I used to be worried that girls would be turned off by my nerdier side, but if you don't go overboard you can tell a woman you're into video games or whatever and she shouldn't mind if you are well rounded in other areas too.

As mentioned, dress well. Don't try and dress too young, but at 29 you can still dress quite sharply and impress. Stick to classics so you can get more than a season out of your clothing. Keep your hair neatly cut, shave every day and trim any hair that's starting to pop out in uncool places. If you're feeling sharp, you're more confident. If you're more confident, your body language will reflect that and women will pick up on it. Speaking of body language, look a woman in the eye a little longer than you would normally think comfortable. Smile a lot and let her know that you're paying attention to her.

Don't ask a girl out to dinner straight away. Have coffee first or do something that doesn't place too much pressure on you. There's shit like bowling that's fun and physical and gives you the opportunity to look each other over and get to know each other in a non-threatening way.

Things can change in your life very quickly. Five years from now you might look back at this post and think to yourself "Who was that person, I can't believe I was that nervous around women"

 

[disillusion386]

DO NOT TALK ABOUT POLITICS UNTIL YOU GET TO KNOW THEM!

I've fucked up a few dates doing that. Ugh. One turned out to be a huge racist too.

But that's a good thing though. Why would you want to keep dating someone who's racist? If you do find someone that you disagree with, if you can live with that, then shit, keep dating them. It's better to get things out of the way early than have them come at you out of nowhere and ruin a relationship.

To the OP, what other interests do you have besides gaming? You said art. What about sports? Books? What else do you care about? Women love men who have convictions and know what they want. Like someone already said, you don't have to have off the wall interests to start a conversation with a woman.

 

[djtiesto]

Been trying for some time now, the advice given here I've gotten elsewhere and it's complete bullshit. You guys are just gonna have this man waste his time and he'll just grow more bitter over the years as a result.


I've gotten the same exact advice elsewhere and I can tell you without a doubt that you don't know jack shit.


Seriously. It's also Friday night, where are these people? They're on the internet giving dating advice.

Dear op, this is not a good place to get dating advice but at the same time I don't know what a good source would be because I haven't found one myself. If I ever do I'll let you know.

Hey, I wouldn't use the "It's Friday night, why are they giving advice?" as a complaint... at least for me, I was stuck at home sick (actually had to cancel a planned date due to this), when I offered my advice.

I think the people in this thread have given you great advice, unfortunately if you don't have confidence, it's EXTREMELY tough to break yourself out of the rut. Another thing you might try doing is going some place completely on your own... like a vacation or a concert or something. This'll force you to meet new people, and it usually works out for the better.

 

[Liu Kang Baking A Pie]

Seriously. It's also Friday night, where are these people? They're on the internet giving dating advice.

You've said this a couple of times, and it's just you being cynical.

I would take advice from men in safe relationships or marriage who can settle down on a Friday night to find time to dick around on the Internet than those that are still in the game.

 

[demon]

I think the people in this thread have given you great advice, unfortunately if you don't have confidence, it's EXTREMELY tough to break yourself out of the rut. Another thing you might try doing is going some place completely on your own... like a vacation or a concert or something. This'll force you to meet new people, and it usually works out for the better.

yeah I think any and all advice is pretty much useless if what you have is a genuine self-confidence or self-esteem problem. I think I have serious self-esteem issues, which leads to self-confidence issues, which leads to an aversion to putting myself in any situation where I'm opening up to someone and revealing the "real me". If I could just flip a switch and become super-confident, I would.
I think I need therapy and pills.

Also, the "don't take advice from people sitting on gaf on a friday night" posts are nonsense. 1) Everyone these days uses the fucking internet these days, it's not 1998. 2) There's a big difference between the gaming side and the OT side. and 3) not everyone's "friday night" is actually Friday night, if you know what I mean. There is a thread somewhere filled with pictures of gaffers' gorgeous girlfriends.