Megalosaro
Banned
I'm certainly not that attractive, so it's not the latter. Call me shallow, but I don't really associate with people I don't find attractive though
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Guy-Guy Friendships - What Makes Them Hard to Form?
- Thread starter crisdecuba
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I'm certainly not that attractive, so it's not the latter. Call me shallow, but I don't really associate with people I don't find attractive though
entremet
Member
I'm in the same boat, OP.
I've lost interest in sports and most of my hobbies are more common amongst women. I do have two good female friends, but sometimes I do miss talking with the fellas. There are some things that women will never relate to coming from a man. This was post college for me. In college and HS and only had male friends lol.
It's tough I must admit. I'm a pretty extraverted person, so it can get frustrating.
I've lost interest in sports and most of my hobbies are more common amongst women. I do have two good female friends, but sometimes I do miss talking with the fellas. There are some things that women will never relate to coming from a man. This was post college for me. In college and HS and only had male friends lol.
It's tough I must admit. I'm a pretty extraverted person, so it can get frustrating.
Aren't you a charmer.
I've always had difficulty making friends with other women. I figure it's because I don't understand the complicated rules of women and I'm always treading on someone's toes. Typically the only female friends I've made have been those who don't follow the rules.
Red Liquorice
Member
Find friends with similar interests. If you don't like sports-watching, beer-swigging, condescending "alpha" males why do you want to be their friend, they obviously don't want to be yours.
Find some friendly nerds to hang with.
Find some friendly nerds to hang with.
crisdecuba
Member
I think there's a distinction between similar interests and similar personalities. Which do you think is more important? Can a condescending alpha-male get along with a nerdy alpha male?
In my forty-three years, I'm not sure I've ever met a woman who didn't have trouble making female friends. I find it terribly sad, as my male friends have sustained me through a lot over the years. My wife, who is a kind, sweet woman, has so much trouble making female friends, and I have no advice to give her.
what do you like?
i dont like sports besides mma and sometimes watch some football or soccer or basketball but thats sparingly.
all the guys i know like stuff other than sports, like lifting, tv shows, music, books, comics, video games... its not hard to talk to dudes
Ghost_Protocol
Member
Yup. It's way easier for me to get a date from a random girl I met at the mall/gym than it is to grab a beer with a dude I talked to at the gamestop about Demon's Souls. How fucked up is that?
entremet
Member
Lifting and games, but most are pretty solo pursuits for me.
My other hobbies are cooking, dining out, and reading.
Out of Working Order
Member
Well, I have no friends I can to go out with and never have. There are male colleagues I get on with at work, and I find them easy enough to talk to and show interest in what they talk about.
But I've never been into sports or drinking, so I've never been able to relate to other men in that respect.
I have no women friends, and have always been afraid to approach women. But social anxiety will do that to you.
So that leaves me a loner in every sense of the word. I'd say it's hard to make friends male or female.
But I've never been into sports or drinking, so I've never been able to relate to other men in that respect.
I have no women friends, and have always been afraid to approach women. But social anxiety will do that to you.
So that leaves me a loner in every sense of the word. I'd say it's hard to make friends male or female.
I've met plenty of women who have a lot of female friends. Although, admittedly, I don't know if it just took a lot of work or what because I don't really have too many female friends I can discuss this kind of thing with.
It probably doesn't help that I have a reputation as a cold snob. I'm actually just really shy, though.
I have a VERY strong group of like 5 people or so? Perfect, because outside of that core we go different places and see different people. I can talk to them about everything. We share common interests and see things in similar lights. Thought we might fall apart after HS, but we've dwindled down to the core that was always there.
We all go to different colleges, but stay in contact, with occasional meet ups during school. So while at home I can talk to co-workers and students. Works out perfectly I think.
I do feel like I can talk to women better when they aren't around in general too, more focused on that lol.
We all go to different colleges, but stay in contact, with occasional meet ups during school. So while at home I can talk to co-workers and students. Works out perfectly I think.
I do feel like I can talk to women better when they aren't around in general too, more focused on that lol.
FriedConsole
Banned
Went out with friends every day in my 20's now in my late 30's I spend Saturday nights playing video games.
You eventually lose friends to kids if you decide not to have kids. Sometimes it is my decision because I don't want to go someplace where there is a bunch of screaming kids. Also people start to have different interests when they have kids. I still want to talk about video games and movies and they don't have time for any of that but are up in arms about some mommy blogger issue I have never even heard of. Usually most of the conversation is talking about the good times in the 20's.
You eventually lose friends to kids if you decide not to have kids. Sometimes it is my decision because I don't want to go someplace where there is a bunch of screaming kids. Also people start to have different interests when they have kids. I still want to talk about video games and movies and they don't have time for any of that but are up in arms about some mommy blogger issue I have never even heard of. Usually most of the conversation is talking about the good times in the 20's.
Capital_Five
Member
The problem is you can't ask a dude if he wants to get a beer and talk about video or he will be like "bro are you gay and hitting on me?" get skeeved out and never commit to anything. I almost made a friend once except then he never texted me back even though we were bros for like a week and hung out on our breaks at work and he gave me a free tea from his work. I was pissed.
I only have one guy friend that I hang out with in person but we mostly go on double dates with our girlfriends. My other friends are either online who I talk with frequently on Skype and play video games with, or over the phone back home and talk about my old high school friend group who lives up there. I don't want a close relationship with any of them though, feelings and thoughts are for talking about with women.
I only have one guy friend that I hang out with in person but we mostly go on double dates with our girlfriends. My other friends are either online who I talk with frequently on Skype and play video games with, or over the phone back home and talk about my old high school friend group who lives up there. I don't want a close relationship with any of them though, feelings and thoughts are for talking about with women.
Snowman Prophet of Doom
Member
I'd say that, in general, guys take a more antagonistic stance toward the world than women do. It's a statistical fact that men tend to have much smaller webs of relationships, and do less to maintain said relationships, than women do.
Some factors, like general aggressiveness and the drive to compete with other males, are probably mostly biological, stemming from our hormones and primate past.
Some factors, like the modern perception that male-male relationships are feminine or unmanly, are probably mostly cultural.
But in general, giving a concrete answer to such complex, murky questions, at least at this stage in human history, is going to reflect the answerer's own beliefs and biases as much as anything else.
Edit: I've known plenty of women who have trouble forming friendships with other women, though I find that who is and is not "a friend" can be a lot less clear, as women - perhaps because they DO have so many more relationships - tend to have more nuanced, complicated relationships with women than they do with men.
Some factors, like general aggressiveness and the drive to compete with other males, are probably mostly biological, stemming from our hormones and primate past.
Some factors, like the modern perception that male-male relationships are feminine or unmanly, are probably mostly cultural.
But in general, giving a concrete answer to such complex, murky questions, at least at this stage in human history, is going to reflect the answerer's own beliefs and biases as much as anything else.
Edit: I've known plenty of women who have trouble forming friendships with other women, though I find that who is and is not "a friend" can be a lot less clear, as women - perhaps because they DO have so many more relationships - tend to have more nuanced, complicated relationships with women than they do with men.
Alcotholic
Banned
I have a harder time making friends with guys. But I have a few. I tend to enjoy chilling with them more, I guess because I feel like I hang out with girls so often. I like guy time. Video games, cars, beer, yeah.
CoffeeJanitor
Member
I've never had trouble connecting with guys. I've got a group of 5-7 guys that I'm pretty close to.
Wish I could transfer those skills to relationships with women.
Wish I could transfer those skills to relationships with women.
I've found this to be the case.
They'll talk in and around class, talk in work and maybe socialise with you occasionally, but generally most people in their 20s aren't looking for friends.
pretty envious of this. do you all still live within a close proximity? i consider myself a bad friend becuase i never feel like doing anything, so i usually cant keep a friendship more than a year or two.
Certinty
Member
I can sort of relate to this.
I have a few great guy friends and all have come from secondary school and we all still keep in touch. Besides that all my friends i've met after that have been female. I would only assume that outside of video games I'm not really interested in the stuff many other guys my age are such as football, drinking etc.
I have a few great guy friends and all have come from secondary school and we all still keep in touch. Besides that all my friends i've met after that have been female. I would only assume that outside of video games I'm not really interested in the stuff many other guys my age are such as football, drinking etc.
Yeah, I've always been pretty good at developing strong friendships. I feel like I get lucky in finding these people though. I haven't had many girl friends who I don't develop feelings for honestly, maybe 1.. and that's one of my best friends girlfriends.
Fuck not being able to talk about feelings with friends cause it's feminine though. That's bullshit.
crisdecuba
Member
Yes. I agree with the bolded completely.
The Technomancer
card-carrying scientician
Huh, beats me. I have equal numbers of both. Actually now that I think about it it even breaks down roughly evenly across the "closeness" spectrum: 1-2 of each gender who I'm really close to, another 4-6 of each who I'm fairly close with (as in: "hang out with" somewhat frequently) and then innumerable acquaintances.
entremet
Member
We better than being the guy that has a lot of female friends, sometimes develops an attraction and then friendzoned lol.
That's me.
I struggle more with conventional dating, which seems like an interrogation in my long dating experience.
FriedConsole
Banned
It will get worse. What will eventually happen is that you will start dating someone else and then one of your female friends will start to take an interest in you. Trust me it will happen.
Wolf Dawgz
Member
Looks like you need to look for gaming friends. There's a lot of guys who play games and just be able to hang out with. Just got to give it time if you find guys you're comfortable around. Most of my closest friends have been/are guys.
Same here for trying to make guy-friends in university. Just easier to hang out with people who have less "egos". Women tend to be easier because they don't usually have superiority tenancies like racism, and sexism.
ThisWreckage
Banned
It's even worse than that: a lot of people in their 20s simply don't socialize anymore. A vast majority of their time is spent staring at a screen and communicating with people they either will never meet or see sparingly.
I've never gotten anything out of a male-female friendship if I'm being honest. I think those types of friendships almost always benefit the woman, but not the other way around.
Yeap, that's me. I'm 28 years old and for better or worse I've never had a friend in my life.
Glorified G
Member
"If you show me yours, I'll show you mine"
That scared me off for good
That scared me off for good
Ghost_Protocol
Member
I'll make a bold,
: In an ideal world, all friendships should be with the gender you're attracted to, because, really, what's better than a friend that you can hang out with AND have sex with?
Nothing.
stupid, & groundless statement
Nothing.
It's actually pretty easy to explain. Generally once people feel comfortable with their friends, their job, the city they live in etc. they prefer to stay there and are no longer open to leave that comfort zone.
KillerMan91
Member
Eh. For me it has been always far far more difficult to make female friends. With fellow males I have so much more in common. Also nothing beats childhood friends. There is just that bond that comes from growing up together. Sure I have made couple of friends also later years but best firends are childhood friends.
ab.aeterno
Member
I guess it depends on how "friends" is defined. I have way more guy friends than girl friends, but that's because most girls I've tried to befriend in the past mistook friendliness with attraction, and the awkwardness after correcting that inevitably killed the friendship.
But on the other hand, even with my closest friend, I don't confide much in him, at least, not the truly deep dark shit. And the more casual the male friendship, the less people are willing to discuss the emotional or whatever.
But on the other hand, even with my closest friend, I don't confide much in him, at least, not the truly deep dark shit. And the more casual the male friendship, the less people are willing to discuss the emotional or whatever.
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