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[Sgt.Pepper]

I know quite a lot of people, but only 3 are that I can call real friends.

I know them since childhood, making good friends in adulthood is harder due to work or just entirely different priorities.

 

[Rad-]

I agree with OP and this is something I have wondered too. Out of like 50+ guy friends I have had, only 2 have been "best bro" material.

 

[Vigilant Walrus]

I am not sure, but they way I think about it is that, great people are rare to come by and if you are meant to become friends it will happen without you thinking about it. When you click with another person, you just know it.


I hate my Community college, but I met this dude in one of my classes who is really nice. We talk often enough and we found out we have a lot in common. We're both into the same stand ups and are older than the rest of the class, so there is a social bonding there as well.
I am not sure if we will ever hang out outside of school or talk outside the breaks, but I don't think things like that can be forced. If that is meant to happen, it will happen on it's own.


When it comes to friends and girlfriends, I tend to just go with the flow, and not be hooked up on they like or not they like me, because I don't think me liking or disliking anyone has anything to do with how they consciously try to be like-able. And vice versa.


I think it's a sixth sense. Perhaps the pineal gland, perhaps somewhere else. It's that telekinetic feeling we have. Just like how bad moods can spread "wirelessly" through a group of people, I think understand and camaraderie can too.

That's the problem with many self-help books. It's not that they are wrong when they tell you to be a better person, but I think that you could be a terrific person who says and does all the right things, and still come off as unlikable. Sure, people will judge you positively/negative on the things you say and do, but I think there is a lot more than we perceive.

 

[Fonz72]

After reading this thread, I think that many people have "friends" now days when in the past these would have just been acquaintances or people you knew, but not a friend per se. Facebook has kind of blurred the perception of what a "friend" is. I know, like and hangout with alot of people that I would not consider my friend.

 

[Red Blaster]

I find forming friendships hard in general. Started graduate school this week and I've been doing good with small talk but I don't really know how to push things beyond that, especially since everyone goes their separate ways after class ends. I guess part of the problem is that I haven't met a person that I genuinely would like to hang out with, either because we don't gel well or I don't know them well enough. I'm trying to get myself involved in events and clubs to get more sustained contact with the same people since that seems to work best for me.

what are you studying? typically it's mad easy to make friends in grad school considering you see the same group of people with a similar education interest almost every day for 2-4 years and have an office or something to hang out in. maybe your field makes things different so i dunno.

 

[Nyx]

What?

I have a group of 6 friends that I have a friendship with for over 20 years.

So no, I do not recognize this at all.

 

[Sapphire Dreams]

I am 25 and I personally have no problems finding new friends, I guess some people just grew cynical over the years and might have trust issues.

 

[Cloud Strife]

Never had an issue with making friends, keeping them on the other hand...

 

[Shadybiz]

After reading this thread, I think that many people have "friends" now days when in the past these would have just been acquaintances or people you knew, but not a friend per se. Facebook has kind of blurred the perception of what a "friend" is. I know, like and hangout with alot of people that I would not consider my friend.

I think you're absolutely right. I remember last year or whatever when there was a big to-do about your phone number now being available to "friends" who had smartphones. A couple of "actual" friends were griping about it. I just said "Well, if they're truly your friends, why would them having your phone number be a problem??" There wasn't really a good answer for that.

 

[Vigilant Walrus]

After reading this thread, I think that many people have "friends" now days when in the past these would have just been acquaintances or people you knew, but not a friend per se. Facebook has kind of blurred the perception of what a "friend" is. I know, like and hangout with alot of people that I would not consider my friend.

Yeah. I think you are right.

 

[ULTROS!]

Most of my good guy friends are from Highschool, one from college. I have a few but close guy friends (10, but I usually see 4). Don't have much close girl friends though, probably only 3.

Not sure about work though, sometimes it feels like I have to make the initiative which is kinda bleh at my age (24), dunno if that's normal.

 

[Sai-kun]

I've been friends with the same dudes (and gals) for awhile now, at least 6+ years, 9+ in some cases! I have more friends overall now, but I made a majority of my friends in high school. All my college-age friends I made at parties and events, not through classes.

 

[Necromanti]

I have a few close guy friends, but I definitely have a lot more girl friends with whom I am much closer. I have found it a lot easier in general to make friends with girls, and they have generally been easier to understand, making it easy to know where you stand with them. It's easier to discuss the emotionally deeper and less superficial topics, as well. I find that some guys are hard to read.

 

[dragonlife]

During--and after--high school, I'd say I only had two people I considered friends. One male, one female. After a rude awakening in 6th grade, I eventually became disinterested in people as friends, but it was easy to befriend these two later on down the road, so that was pretty cool. We hung out separately or together at times, usually at my house. It was awesome.

Recently, though, I cut the male out of my life and I didn't even care. He definitely made it an easy decision, and I was past wanting to bother with him anymore. Our dynamic was basically me having to do absolutely everything: decide what we're gonna do, always bring up the elephant in the room, always initiate conversation, and so on. This in itself wasn't what led to our relationship crumbling, but it's definitely a big part of it because of the circumstances in which they would occur. Repeatedly.

He wasn't a bad guy; he just had no spine. It took him almost a year of not speaking to me (after the ripple he caused between us) to acknowledge that he messed up and to apologize to me. I semi-forgave him because it was uncharacteristic of him to actually grow some balls, and he said he didn't want to lose one of his only real friends.

You know what he does? He blows me off again the day after we try to go back to normal to do his own thing (play single-player games), and I'm just laughing to myself because this guy is just something else. I didn't even remove him from my friends list until maybe 4 months after he did that, and he never once messaged me. I pretty much reached my "done" capacity and removed him from everything.

Sure, I could have interacted with him during all this, but in all the years we had been friends, I was always the one to bring stuff up even when I shouldn't have to be the one to do so. I like some give and take in my relationships, and this guy barely reciprocated--which was actually okay then--but it just reached a point where I decided he was just a waste of time in every aspect. I don't feel hurt or miss him one bit, which makes me wonder what that says about me.

I have some really great guy friends I met online, though. Three in particular stand out to where I consider them best friends. I love those bastards and I'd definitely want to meet them in person one of these days.

 

[MDSVeritas]

It's funny - because if I'm "myself," then I'm not going to present things as if I've got everything under control and whatnot. I *like* talking with others about (what seem to me to be) deeper subjects, including what's actually going on "inside." But I think you're spot on when you say not to open up too much at first... I'm remembering a phrase an older guy I looked up to once told me: It takes about 20-40 hours of initial "hanging out" to have 10-20 minutes of "real" conversation.

Hmm, I understand where you're coming from. There's certainly an element in the way that certain people don't want deep relationships, they want a more on-the-surface friendship, which isn't to necessarily say they're shallow, but different people seek different things in their friendships.

You seem to want to have a deep personal friendship with someone, where they will actually care about your issues and life and you theirs, and that's awesome. Before you can do that, though, you should probably have some familiarity with the person. Even if another person is interested in having a deeper friendship as well, it's likely that they won't just open up to something like that upon meeting. Get to know a variety of people, and try to do stuff with them if you enjoy their company. Once you get to know a person, you should be able to tell if they're interested in deeper subjects and a deeper friendship like you are. Definitely be yourself, but keep it in the context of how well you actually know a person and how well they know you. Friendships like that don't form instantaneously, you've got to build them.

 

[I Stalk Alone]

After 30 it is hard for all people, men and women. it is just life. if you have not got your circle of friends by then you need to hang out with younger people. as those your age are likely to have their circle fully formed. Be grateful if you find one or two that become life friends. You really need an important situation that brings you together such as a trip overseas to make it stick though. that or a bar fight.

 

[Capital_Five]

Basically you don't care about the other person, you just want to use them to make yourself not feel like an alone loser.

Wonder why you don't have scores of friends.

Any girl I've dated or known who doesn't have any friends other than me were all batshit crazy (also the ones who all their friends are guys cause girls are "drama"... lol ok). I can only imagine the same being true about guys. I feel exhausted being "your everything." I know most guys love it when girls are just 100% devoted to them, though.

Do you actually give a shit about that stuff with your friends though?! Do their problems and tribulations keep you up at night? Would you die for any of your friends??? I just don't get this mentality. Friendship, like any social contract, can be altered based on whatever terms you choose for it. Im not asking for an unfair balance, I don't burden others with my shit, I treat them with respect because I know they don't really care about how my day was or how my mom is so I don't dwell on it. I don't understand why people need every person they hang out with to fucking die for them and care about their mental well being.

PS I actually had a really solid friend group of like 10 guys in my home state before I moved away, that I knew from high school. So, no, its not impossible for this kind of thing to exist, not all friendships are exactly like yours.

 

[jb1234]

Do you actually give a shit about that stuff with your friends though?! Do their problems and tribulations keep you up at night? Would you die for any of your friends???

For my closest friends? You bet your ass I would. There's always a place for casual acquaintances but for me, nothing beats the satisfaction of having true friends in your life who would drop anything for you.

 

[Bearthgar]

Find some beta males to boss around. They will call you friend and you will call them your pack.

 

[Wiktor]

Hard? Those are propably the easiest friendships to form. :]

 

[rvy]

Because they mean something after they are formed and you can count of those people for a very long time. You'll always go through life and be lucky if you have a handful of actual friends. You don't need more than that though.

 

[Garibaldi]

You only need a few really good mates anyway, but I have to say I've never had any problems forming friendships with other males. We have the common ground of being male after all. Females on the other hand is more difficult to me because I tend to become attracted to all girls I can have a laugh with and just shoot the shit, even ones I initially was not interested in physically. Which inevitably ruins any platonic relationship I can have with them.

 

[IISANDERII]

Join a sports team, you'll begin to have more friends than you can count.
You'll go for drinks after the match, have some laughs and pretty soon be hanging out at other times too.