tearsofash
Member
This has been weighing on my mind heavily, and I really have to post about it. I can't sit on this any longer. Near the end of March I was fired as a director and also banned from Akaicon. I was given the following reasons:
"Those complaints range from alleged threats of sexual violence, expressions of a desire to rape, requesting sexual favors, attempts to damage interpersonal relationships of others for personal gain, boasts of illegal sexual deviancy, and I promise you, this list doesn't stop there."
I was told "If you make someone, or several someone's uncomfortable, or feel threatened, I have to act.
A perceived danger is as good as a real one in the public eye." by another director.
This really upsets me. Why? I am someone who has preached consent in the kink community for the last five years. I would NEVER knowingly violate someone's consent. Secondly, I have only even asked two people in the last two years point blank to have sex with me. Neither ended well, as they seemed offended by the directness. I never forced myself on anyone and I never threatened to force myself on anyone.
Attempting to damage interpersonal relationships...I'm pretty sure this is because someone asked me for some advice on their failing marriage.
Kinks are things people are into that might be a little different. You might be into whips and chains or roleplay or something. I happen to be into something called abduction roleplay. It's between CONSENSUAL adults. I would never kidnap someone, that is ILLEGAL. In fact, I rarely talk about this even on fetlife. Maybe I mentioned it someone, I don't remember. I thought it was 2016, and we were adults and we were allowed have various consensual interests.
"Boasts of illegal sexual deviancy" .... I'm pretty much chalking this up to the fact I'm on fetlife, and I openly admit that I'm kinky. This is the danger you run into openly talking about kink. I can't wrap my head around it any other way.
Finally, I identify as demisexual. I am largely uninterested in sex with ANYONE. Like, ever. I don't care about it. I'm uninterested in most things, honestly. I've been going through severe anhedonia for about a full year now.
Where did I go wrong? I thought we were adults. I thought it was OK to talk about things. I thought we could not judge each other based on our opinions or personal preferences. I was wrong. People on fetlife are good to want to keep their kink lives private, because shit like this DOES HAPPEN. People have lost custody battles and jobs over stuff like this. I thought I was invincible. I've been outed at my job, I've been outed everywhere. I never cared. But I cared about Akaicon. I felt like I had family for once, but I was wrong.
If you identify as kinkster, I highly recommend watching you back around akaicon staff and attendees. They will think you are a "liability" for being who you are.
For the record, I was told to keep the banning on the DL. I was told that if I didn't get any complaints that I could come back next year. I don't care. I care more about freedom and acceptance. If you are kinky, you are apparently a liability to this con.
"Those complaints range from alleged threats of sexual violence, expressions of a desire to rape, requesting sexual favors, attempts to damage interpersonal relationships of others for personal gain, boasts of illegal sexual deviancy, and I promise you, this list doesn't stop there."
I was told "If you make someone, or several someone's uncomfortable, or feel threatened, I have to act.
A perceived danger is as good as a real one in the public eye." by another director.
This really upsets me. Why? I am someone who has preached consent in the kink community for the last five years. I would NEVER knowingly violate someone's consent. Secondly, I have only even asked two people in the last two years point blank to have sex with me. Neither ended well, as they seemed offended by the directness. I never forced myself on anyone and I never threatened to force myself on anyone.
Attempting to damage interpersonal relationships...I'm pretty sure this is because someone asked me for some advice on their failing marriage.
Kinks are things people are into that might be a little different. You might be into whips and chains or roleplay or something. I happen to be into something called abduction roleplay. It's between CONSENSUAL adults. I would never kidnap someone, that is ILLEGAL. In fact, I rarely talk about this even on fetlife. Maybe I mentioned it someone, I don't remember. I thought it was 2016, and we were adults and we were allowed have various consensual interests.
"Boasts of illegal sexual deviancy" .... I'm pretty much chalking this up to the fact I'm on fetlife, and I openly admit that I'm kinky. This is the danger you run into openly talking about kink. I can't wrap my head around it any other way.
Finally, I identify as demisexual. I am largely uninterested in sex with ANYONE. Like, ever. I don't care about it. I'm uninterested in most things, honestly. I've been going through severe anhedonia for about a full year now.
Where did I go wrong? I thought we were adults. I thought it was OK to talk about things. I thought we could not judge each other based on our opinions or personal preferences. I was wrong. People on fetlife are good to want to keep their kink lives private, because shit like this DOES HAPPEN. People have lost custody battles and jobs over stuff like this. I thought I was invincible. I've been outed at my job, I've been outed everywhere. I never cared. But I cared about Akaicon. I felt like I had family for once, but I was wrong.
If you identify as kinkster, I highly recommend watching you back around akaicon staff and attendees. They will think you are a "liability" for being who you are.
For the record, I was told to keep the banning on the DL. I was told that if I didn't get any complaints that I could come back next year. I don't care. I care more about freedom and acceptance. If you are kinky, you are apparently a liability to this con.
