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[Bisnic]

2-5 minutes to crap, 15-30 minutes to read.


My wife thinks I have an issue. Yes, my issue is that I would love 30 minutes of fucking peace.

You know, if you really want to read 30 mins in peace, there is plenty of other places than the bathroom.

Hopefully, you flush once you're done and dont let the crap stay in there for 30 mins.

Edit : Just saw the post above. You don't even wipe or flush until after you're done reading? Nasty.

 

[Gustav]

You know, if you really want to read 30 mins in peace, there is plenty of other places than the bathroom.

Hopefully, you flush once you're done and dont let the crap stay in there for 30 mins.

What difference does it make?

 

[blame space]

You ever let out a real corncob and it feels so good and then you realize that maybe you would want to put it back in?

 

[Qwomo]

The length of my dumps is directly proportional to how long pages load on my iphone.

Bad wifi, long shits.

 

[Solo]

no, blame space.

 

[Nevasleep]

Have you ever taken a picture...

 

[blame space]

come on solo you know it feels good.. It's science

 

[Applesauce]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S2_yXUr-YMY

 

[freenudemacusers]

You ever let out a real corncob and it feels so good and then you realize that maybe you would want to put it back in?

Well they have poo scented and molded dildos so someone out there shares this sentiment.

 

[CrazyDogg77]

You ever let out a real corncob and it feels so good and then you realize that maybe you would want to put it back in?

No,I've never wanted to do that.

 

[Bisnic]

What difference does it make?

Well if he really wants to read in the bathroom, he could at least flush so the smell doesnt bother him or stick on his cloth. I know i wouldnt be able to concentrate reading with all the shit smell.

 

[big_z]

You ever let out a real corncob and it feels so good and then you realize that maybe you would want to put it back in?

this man understands the pleasures of a good poop. it's a shame so many of you treat the activity like shit.

 

[Gustav]

Well if he really wants to read in the bathroom, he could at least flush so the smell doesnt bother him or stick on his cloth. I know i wouldnt be able to concentrate reading with all the shit smell.

Maybe he likes the smell of his own shit?

 

[TheLastCandle]

Wait you mean you play games while taking a dump?

Handheld gaming is awesome.

 

[CrazyDogg77]

Well they have poo scented and molded dildos so someone out there shares this sentiment.

Ma,how do you know this?

 

[bengraven]

You are sitting over top of a pile of your own excrement. The smell of your nasty shit is clinging to your clothing more with each moment you stay in there and bask in it.

You should read the book "Perfume". The main character actually blends a bit of human excrement into his Ultimate Perfume, as well as many other every day smells, to make it subtly intoxicating to those who smell it. It ends up driving people mad with lust.



But in all seriousness, I don't usually smell my own shit. That's probably key here. If I could smell my own shit, I would probably be as repulsed as you. I'm repulsed just thinking of someone else sitting with their own shit, since I can smell theirs.

You know, if you really want to read 30 mins in peace, there is plenty of other places than the bathroom.

Hopefully, you flush once you're done and dont let the crap stay in there for 30 mins.

It's an impromptu thing. A Saturday afternoon and my wife is riding me to do the dishes or take some things to storage and my kid and his friends are running around the kitchen island in circles going 'RAH RAH RAH RAH RAH RAH RAH RAH RAH" and I suddenly realize I have to shit and so I go, sit down, and I'm like "it's....quiet..." and pick from the massive fucking stack of magazines I have one the tank that are so heavy they're beginning to crack the porcelain.

I lately started locking the door, too. Fuck my wife for opening the door after five minutes and being like "HEY DID YOU BRING THE XMAS TREE TO THE STORAGE ROOM YET OKAY NO WELL HOW LONG ARE YOU GOING TO BE IN HERE BECAUSE IF YOU DON'T BRING IT OUT TO STORAGE I'M GOING TO AND I REALLY WANT TO WATCH THIS JERSEY SHORE MARATHON AND RAH RAH RAH RAH?" or my kid "HEY DADDY WHAT YOU DOIN' CAN I PWAY IN THE SHOWER BLAH BLAH BLAH".

I love them all and I'm not five minutes from a double murder-suicide. I just ask for 10-20 minutes of meditation, National Geographic, and fecal prostate massages.

 

[Stet]

What difference does it make?

Reading on the toilet contributes greatly to the development of hemorrhoids. Just FYI.

 

[Deleted member 81567]

Yesterday my shit looked like the endoplasmic reticulum.

 

[protonion]

0-5 sec -sit down and fart
5-35 sec -shit
35-40 sec -get up
40-60 sec -wipe
60-80 sec -wash hands

Yes I'm that fast.

 

[Raist]

I really, really don't understand people who take more than 2mins. Unless they have a serious case of massive constipation.

 

[Deleted member 81567]

I'm taking a shit right now. Sup gaf?

 

[blame space]

RIP bengraven's family

 

[sixteen-bit]

depends, is my smartphone handy?

 

[CitizenCope]

10 minutes max, wipe WHILE SITTING, throw the tp in the trash, flush, wash and I'm out.

 

[Adamm]

0-5 sec -sit down and fart
5-35 sec -shit
35-40 sec -get up
40-60 sec -wipe
60-80 sec -wash hands

Yes I'm that fast.

You stand up to wipe?

 

[revolverjgw]

I have colitis so it takes me like 5 seconds. I can seriously complete the pulling down of pants, the shitting, the wiping and the pulling up of pants in one fluid movement

Spoiler

"fluid", lulz

 

[Carbonox]

About 10/15 minutes. I like to play Angry Birds while I'm on the bog.

 

[Stet]

10 minutes max, wipe WHILE SITTING, throw the tp in the trash, flush, wash and I'm out.

10 minutes max, wipe WHILE SITTING, throw the tp in the trash, flush, wash and I'm out.

throw the tp in the trash

 

[Red]

5-10 minutes, usually at least 4 times a day. If I'm reading it can take longer. 30 minutes sounds about right. I have a rack of Playboy magazines next to the toilet.

I eat a lot whenever possible, like 6+ lbs. of solid food a day, which leads to large and frequent dumps.

 

[CrazyDogg77]

10 minutes max, wipe WHILE SITTING, throw the tp in the trash, flush, wash and I'm out.

Wait so you put the dirty toilet paper in the trashcan?

 

[Brazil]

I'm taking a shit right now. Sup gaf?

So am I. High five.

Shitting's like masturbating. You gotta savor the moment.

 

[Escape Goat]

5 minutes and however long it takes my mom to stop watching her soaps to come wipe

 

[Red]

So am I. High five.

Me too, let's have a round.

 

[CrazyDogg77]

5-10 minutes, usually at least 4 times a day. If I'm reading it can take longer. 30 minutes sounds about right. I have a rack of Playboy magazines next to the toilet.

I eat a lot whenever possible, like 6+ lbs. of solid food a day, which leads to large and frequent dumps.

How do you eat 6 lbs. of food a day?

 

[Forearms]

You are sitting over top of a pile of your own excrement. The smell of your nasty shit is clinging to your clothing more with each moment you stay in there and bask in it.

I flush after the first mound is away, and then continue my business while reading. Why the fuck would I just let it sit there?

 

[Red]

How do you eat 6 lbs. of food a day?

Like this umph chomp chomp

 

[Noirulus]

5 minutes? I want to get it done ASAP. Don't understand why people would want to use laptop/smartphone/portable gaming on the toilet.

 

[andycapps]

5-10 minutes, usually at least 4 times a day. If I'm reading it can take longer. 30 minutes sounds about right. I have a rack of Playboy magazines next to the toilet.

I eat a lot whenever possible, like 6+ lbs. of solid food a day, which leads to large and frequent dumps.

You weigh your food out? And you conceivably spend 2 hours of your day on the shitter?

 

[Sol..]

15 to 25 minutes of reading and or deep thinking. Ideas and poop come out at the same time and I like to stretch things out to get the most out of the experience.

5-10 minutes, usually at least 4 times a day. If I'm reading it can take longer. 30 minutes sounds about right. I have a rack of Playboy magazines next to the toilet.

I eat a lot whenever possible, like 6+ lbs. of solid food a day, which leads to large and frequent dumps.

playboys? how the hell???? I did it once as a kid and my dick hit a log. NEVER AGAIN.

 

[CitizenCope]

Wait so you put the dirty toilet paper in the trashcan?

Haha. I seem to visit all these toilet threads and that was an answer by someone else in one of them. It was a joke on that. I DO NOT throw it in the trash. I don't use TP.

 

[Red]

You weigh your food out? And you conceivably spend 2 hours of your day on the shitter?

I am estimating food weight. I have to weigh salads at work ($. 32 per oz), and they are usually 2+ lbs. I finish them in a half an hour. And yes I spend a lot of time in the restroom, and after each dump I weigh about a pound less.

A lot of my money goes toward food. I eat a lot, and I'm hungry if I don't.

 

[Neffarias_Bredd]

I support DOTD

 

[PetriP-TNT]

3 minutes max in n out

 

[Red]

As an example of what I typically eat, here is a salad I just bought for lunch. 2.54 lbs. As a reference:

http://db.tt/w9xQJ5lv

Linked because it's a big picture.

 

[Noirulus]

As an example of what I typically eat, here is a salad I just bought for lunch. 2.54 lbs. As a reference:

http://db.tt/w9xQJ5lv

Linked because it's a big picture.

Holy shit. I probably wouldn't be able to eat anything for the entire day after that.

How tall are you?

 

[DoomGyver]

Depends on what I'm playing or reading.

yuuuuup.

 

[itwasTuesday]

Till about level 9 three or four times.

 

[TheDanger]

You stand up to wipe?

Seriously, who the fuck does that?

 

[Red]

Holy shit. I probably wouldn't be able to eat anything for the entire day after that.

How tall are you?

6'1" and 180 lbs. I go to the gym twice a week for about an hour at a time. I usually only lift. Might bike for a few minutes. Most of this food seems to go right through me, so I never really worry about it.

I am 23, if that matters. I mean, it might look like a lot but it's really just a chicken salad.

 

[clearacell]

Depending on how clear I want my colon. If I don't have that much time I go like a bird and take maybe 30 seconds...If I do have the time I'll let my muscles relax and such, do crosswords, check facebook, whatever...it can take up to 10 minutes.