Brief history of Phil Spencer at Microsoft. The following may not be historically accurate.
- Phil starts his job at Microsoft cleaning toilets for the Encarta team or something.
- Job becomes career. Works on some software I likely didn't use and makes fonts for MS Office, I don't know.
- Gets on the Xbox team because Steve Balmer caught him playing Tetris in the shitter. After jumping up and down into a sweat frenzy screaming about how much he liked video games he offers Phil a job in the gaming division.
- Phil doesn't make Donkey Kong because Rare doesn't own the IP which foreshadows the brand's future. Management is clearly all retards, everyone jumps ship.
- As he walks out the door, Don Mattrick turns to Phil and says "Nothing personnel kid" then throws him the keys.
- Phil is named head of Xbox division much to his own surprise "You're the only one left kid" says Nadella. "Here is a Gold company card, use it wisely".
- At first Phil is confused and buys only a few small studios like Compulsion and Undead.
- Nadella calls Phil upstairs "Phil, you're being too timid. I need you to wow me, what'cha got?" Nervously Phil looks around the room. He sees games on some shelves and notices Satya is watching Netflix. "The... Netflix of... gaming?" replies Phil, sweating profusely. "Phil... I watch Netflix and I play games. You are a genius! You have just invented a new delivery mechanism that nobody has ever thought of before and the industry will somehow agree with what I just said!" Gamepass is announced and everybody on the planet subscribes for $1, just $1, no more since that's the entire cost of using Gamepass forever. Just. One. Dollar.
- Phil finally buys Playground after 4 Horizon games, Ninja Theory and Double Fine while riding his high but it isn't enough. "Fuck it. I'm buying Fallout. Who makes Fallout?"
- Not sure about who made Fallout, Phil buys both InXile, the makers of Wasteland which was the precursor to Fallout and Obsidian who worked on the original games and New Vegas.
- After announcing the acquisition Phil smiled and looked out his office window with a satisfied smile. The phone rings. It's Todd Howard. "You idiot, I own Fallout now"
- After smashing his giant oak desk over his own massive head Phil once again reached into his wallet and pulled out his Gold card and ordered one Zenimax Publishing off Amazon for 7.5 billion dollars, with free Prime shipping! "God dammit Todd, I own you!"
- Phil is called into Nadella's office "Phil, I told you to be wise with that card... 7.5 billion dollars, for Bethesda? The makers of Fallout 76 and nothing else and no included studios because mentioning that is moving goalposts?". Phil slinks in his chair and gets ready for his punishment when he feels a hand on his shoulder. It's Todd Howard, he's come from Bethesda to personally drink Phil's gravy say thank you to Phil and Nadella for bailing out their studios after the shit show of a half decade they just blundered through their generous bonus included in the acquisition. Satya smiles wryly "Phil, I'm just fucking with you! Common man! Who's next bitches?" Phil, Todd and Satya spark up the fattest joint, pull the fire alarm and proceed to fog out the entire campus. Phil got so high he missed Sega's call asking about whether they're still interested in acquiring them. "Next Wednesday, AMIRITE BOYS?" They all floss dance until they pass out.