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I was born a minimalist, and I hate it

Kev Kev

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tl;dr I think being a “minimalist” is more like having an obsessive mental issue. Less things = more freedom, but it doesn’t always work out that way. I found it takes a lot of work to be a minimalist, and I think it’s something you are born with, not decide to be one day. In general, it hasn’t helped me, and I want to change.

I love it it when I hear people say “I became a minimalist...” or “I’m trying to be a minimalist...” or whatever. I love it because I think those people have no idea what minimalism is, and it makes me laugh that people think they can just wake up one day and BAM they are a minimalist. It doesn’t work like that. In fact, I think being a minimalist is something you’re born with, and it’s a curse.

Here is what being a minimalist is...

-Not wanting to throw something away that is useful, but also never having a desire to find something better to replace it. Why would I? This thing works, I already know how to use it, and if it ain’t broke don’t fix it.

-Obsessing about organization and routine. If I don’t know where my things are, I will waste time trying to find them. If I don’t follow my routine to the minute, my whole life will be out of whack.

-Having little desire to make money. Why do I need money? To buy more things. Things, things, things, things... all of these things I don’t need and get in my way and make it harder to clean, organize and just take up physical space. I don’t require a lot of space so I don’t need to save money for a house. I don’t want a fancy car, in fact the beater I have works great, if it ain’t broke don’t fix it mirite?! I wouldn’t get in a relationship with someone who isn’t a minimalist so I don’t care about being financially successful and I don’t have the motivation of attracting a partner pushing me to make more money. “I don’t need money to find inner peace and happiness.”

-Not making new friends, or refusing to have more than a couple close ones. Inviting more people into my life will only introduce more problems. The more people I have to worry about, the more cluttered my head space is, and the more I will have to watch my back because they might hurt me one day.

-Continuing to do something you know isn’t really working, but you can see a path and it seems like the simplest, most direct path, so I’ll keep trying until I figure it out. Sometimes at a job I will insist that if we can figure it out my way, then perfect that method, then we will make up the time it took to figure out, because efficiency will rise exponentially.

-Obsessing over every little detail in any hobby, job or task. I have to make this thing as perfect as possible, because if I don’t then it won’t be a good job and it’ll make me look bad, ruin an opportunity, sever a relationship or simply won’t be good enough. I must fine tune every minute detail, or I will never be enough.

👆All of that...? Is a bunch of bologna. Doing all of those things perfectly everyday is not only unreasonable, but it turns out that I feel even more trapped and more weighed down by obsessing about all of those things every minute of the day.

Being a minimalist isn’t about getting rid of stuff and living in a tiny house. It’s about liberating your mind by cleaning the clutter of your physical world, while fine tuning your every day life. It’s about perfectionism. Making every moment, every millisecond as efficient and productive as possible.

Ive been like this my whole life. I never tried to be a minimalist. I never even wanted to be one, I just am because that’s how my brain operates for some reason. My mind believes that if I do all of these perfectly everyday, I will achieve what can only be described as “Mind Utopia”. And although I don’t want to go too deep into it, I can verify that not only has trying to be this perfect minimalist not worked for me, it has actively worked against me.

I don’t care about improving or replacing the tools I have even though it could make my life easier. I’m overly obsessive about cleaning, having a routine and sticking to my hour to hour schedule I make every morning despite the fact that it fails nearly everyday because one little thing goes wrong and I freak out. I hate money with a passion and have no desire to earn it, and as a result I’m poor as hell and have no motivation to better my financial health despite it being pretty awful atm (this is the worst thing about minimalism, and it’s funny how you never hear these self proclaimed minimalists talk about it... it’s only “things” to them, as if all minimalism is only about throwing away stuff 🤦‍♂️). I’m not anti-social, but I pretty much refuse to make new friends and have burned bridges with people I used to care about, all in the name of getting the distractions out of my life, despite the fact that healthy relationships are proven to extremely good for humans. I will spend too much time poring over the details, perfecting my routine, making it .01% more efficient, thinking that “one day, I will have the perfect routine, and THEN everything will run like a well oiled machine and all of this be worth it” and it never fucking works out like that...

I hate being a minimalist.

And I hate that it’s a fad... was a fad? I dunno if it’s died out, but I’ve seen a lot about it over the last decade. I didn’t know what being a minimalist was when I first heard the term. I was really confused by it even. All these people were saying they are “trying” to be like that? Lol trade me please because I’m trying to NOT be like that anymore. I want to get a little messy, I want to be spontaneous, I want to have cool gadgets and fun things, I want to make boat loads of money, I want to do nice things for myself and have nice things for myself... but the minimalist part of my brain actively sabotages all of those things, and as a result my quality of life is actually worse.

Look, I’m not saying there aren’t some good things about a minimalist lifestyle. For the right person, it could be a great fit. But being an extreme minimalist isn’t going to fix your life, in fact I think it’s going to make it more difficult to navigate for most people. For others, like myself, being a minimalist is a curse and we are just trying to get out of this trap, hopefully not falling completely apart in the process of changing the way our whole ass mind works.

So for those looking towards minimalism to fix their life, don’t. Investigate your head space first. See a therapist or psych. Make sure the cob webs are clear and figure out if there isn’t a deeper, underlying issue. And for those of you born with this crap and don’t want to live like this anymore, maybe go do the same. I know I need to.

After 33 years of this shit, I no longer believe that less things = more freedom. That doesn’t mean I’m going to just start acquiring more things, but it does mean I’m going to start treating myself better, stop scrutinizing and beating myself up over ever little thing I can’t control, and I’m going to find a way to enjoy money and things. I think I deserve to treat my self, and I think we should all want that for ourselves.

I could write a book on this stuff lol. But thats the best I can do to spit this out

Thank you for coming to my TedTalk
 
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dr_octagon

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dr_octagon

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I've seen people take advice from youtube and treat it like gospel, throw everything out of a room, buy 100 identical shirts to streamline decision making etc.

it's definitely having a positive mindset before anything else
 

Kev Kev

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I've seen people take advice from youtube and treat it like gospel, throw everything out of a room, buy 100 identical shirts to streamline decision making etc.

it's definitely having a positive mindset before anything else
Exactly. A lot of people need some therapy and guidance, not to throw out all their shit and quit their job. It can seem really exciting at first you know? And I’m sure some people have been too quick to dive in and found them selves in a bad place later on, with their head just as fucked if not more fucked than before. It’s kind of sad to see this thing become a trend, because it feels like people looking for answers in the wrong place sometimes.
 
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smorgasbird

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i would encourage you to change your name to Kev² for maximum efficiency

youtubers make money from it and it's easy to see why, especially if there is a big audience for it

OP is really about perfectionism and optimization so you can live life with minimal overheads. The YT minimalists are more about getting rid of stuff. There's just so much shit you're supposed to have these days. I can see the appeal of just throwing it all out and to stop consooming product. But I don't agree with Kev Kev Kev Kev here. I love optimizing stuff. I live for it.
 

Kev Kev

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i would encourage you to change your name to Kev² for maximum efficiency

youtubers make money from it and it's easy to see why, especially if there is a big audience for it
lol I should! And oh no doubt, more power to them! I just feel bad for the people who think minimalism is the answer after seeing one clean cut, highly produced YouTube video.
 
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Kev Kev

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But I don't agree with Kev Kev Kev Kev here. I love optimizing stuff. I live for it.
No I’m saying I’m trying to NOT be a minimalist. I also want to optimize and improve. So you actually agree with me. I think? I guess it depends on what you mean by optimize? For some people that means throwing shit out, for others it means improving the shit they have, and yet for other it means buying new shit.

im saying it depends on the person. Turning to minimalism is not a fix all for everyone... or anyone if you ask me. I think it’s a bunch Ah bullshit for most people
 
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Kev Kev

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Agreed. You’re just thinking too much OP, just do whatever that makes you happy and keep things in moderate.
You’re right. 100%. But the way my brain works, it won’t let me stop thinking about it. I’ve come a long long way over the last year and a half. But you put it as simple and to the point as possible and that’s what I plan to keep doing.
 

rofif

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Is this minimalist? If so, then I am also that guy
Edit: What I mean to say is - the ocd can be strong to keep things minimal and sometimes it can be too much but I work on it
 
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Rickyiez

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You’re right. 100%. But the way my brain works, it won’t let me stop thinking about it. I’ve come a long long way over the last year and a half. But you put it as simple and to the point as possible and that’s what I plan to keep doing.
To be honest I’m in similar boat as well. But now I just give less fcuk to many things and buy/do whatever i like . As long as it’s not in an obsession way and kept it simple/useful/moderate , that’s fine .

Having some goals in life is still important though , it helps to drive it forward .
 
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Kev Kev

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Is this minimalist? If so, then I am also that guy
Lol I dunno maybe. My point is that it’s more important what’s going on in your head than what the physical world around you looks like.

does that make you happy? Is the rest of your life in order? Do you not feel bogged down by the weight of all the organizing, cleaning and maintenance you have to do? Are you at peace with how much stuff you have and don’t have?Then great you are a successful healthy person (call yourself a minimalist if you want, but to me, the title doesn’t matter as long as you have a healthy mind)

but yeah that is totally me at my height at neurotic minimalism lol. I miss it sometimes, but I just couldn’t handle it anymore. It became like this obsessive chore that I hated. It’s been hard pulling myself away from it because it feels like I’m torn between two ways of thinking.
 
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rofif

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Lol I dunno maybe. My point is that it’s more important what’s going on in your head than what the physical world around you looks like.

does that make you happy? Is the rest of your life in order? Do you not feel bogged down by the weight of all the organizing, cleaning and maintenance you have to do? Are you at peace with how much stuff you have and don’t have?Then great you are a successful healthy person (call yourself a minimalist if you want, but to me, the title doesn’t matter as long as you have a healthy mind)

but yeah that is totally me at my height at neurotic minimalism lol. I miss it sometimes, but I just couldn’t handle it anymore. It became like this obsessive chore that I hated. It’s been hard pulling myself away from it because it feels like I’m torn between two ways of thinking.
You've got a point. There is some OCD around it. I can spend "too much time" setting the precise angle to speakers or stuff like that. It can take away from enjoyment.
I do work on it and try not to give in... and just keep things tidy
 

ManofOne

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I think y'all giving him the wrong advice. Dude you're a minimalist, embrace it. I'm a capitalist and love excess, even when someone calls me a pig capitalist I embrace it.

Being a minimalist takes a discipline I could never achieve. If those things feel natural to you who am I to talk you out of that. I don't think it causing any immediate harm to

you or your ecosystem, if it is then you should try something different but if it ain't embrace it and see if you can achieve that utopia.
 

Kev Kev

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To be honest I’m in similar boat as well. But now I just give less fcuk to many things and buy/do whatever i like . As long as it’s not in an obsession way and kept it simple/useful/moderate , that’s fine .

Having some goals in life is still important though , it helps to drive it forward .
Well, what I’m trying to say is that it’s not about the physical world or the stuff you have. It’s about what that does in your head space. That’s the important part. And for me, I realized that trying to be mr. efficient and the picture of perfection ultimately made me less happy and worry more.

Since then, I’ve purposely tried to be messy and get out of that, as a way to sort of rebel against this thing I’ve had in my head my whole life, and hopefully feel more liberated than minimalism ever made me feel.

I’ve been getting way better about it recently. here’s a pic of my creative space in my apartment...

i feel better now than I used to. I feel more creative and care free than I ever did trying to be a “minimalist”. I still clean up and organize, lightly, I just don’t obsess over it anymore.

my biggest issue now is wanting to make money and work towards big purchases like a house or property. It’s been a slow process, but I’m getting there a little bit everyday.
 

Mista K

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If I were you, I’d focus on traveling (after covid of course.) I can relate to some of what you wrote, so I think it would fit you. Living like a nomad for a bit will force some of these things out, as you adjust to the chaos, yet you can also still enjoy managing your schedule, work, and places you visit. Being in a different place pushes you to become more personable, so you will make more friends too. Have to fix your money issues first though, so put your organization skill towards balancing a budget and finding ways to make more money. Start slow, take a total and go by cash, not card. It’s easier to see what you have and rationalize your expenses. The most important advice I can give to not just you, but everyone, is to keep asking yourself important questions. Take your own advice as it comes along and steer in the right direction.

It’s hard for me to imagine myself now had a not done some of this. I have less attachment to my own stuff, and now have more desire for personal relationships. I’m still a homebody like before, but no longer have the feeling of being trapped in my own skin. Good luck kev kev
 
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Punished Miku

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Seems fine to me honestly. Maybe invest in a nice, larger piece of artwork someday. A painting or a cool print.

When you get a house you can do things like paint the walls, or get a cool kitchen countertop.
 
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Kev Kev

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If I were you, I’d focus on traveling (after covid of course.) I can relate to some of what you wrote, so I think it would fit you. Living like a nomad for a bit will force some of these things out, as you adjust to the chaos, yet you can also still enjoy managing your schedule, work, and places you visit. Being in a different place pushes you to become more personable, so you will make more friends too. Have to fix your money issues first though, so put your organization skill towards balancing a budget and finding ways to make more money. Start slow, take a total and go by cash, not card. It’s easier to see what you have and rationalize your expenses. The most important advice I can give to not just you, but everyone, is to keep asking yourself important questions. Take your own advice as it comes along and steer in the right direction.

It’s hard for me to imagine myself now had a not done some of this. I have less attachment to my own stuff, and now have more desire personal relationships. I’m still a homebody like before, but no longer have the feeling of being trapped in my own skin. Good luck kev kev
Dude, this is awesome, thank you so much for reading my post and giving me some good advice. Seriously, that hits the nail on the head. Sounds like you’ve been there before and know what I’m talking about. And yeah funny enough I’m sitting down right now to make a budget and income goals sheet (pencil and paper, nothing too crazy involved 😂 I’ll sit here for hours doing stupid tedious shit like that if I don’t stop myself). Thanks again
 
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Taxexemption

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can i get a minimal tldr?

"Only I am the true minimalist and I suffer for it. I am too pure for this world."


OP, your whining is not minimalist. Learn to social minimalism. Frankly I've got issues too, but you seem like a big ball of anti-fun. The kind of person you avoid at a party.
 

Kev Kev

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"Only I am the true minimalist and I suffer for it. I am too pure for this world."


OP, your whining is not minimalist. Learn to social minimalism. Frankly I've got issues too, but you seem like a big ball of anti-fun. The kind of person you avoid at a party.
Not at all what I’m saying buddy
 
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dr_octagon

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"Only I am the true minimalist and I suffer for it. I am too pure for this world."


OP, your whining is not minimalist. Learn to social minimalism. Frankly I've got issues too, but you seem like a big ball of anti-fun. The kind of person you avoid at a party.
I didn't get this message from OP at all
 

Taxexemption

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Not at all what I’m saying buddy

You complained about other people using the label and said you think you have to be born into it. This is the worst kind of complaining about other people's use of labels.


"You can't just read a book and decide based on principles that it is good to minimize your possessions and take active measures to get rid of things you don't need and are unlikely to use. No, you must be born into it."
 
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Punished Miku

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Is there a Mrs. Kev^2?

A good way for things to be spontaneous is for half the stuff in your place to not be yours. Kind of throws off the whole plan in a good way.
 

GeorgPrime

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tl;dr I think being a “minimalist” is more like having an obsessive mental issue. Less things = more freedom, but it doesn’t always work out that way. I found it takes a lot of work to be a minimalist, and I think it’s something you are born with, not decide to be one day. In general, it hasn’t helped me, and I want to change.

I love it it when I hear people say “I became a minimalist...” or “I’m trying to be a minimalist...” or whatever. I love it because I think those people have no idea what minimalism is, and it makes me laugh that people think they can just wake up one day and BAM they are a minimalist. It doesn’t work like that. In fact, I think being a minimalist is something you’re born with, and it’s a curse.

Here is what being a minimalist is...

-Not wanting to throw something away that is useful, but also never having a desire to find something better to replace it. Why would I? This thing works, I already know how to use it, and if it ain’t broke don’t fix it.

-Obsessing about organization and routine. If I don’t know where my things are, I will waste time trying to find them. If I don’t follow my routine to the minute, my whole life will be out of whack.

-Having little desire to make money. Why do I need money? To buy more things. Things, things, things, things... all of these things I don’t need and get in my way and make it harder to clean, organize and just take up physical space. I don’t require a lot of space so I don’t need to save money for a house. I don’t want a fancy car, in fact the beater I have works great, if it ain’t broke don’t fix it mirite?! I wouldn’t get in a relationship with someone who isn’t a minimalist so I don’t care about being financially successful and I don’t have the motivation of attracting a partner pushing me to make more money. “I don’t need money to find inner peace and happiness.”

-Not making new friends, or refusing to have more than a couple close ones. Inviting more people into my life will only introduce more problems. The more people I have to worry about, the more cluttered my head space is, and the more I will have to watch my back because they might hurt me one day.

-Continuing to do something you know isn’t really working, but you can see a path and it seems like the simplest, most direct path, so I’ll keep trying until I figure it out. Sometimes at a job I will insist that if we can figure it out my way, then perfect that method, then we will make up the time it took to figure out, because efficiency will rise exponentially.

-Obsessing over every little detail in any hobby, job or task. I have to make this thing as perfect as possible, because if I don’t then it won’t be a good job and it’ll make me look bad, ruin an opportunity, sever a relationship or simply won’t be good enough. I must fine tune every minute detail, or I will never be enough.

👆All of that...? Is a bunch of bologna. Doing all of those things perfectly everyday is not only unreasonable, but it turns out that I feel even more trapped and more weighed down by obsessing about all of those things every minute of the day.

Being a minimalist isn’t about getting rid of stuff and living in a tiny house. It’s about liberating your mind by cleaning the clutter of your physical world, while fine tuning your every day life. It’s about perfectionism. Making every moment, every millisecond as efficient and productive as possible.

Ive been like this my whole life. I never tried to be a minimalist. I never even wanted to be one, I just am because that’s how my brain operates for some reason. My mind believes that if I do all of these perfectly everyday, I will achieve what can only be described as “Mind Utopia”. And although I don’t want to go too deep into it, I can verify that not only has trying to be this perfect minimalist not worked for me, it has actively worked against me.

I don’t care about improving or replacing the tools I have even though it could make my life easier. I’m overly obsessive about cleaning, having a routine and sticking to my hour to hour schedule I make every morning despite the fact that it fails nearly everyday because one little thing goes wrong and I freak out. I hate money with a passion and have no desire to earn it, and as a result I’m poor as hell and have no motivation to better my financial health despite it being pretty awful atm (this is the worst thing about minimalism, and it’s funny how you never hear these self proclaimed minimalists talk about it... it’s only “things” to them, as if all minimalism is only about throwing away stuff 🤦‍♂️). I’m not anti-social, but I pretty much refuse to make new friends and have burned bridges with people I used to care about, all in the name of getting the distractions out of my life, despite the fact that healthy relationships are proven to extremely good for humans. I will spend too much time poring over the details, perfecting my routine, making it .01% more efficient, thinking that “one day, I will have the perfect routine, and THEN everything will run like a well oiled machine and all of this be worth it” and it never fucking works out like that...

I hate being a minimalist.

And I hate that it’s a fad... was a fad? I dunno if it’s died out, but I’ve seen a lot about it over the last decade. I didn’t know what being a minimalist was when I first heard the term. I was really confused by it even. All these people were saying they are “trying” to be like that? Lol trade me please because I’m trying to NOT be like that anymore. I want to get a little messy, I want to be spontaneous, I want to have cool gadgets and fun things, I want to make boat loads of money, I want to do nice things for myself and have nice things for myself... but the minimalist part of my brain actively sabotages all of those things, and as a result my quality of life is actually worse.

Look, I’m not saying there aren’t some good things about a minimalist lifestyle. For the right person, it could be a great fit. But being an extreme minimalist isn’t going to fix your life, in fact I think it’s going to make it more difficult to navigate for most people. For others, like myself, being a minimalist is a curse and we are just trying to get out of this trap, hopefully not falling completely apart in the process of changing the way our whole ass mind works.

So for those looking towards minimalism to fix their life, don’t. Investigate your head space first. See a therapist or psych. Make sure the cob webs are clear and figure out if there isn’t a deeper, underlying issue. And for those of you born with this crap and don’t want to live like this anymore, maybe go do the same. I know I need to.

After 33 years of this shit, I no longer believe that less things = more freedom. That doesn’t mean I’m going to just start acquiring more things, but it does mean I’m going to start treating myself better, stop scrutinizing and beating myself up over ever little thing I can’t control, and I’m going to find a way to enjoy money and things. I think I deserve to treat my self, and I think we should all want that for ourselves.

I could write a book on this stuff lol. But thats the best I can do to spit this out

Thank you for coming to my TedTalk

Being a "Minimalist" is nothing bad.

- WHen i lived with parents they were kinda like a hoarder, we had a big basement which looked like a trash place. Overall the whole house was cramped with stuff.
- When i had an appartment buddy he was a hoarder too.
- Friend of mine, his wife, was a hoarder too.

Becaue of my Parents and stuff like this i turned out to be a "Minimalist" and i freaking love it. Its not about freedom but i hate if everything is blocked off by stuff. When i help my mother with her computer i always have to move stuff around to even get to the back of the computer comfortably.

I love less stuff but also cosy stuff. So even when i have a minimalistic living room all love it because i have candles and other stuff everywhere that makes it really warm and cosy escpecially in winter.

I already told my wife "If we ever have a basement and you start hoarding stuff there... i will go in, burn everything and close the basement for good".

Luckily my wife just used storage for her business stuff. Everything else is minimalistic too

After experiencing 3 households with hoarder aspects.... i literally have a zero tolerance for it.


Havin ga lot of stuff even affects your head negatively. even Kids are getting overstimulated by too much things.
 
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Kev Kev

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Is this another sob-story of "I hate the decisions I make and I cannot make different ones?"

(Cues up the minimally sized violin)
Eh not quite

more like, this mental health issue I’ve had my whole life (what I believe people have labeled “minimalism”) tells me to try to be perfect and 100% efficient, but that’s of course not possible, so I can’t do it and I beat myself up.

the difference between your post and what I’m trying to say, is that I’m actively trying to do something about it, to try and work against my nature. I’m taking action. And I think other people who believe being a minimalist is the answer to their problems should consider what I have to say first.
 
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