Kuro Madoushi
Unconfirmed Member
Let him talk the crazy god talk. Your kid'll grow sick of it of his own accord
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in-law religious issue. opinions would help me sort it out.
- Thread starter highrider
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evil solrac v3.0
Member
why is it so bad that grandpa wants to talk religion with his grandchild? his wife died and he's feeling a bit lonely.
he doesn't have that many years left. he's not going to indoctrinate your kid and he won't be brainwashed. do you really feel that threatened OP that grandpa is talking religion to your child?
If he tells you are a good man but you need to change your belief system, just smile and shrug your shoulders. don't go boasting about how you have a temper, that to me is the most worrying thing and you need to have that temper checked out by a pro.
he doesn't have that many years left. he's not going to indoctrinate your kid and he won't be brainwashed. do you really feel that threatened OP that grandpa is talking religion to your child?
If he tells you are a good man but you need to change your belief system, just smile and shrug your shoulders. don't go boasting about how you have a temper, that to me is the most worrying thing and you need to have that temper checked out by a pro.
Phoenician_Viking
Banned
Perfect answer.
Ben Pierce
Member
Seems to me like he's desperate to believe that what he believes in is real so that he may reunite with his wife again, and he's pushing that on anyone who challenges it. I wouldn't try to change that, because he needs that comfort; it may be all that he's got. But if doesn't stop, I'd sit down with him and ask to him to keep his views to himself. Don't try to rationalize with him--it won't work.
Monocle
Member
Give the grandfather a pass unless his comments become especially coercive and inappropriate. If you feel uncomfortable with the things he's saying to your son, gently (and privately) request that he ease up on the subject. Ask more firmly if he disregards you the first time.
Explain to your son that his grandfather has beliefs that you don't share, and that he doesn't have to make up his mind about religion until he's older. Depending on how curious he is, you might want to have a neutral chat about major world religions, or give him a book that describes different religions on a purely factual basis, in terms of their lore and practices.
Explain to your son that his grandfather has beliefs that you don't share, and that he doesn't have to make up his mind about religion until he's older. Depending on how curious he is, you might want to have a neutral chat about major world religions, or give him a book that describes different religions on a purely factual basis, in terms of their lore and practices.
Count Dookkake
Member
Well, yeah, because I have been an adult for longer than I have been a child. I am quite comfortable telling someone off if they are out of line.
He wasn't being disrespectful, how I see it. I've seen disrespectful, and that wasn't really it. He said he was worried, he said he thought your belief system was wrong. He was being honest.
You're worried about how you look in front of your son, if you're a good father, you shouldn't have to worry. If I saw my grandad and father talking about belief systems and shit I'd promptly zone them out because I have no idea what the fuck, as a nine year old, they're talking about. Now if there's drama, I'm going to tune in because what would cause drama like that between family that I love? Problems, that's what. So really, keep things adult and above board and non-dramatic and there won't be a problem.
Taking it as an affront to your manhood makes it an affront to your manhood. BE kind to the old codger. Old dudes whos wives have died take their own hit to their mortality rates, you know. They live a lot less longer.
...also, which pope? If it was JP2, your mom's old man is A-OK in my book.
You're worried about how you look in front of your son, if you're a good father, you shouldn't have to worry. If I saw my grandad and father talking about belief systems and shit I'd promptly zone them out because I have no idea what the fuck, as a nine year old, they're talking about. Now if there's drama, I'm going to tune in because what would cause drama like that between family that I love? Problems, that's what. So really, keep things adult and above board and non-dramatic and there won't be a problem.
Taking it as an affront to your manhood makes it an affront to your manhood. BE kind to the old codger. Old dudes whos wives have died take their own hit to their mortality rates, you know. They live a lot less longer.
...also, which pope? If it was JP2, your mom's old man is A-OK in my book.
teruterubozu
Member
He's 74, let him live out his days the way he wants. Don't be the prototypical atheist prick.
That's a daft comment. Not being accepting of other peoples religious views is prototypical of people from different religions, not atheists.
CoffeeJanitor
Member
Something to this effect, but maybe just explain to him that his grandpa is very, very into his religion, so don't mind him if he's telling you a bunch of stuff. I don't think calling him crazy would help their relationship.
I dunno. I feel like I'm pretty accepting of AtheistGAF, but they don't seem to accepting of the existence of religion...
Could just be GAF though. Atheists I know in real life couldn't give a fuck.
I always wonder if the online atheism I encounter is the stronger form of 'European atheism'. Looking to stop even the teaching of religion, let alone leaving it up to choice.
teruterubozu
Member
eh, it was an off-handed remark, didn't expect it to get broken down into semantics. I admit, it was a mini-jab.
Count Dookkake
Member
That's how the game is played.
There is a massive gap between not letting him spew his nonsense in the Op's home and going to grandpa'shome and taking his bible/keeping him from going to church/beating him when he prays. Try again.
teruterubozu
Member
Yes, that was exactly my advice: don't beat the shit out of grandpa with his bible.
Monocle
Member
Prototypical atheist.
Joel Was Right
If you smell burning, it's probably the generators acting up. Report it anyway.
I think your response was over the top. You seem to find the suggestion of God, in front of your child, to be something abhorrently offensive. You said your wife was raised a Catholic, is she still one?
highrider
Banned
it isn't so bad, but you have to kind trust me that it's a pretty invasive and creepy thing. i'm not a hardcore athiest at all. i respect all religious people until they push it on me. i wasn't boasting about my temper, but i do know myself. imagine working a 60 or 70 hour week and on your one day off he comes by and does this, sometimes for hours. i mentioned my temper because i'm not always a diplomat.
highrider
Banned
ehh. i just wanted to say to him in the least offensive way possible that he was crossing the line a bit. god or religious talk is fine, but when you say you talked to god and he told me your belief system is wrong, that's an entirely different thing imo.
teruterubozu
Member
Yeah, but I think you infused a bit of "This is my fuckin' house" in that sentiment, which always creates even more added tension in an in-law relationship.
Joel Was Right
If you smell burning, it's probably the generators acting up. Report it anyway.
oneils
Member
Hi there. I am an atheist. My grandmother and father know this.
However, every now and then (usually around christmas time) my grandmother will ask "Would you come to mass with me (she is catholic)?" I just answer "no grandma, I do not believe in a god and don't want to go to mass with you." I pretty much make it clear with my tone of voice that I won't be entertaining the idea. Sometimes though she may get a worried look on her face and say "but you could still come to mass even if you don't believe."
Again I just make it clear I don't want anything to do with it "Grandma, I don't want to watch people take communion as I don't agree that christ is god or that god exists. So I won't be coming to mass with you."
These kind of direct answers usually just shut it down. It seemed to even work with your father in law. It may be awkward, but what are you going to do? It has never escalated to the point that she has said that she is worried about my soul or anything like that. If your father in law said this to you I would probably just be direct, again. "That's nice granpa, but you shouldn't be worried about my soul as I don't have one. Again, I don't want to discuss this with you so I hope you agree to drop it."
If someone kept pushing it, I would probably work to remove myself from the situation. If they were in my house, I would probably ask them to leave as my house isn't really a church. If the discussion is respectful, though, (as in there is no mention of fire and damnation, but just questions like "how can you be sure?") I may continue to discuss it. It really depends on the attitude of the person (not their age or familial relationship to me).
However, every now and then (usually around christmas time) my grandmother will ask "Would you come to mass with me (she is catholic)?" I just answer "no grandma, I do not believe in a god and don't want to go to mass with you." I pretty much make it clear with my tone of voice that I won't be entertaining the idea. Sometimes though she may get a worried look on her face and say "but you could still come to mass even if you don't believe."
Again I just make it clear I don't want anything to do with it "Grandma, I don't want to watch people take communion as I don't agree that christ is god or that god exists. So I won't be coming to mass with you."
These kind of direct answers usually just shut it down. It seemed to even work with your father in law. It may be awkward, but what are you going to do? It has never escalated to the point that she has said that she is worried about my soul or anything like that. If your father in law said this to you I would probably just be direct, again. "That's nice granpa, but you shouldn't be worried about my soul as I don't have one. Again, I don't want to discuss this with you so I hope you agree to drop it."
If someone kept pushing it, I would probably work to remove myself from the situation. If they were in my house, I would probably ask them to leave as my house isn't really a church. If the discussion is respectful, though, (as in there is no mention of fire and damnation, but just questions like "how can you be sure?") I may continue to discuss it. It really depends on the attitude of the person (not their age or familial relationship to me).
highrider
Banned
oneils
Member
I do not think this is over the top. To me it is pretty much spot on. I don't know a lot of religious people who would tolerate me coming out of the blue and saying "hey I just wanted to come by and point out how your religious beliefs make no sense and are wrong. I think you are wasting your time as you will not be going to a heaven after life." No way they would put up with that. So I am not sure how pickle's response is over the top. In my opinion, it was pretty respectful.
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About that...
MorisUkunRasik
Member
Tell him you don't appreciate him disrespecting your beliefs and contradicting you in front of your son.
There's nothing wrong with having a spine. He doesn't get to do and say what he pleases around your son because he's his grandfather, I think everyone can understand that.
There's nothing wrong with having a spine. He doesn't get to do and say what he pleases around your son because he's his grandfather, I think everyone can understand that.
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