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[Gun Animal]

For something that comprehensive, I've introduced partners to fetlife before. There's no real compare function like this survey would have, but there's a wide list of kinks you can choose from, and list them in varying degrees of interest (like to watch, like to give/receive etc). Last time I did that the girl basically said she had difficulty bringing these things up to me directly but didn't have a problem listing them out in her profile and talking about what we had in common.

Yeah, this is why it would be nice to just have a universal, comprehensive checklist to compare notes with. The problem with Fetlife is its presented more like a social network with groups and stuff.

I'm actually sure I've seen a much more comprehensive list on tumblr, so all I'd really have to do is reformat that... hmmm

This is a parody post right?

Well, my point was that if you're not having a conversation about how to fill out the survey and why, either before or during, your answers might be inharently flawed/incompatible. Basically you need to decide on a shared rubric or else the survey is useless.

 

[Pai Pai Master]

On the other side, kinky-GAF doesn't always understand that some tastes aren't shared by most, and aren't exactly "honeymoon phase"-friendly. "I like to put plastic wrap on my face, so my partner can shit in my mouth. What? Don't you dare judge me!"

Lol it can go both ways for sure, but it is generally pretty shitty to be judgmental of anyone's fetishes within reason. As long as no one's getting hurt (without wanting it), what's the harm?

 

[Caipirinha]

Well, my point was that if you're not having a conversation about how to fill out the survey and why, either before or during, your answers might be inharently flawed/incompatible. Basically you need to decide on a shared rubric or else the survey is useless.

I'm hoping this will start the conversation about things that she feels comfortable to discuss.

 

[lt519]

As long as no one's getting hurt (without wanting it), what's the harm?

Haha that's a funny qualifier there.

OP, this is a pretty cool idea. Only flaw I see is what you brought up is someone putting something down they really don't want and/or are comfortable with because they want to be fair. I think having a conversation about filling it out and making sure both people were on board with removing that bias would be important.

 

[Gun Animal]

I'm hoping this will start the conversation about things that she feels comfortable to discuss.

If she's that shy and that much of a prude, that easily offended etc, sending her a quiz with the phrase "brown shower" in it is probably not going to have the desired effect.

 

[johancruijff]

Thing is, you're giving the test to her

 

[Caipirinha]

If she's that shy and that much of a prude, that easily offended etc, sending her a quiz with the phrase "brown shower" in it is probably not going to have the desired effect.

Surely you realise how feeble and meaningless that "point" is. Anything she doesn't like, she doesn't tick.

 

[BlueTsunami]

What happened to dipping your toes to find kink? Questionnaires? What you do is pee on her in the shower a little and see how she reacts. Finger in the butt. Three or more fingers in the vagoo. Aim for the gaping mouth, etc.

 

[mkenyon]

Wife finished it, she's super stoked, gonna talk about everything over lunch.

TY again, OP.

What happened to dipping your toes to find kink? Questionnaires? What you do is pee on her in the shower a little and see how she reacts. Finger in the butt. More than three or more fingers in the vagoo. Aim for the gaping mouth, etc.

Lots of people are really timid. Especially in their 20s. Lots of insecurity.

 

[Nosgotham]

This seems weird. Why can't you just talk about this with your girlfriend?

some people haveva hard time talking about hence this questionarre which WILL open up a dialogue

 

[mkenyon]

some people haveva hard time talking about hence this questionarre which WILL open up a dialogue

Yeah, exactly.

This is an icebreaker, not a replacement for conversation.

 

[adamsappel]

Lol it can go both ways for sure, but it is generally pretty shitty to be judgmental of anyone's fetishes within reason. As long as no one's getting hurt (without wanting it), what's the harm?

See, you threw in "within reason." That qualifier is where the gulf lies. OP threw out pretend rape (a pretty common fantasy) as a possible mutual kink and got a "bruh" response (I'm translating that as "wut"). The fantasy might not be exactly reciprocal in nature, either. "I want to be overpowered while pretending to be a princess and you're a pirate" vs. "I want to break into your apartment and fuck you at gunpoint."

I'm just sayin', don't start off with the heavy shit right away. Dirty talk before scat play.

 

[Gun Animal]

Surely you realise how feeble and meaningless that "point" is. Anything she doesn't like, she doesn't tick.

Plenty of people I know would go absolutely nuts just for being exposed to some of these concepts, reguardless of how either of you answered. It's not rational, but being embarassed by sex isn't either.

 

[GhostWriter24]

It's perfectly fine for someone to disagree, but if your s/o gets bent out of shape simply by asking if she wants to try new things, you might want to look elsewhere.

 

[StillEdge]

Your girlfriend is going to think you are a sick pervert when your tests are complete opposites.

 

[Pai Pai Master]

See, you threw in "within reason." That qualifier is where the gulf lies. OP threw out pretend rape (a pretty common fantasy) as a possible mutual kink and got a "bruh" response (I'm translating that as "wut"). The fantasy might not be exactly reciprocal in nature, either. "I want to be overpowered while pretending to be a princess and you're a pirate" vs. "I want to break into your apartment and fuck you at gunpoint."

I'm just sayin', don't start off with the heavy shit right away. Dirty talk before scat play.

Lol I get what you mean. And yeah, I would hope people just don't throw their partner into the deep end and see if they can swim like that.

Your girlfriend is going to think you are a sick pervert when your tests are complete opposites.

I mean, that wouldn't necessarily be a bad thing. If my girlfriend suddenly became disgusted with me and hated my guts after finding out about my fetishes, I'd be free to go find someone more sexually compatible.

I guess the initial reaction would be pretty awkward to get around though lol

 

[xxracerxx]

Your girlfriend is going to think you are a sick pervert when your tests are complete opposites.

Did you even read the thread? The test only shows your matches.

 

[Aarglefarg]

Did you even read the thread? The test only shows your matches.

Yes, but if she finds there are no matches...

 

[StillEdge]

I mean, that wouldn't necessarily be a bad thing. If my girlfriend suddenly became disgusted with me and hated my guts after finding out about my fetishes, I'd be free to go find someone more sexually compatible.

I guess the initial reaction would be pretty awkward to get around though lol

Lol. well he already said he thinks she is vanilla so his best chance out was now before the test. Hopefully OP is prepared for his girlfriend to talk to her friends about this weird test he is having her take.

Did you even read the thread? The test only shows your matches.

My girlfriend gives me a test of 20 sexual things and only shows us the ones we match on and we only match once. I will know the other 19 are or aren't because of me.

Things you both click "no" on are not shown either.

Once there is a single No, it just doesn't show up.

Then that makes more sense. He needs to have her take the test first then right? Because if OP is as freaky as he says he is just going to say yes to basically everything and she gets to see what he has already said yes to. (If I'm understanding it correctly)

 

[mkenyon]

Yes, but if she finds there are no matches...

Things you both click "no" on are not shown either.

Once there is a single No, it just doesn't show up.

 

[javie3d]

Yup. This should go well.

.

 

[Commanche Raisin Toast]

Then that makes more sense. He needs to have her take the test first then right? Because if OP is as freaky as he says he is just going to say yes to basically everything and she gets to see what he has already said yes to. (If I'm understanding it correctly)

It's way way more than 20 'questions'. And what's so bad about knowing she's not into something you are? She won't know you're into it when she clicks no. All she will know is her own answer.

I have some friends that successfully tried this site. I did one and then when it was my wife's turn she put it off until eventually the link expired and I had to do it over. Every now and then she's like "boo send me that thing!" but keeps forgetting to fill it out lol. It's okay though, because since sending her the initial link months back she's been more open to trying stuff.

Basically there purpose of the site is to try and mix things up a little if sex life with your partner is stale, and it does it in a manner that won't shock or upset either person. It's also good for giving people ideas they may not have otherwise thought of.

 

[Aarglefarg]

Things you both click "no" on are not shown either.

Once there is a single No, it just doesn't show up.

I mean they remember what was from the questionnaire. Unless you mean things aren't shown in the questionnaire for the second person if the first says no, in which case it has the obvious issue...

 

[Darksol]

This is a painfully limited survey, but if it helps facilitate conversation for some people, cool.

 

[The Wall]

It doesn't seem like the worst way to bring up sex to someone who maybe comes from a background where they never really got to think about what they would enjoy sexually. People like that don't really know how to talk about it, or they don't think about it much. This is a soft, safe way to let them think about it. It's an interesting idea, that's for sure, and may be a legitimate way to break through the "vanilla sex" barrier for some people.

 

[Vigilant Walrus]

What the fuck is a brown shower? That doesn't even make sense.

At best you can take a shit that goes in the drain. Unless your asshole is attached to some sort of gardening hose I don't see how you can have a brown shower besides jumping in a sewer.

 

[hazelnoots]

I'll have to check this out on my lunch.

I do think it could be useful for those of us women who just don't think about that stuff often and possibly don't know what they like at all. Or have fantasies but not want to do them irl. In real life discussions there will be pressure to answer right then. With this it seems like she could read it and have some time with the ideas.

 

[Hisoka]

I mean they remember what was from the questionnaire. Unless you mean things aren't shown in the questionnaire for the second person if the first says no, in which case it has the obvious issue...

You don't get it.

Both answer the totally same questions.
If one clicks on smth with "no", it wont be in the matches.
This means easily, that there are just the matches left. If there's just one match left, you could still say "Yeah, we matched in everything". Why? Because the "no" won't be there in the matches even if your "no"s would theoretically match.
There's no need to reveal any further things, you could simply say the rest was "no" on your cards too. This means also, that you and also she sees, in what the opposite is NOT into, and you don't even need to tell the other. I think it's fine, there are also things that i wouldn't do.

 

[Aarglefarg]

You don't get it.

Both answer the totally same questions.
If one clicks on smth with "no", it wont be in the matches.
This means easily, that there are just the matches left. If there's just one match left, you could still say "Yeah, we matched in everything". Why? Because the "no" won't be there in the matches even if your "no"s would theoretically match.
There's no need to reveal any further things, you could simply say the rest was "no" on your cards too. This means also, that you and also she sees, in what the opposite is NOT into, and you don't even need to tell the other. I think it's fine, there are also things that i wouldn't do.

Seems I did get it. This was all in response to the funny unrealistic case in which there are no matches (which would imply you're into an unknown number of other questions). "Your girlfriend is going to think you are a sick pervert when your tests are complete opposites."

 

[Shredderi]

That would hinge entirely on my acting "gung-ho about the m/f/f threesome" and not at all on the fact that these are my preferences.

I know you want to think that there's something wrong with a guy being down for an MFF but not an MMF, because it kinda sounds like some morally superior way to catch me out, but there isn't, and neither would there be if the genders were reversed.

There's no "selfish" when it comes to simply stating what your desires are. I don't want her to answer with anything other than her honest preferences, I don't want to her to tick MMF because she likes the idea, then tick MFF because it would be "fair" but in reality she would hate it.

This post is fucking on point. I'm down with MFF but not MMF. It would be unfair to demand MFF from my girlfriend while refusing to do MMF if that's what she wants. The desire, the preference itself though is not wrong. Just because the desire is there doesn't mean it has to be acted on by any means necessary.

 

[Hisoka]

Seems I did get it. This was all in response to the funny unrealistic case in which there are no matches (which would imply you're into an unknown number of other questions). "Your girlfriend is going to think you are a sick pervert when your tests are complete opposites."

Well "think", yes, maybe, maybe not.

Just simply leave by saying you matched perfectly, as you both seemed to check the "no" on everything. Done.

 

[mkenyon]

This post is fucking on point. I'm down with MFF but not MMF. It would be unfair to demand MFF from my girlfriend while refusing to do MMF if that's what she wants. The desire, the preference itself though is not wrong. Just because the desire is there doesn't mean it has to be acted on by any means necessary.

You might be surprised. Once you let go of jealousy and insecurity, and focus just on making it a mind blowing experience for the F in the situation, it's pretty damn fun. In terms of active participation, it also works out a bit better.

Though, I totally respect having zero interest in it. Can't get much more subjective than sexual preferences. I tend to enjoy spoiling in general, so it works for me.

 

[Pai Pai Master]

MMF fo' life. But im bi so my preference for it is more selfish than yours

 

[Like the hat?]

http://www.theonion.com/article/description-of-sexual-fantasy-changing-with-girlfr-2282

 

[Sai-kun]

MMF fo' life. But im bi so my preference for it is more selfish than yours

preach

 

[King Tubby]

What's to stop a particularly nosey partner from just saying they're into everything to find out what their SO's sick sexual fantasies are?

 

[Seraph_Nicholas]

Why are people saying 'Just communicate'? This is a communication tool, made to assist communication, because as the OP says, he suspects just talking hasn't gotten to the root of the matter. He's being a model communicator. Proxies like this are aggravating to some, but for others it can be the only way they get their ideas out.

Of course, I strongly suspect the girlfriend is just vanilla and this is about to open a can of worms re: the sexual health of the relationship, but that probably should be addressed if it is indeed the case.

 

[BlueTsunami]

It's all fun and games 'till you find out she digs urethral insertion

 

[Epix]

Sooo....what happened?

 

[DrGonzo615]

I did this with my GF who is fairly reserved when it comes to discussing sex (Ive tried several times and got nowhere) but this really helped break the ice. We joked about some of the questions and had a convo about what we matched on. It was definitely a useful tool.

 

[cwmartin]

There's more to life, like anime

 

[lt519]

Sooooooooooo, how'd this go OP? Still chained up?

 

[Deleted member 80556]

Holy crap. I'm vanilla.

I didn't even know there were penis rings, or whatever lmao. EDIT: Also, who the hell gets off with toothpaste?!