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[shaowebb]

For those who missed the original epic of my previous pet praying mantis known as Captain Badass click here.

The general summary goes like this...last year I encountered a mantis that I decided to rescue from the harshness of winter in a terrarium. Several attempts were made on my life by the Mantis known as Captain Badass, and it proceeded to go on several murderous rampages upon its cricket citizens through out said thread. It kept me up, it spoke in tongues, it forced me to run propaganda campaigns to keep its crickets in fear of her and it eventually went down in a Conan-like blaze of glory, had a viking funeral, and ate Odin to take over Valhalla.

No...I'm not joking.

Since then the otherworldy abilities of Captain Badass tend to kick in from time to time as I am now damn well , well and damned by her to do her bidding on this plane lest she feed me my own buttocks whilst making me sit ass-less on a pile of nails and hotsauce. This was made apparent when I was summoned to help name the guardian of her troops in Virgina Baron Von Face Eats

Anyhow last night I was possessed by the Captain yet again to do her bidding and go outside. There I witnessed the near destruction of a cat by yet another mantis. One that I am now taking care of this time as well.

Its name is Lord Slaughterpunch The Guttinator and its tale begins here lest The Captain feel slighted at having her own thread usurped by her chosen successor on our plane. Don't want that sort of thing mind you...after all Captain Badass would likely feed me my eyeballs after tearing open my stomach to dance upon my insides should I ever slight her in any way (daddy's lil murder precious is like that).

So here we go again gang.

Lord Slaughterpunch The Guttinator's tale begins here.

 

[mkenyon]

I found your last thread after it was finished. If I could sub this 500 times, I would. So excited.

 

[Dina]

Aaand subbed.

 

[Pein]

My body is ready.

 

[yencid]

 

[confused]

What happened to the other guy a few weeks ago that took one of these up as pet ?

EDIT : Killed by his mantis apparently :

read here

 

[shaowebb]

It would seem his (her?) Lordship is still quite shy. Last night Slaughterpunch-ems was pretty dehydrated and weak because its been damned hot for awhile out here in WV. The more water I gave her (him?) the more it wanted.

She(he?) was flailing around so weak that I thought Stabbity stab stab-ems would need tweezer fed meaty eatems till they were stronger.However, today her (his?) imperial Lordship was pretty active so I thought crickets would be in order.

Not so good a choice on my part it would seem.

So far it has rabbit punched one in the face repeatedly. Scurried around nervously at their mindless swarming of the tank and is now taking the highest ground it could reach on the stick and is punching the fuck out of any cricket that dares to enter the Lord's slaughter punching way.

Her (his) Lordship seems to be antisocial and hates large crowds...a demophobic mantis?

Daaaaawww...the Lord hates the common folks!

*video coming soon*

 

[Fusion Pizza]

All Hail Lord Slaughterpunch The Guttinator the first of his name!

 

[Chavelo]

Fuck yeah, Shaowebb does the best pet threads.

MY MANTIS IS READY

 

[heliosRAzi]

Someone needs to name their mantis Dr. Mantis Toboggan

 

[True Underdog]

 

[Lionel Mandrake]

Such a happy and horrifying day.

 

[Instro]

He(she?) has big shoes to fill. All hail Lord Slaughterpunch The Guttinator!

 

[Conceptor]

It begins.

 

[Lactose_Intolerant]

I still can't get over how it took on a cat and won.

 

[Dreams-Visions]

win has returned.

 

[Penguin nerd]

Literally just found the old thread this morning, was saddened at the death of Captain and then saw that it's starting all over again!

All hail Lord Slaughterpunch The Guttinator!

 

[FunkyPajamas]

Mantis-GAF is best GAF.

All hail Lord Slaughterpunch The Guttinator, may his reign be long and bloody.

 

[bengraven]

 

[adam.chance]

My girlfriend has loved praying mantises her whole life. I bought her an egg case for Valentine's Day, which hatch hundreds of them. We set them free throughout town, but we kept one. His name is Genji. I hate bugs, nature, and anything to do with outside . . . but mantises are entertaining! Genji is picky. He only eats flying things. I'll post some pictures soon. I'm looking forward to following the thread.

 

[Atenhaus]

Aaand subbed.

.

 

[enzo_gt]

Aww yeah, here we go again.

 

[victreeb3l]

slaughterpunch is one awesome name

 

[Plasmid]

So, it begins again.

 

[2th]

Well this thread should help me kill time.

 

[Funky Papa]

I am amused and terrified.

 

[stilgar]

You've got my axe.

 

[daw840]

Awesome

 

[SolarPowered]

The Lord has got a lot of work to do if he ever plans on becoming Captain's badasses' minion.

He'll end up as food for if he doesn't man the fuck up with those pussy crickets.

 

[Huevos de Oro]

Daaaaawww...the Lord hates the common folks!

As he should. The unwashed masses are hardly good mingling company when you're the Heir of The Captain.

 

[FloppyDelux]

praying mantis are awesome, and it looks like its a male pray manits. So take care of him.
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20080921175534AA7RfbF

 

[shaowebb]

praying mantis are awesome, and it looks like its a male pray manits. So take care of him.
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20080921175534AA7RfbF

Just got home for lunch and my wife has helped Lord Slaughterpunch to the roof of the Terrorium. It would seem upon closer inspection that you miscounted. My wife counted the abdominal section and its a girl according to several sources online.

Hurray!

Her Lordship's gender is confirmed!

However all is not well in Slaughter-town...it would seem daddy's lil slaughter-pop is a bit moody. The Guttinator refuses to kill any of her new cricket subjects, nor will she eat any more beef that we feed her. She's even refusing to drink ( and my lord does my Lord like to Drink!)

Not certain if she's upset or if I got to her a lil too late. She's not nearly as far off her Mantis game as the Captain during the hammock sections of her life, but she's still the least aggressive mantis I've ever seen.

This behavior in conjunction with the contrary actions of mauling the cat last night (kitty's face looked like Kenshin @_@) leads me to only one logical conclusion about the behavioral patterns of Lord Slaughterpunch The Guttinator.

She is a Berzerker.

Video!

Cross her at your own risk.

Spoiler

Here's hoping her murder switch is flipped soon. I want to be certain she's eating 3 square deaths a day like a good (???) mantis should.

 

[Alligatorjandro]

I saw a mantis eating a snake.

 

[Fusion Pizza]

Maybe Her Ladyship only wishes to take on larger foes? Truly valiant!

 

[FloppyDelux]

hurray for knowing the gender of slaughterPunch. ALso she proebly wants bigger prey like a humming bird
http://www.birdwatchersdigest.com/bwdsite/learn/hummingbirds/mantis-hummer.php?sc=migrate( probably not safe for the screamish...)

 

[akira28]

So it's Lady Slaughterpunch then? Terrifying females are a popular theme in nature.

 

[FantasticMrFoxdie]

Live for the Swarm!

 

[El Sloth]

Fantastic.


If crickets don't seem to be her thing, then why not try some other insects? Maybe she's a picky eater like adam.chance's:

My girlfriend has loved praying mantises her whole life. I bought her an egg case for Valentine's Day, which hatch hundreds of them. We set them free throughout town, but we kept one. His name is Genji. I hate bugs, nature, and anything to do with outside . . . but mantises are entertaining! Genji is picky. He only eats flying things. I'll post some pictures soon. I'm looking forward to following the thread.

 

[Sonicbug]

!!! Yeah! Season two! I just remembered the original thread a few days ago too~!

Lord (Lady) Slaughterpunch seems to be above such crass displays of mass slaughter... hmm.

 

[m0dus]

Thread title is now appropriate. You may inform your liege that her hunger strike was successful.

 

[SolarKnight]

I wasn't here during the days of the late Captain Badass, but I'll be sure to follow our Lady Slaughterpunch.

Awesome threads.

 

[Complex Shadow]

no clue whats going on.

 

[krypt0nian]

This thread is pertinent to my interests.

 

[Askani]

So excited for more in the saga. Count me in.

 

[shaowebb]

Um...bad news. Lady Slaughterpunch may not be a berzerker or healthy in the least. The activity this morning was a fluke. She won't even stand up, she won't take water, she won't eat crickets or steak, and the kicker is she wouldn't even claw at things I put in her punchers.

No shankinating? No reaction to poking? No standing up ( just resting on sternum not using legs).

I think the cat may have crushed something in my mantis. I'll do what I can, but if she won't eat and she won't drink and she won't move or fight she likely won't make it.

Sorry folks...this likely isn't going to turn out well.

At least I tried.

Spoiler

At least The Captain may get a new pal in Valhalla :C

 

[yencid]

dont give up. she will make it through. she has the spirit of a captain at her side.

 

[JJDinomite]

Godspeed.

 

[geeko]

I, for one, welcome our new insect overlords.

 

[Codeblue]

Yeah, sure, why not. I missed the first thread but the premise seems awesome.

 

[Lactose_Intolerant]

You put way too many crickets in that tank. Put like 1 or 2 at a time.