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Mental Health |OT| Depression & Co.
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Friends? What friends?
Hush, you.
I don't know if it is sad or not, but I cannot wait for the plane food I get to have next week.
I find it difficult to function these days unless I am focusing on some two-year dream scenario where everything gets better.
It's strange that I am incapable of feeling regret though. I think it has to do with the Xbox. Regardless, I am alive and things can change. Gotta look forward right?
So my Mother came down and I want to see her before I go to Tokyo, but I don't want her to see me like this. Sharing a room where there is nowhere to sit, so I am telling her I will see next month. I have had to do this with a few friends who wanted to meet up (travel is too much now) but to my Mother, I really don't want her to know what is going on.
I have found reason in carrying on. One with a time limit. I want to surprise her, make her incredibly proud. I know she loves me even if I don't make it, but I will. At the very least, I will try. I don't know if I will ever have children, but if I do, I really wish they get to meet my Mother.
In other news, Netflix accidentally renewed so I am getting as much watching done of Community to tie me over. School is fine, I won't get the A that I was getting in the first two years, but just graduating is good enough now.
I find it difficult to function these days unless I am focusing on some two-year dream scenario where everything gets better.
It's strange that I am incapable of feeling regret though. I think it has to do with the Xbox. Regardless, I am alive and things can change. Gotta look forward right?
So my Mother came down and I want to see her before I go to Tokyo, but I don't want her to see me like this. Sharing a room where there is nowhere to sit, so I am telling her I will see next month. I have had to do this with a few friends who wanted to meet up (travel is too much now) but to my Mother, I really don't want her to know what is going on.
I have found reason in carrying on. One with a time limit. I want to surprise her, make her incredibly proud. I know she loves me even if I don't make it, but I will. At the very least, I will try. I don't know if I will ever have children, but if I do, I really wish they get to meet my Mother.
In other news, Netflix accidentally renewed so I am getting as much watching done of Community to tie me over. School is fine, I won't get the A that I was getting in the first two years, but just graduating is good enough now.
TheOnlyOneHeEverFeared
Member
I've been given a prescription for 2 medications, and they're telling me I have to drop out of college and try again when things are in a better state. Also to stop pulling my stitches, they're gonna have the nurse come round on the evenings and check it out.
Thanks for the reply. I've talked about this kind of stuff with my therapist, but I still feel the way I do. Unfortunately I'm not in a position to widen my circle of friends. Don't have a job at the moment, and I had to move away from where pretty much all my friends lived, although it's not too far away that I can't ever see them. (i'll drive over to their places sometimes, but no one ever invites me, I always have to set something up and no one ever visits me)
Honestly it doesn't seem like my friends don't care on purpose, it feels more like a general indifference. I blame myself for that, because during my lowest points I hurt people. Not physically or anything like that, but the kind of hurt that affects a person on the inside, y'know? Also tried talking to my therapist about this, and we're still working on it. He wants me to try and forgive myself, but I can't do it. :/
bleh, now i'm just venting. sorry.
Ally of Justice
Member
GAF, this'll be my first post here. Perhaps mine is not that related to mental health or something like that, but please listen to me.
I've been depressed and tired or everything for almost half a year. It all started about half a year ago, when I was on a relationship with my (now ex) girlfriend.
A little of background here: I still live with my parents, and my younger siblings. My father is unemployed and we have a small business online which is the only income we have at the house, since my father is too old to be employed.
Other than that, I work as IT/Programmer in a small company and half of my earnings are towards my home and a relatively big percentage of my earnings are for commuting costs and the University (I used to work and study)
About half a year ago, someone messed up the server at the company and, long story short, I was accused of messing up the code of my apps in order to keep my job by fixing it. Since the money I give to my house is almost double of what we earn at the online biz, it's a big deal and we can't possibly survive without it, so I took on overtime on my job in order to find out what happened and try to fix it in order to keep my job.
Because of this, I lost several classes and messed up my grades, forcing me to take on recovery classes which took what little free time I had left everyday. Even then, I couldn't recover and had to drop from school. I have to return on September OR lose everything and start from scratch (which means losing two years of school)
During this time, since it was such a big deal, my family decided to focus on the online biz and had me "working" as an employee, sending mails, calling clients and stuff. To make it simple, I became a worker first and then a son/family, even when at the time I used to get home at 23:30 everyday (because of school) and leaving every morning at 9:30.
Under a lot of pressure, being called a liar and worse at work, but unable to quit because not having money meant not eating and leaving school because I had no time. One day, I finally told my girlfriend and, while she consoled me that day, a week after that she told me she feared for our future life as a couple because she was afraid "I would fall down when a problem would arise in the future" and decided to leave me.
So I lost my girlfriend (who got in a relationship not long after that, even when she told me she wanted to be alone), I lost school (and my friends in the process, because they haven't talked to me since I left, about six months ago) and while I still have my job, they're already screening people who will replace me and I know I have no more than two months left.
So after all of this (you can start reading here if you don't want to read that wall of text), I've lost all the will to live, I lack strength to even get up of bed everyday (I do it after all, but I'm tired all day) and what little self esteem I had, it's been crushed and thrown into the mud.
I feel replaceable and worthless as a person. I feel people talk to me and approach me because what I can do for them, because I'm useful to them. I have no inspiration nor motivation to try anything. And I've had the idea in my mind that in order to get better, I have to stop dreaming and pursuing goals, because if I don't have anything to expect or any hope, it can't be crushed when I fail again.
I used to love landscapes and watching the rain, but nowadays, I am numb to them.
I used to draw and write, and now I can barely hold a pen.
I used to imagine all day, and now I can barely think without feeling sad.
I used to dream every night, now I can barely get a couple hours of sleep.
If this is the wrong thread or something, please delete this post.
I've been depressed and tired or everything for almost half a year. It all started about half a year ago, when I was on a relationship with my (now ex) girlfriend.
A little of background here: I still live with my parents, and my younger siblings. My father is unemployed and we have a small business online which is the only income we have at the house, since my father is too old to be employed.
Other than that, I work as IT/Programmer in a small company and half of my earnings are towards my home and a relatively big percentage of my earnings are for commuting costs and the University (I used to work and study)
About half a year ago, someone messed up the server at the company and, long story short, I was accused of messing up the code of my apps in order to keep my job by fixing it. Since the money I give to my house is almost double of what we earn at the online biz, it's a big deal and we can't possibly survive without it, so I took on overtime on my job in order to find out what happened and try to fix it in order to keep my job.
Because of this, I lost several classes and messed up my grades, forcing me to take on recovery classes which took what little free time I had left everyday. Even then, I couldn't recover and had to drop from school. I have to return on September OR lose everything and start from scratch (which means losing two years of school)
During this time, since it was such a big deal, my family decided to focus on the online biz and had me "working" as an employee, sending mails, calling clients and stuff. To make it simple, I became a worker first and then a son/family, even when at the time I used to get home at 23:30 everyday (because of school) and leaving every morning at 9:30.
Under a lot of pressure, being called a liar and worse at work, but unable to quit because not having money meant not eating and leaving school because I had no time. One day, I finally told my girlfriend and, while she consoled me that day, a week after that she told me she feared for our future life as a couple because she was afraid "I would fall down when a problem would arise in the future" and decided to leave me.
So I lost my girlfriend (who got in a relationship not long after that, even when she told me she wanted to be alone), I lost school (and my friends in the process, because they haven't talked to me since I left, about six months ago) and while I still have my job, they're already screening people who will replace me and I know I have no more than two months left.
So after all of this (you can start reading here if you don't want to read that wall of text), I've lost all the will to live, I lack strength to even get up of bed everyday (I do it after all, but I'm tired all day) and what little self esteem I had, it's been crushed and thrown into the mud.
I feel replaceable and worthless as a person. I feel people talk to me and approach me because what I can do for them, because I'm useful to them. I have no inspiration nor motivation to try anything. And I've had the idea in my mind that in order to get better, I have to stop dreaming and pursuing goals, because if I don't have anything to expect or any hope, it can't be crushed when I fail again.
I used to love landscapes and watching the rain, but nowadays, I am numb to them.
I used to draw and write, and now I can barely hold a pen.
I used to imagine all day, and now I can barely think without feeling sad.
I used to dream every night, now I can barely get a couple hours of sleep.
If this is the wrong thread or something, please delete this post.
That's a tough blow, dude. It's always the worst when a bunch of terrible shit happens one after the other. You should definitely seek help. Medication would probably help stabilize your mood (as you sound clinically depressed). Maybe talk therapy too.
So the last couple of weeks have resulted in a train wreck in my mind. I've tried to keep it under control, to myself, but it's just got too much. I see no help, I see no solution, I see no escape. My mind wanders off to that dark place where I was so many years ago. I want to join it. I honestly have no idea if I can hold on much longer. I want to let go.
i feel like. i want to kill myself. just plain off myself
i lost my job a month ago. i've been job hunting since then, nobody will hire me or give me a second interview. mom is constantly yelling and screaming at me about "not trying hard enough" and threatening getting rid of my dog and other things because i'm "not giving anything back"
i got on new anti depressants but they make me feel anxiety ridden and i hate them but im scared of weaning myself off them. my adhd medicine isn't working either
my relationship with my boyfriend is rocky, he's been really distant as of late and today i find out second hand that he feels im an obstacle for him being in a polyamorus relationship, which im wildly uncomfortable with in general and i've told him as much. im really hurt by that because it's long distance and i have to trust him but this is making my trust go away and into the negatives. and it makes me feel like all the times he's said he's loved me, etc were just a bunch of bullshit
there's just a huge lump in my chest right now and my mind is full of just thoughts and feelings and itt just makes me feel like i want to walk into traffic. or drive into a ditch. i could just self harm like i used to but im honestly not even seeing the point in that
i lost my job a month ago. i've been job hunting since then, nobody will hire me or give me a second interview. mom is constantly yelling and screaming at me about "not trying hard enough" and threatening getting rid of my dog and other things because i'm "not giving anything back"
i got on new anti depressants but they make me feel anxiety ridden and i hate them but im scared of weaning myself off them. my adhd medicine isn't working either
my relationship with my boyfriend is rocky, he's been really distant as of late and today i find out second hand that he feels im an obstacle for him being in a polyamorus relationship, which im wildly uncomfortable with in general and i've told him as much. im really hurt by that because it's long distance and i have to trust him but this is making my trust go away and into the negatives. and it makes me feel like all the times he's said he's loved me, etc were just a bunch of bullshit
there's just a huge lump in my chest right now and my mind is full of just thoughts and feelings and itt just makes me feel like i want to walk into traffic. or drive into a ditch. i could just self harm like i used to but im honestly not even seeing the point in that
grap3fruitman
Banned
I've been sitting in my bedroom trying to get ready to go to the gym for over two hours at this point. A normal person would've grabbed their things and been out the door in five minutes. It's not me simply "procrastinating," I'm really trying to get up here and I can't.
This happens a lot to me: I struggle to get ready for so long that the chance passes. I mean, that describes my life in general but I'm trying to understand my quirks and figure out what's wrong with me but I don't know what you would call this or what it's a symptom of. I think the rabbit hole goes a lot deeper than just depression and anxiety. Any thoughts?
Edit: Another example? I just finally tried on a shirt I got for Christmas only to find that it's too big and I'm sure it's too late to exchange. I haven't called the insurance company of the guy that rear-ended me on Halloween 2013. I've also been driving on a flat for four months now... I keep spending money on my "hobbies" thinking that "Hobby X will really take off now if I buy Accessory Y!" I'm at ~$600 spent just this week that should have really gone elsewhere. I worked on this post for another half hour. We're at the three hour mark now...
This happens a lot to me: I struggle to get ready for so long that the chance passes. I mean, that describes my life in general but I'm trying to understand my quirks and figure out what's wrong with me but I don't know what you would call this or what it's a symptom of. I think the rabbit hole goes a lot deeper than just depression and anxiety. Any thoughts?
Edit: Another example? I just finally tried on a shirt I got for Christmas only to find that it's too big and I'm sure it's too late to exchange. I haven't called the insurance company of the guy that rear-ended me on Halloween 2013. I've also been driving on a flat for four months now... I keep spending money on my "hobbies" thinking that "Hobby X will really take off now if I buy Accessory Y!" I'm at ~$600 spent just this week that should have really gone elsewhere. I worked on this post for another half hour. We're at the three hour mark now...
tearsofash
Member
I was in the psych ward this weekend. It didn't make a damn bit of difference. I was having panic attacks so bad I could barely leave the bed. I was hallucinating quite a bit as well. I went to my psychiatrist for an emergency visit, they sent me to the hospital. The hospital sent me to the psych ward. I had to tell five different doctors what was going on, and I was so inundated with trying to explain everything that I feel like the importance got lost.
I am tired of going to places where they seem to ignore everything because you admit to suicidal ideations and having panic attacks. Come on guys, I am ALWAYS thinking about killing myself. I have no plan, but the thoughts never leave. I never randomly wake up and say, "hey, I'm going to live!" Just get over it and focus on the fact that I'm blacking out over certain sound triggers and hallucinating like I'm on a permatrip. Like, my walls are moving and shit.
I actually have some motivation to get help and nobody will help me. Fuck this.
I am tired of going to places where they seem to ignore everything because you admit to suicidal ideations and having panic attacks. Come on guys, I am ALWAYS thinking about killing myself. I have no plan, but the thoughts never leave. I never randomly wake up and say, "hey, I'm going to live!" Just get over it and focus on the fact that I'm blacking out over certain sound triggers and hallucinating like I'm on a permatrip. Like, my walls are moving and shit.
I actually have some motivation to get help and nobody will help me. Fuck this.
A Fish Aficionado
I am going to make it through this year if it kills me
How about an outpatient clinic or a public mental health service?
Hospitals, albeit this is from anecdotes, can be hit or miss in terms of mental health.
Are you going to college? See if the suicide hotline or other public/non-profit service can put you into touch with a provider in your area.
Hospitals, albeit this is from anecdotes, can be hit or miss in terms of mental health.
Are you going to college? See if the suicide hotline or other public/non-profit service can put you into touch with a provider in your area.
TheOnlyOneHeEverFeared
Member
Hospitals definitely are unhelpful, at least in this stuff. Maybe look for a third party to provide counselling?
Do you have insurance/a doctor to make an appointment with? I know the feeling. My depression got really bad at one point for me where I got physically sick from it and missed a whole week of work.
You can also PM me if you need to chat about it.
Yeah, I gotta tell my therapist about this next week.
Blackquill
Member
From my (short) experience, hospitals aren't helpful at all...
Anyway, since my own experience at the hospital stopped more than a month ago, I did absolutely NOTHING since that. I saw a therapist once and he told me the only thing that could possibly help me is travel a bit but since it costs a lot, I'm stuck. I met another "therapist" (actually it's someone who I talk about everything and help me to find something good for my next year in college) that I already knew and we find one or two clues but there was a problem with these clues, so no real clues. He told me that he would mail me if he find something so there is still hope but for now I'm just at my house, doing nothing...
Except the week at the hospital, it's been 4 months that I'm just stuck at my house doing absolutely nothing and I'm really starting to go crazy. I break or throw some things in a fit of rage. I don't know what to do know, I just need something cool to do but I really became to angry and depressed for that. Anyone have the slightest idea of what to do ? I'm absolutely tired of this shit
Anyway, since my own experience at the hospital stopped more than a month ago, I did absolutely NOTHING since that. I saw a therapist once and he told me the only thing that could possibly help me is travel a bit but since it costs a lot, I'm stuck. I met another "therapist" (actually it's someone who I talk about everything and help me to find something good for my next year in college) that I already knew and we find one or two clues but there was a problem with these clues, so no real clues. He told me that he would mail me if he find something so there is still hope but for now I'm just at my house, doing nothing...
Except the week at the hospital, it's been 4 months that I'm just stuck at my house doing absolutely nothing and I'm really starting to go crazy. I break or throw some things in a fit of rage. I don't know what to do know, I just need something cool to do but I really became to angry and depressed for that. Anyone have the slightest idea of what to do ? I'm absolutely tired of this shit
MisterLuffy
Member
I just took a test today in my c++ class. It was okay, but I don't think I'm going to pass it. The exam was hard. Especially the last question was the type of question I wasn't able to answer. I bs on the last two questions dealing with writing psuedo code. I failed the quiz, now I'm not so sure I did well the exam. Sigh...wish I had a brain filled with CS information.
You're basically describing me to a T. I could point at so many things in my life and ask myself "why haven't I done this?" and I can't answer. Things from fixing my futon that has been broken for months that would allow me make it into a bed and sleep properly, to responding to debt collectors. I just push everything away.
I wish I could help you
Cizeta-Moroder
Banned
I have a history of pointless whining in this thread, and I apologize.
But now I'm getting pretty comfortable with certain thoughts, feels good.
But now I'm getting pretty comfortable with certain thoughts, feels good.
Had a job interview that went ok. Anxiety was really bad when I woke up this morning but surprisingly not so much before going in. Hopefully I get it but either way pretty big deal for me going to an interview so feeling a pinch of pride, I've come a long way recently.
I have started noticing negative thought patterns returning though. Been like 2 months now since I've seen any friends which is really taking it toll.
I have started noticing negative thought patterns returning though. Been like 2 months now since I've seen any friends which is really taking it toll.
Maybe most of you already know this clip but I thought Id post it again.
The big black dog that's called depression: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=XiCrniLQGYc
I've been feeling particularly shitty again lately, hope things get better soon.
The big black dog that's called depression: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=XiCrniLQGYc
I've been feeling particularly shitty again lately, hope things get better soon.
grap3fruitman
Banned
It's too late for me. Even if my depression magically disappeared overnight, I don't have the slightest idea of how to live a normal life. I'm in too deep and I just want out.
I'm afraid of the effect it'll have on my brothers. They're both depressed too and completely dependent on my financial support. Besides the issues of housing and bills, the youngest would most likely try and off himself too. He's still young. I wish I knew how to help him but I can't even help myself...
I'm afraid of the effect it'll have on my brothers. They're both depressed too and completely dependent on my financial support. Besides the issues of housing and bills, the youngest would most likely try and off himself too. He's still young. I wish I knew how to help him but I can't even help myself...
You help him by being here, alive, by the way.
---
I don't think I'm depressed, but since some days ago, I'm very sad. I feel I'm not good at anything... But I'm actually "ok" at everything. Anyone else have this problem? I can't get good at one particular thing (job, school, competitive gaming, socialize) because I get bored too fast and always want to try something else. So whatever I do, the others are usually much better than me and this seriously affect my self-esteem.
I also don't have any real passion. This makes me kind of boring. I suffered from severe anxiety 4-5 years ago and I was able to recover from that but that made me much more emotionless.
Oh well, I'd like some heads-up (or advices) on this situation.
-ImaginaryInsider
Member
I was severely depressed from 15 to 26, I didn't like to be touched or hugged, struggled to make eye contact, felt so horrible and weird about myself that I no longer felt human.
Then I had an epic breakdown, and after a year of forcing myself to think positively and to smile when I started to ruminate, lots of the more extreme feelings of not feeling human or normal began to fade. I just slowly became more comfortable and began acting more normal without thinking about it.
I never thought I'd get better, I expected to die young and totally alone. I was completely wrong.
TheOnlyOneHeEverFeared
Member
Having a nurse visit every day to check I haven't hurt myself too badly or pulled my stitches is doing my fucking head in. She's very nice and she's very friendly, but its so weird I can't be handling it. I haven't exposed my body to anyone in so many years now it feels even weirder.
PumpkinSpice
Banned
In my experience most hard tests lead a lot of people doing poorly and the prof scaling marks because of it. Might not be as bad as you think!
Burger_Baron
Member
How does one with social anxiety and depression acquire new friends. I haven't seen my friends for a while because of my job taking my time and they being always "busy".
Also I feel like everybody is judging me. I mean everybody, even people that I only briefly pass by. It feels like they hate me and want to get away from me as soon as possible. I think it might be because I have so low self-esteem and I'm reflecting it to my thoughts, don't know for sure.
Also I feel like everybody is judging me. I mean everybody, even people that I only briefly pass by. It feels like they hate me and want to get away from me as soon as possible. I think it might be because I have so low self-esteem and I'm reflecting it to my thoughts, don't know for sure.
bigmit3737
Member
B vitamins have been helping me with energy and anxiety, though I'm taking the active forms of the b-vitamins (Methly B12, Methyl Folate, P5P (B6) etc) which goes straight into your system. For some reason a regular B complex gets me jittery, especially B6.
I'm still experimenting with different brands as I think some don't seem to help at all.
It might help some of you.
I'm still experimenting with different brands as I think some don't seem to help at all.
It might help some of you.
Cizeta-Moroder
Banned
Yeah I can relate. Except that it extends to inanimate objects, too.
I feel similar. I at times suspect laughter at being only directable towards me.
I feel the pressure of eyes from inside cars on me as I walk.
I think it might be some coping mechanism for loneliness in my case, as at least disgust and hate let me know I am somewhere.
megatronium
Member
Hi DepressionGaf. I'm an alcoholic with 1 year sobriety. I've also gone through a variety of diagnosis in the past couple years - MDD, Bipolar, and now mood disorder.
When I was first diagnosed with depression, I was prescribed Zoloft, Ambien, and Xanax all at once. Gradually the Zoloft dosage was increased despite my telling my doctor I was getting worse. It culminated with an accident I was involved in May 2013. I don't remember most of that day but the accident involved another person and it was determined I was drunk at the time. Thank God the other person is doing well!!
I've been charged with three felonies. My wife and I are now separated. We have six kids together and I'm the only one who works. I've pleaded not guilty. I have another court date Monday. My legal situation has been going on since the day of the accident which is close to two years.
I'm now taking 250mg of Lamictal and it seems to have evened me out. My advice: Don't just take whatever the doctor gives you without seeing a psychiatrist first. I currently see both a psychiatrist and a counselor. Both help a lot more than a family doctor. I also go to AA five times a week and am actively involved with my church - This combination is the only way I'm still sane and not suicidal anymore.
Hopefully this helps someone. If anyone has any questions, I'm an open book.
When I was first diagnosed with depression, I was prescribed Zoloft, Ambien, and Xanax all at once. Gradually the Zoloft dosage was increased despite my telling my doctor I was getting worse. It culminated with an accident I was involved in May 2013. I don't remember most of that day but the accident involved another person and it was determined I was drunk at the time. Thank God the other person is doing well!!
I've been charged with three felonies. My wife and I are now separated. We have six kids together and I'm the only one who works. I've pleaded not guilty. I have another court date Monday. My legal situation has been going on since the day of the accident which is close to two years.
I'm now taking 250mg of Lamictal and it seems to have evened me out. My advice: Don't just take whatever the doctor gives you without seeing a psychiatrist first. I currently see both a psychiatrist and a counselor. Both help a lot more than a family doctor. I also go to AA five times a week and am actively involved with my church - This combination is the only way I'm still sane and not suicidal anymore.
Hopefully this helps someone. If anyone has any questions, I'm an open book.
NinJaSQUARE
Member
I really do feel like I'm losing motivation. I really need somebody to talk because right now, I feel so scared about my friendships...
Unknown One
Member
Talk to your friends. You'll lose it if you don't try to maintain it.
My procrastination is getting kind of extreme.
I withdrew from the last semester of college because I just stopped going to classes. Papers were due, and as usual I waited until the very last minute - and then I kept waiting, and didn't even start. Then I couldn't go to those classes because I couldn't face the fact that I would have nothing to turn in, and so I just stopped going.
Now, halfway through the current semester, I can't help the feeling that I haven't changed - haven't improved - at all. I've got an assignment I have to do - not a particularly hard one, either, just one that will take some time and effort - and I just can't bring myself to do it.
It's actually making me feel sick - I don't know if it's guilt or pressure or what. I can't make myself do the work!
I've also been looking back at my college experience and I can't help but feel like I've wasted my time. I've built no lasting friendships, I have no relationship with any of my professors, and I never joined a club. Why? I don't know. I think I used the fact that I live with my parents as an excuse a lot of the time, a justification for my staying in my comfort zone. And for the first couple of years, it wasn't bad. I didn't feel too lonely, and I thought I could get through all four years easily.
I guess I underestimated how much loneliness and disappointment can accumulate over time. I'm going to leave college with very little to show for it. I don't feel that I've really grown as a person - I certainly haven't become a better person. I can't help but feel like I've procrastinated my college years away, and that I'm going to procrastinate my life away. I always avoid anything that's even slightly uncomfortable, and for what? To stay mildly sad and unfulfilled, trying to convince myself that my future self will somehow have solved everything? If I could change myself, wouldn't I have done it already?
I dunno.
I withdrew from the last semester of college because I just stopped going to classes. Papers were due, and as usual I waited until the very last minute - and then I kept waiting, and didn't even start. Then I couldn't go to those classes because I couldn't face the fact that I would have nothing to turn in, and so I just stopped going.
Now, halfway through the current semester, I can't help the feeling that I haven't changed - haven't improved - at all. I've got an assignment I have to do - not a particularly hard one, either, just one that will take some time and effort - and I just can't bring myself to do it.
It's actually making me feel sick - I don't know if it's guilt or pressure or what. I can't make myself do the work!
I've also been looking back at my college experience and I can't help but feel like I've wasted my time. I've built no lasting friendships, I have no relationship with any of my professors, and I never joined a club. Why? I don't know. I think I used the fact that I live with my parents as an excuse a lot of the time, a justification for my staying in my comfort zone. And for the first couple of years, it wasn't bad. I didn't feel too lonely, and I thought I could get through all four years easily.
I guess I underestimated how much loneliness and disappointment can accumulate over time. I'm going to leave college with very little to show for it. I don't feel that I've really grown as a person - I certainly haven't become a better person. I can't help but feel like I've procrastinated my college years away, and that I'm going to procrastinate my life away. I always avoid anything that's even slightly uncomfortable, and for what? To stay mildly sad and unfulfilled, trying to convince myself that my future self will somehow have solved everything? If I could change myself, wouldn't I have done it already?
I dunno.
User 479360
Banned
I'm starting to wonder if I have lupus, because I have a lot of the early signs and have dealt with random joint pain and terrible fatigue/exhaustion for about a year now. I'm going to get checked for it later next week.
This last little while, I've had limited energy and have been sleeping a lot. Not a lot of interest in doing much, either.
I've been trying to date, and have become obsessed with online dating apps, but I haven't had a lot of luck. I'm not great at that type of thing.
Yesterday was another low, as I think I almost had a mental breakdown and seriously considered committing myself for two weeks. But I don't want to do that, because the food will surely be gross, my family needs my help and I may lose my writing job.
This last little while, I've had limited energy and have been sleeping a lot. Not a lot of interest in doing much, either.
I've been trying to date, and have become obsessed with online dating apps, but I haven't had a lot of luck. I'm not great at that type of thing.
Yesterday was another low, as I think I almost had a mental breakdown and seriously considered committing myself for two weeks. But I don't want to do that, because the food will surely be gross, my family needs my help and I may lose my writing job.
Same thing happens to me, pretty brutal. I'd love to just have normal boring life right now haha.
freshVeggie
Member
Had a "real talk" with my dad where he very directly told me that I am wasting my life. That once he is gone I will starve to death and that I absolutely have to do something now. He doesn't mean it bad and he didn't say it to hurt me either. It crushed me very bad when he told me that he can't take seeing me like this anymore and that it is chipping away at his substance.
I can't find any motivation in me to fight against agoraphobia though.
No clue how to get motivated or pump up my self esteem either.
How do you guys do it?
I can't find any motivation in me to fight against agoraphobia though.
No clue how to get motivated or pump up my self esteem either.
How do you guys do it?
IceDoesntHelp
Banned
I'm so close to losing my mind.
I am extremely unhappy with where my life is and looks to be headed.
I have nothing to look forward to right now.
I'm always getting pushed around at work by the other employees. I feel insignificant and that no matter what I do I'll never be happy or liked.
This is the worst I've ever felt. I'm thinking about suicide again, and how I just want everything gone. This is August 2013 all over again, just worse.
I know about the suicide hotlines, and I know to call one if I ever feel like taking my own life, I'm just frustrated with everything, and I'm pretty sure I'm depressed.
All of this because I couldn't continue my transition (m2f trans)...so now I'm worse than I was before.
I am extremely unhappy with where my life is and looks to be headed.
I have nothing to look forward to right now.
I'm always getting pushed around at work by the other employees. I feel insignificant and that no matter what I do I'll never be happy or liked.
This is the worst I've ever felt. I'm thinking about suicide again, and how I just want everything gone. This is August 2013 all over again, just worse.
I know about the suicide hotlines, and I know to call one if I ever feel like taking my own life, I'm just frustrated with everything, and I'm pretty sure I'm depressed.
All of this because I couldn't continue my transition (m2f trans)...so now I'm worse than I was before.
A Fish Aficionado
I am going to make it through this year if it kills me
And they usually start at a small dose that may not be therapeutic yet. Just to get your body used to them.
Velcro Fly
Member
it's been almost a year later and I think the resolve I found within myself about the time I posted this saved my life. i don't think i've ever spoken truer words than this post. I'm not 100% yet but I'm in such a better place than I was just before I posted this. I've come back and read that post probably a dozen or so times just when I'm feeling down or having a bad day.
kinda makes me feel a bit silly that of all things that got me to turn my life around was a lesson i learned from a video game.
-hug-
Anti-depressants don't seem to be helping me at all. Been taking Wellbutrin for a while now, but I don't feel any different. Went from regular Wellbutrin, to XL, now on to SR.
Nothing is helping. These past 12 months of my life have been the worst of my life. Lost all my friends essentially, no job. Every night I hope that I don't wake up again, and in the morning I lament the fact that I have to exist. I don't see my life ever improving, so I think I'll try to asphyxiate myself with helium or something painless in the future.
Nothing is helping. These past 12 months of my life have been the worst of my life. Lost all my friends essentially, no job. Every night I hope that I don't wake up again, and in the morning I lament the fact that I have to exist. I don't see my life ever improving, so I think I'll try to asphyxiate myself with helium or something painless in the future.
Perhaps you don't have clinical depression but something else causing the depressed moods? There are a lot of causes for depression and extra serotonin might not help if it isn't what is causing issues.
A Fish Aficionado
I am going to make it through this year if it kills me
Wellbutrin by itself didn't work for me either.
Talk to your prescribing doctor about it.
Talk to your prescribing doctor about it.
Has anyone here taken the anti-depressant Brintellix? My Dr gave me 2 weeks worth of samples yesterday and told me it was for A.D.D but worked on serotonin unlike Adderall and Ritalin. Then I went home to read more about it and it's not a drug for A.D.D, it's an anti-depressant that supposedly works well on improving concentration. Just curious if anyone here has had any experience they can share about it. It's a newer drug, isn't even available in generic form yet.
Ally of Justice
Member
A lot of bad things happened to me some months ago and I've lost all motivation, energy and I can't sleep for long without having nightmares.
I'm pretty sure I'm losing my job this week which means no medical attention unless paying for private attention (which I can't afford, being the main provider of my home), so I can't go see a psychiatrist (is that the correct word?) and I can't either think about medications like anti-depressants.
I lost all my friends so I can't go out with them. I have pretty low self-esteem so I'm pretty sure I'll feel even worse if I go out by myself and I'm tired as hell.
I have to start looking for a job. Any suggestions on how to regain motivation?
I'm pretty sure I'm losing my job this week which means no medical attention unless paying for private attention (which I can't afford, being the main provider of my home), so I can't go see a psychiatrist (is that the correct word?) and I can't either think about medications like anti-depressants.
I lost all my friends so I can't go out with them. I have pretty low self-esteem so I'm pretty sure I'll feel even worse if I go out by myself and I'm tired as hell.
I have to start looking for a job. Any suggestions on how to regain motivation?
Dunedain_Ranger
Member
Here's my situation gaf had a medical issue everything came back great twice . In those three months I stressed and sunk and built a bad anxiety problem that I just recognized. My doctor saw it and suggest venlafaxine and I've been taking it for two weeks and I just don't want to be on it . I don't quite get it I have a good job great wife three awesome kids and plenty to be grateful for . This anxiety peeked when I thought this medical condition was going to take my life. Now I can't sleep well the medication just slowed my thoughts down. I just feel so helpless . I was the complete opposite person I am now and I hate it . Have any of you solved your anxiety and depression without meds ?
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