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Messing around with someone's wife while they're away.
- Thread starter Cauliflower of Love
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AlternativeUlster
Absolutely pathetic part deux
IF you have the chance, the marriage is already broke so yay.
kame-sennin
Member
I'm going to have to go against the grain a little bit here. Unlike most of sexist gaf, I don't think a husband owns his wife, so she's free to do what she wants. And that doesn't make her a "whore" either. There a lots of reasons people cheat, most of them bad, but some are logical. I also don't give a shit about the institution of marriage. It's an ancient tradition based on property ownership and it seems to be forced on most people through society. In my opinion, monogamy isn't for everyone, which is why situations like this arise in the first place. The things you have to consider are; the state of the relationship, your connection with the husband (if any), your feelings for the woman, and whether or not there are children (if there are, I'd encourage you not to do it). No matter what, you're not going to find the answer on gaf. You have to consider that most of the people in this thread are either:
1) Men who've been cheated on.
2) Virgins.
or
3) Wanna-be tough guys.
It's not exactly an impartial group of people. The first two are offended by the impropriety (perhaps rightly so), and the third is looking for justification for their violent urges.
And for the record, the odds that you're going to get killed are pretty low. I imagine you know whether the husband is capable of that kind of thing or not, but I don't think very many people are.
My final thought on this is that if you're in love with this woman, go for it (especially if you don't think the husband is). If not, don't. I personally couldn't bring myself to do it; I saw a cuckhold ball his eyes out on Maury once and it put things into perspective for me. I wouldn't want to risk inflicting that kind of pain, but I can understand why some people would take that risk. I guess I'm giving you a mixed message, but that's because it's not as simple as gaf is trying to make it out to be. Some of the people in this thread sound like they're still living in the dark ages, preventing ignorant harlots from betraying their masters and giving into their sinful, lustful natures.
You're creeping me out. I can't imagine how a healthy relationship could be formed around that kind of threat.
1) Men who've been cheated on.
2) Virgins.
or
3) Wanna-be tough guys.
It's not exactly an impartial group of people. The first two are offended by the impropriety (perhaps rightly so), and the third is looking for justification for their violent urges.
And for the record, the odds that you're going to get killed are pretty low. I imagine you know whether the husband is capable of that kind of thing or not, but I don't think very many people are.
My final thought on this is that if you're in love with this woman, go for it (especially if you don't think the husband is). If not, don't. I personally couldn't bring myself to do it; I saw a cuckhold ball his eyes out on Maury once and it put things into perspective for me. I wouldn't want to risk inflicting that kind of pain, but I can understand why some people would take that risk. I guess I'm giving you a mixed message, but that's because it's not as simple as gaf is trying to make it out to be. Some of the people in this thread sound like they're still living in the dark ages, preventing ignorant harlots from betraying their masters and giving into their sinful, lustful natures.
ImperialConquest said:
You're creeping me out. I can't imagine how a healthy relationship could be formed around that kind of threat.
Tyrannical
Banned
beermonkey@tehbias said:
But in Texas the suicide is optional. 18 months in jail isn't so bad.
But you MUST kill (or at least try to) both of them for a crime of passion.
Night_Trekker
Member
kame-sennin said:
That is one of the most worthless, full of shit posts I've ever seen on GAF. And that's saying a lot.
God, this thread is a fucking disaster.
Night_Trekker
Member
Fuzzery said:
He brings up no good points at all. He slings the same old blanket insults at the GAFfers who disagree with him to invalidate their input, and then he basically says, "You should do what you want because MARRIAGE IS SLAVERY FIGHT THE POWER REVOLUTION!" like some disaffected teenager talking out of his ass.
Marriage is about control? Marriage is about a lot of different things to a lot of different people, but primarily it's about love and commitment, from both sides. In the best cases, it's an equal partnership. There is nothing to indicate this woman was forced into marriage by an ogre of a man who wanted to control her.
RF is talking about taking it upon himself to say, "Hey, guess what? I don't care what you personally value. I don't care if you love your wife and trust her. I don't care that you both entered into trusting, monogamous relationship, because I wanna fuck and what I want is the most important thing in the world." And then he looks for support from the thread to back up the plan of action he's already decided he'll take. That's self-centered and cowardly as hell.
I'm not entirely convinced this isn't a joke thread, or an attempt to "get people talking", but man... I'm surprised by how many of you guys sure are concerned only with yourselves. Surprised and disgusted, and I already had a very low opinion of the average poster in these kind of threads based on earlier lurking. That's some accomplishment.
In any case, I'm out of here. RF is either putting us all on or he's going to do whatever makes him happy, regardless of the consequences, and then he'll come up with countless reasons he was right to do what he did while some of you cheer him on like he did something to be proud of. I'm not sticking around for that nonsense.
beelzebozo
Jealous Bastard
though it seems he's already left the thread permanently, i just wanted to say i like night trekker. the dude has moral fiber, and i dig that
Night_Trekker said:
First off, as you said, marriage is a lot of different things to different people. If the wife is looking around for potential sex partners while her husband is away, that is HER prerogative to do so, and if she is ready to jeopardize the "trusting monogamous" relationship for her lust, then the fact is, the marriage might not be as idyllic as you paint it to be. But as kame-sennin said, the wife is ultimately free to pursue that course of action, and at that point, SHE is the one responsible for the consequences, as it is her marriage after all. As for all the anguish that it will cause the husband, well, consider this situation:
Random guy is in love with single girl. Girl is creeped out by guy, but starts coming onto you. You and girl date, enter relationship, get engaged. Random guy is heartbroken and anguished. Would you feel bad? Would you have dated the girl in the first place if you knew random guy would be heartbroken?
Anyway, I think the point he wanted to make was that, given the small amount of information given by RF, it is impossible to determine accurately how he should proceed. I mean, personally, I think it'd only be a good course of action in a limited number of cases.
The Shadow
Member
kame-sennin said:
Wow. Someone with some real fucking insight at GAF. nice.
The fact is, marriage is not ownership. He or she is free to do as they choose. If she is going to sleep with someone while the husband is away, then there is something missing in that relationship. If that act breaks the relationship, so be it. If it fixes it by exposing the things that are wrong in the marriage, so be it.
Honestly, the so-called moral compass of GAF is all over the map. Moreover, the dichotomy of it is disgusting, unrealistic, and typical of people who have yet to be exposed to real life situations. They make their moral judgment calls based on what they've read in comics or watched on TV which often has very simple and obvious moral choices in their storyline; not the moral gradients you find in real life.
Nothing in life is black and white, GAF. Grow the fuck up.
The Shadow said:
No shit. We have people that HAVE moral compasses and people that don't. We have, in at least small numbers, people representing a lot of different political, religious, and philosophical perspectives. So as a collective we're all over the map.
Yeah, in comic books cheating is bad, but in real life it's actually okay. It's only the medium that makes it bad. Riiiight.
Bullshit. A metric fuckton of stuff in real life is black and white. It just so happens that the consequences of this action, clearly in the black , lie in the civil liability area and not the criminal area.
* * *
If marriage is ownership it is joint ownership. You are as much your wife's as she is yours.
And you're right, cheating doesn't make her a whore, she'd have to accept money for that.
It does make her a slut, as well someone that broke an oath, a contract - someone not to be trusted.
Tim the Wiz
Banned
No.
Double-no if you're in Texas.
Double-no if you're in Texas.
Tim the Wiz
Banned
The Shadow said:
No, you need to grow the fuck up. However much you want to rationalize it with your fucked up reasoning cheating is wrong. If the relationship is bad, and the significant other is made to realize that it's over before his/her partner moves on, then yeah, there's basis in that. (of course, there's going to be some cases where the relationship is so bad that one of the partners isn't going to owe the other anything at all, but these cases aren't the par for course) Otherwise, it's deceit, plain and simple, and worse, it's the kind of deceit that creates a lot of pain, even worse if there's children involved.
kame-sennin said:
WTF dude. Marriage is not owner ship but it is about TRUST. Like trusting the one you love not to fuck around behind your back. I saw it firsthand with my best friend and our other supposed friend screwing around with his wife while were gone for a weekend. It's even worse when a kid is involved. And that wasn't about her being in love with this other guy and from what the OP is saying this isn't about love. If you truly fall in love with someone else then she should have the decency and respect to divorce the guy before she shacks up with her "new love"
AlternativeUlster
Absolutely pathetic part deux
Ponn01 said:
Well, it sounds like they shouldn't have gotten married then.
kame-sennin
Member
Night_Trekker said:
Yea, it was really late at night but I shouldn't have started calling people virgins. I was just trying to explain why people where freaking out about the whole thing, and part of it is due to a lack of experience (i.e. virgins) or a really bad experience (men who've been cheated on).However, I won't take back the accusation of sexism, the words "slut" and "whore" have been thrown about so loosely and often that my point is validated.
Also, this:
The Shadow said:
Basically sums up that my point
Ponn01 said:
Late 20th century, pop-culture concept of marriage =/= the entirety of the history of marriage. Historically, marriage has been about property ownership and forging alliances. The concept of love and trust as a pre-requisite only came into popularity fairly recently (speaking proportionately). It's also a bit naive to insinuate that people marry each other for completely altruistic reasons, free of societal pressures. We all know what the stigma of an "unmarried woman" is, and we all know how little girls are conditioned at an impressionable age to fantasize about marriage. Most people view marriage as an inevitability and something necessary to give them fulfillment. This seems completely insane when you consider how difficult monogamy is for most people and how unlikely it is that anyone will really find a "perfect match". You can say I'm a childish rebel, but statistics back me up. When you look at the divorce rates, it's clear that most people aren't cut out for marriage, or at least aren't with the right person.
platypotamus
Member
kame-sennin said:
The history of marriage has little-to-no actual meaning to an actual present day marriage, and the actual implications of such. I spend very little time reflecting on the lack of goats given to me as dowry when I married, for example.
Monogamy may not be for everyone, as you said, but the people that it isn't for shouldn't enter into an avowed monogamous relationship then, should they?
kame-sennin said:
Thankfully we are in the year 2007, almost 2008. Historically people also got married early, 10 - 12 years old. Now you get threwn in jail for such things. Whats your point?
Nobodies arguing against that. Thankfully they don't cut women's heads off instead of just getting a divorce anymore. It's called becoming more civil. Kind of like BOTH men and women regaining trust and reputation and getting a divorce instead of screwing around the one you married's back.
Sirpopopop
Member
Fuck this thread, making me agree with JayDubya.
I HATE THIS THREAD!!!
I HATE THIS THREAD!!!
Tyrone Slothrop
Banned
i normally dont like putting in my 2 cents in the OT unless its about movies or something of the like... but adultery, from a strictly moral point of view, is wrong. but... that said, i have engaged in it. she was a promiscuous trophy wife who was looking for a bit of fun while her hubby was on a week-long drinking binge, so i figured their relationship was so dysfunctional i wasn't really crossing any lines.
now if this were some leave it to beaver household, i definitely would not have had sex with said wife. but here, the hubby clearly didn't have family as a top priority anyway
now if this were some leave it to beaver household, i definitely would not have had sex with said wife. but here, the hubby clearly didn't have family as a top priority anyway
Tyrone Slothrop said:
If there's anything I've learned from the thread about a dude's girlfriend getting a train run on her, it's that women will lie when it comes to sex.
I actually learned that before I read that thread, but still. This woman's husband was probably on a business trip making money to feed her expensive habits, and she was being a selfish bitch.
I just have a problem with the fact that I would be sleeping with somebody who doesn't have the decency to give her husband some clarity to the situation. There's going to be times in a marriage where things are confusing or unclear. Temporary lapses in communication. That's fine, but just based on the marriage principles of trust, you owe it to your partner to define where the relationship or lack of one stands when it gets to the point it can hurt your partner.
Allow him or her to make a choice for themself, have some ammount of control in their own life. That's what's so selfish about cheating, is that you're not only satisfying your own pleasures, but taking something from your partner. Not the ownership factor but a choice in how to live their life.
If I'm the 3rd party stepping into the relationship, I'd have a hard time simply getting with or "loving" someone that selfish. Just a bit of discipline can save someone a lot of pain. Temporary or not - that's where it's out of my hands.
Allow him or her to make a choice for themself, have some ammount of control in their own life. That's what's so selfish about cheating, is that you're not only satisfying your own pleasures, but taking something from your partner. Not the ownership factor but a choice in how to live their life.
If I'm the 3rd party stepping into the relationship, I'd have a hard time simply getting with or "loving" someone that selfish. Just a bit of discipline can save someone a lot of pain. Temporary or not - that's where it's out of my hands.
Cauliflower of Love
Banned
Man, you guys don't stop. It's weird seeing how important the physical relationship is to people, when for me at it's almost the least important. She's a fairly average looking person, as am I, no supermodels here. It's entirely personality chemistry thing. I'm not into the whole "doing the married girl to upstand the husband" or any superiority thing.
It's also pretty crazy how people are so quick to call someone a whore/cunt/bitch/etc.
I did endulge in a lovely 18 yr old whisky last night and this morning though. Yum. But from this point foward I'm not going to be diddling any married women. Without at least the husband watching in the corner or something.
(the guy could probaly kick and kill my as simultaneously btw).
It's also pretty crazy how people are so quick to call someone a whore/cunt/bitch/etc.
I did endulge in a lovely 18 yr old whisky last night and this morning though. Yum. But from this point foward I'm not going to be diddling any married women. Without at least the husband watching in the corner or something.
(the guy could probaly kick and kill my as simultaneously btw).
Tyrone Slothrop
Banned
if the basis for an affair is anything but physical, you most definitely want to bail out
like i said: its wrong. but if you do it, just do your thing at the no-tell motel and move along without looking back
like i said: its wrong. but if you do it, just do your thing at the no-tell motel and move along without looking back
crowphoenix
Banned
Onix said:
That, and the fact that he's probably spouting that only because it'd get him what he wants.
Kestastrophe
Member
Agreed; never trust a woman's story (or a man's, for that matter) about their husband / partner / boyfriend / ex / etc. In the case of someone who says they're willing to cheat on their sig. other with you, the one thing you really know is, they're explicitly saying they're not an innocent party.Cryptozoologist said:
Zombie James
Banned
Don't be an ass. Nay.
dskillzhtown
keep your strippers out of my American football
Nameless said:
Best advice of the thread. Just don't get caught.
If she is cheating, the marriage is in some dire straits. I know of a former couple and the wife was cheating basically because the husband was an ass. She wanted to feel cared for and treated nicely. So she went out of the marriage to find that. Eventually, she decided she needed to just get out of the marriage all together as her husband would never be the man that she wanted him to be. In a perfect world, she would have just told her husband what the relationship was lacking, and if he didn't deliver, move on. But what happened, happened.
Now, if the husband was hitting the wife, telling her she was ugly, treating her like a 6-year old (all of this was going on), then does he deserve for her to be faithful?
DanielJohnson
Banned
RumpledForeskin said:
Thread Title said:
Ironic? I think so.
Seriously, though. The part you focused on was *gasp* the part everyone else focused on. If you've already been hanging out, I personally consider it an affair, but would definitely not want it to go any further.
Future PhaZe
Member
I generally say no. But if there are no kids involved and they are under the age of 24, then fuck it, it depends on if you think you'll get caught. I say those ages and circumstances because in most cases its a fairly young couple that probably isn't losing a lot out of a possible break up.
kame-sennin
Member
platypotamus said:
Ponn01 said:
You've both taken my argument out of context and applied no critical thinking to what I said. My point is that with regards to marriage, I don't think the word means what people think it means. As I said, it was designed as a way of organizing and trading property, and now that very same system is saddled with modern concepts of love and cooperation. My contention is that the two ideologies do not fit. Marriage worked in the past because men could do whatever they wanted and women knew not to step out of line. Now that things have (thankfully) changed at least in the west, it's a bit more difficult to keep a marriage together, hence a ~60% divorce rate. Of course there are other reasons, but trying to apply an ancient institution to modern values can have disastrous results.
RumpledForeskin said:
It's sickening and pathetic.
AltogetherAndrews
Member
kame-sennin said:
Sure, but breaking a promise is always wrong. And that's what cheating is. It means that you're shitting all over the idea of trust and fidelity, and that's not a good thing. If keeping your word and staying faithful somehow goes against your idea of "freedom", then there is a very simple solution: don't be married. Or specifically, do not promise fidelity to anyone. And as for the third party, it's just plain not a cool thing to do. And as with many uncool things that one does, it comes with a risk. A beating may not be reasonable, but few people are capable of putting reason first when confronted with betrayal.
kame-sennin
Member
AltogetherAndrews said:
I completely agree with this. I was just trying to present the other side of the issue, and explain that there are exceptions when good people cheat.
Cauliflower of Love
Banned
Don't fall for married people kids, it sucks!
(no I haven't done anything, unless you count torturing yourself doing something)
(no I haven't done anything, unless you count torturing yourself doing something)
perryfarrell
Member
Why did you bump this thread?
You did do something, didn't ya?
You did do something, didn't ya?
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