Good points
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My brother is a massive racist, and I feel broken
- Thread starter Geist-
- Start date
Good points
Miles Quaritch
Member
The fuck.
Psychoward
Banned
Also before I go to sleep, I can understand having trouble with completely cutting out your parents depending on the severity of their beliefs but I don't understand why so many people seemingly jump through hoops to justify why they willingly hang out with "friends" who are racist, sexist etc.
How can you even enjoy being near them or talking about anything knowing what they believe?
There's billions of people in this world, don't settle for the shitty ones.
How can you even enjoy being near them or talking about anything knowing what they believe?
There's billions of people in this world, don't settle for the shitty ones.
They will endure it as long as it wont affect them directly, just like Trump they complain but they wont do anything and will just endure these four years while others people rights are violated.
Psychoward
Banned
Even still, I'm white, I'm a male and yet I'll still be upset when other people are racist or sexist because hey those are objectively bad qualities. And yes I've completely cut out past people in my life because they were racist and/or sexist no matter what happened before. One tried using the "we've been friends for 5 years" defense despite him saying some pretty horrid shit and me finally reaching my breaking point. So I know what it's like too, I'm not speaking from a position of social unawareness.
I'm not even trying to be holier-than-thou, I just don't understand the disconnect of recognizing racism etc. as bad, seeing one of your friends be racist and then ignore it and continue to hang out with them. Like I think not being a bigot isn't some snobbish, sheltered request to ask of my friends.
excelsiorlef
Member
Psychoward
Banned
Also talked with someone from my high school today who didn't turn out to be a complete idiot thankfully, and she told me a story about someone I had been friends with before I cut him off.
The time line goes
- guy is a hardcore republican, votes trump
- meets Ecuadorian illegal immigrant a month later
- lies to girl and says he voted for Hillary and that he's sorry trump won
- continues dating, they sleep together
- he's now visiting her in her hometown in Ecuador right now
What the FUCK, and to think some people would have stayed silent and/or stayed friends with him because hey lol civil rights and treating human beings with respect are debatable qualities.
The time line goes
- guy is a hardcore republican, votes trump
- meets Ecuadorian illegal immigrant a month later
- lies to girl and says he voted for Hillary and that he's sorry trump won
- continues dating, they sleep together
- he's now visiting her in her hometown in Ecuador right now
What the FUCK, and to think some people would have stayed silent and/or stayed friends with him because hey lol civil rights and treating human beings with respect are debatable qualities.
excelsiorlef
Member
Jesus that shit is going to get fucked up when the woman finds out the truth, especially if he still harbours all his ill thoughts and is just pretending...
Messofanego
Banned
Bigotry and racism IS just a different worldview and belief on the political spectrum when it doesn't directly affect you but some other group of people. Maintaining peace, order, and family ties is way more important and EASIER than confronting the racism 😉
All this ignorance and peacekeeping is what leads to "lone wolf" racist terrorist acts, but hey we never talked about politics, so I had no idea. He was such a sweet boy who never seemed the radicalisation type!
All this ignorance and peacekeeping is what leads to "lone wolf" racist terrorist acts, but hey we never talked about politics, so I had no idea. He was such a sweet boy who never seemed the radicalisation type!
Psychoward
Banned
Yeah she told me that was the impression she got. I hope he gets slapped. A lot. And then some more.
Really like it's just about the scummiest thing I've heard someone I know personally do and the fact that it's from someone I used to consider a good friend makes me both mad that I was ever his friend and relieved that I got out years ago.
TestOfTide
Banned
Honestly, your brother isn't going to hangs his views until he is put into a situation where he HAS to change his views, which means you only have a couple of options:
- Convince your parents to start punishing your brother until he stops being racist.
- Force/convince your brother into a situation where he has to choose between his racism or his own safety.
- Convince your parents to start punishing your brother until he stops being racist.
- Force/convince your brother into a situation where he has to choose between his racism or his own safety.
excelsiorlef
Member
Fuck if that relationship goes sour the asshole will probably try to get her deported
Stepping out of your bubble is a good way to reshape your ideas, he should travel and experience other cultures and people, it will have a profound impact on what he believes in. That's the remedy, hard part is for people like him to accept that they should.
Racism shouldn't be swept under the carpet though, it's a form of extremists thought, one that will rot your mind and will manifest into some form of discrimination. Some more severe then others .
Racism shouldn't be swept under the carpet though, it's a form of extremists thought, one that will rot your mind and will manifest into some form of discrimination. Some more severe then others .
Some beliefs are worth defending, some aren't. Believing in your own racial superiority and letting those beliefs influence your interactions and voting habits is most definitely not worth defending.
This ain't shit you sweep under the rug. "Leave politics out of it" is basically just plugging your ears and going "lalalalalaaa".
Make it clear you don't want to hear all this shit, "stop texting me on nonsense". It sounds like he's beyond rational conversation at the moment. But people change. I wouldn't lose hope that he'll come around.
What the hell does this mean?
What the hell does this mean?
Wait till he's married and sleep with his wife....
http://www.neogaf.com/forum/showpost.php?p=225306653&postcount=1926
http://www.neogaf.com/forum/showpost.php?p=225306653&postcount=1926
aygomyownroad
Member
2 years younger, how old is he OP?
We all do stupid things as kids/teens, its hopefully a phase he will grow out of.
You need to stick by him, love him, try and slowly work around to stopping the racism, and also try not to get too passionate about your views with him, it will have a negative effect on him.
Me and my cousin are like you two, we even work together. We are not racist but hold severally different view points. At first it was quite awkward as any conversations we had if a hint of politics (or in the case of the time the Scottish Independence Referendum) we would have very very heated debates.
Now we talk about all sorts of things and yes our view points differ we are at a level now where we respect each others view points and can have a good discussion and even agree on things.
There is no place for racism but he needs to be told that you can't get away with these things in life in the real world. For his political views, fake news is a killer, but try and have discussions about it, get his view point, work out how he is believing what he is believing and get to know him more.
I couldn't cut my cousin off, we are different but that is a good thing. We can't all be the same.
We all do stupid things as kids/teens, its hopefully a phase he will grow out of.
You need to stick by him, love him, try and slowly work around to stopping the racism, and also try not to get too passionate about your views with him, it will have a negative effect on him.
Me and my cousin are like you two, we even work together. We are not racist but hold severally different view points. At first it was quite awkward as any conversations we had if a hint of politics (or in the case of the time the Scottish Independence Referendum) we would have very very heated debates.
Now we talk about all sorts of things and yes our view points differ we are at a level now where we respect each others view points and can have a good discussion and even agree on things.
There is no place for racism but he needs to be told that you can't get away with these things in life in the real world. For his political views, fake news is a killer, but try and have discussions about it, get his view point, work out how he is believing what he is believing and get to know him more.
I couldn't cut my cousin off, we are different but that is a good thing. We can't all be the same.
jipewithin
Member
Really sad situation OP, what ever you decide to do be strong. It wont be easy. Best of luck.
That sounds really horrible.
This approach is what you should at least try, if it doesn't work then well... then you can do what most in here would do instantly, cut all ties.
Are you actually advocating violence? Not sure if you are kidding or actually think OP should beat his brother up? Wow. Seriously? Im shocked all posters let this slide.
That sounds really horrible.
Are you saying that only parents have the authority to debate/convince/argue with people?
darkinstinct
...lacks reading comprehension.
My dad is xenophobic, after years of trying I gave up. It's what he is. You can't try to reason with people. You can only hope that they make experiences that change their stance. Doesn't mean they are bad people. You just have to know what discussions you have and which subjects you should avoid when talking to each other.
Lol okay
Shadowhelper
Banned
Every piece of shit ever born has family. I think it's actually a great litmus test of what you actually believe. If it doesn't bother you enough to make an issue out of it, I don't think you actually care about racism. Perhaps just in an intellectual way, you subconsciously understand you should be against racism to be accepted in society, but deep down, if you can hand waive it away, you don't really care. Some might even say it makes you racist as well, if you accept it in others.
excelsiorlef
Member
Massive Duck. C.M.
Banned
Maybe other people read the whole thread, I dunno
Chuckie
Member
Wow this is so sad and fucked up
Not sure why you haven't talked to your mom though. What does she have to do with it.
I don't think that all racist are bad people, most of the time they are just ignorant. In middle east "religion" tells you to hate western people. Politics tells you to hate immigrants. Television tells you to hate North Koreans.
I would advice to talk to your brother and to patiently try to present facts to him to make him understand your point of view. The best weapon against racism is knowledge. Also listen to him, make him talk about what he belives, and than ask him to support his claims with objective facts. It could be that he gradually understands by himself that racism is based on anecdotal evidence and bias.
Racists have a brain like anyone else and they can think for themselves.
Nevermind the fact that not all politics out there is based on racism, and I don't even know what you're watching if you hate the people of North Korea.
If you can convince him to think otherwise try if not possible just let him go.
Since i came from a small village i also was a bit xenophobic as a child/early teen but when i made new friends and meet some different people outside that village bubble it really helped and quickly changed my xenophobic views.
But honestly for change you need a open mind if that's not the case it will be a hard case changing his view. But if you already tried that then you did all you can. Just drop him and if he cares a bit he might knock on your door later on in live.
Since i came from a small village i also was a bit xenophobic as a child/early teen but when i made new friends and meet some different people outside that village bubble it really helped and quickly changed my xenophobic views.
But honestly for change you need a open mind if that's not the case it will be a hard case changing his view. But if you already tried that then you did all you can. Just drop him and if he cares a bit he might knock on your door later on in live.
I'm not a fan of dropping people out of your life when you are in a prime position to challenge their beliefs. Instead, educate yourself as much as possible, and confront their racism every chance you get.
Maybe it gets to a point where you give up on changing his mind, but I would encourage you to try first.
Maybe it gets to a point where you give up on changing his mind, but I would encourage you to try first.
Debatable. Recent advances in neuroscience suggest that the opposite is true, however not conclusively.
DoctorFling
Member
My brother isn't as extreme as that but he has a lot of incredibly shitty views that he picked up from being an internet weirdo. We've never been close so it's not a big issue, it's just funny how we're complete opposites in almost every regard.
I hang out regularly with a good friend that is also kind of a racist. Reason being that he has gotten progressively better during the past couple of years. We have talks about race related things every now and then and he has genuinely gotten better because we have these talks. It's never really heated or anything, I've always taken a more softspoken approach to him and hey, it worked. I see this and it has me hopeful enough to not throw away 17 years worth of friendship away. It would actually be a lot more easier for me to cut off a family member because of stuff like this than an old friend, but that's me.
appaws
Banned
You don't know what you are talking about.
The song "I wanna be a Homosexual" is a super pro-gay anthem, so I am not even sure what you are trying to imply here...? That somehow punk rock or SW is some den of homophobia...?
Dude, I directly said it was not a great parallel. Just the thing of having to be in a family with people we don't agree with.
You don't agree GAF tends towards hyperbole...? OK.
My little brother is like that, but I do know that it's a product of the environment he was raised in (since I also spent a few years in said environment). However, we live really far apart and well, we don't have a relationship of any sort so just hitting the ignore button on Facebook was all I had to/could do.
Um what
Um what
excelsiorlef
Member
Ahh yes, that's the problem here not enough empathy for racists.
Sure you can cut him out of your life, you can shun or shame him. You can complain on neogaf and make snarky comments. None of that will help the situation at all, not my problem.
I find it interesting how so many people on here are willing to just cut off immediate family rather than try and help them. It only took 5 posts to get the first suggestion to do it and it was just a train after.
The answer is not to cut off those closest to you. That is passive aggressive avoidance.
The answer is not to cut off those closest to you. That is passive aggressive avoidance.
Psychoward
Banned
Seriously lol, you can still condemn racism without stepping on their parental rights...
excelsiorlef
Member
What's not your problem?
That this guy's brother is a racist. That the advice given is to "cut him off". I'm not losing my family over it. Sure, it's a very small piece of a very big problem. I'm trying to offer advice to solve the problem and you come in with the passive aggressive comments. Isolation and breakdown of communication never solves anything.
Now you've got me all worked up. What I'm getting at is that we can only solve problems if we understand each other. Everyone thinks they are right and everyone is trying to do the best they can.
excelsiorlef
Member
I've constantly argued that step one is to challenge his brother on his views...
Challenge not empathize.
All you said was understand him... With no elaboration.
I remember being 4 or 5 years old and not understanding what the word meant, I said it once in front of my dad...He slapped me so hard upside the face, I never said it again.
Confronting people only backs them into a corner, making them dig their heels and further defend themselves. It's not a good way to spur change. Understanding is the first step, at least that's what the books i've read tell me, but what the eff do I know? Do you think arguments yield results? I think understanding is key.
Why do you think people are racist in the first place?
NintendosBooger
Member
Uhh, it's absolutely a valid option and probably the healthiest for the OP.
Some people are content with marginalizing their own intelligence and siphoning their hate by succumbing to a perspective harmonious with racism, homophobia, sexism, just overall hatred. And sometimes these same people just can't help but to bounce their narrow-minded opinion onto someone, particularly someone who doesn't subscribe to these warped values. Whether it's a cry for help or whatever, I try to explain to them politely as I can the first time why they're wrong. If that doesn't work, I tell them to shut the fuck up and keep their opinion to themselves. Persistence is a trademark characteristic with these assholes, almost as if they're trying to convince themselves. By that time, I cut them off. Family or friend. Don't need cancers in my circle, stressing me out with their stupidity. Life is stressful enough.