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[Invisible_Insane]

Your Third Reich comparison may be even more ridiculous than my pedophilia comparison.

Getting involved in a war effort carries far more risk than tipping off a wife about her husband's cheating. When you have the power to easily stop something with very little personal risk I don't believe it is right to choose non-intervention.

The Third Reich comparison was supposed to speak simply to the suggestion that was made that the OP shares culpability with the cheater in question. If the question at hand is a deontological one, then no appeals to effort should be made. I've made no claims about the difficulty involved in the OP informing the man's wife; I don't imagine it would be difficult. What I've said, repeatedly, is that feeling it necessary to be the enforcer of a bilateral contract is a species of arrogance--how do you respond to that?

 

[akira28]

open relationships seem like accidents waiting to happen.

 

[Devolution]

open relationships seem like accidents waiting to happen.

Have you had one?

 

[ThisWreckage]

open relationships seem like accidents waiting to happen.

I'd say that maxim applies to marriage more than it does open relationships.

 

[akira28]

Have you had one?

hey hey, point that gun over there. just stating my opinions based on experiences, and I don't share everything with GAFdiary.

I'd say that maxim applies to marriage more than it does open relationships.

fair enough. accidents can happen.

i just find that most people aren't prepared for what an "open" relationship really entails. you might say that many people aren't prepared for honesty, equality, or maturity in relationships either. comfort and white lies being easier to live with.

 

[dojokun]

hey hey, point that gun over there. just stating my opinions based on experiences, and I don't share everything with GAFdiary.

Story time.

 

[Devolution]

hey hey, point that gun over there. just stating my opinions based on experiences, and I don't share everything with GAFdiary.

Just sayin' open relationships are more honest from the start than a relationship based on exclusivity when one or both partners is going to fuck around anyway.

 

[Culebra 64]

We're in a day and age where you can have your cake and eat it too, they're called open relationships. You know what's not fair though? Having one without your fucking SO/spouse being knowledgeable about it. Like I said having an affair or constantly cheating makes someone a terrible person as you're literally shitting on the person who's supposed to trust you most. If you don't want to only screw one person, don't get married with that on the table. God forbid people just be honest with their spouse or more importantly themselves, and not "settle down" when they have no real intention to. Epitome of selfish.

...ew.

 

[ThisWreckage]

fair enough. accidents can happen.

i just find that most people aren't prepared for what an "open" relationship really entails. you might say that many people aren't prepared for honesty, equality, or maturity in relationships either. comfort and white lies being easier to live with.

People aren't prepared for anything. People have no idea what they want. Open relationships are too free and marriage is too stifling.

 

[Devolution]

...ew.

Yes. Ewww. Heh yeah that stupid of me.

People aren't prepared for anything. People have no idea what they want. Open relationships are too free and marriage is too stifling.

Problem is a lot of relationships become open after someone has already cheated and they're trying to salvage the relationship. The trust is already damaged though.

 

[dojokun]

...ew.

Don't judge.

 

[BladeoftheImmortal]

He's made his bed, that's where he lies, no pearly gates, when he dies, you tried to teach, he didn't learn. He's going down, he's gonna burn.


+1 for anyone that knows this song.

 

[Culebra 64]

On a more on topic/veering off topic note...I've been in a couple of open relationships.

They have been as good and as terrible as any other I've had, really.

 

[Devolution]

On a more on topic/veering off topic note...I've been in a couple of open relationships.

They have been as good and as terrible as any other I've had, really.

I'm assuming it just depends on the kinds of people you're with. Dishonest or people who don't communicate well will just make any relationship difficult.

 

[akira28]

Just sayin' open relationships are more honest from the start than a relationship based on exclusivity when one or both partners is going to fuck around anyway.

I totally agree. It takes two people, who are on the same page.

People aren't prepared for anything. People have no idea what they want. Open relationships are too free and marriage is too stifling.

I wouldn't get married unless I wanted to be stifled, to be honest. I kind of do want to be stifled by a woman I loved, who cared that much. Open relationships aren't always free though. Not when someone wants to control the relationships of the other. I also think it works better when there is some distance between the two primary people.

vv trouble? convincing your monogamy desiring girlfriend to start letting the relationship become an open one. and expecting that to stay static.

 

[Culebra 64]

I'm assuming it just depends on the kinds of people you're with. Dishonest or people who don't communicate well will just make any relationship difficult.

Essentially. Everyone approaches love and sex differently, and communicating desires and points of view on them is essential. If everyone involved is not in agreement? Trouble.


At it's core it's about trust, or lack thereof.

 

[makingmusic476]

I would at least point out his hypocrisy regarding America's "corrupting" persuasiveness before he departs.

Dude's a fucking asshole.

 

[dojokun]

I would at least point out his hypocrisy regarding America's "corrupting" persuasiveness before he departs.

Dude's a fucking asshole.

This. Fucking this. This isn't any ol' cheater. It's a cheater bringing up religion/values to your face.

 

[BakedPigeon]

This thread has gone to far. Anyone seriously wanting to do a good deed and let their family members know about this type of shit would keep it personal and resolve the matter. What could gaf possibly be arguing about?

 

[smurfx]

just stay the hell out of his personal life if you don't know him. if you aren't comfortable with him talking about his cheating then just tell him you aren't really cool with it and be done with it.

 

[dojokun]

just stay the hell out of his personal life if you don't know him. if you aren't comfortable with him talking about his cheating then just tell him you aren't really cool with it and be done with it.

The cousin tried actively to involve the OP as an accessory, by insisting the OP take him out even after the OP said he was tired. That's pretty disrespectful and forfeits the "none of your business" angle.

 

[BakedPigeon]

The cousin tried actively to involve the OP as an accessory, by insisting the OP take him out even after the OP said he was tired. That's pretty disrespectful and forfeits the "none of your business" angle.

We are being trolled officially.

 

[smurfx]

The cousin tried actively to involve the OP as an accessory, by insisting the OP take him out even after the OP said he was tired. That's pretty disrespectful and forfeits the "none of your business" angle.

then he can do like i said and tell him he isn't comfortable helping his cheating and tell him to not involve him.

 

[bobeth]

Don't get involved, this is not your place. Try to avoid him if it makes you sick, but stay out of it...

 

[CoffeeJanitor]

We are being trolled officially.

Nope. A lot of people go with the 'dont do anything' angle. Prepare for debate

 

[dojokun]

then he can do like i said and tell him he isn't comfortable helping his cheating and tell him to not involve him.

The cousin already showed he doesn't respect the OP's wishes when he kept insisting on the OP taking him out after the OP said he was tired.

 

[BakedPigeon]

Nope. A lot of people go with the 'dont do anything' angle. Prepare for debate

k.

 

[Sonki.]

Devo is...hilarious. Your certainty exceeds my understanding of humility.

 

[dojokun]

Devo is...hilarious. Your certainty exceeds my understanding of humility.

She is right. It's not the rules of the game that make you happy or miserable, it's if you can trust who you're playing with.

A simplified analogy would be playing a board game like Monopoly. You can spend all day planning the rules but if you're playing with people you can't trust, the game will be full of you having to watch everyone carefully to make sure they don't cheat. But if you play with people you trust, you're having fun no matter what the rules are.

 

[Devolution]

She is right. It's not the rules of the game that make you happy or miserable, it's if you can trust who you're playing with.

A simplified analogy would be playing a board game like Monopoly. You can spend all day planning the rules but if you're playing with people you can't trust, the game will be full of you having to watch everyone carefully to make sure they don't cheat. But if you play with people you trust, you're having fun no matter what the rules are.

And if someone knows another player is cheating then they should just tell me because I don't want to waste my fucking time.

 

[Lamel]

Let's say that the man is 100% cheating on his wife.


To the people who say "don't tell the wife", how would you guys feel if you were in her situation. Would you not want to know asap?

 

[Yaboosh]

Let's say that the man is 100% cheating on his wife.


To the people who say "don't tell the wife", how would you guys feel if you were in her situation. Would you not want to know asap?

I would want to know, yes. But I wouldnt be mad at a stranger for not telling me. Because they are a freaking stranger. Why should they?

 

[mr2xxx]

She is right. It's not the rules of the game that make you happy or miserable, it's if you can trust who you're playing with.

A simplified analogy would be playing a board game like Monopoly. You can spend all day planning the rules but if you're playing with people you can't trust, the game will be full of you having to watch everyone carefully to make sure they don't cheat. But if you play with people you trust, you're having fun no matter what the rules are.

It's more like a group is happily playing monopoly and you walk by and see someone is cheating, do you tell the group?

 

[bigboss370]

your cousin sounds like filth. he's betraying not only his wife, but his children too.

;_;

 

[CoffeeJanitor]

I would want to know, yes. But I wouldnt be mad at a stranger for not telling me. Because they are a freaking stranger. Why should they?

They may be empathetic and unselfish.

 

[Sonki.]

Sex is stupid. I'll expand never. Prior quotations of myself are being 'misquoted'. I talk about this way too much. I just want to giggle at internet philosophers/heroes.

 

[bobeth]

Maybe he's a disgusting pig. Maybe she's a control freak abusing their kids. You don't know the first thing about them. Mind your own business...

 

[Devolution]

Sex is stupid. I'll expand never. Prior quotations of myself are being 'misquoted'. I talk about this way too much. I just want to giggle at internet philosophers/heroes.

So what's your point? That we place too much of an importance on sex? You can be like that without fucking over someone's trust you know.

 

[Neki]

Maybe he's a disgusting pig. Maybe she's a control freak abusing their kids. You don't know the first thing about them. Mind your own business...

So because she may or may not be a control freak, you advise that she is not to be told that her spouse is cheating? lol. I don't know when cheating is ever justified.

 

[shanshan310]

You're aren't going to do shit. That's what you're going to do. This is one of those cases where minding your own business is the best option.

How is he supposed to mind his own business when this guy came out and not only told him, but expected him to become involve by lying so that he can cheat?

 

[Professor Beef]

How is he supposed to mind his own business when this guy came out and not only told him, but expected him to become involve by lying so that he can cheat?

By covering his ears with his hands, closing his eyes, and saying "LALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALA" over and over again, obviously.

 

[CoffeeJanitor]

So because she may or may not be a control freak, you advise that she is not to be told that her spouse is cheating? lol. I don't know when cheating is ever justified.

Bu-bu-bu-bu MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS

 

[MIMIC]

I only read the OP. I'd, at the very LEAST, let your parents know. I certainly wouldn't appreciate someone using me as a means to commit adultery (or whatever shady shit he's doing).

You barely know the guy and you're already the chauffeur for him and his side-chick? Nah...

 

[Frank "Trashman" Reynolds]

The real question is why you care so much about people you claim you don't even really know? Not like you found out the guy committed murder or something. Dude will eventually get whats coming to him without your involvement. But people are nosey as fuck and can't stay away from drama. In that case I would get his address and send a bunch of anonymous letters to his wife letting her know. Like hundreds of them.

 

[Timedog]

"Don't snitch"

Why? Because rappers, sports stars said so.

But what if it's my girl? HELL YEAH I'D WANT TO KNOW.

 

[Rentahamster]

But what if it's my girl? HELL YEAH I'D WANT TO KNOW.

Devo plays Blanka and Dhalsim. Sorry to break it to you.

 

[TheChewyWaffles]

By normal morality standards, if you do not believe this then you're a bad person.

Sorry, I meant "the fantastic judge of character" part, not worse than pedophilia, which I believe wholeheartedly.

 

[Professor Beef]

Devo plays Blanka and Dhalsim. Sorry to break it to you.

If any future girlfriend of mine played Blanka, then the relationship would be over.

 

[phisheep]

Let's say that the man is 100% cheating on his wife.


To the people who say "don't tell the wife", how would you guys feel if you were in her situation. Would you not want to know asap?

No, I would not.

Really.

We've got a damn good marriage that's been going for over 25 years, and if (I don't think it is at all likely) part of what sustains that is extra-curricular activities by the missus, then I really don't want to know, thankyou very much. Leave me to my pleasant delusion that it is all down to me being a devoted husband and don't fucking tell me otherwise.

If some stranger called me and said something like that it would quite probably ruin a perfectly sustainable relationship.

So, you see, it really isn't as straightforward as it sounds.

 

[Invisible_Insane]

Let's say that the man is 100% cheating on his wife.

To the people who say "don't tell the wife", how would you guys feel if you were in her situation. Would you not want to know asap?

Of course I would like to know; that doesn't mean that someone in the OP's position has an obligation to tell me.