ElbowRocket
Member
Oh ok and your advice of to just be honest with your friend is so much better? My advise had to do with thinking like a woman if the tables were turned, most people are that shallow.
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My friend's girlfriend is ruining his other relationships
- Thread starter shanshan310
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Oh ok and your advice of to just be honest with your friend is so much better? My advise had to do with thinking like a woman if the tables were turned, most people are that shallow.
nah, you don't keep crazy who stunts your social life
Trust me, you don't. It gets exhausting. My girlfriend now is "independent" and it's so much better.
TheVampire
Banned
b-b-but isn't there lots of sex with a clingy girlfriend ?
So? Is sex worth losing your friends because she won't let you hang out with them?
SpaceShark
Member
So you're asking me if "talk honestly with your friend, and support him" is better than "she sounds like a keeper because it seems like she will love him unconditionally" and (paraphrasing) "stay out of it if she's hot"?
Are you serious? Have you ever been, or known anyone that's been, in a relationship like what the OP is describing?
EDIT: I honestly don't know what you mean by the bolded part above. Feel free to explain it if you want.
It sucks. Big time.
shanshan310
Member
You can be wanted without being wanted by someone clingy.
On a more serious note I think this is my friend's thought processing on some level.
There's also lots of sex with a normal girlfriend.
My girlfriend was kinda clingy, over time she's gotten a lot better thankfully. Never half as bad as some of the examples here, though.
Zen_Arcade
Banned
I have a buddy like this. We tried to explain to him why his situation was bad with his ex girlfriend. He didn't listen and is in the exact same type of relationship with his new girl. Pretty much the only way we see him anymore is if he brings his girlfriend along.
JessicaPadkin
Member
That's not just clingy, those are classic signs of an abusive relationship. I think you're right to help him break up with her if you're worried about him (and I usually roll my eyes at 'bail out' posts in relationship threads...).
I know that might seem melodramatic, but this does not sound like a healthy relationship for either of them.
I know that might seem melodramatic, but this does not sound like a healthy relationship for either of them.
shanshan310
Member
Aaah I feel you. It's not usually an issue because I have a few friends who are coupled up or bring their partner along and they end up fitting in really well. I guess partly because this girl is at a different maturity level and has such different interests (and everyone knows what's going on) it's really awkward when she's there. And because it's awkward she always wants to leave (with him) right away -_-
Goldenroad
Member
It's called growing up.
Get a dog, then you'll be wanted 24/7.
No sex, though.
Unless of course, you want to have sex with your dog.
Zen_Arcade
Banned
Your idea of growing up sounds like a nightmare.
Omegasquash
Member
Clinger? Clinger.
OP, he's not happy with her if he's reserved himself to being with her after he tried to break up and giving in because she threatened to kill herself. She's got issues that he probably doesn't want any part of.
If you like it bluntly, she doesn't love him. She needs to be with someone and she's picked him. She needs to feel like a part of something and isn't happy with herself, which will eventually bubble into resentment of your friend. Hell, $5 says she'll cheat on him in a few years and BLAME HIM for it.
He needs to break it off and tell her to get help. Or talk to her parents...she's not their responsibility either (technically?), but it shouldn't be left to him.
For a little while. Then it stops when the clinger starts to resent the one they're clinging to.
OP, he's not happy with her if he's reserved himself to being with her after he tried to break up and giving in because she threatened to kill herself. She's got issues that he probably doesn't want any part of.
If you like it bluntly, she doesn't love him. She needs to be with someone and she's picked him. She needs to feel like a part of something and isn't happy with herself, which will eventually bubble into resentment of your friend. Hell, $5 says she'll cheat on him in a few years and BLAME HIM for it.
He needs to break it off and tell her to get help. Or talk to her parents...she's not their responsibility either (technically?), but it shouldn't be left to him.
For a little while. Then it stops when the clinger starts to resent the one they're clinging to.
Super duper hard sort of relationship, very similar to one I was in a few years back. She sent herself to the hospital after a bad fight, combined with other things made it really hard for me to leave when I wanted to.
Eventually she cheated (again) and it was a great opportunity for us to split up amicably (ie, her not hurting herself). She still went pretty nuts post breakup, but it was worth it to get her out of my life.
Uhm... to your friend OP... I don't even know what advice to give. Tell him to get his girlfriend help if she keeps threatening to kill herself.
Eventually she cheated (again) and it was a great opportunity for us to split up amicably (ie, her not hurting herself). She still went pretty nuts post breakup, but it was worth it to get her out of my life.
Uhm... to your friend OP... I don't even know what advice to give. Tell him to get his girlfriend help if she keeps threatening to kill herself.
Seraphis Cain
bad gameplay lol
My former best friend/roommate got into a relationship like this. He was living with me when he started dating her. She seemed cool at first, but then we slowly started to realize that she was straight up the insane controlling/possessive type. Like, the whole relationship was fucked up from the start. When they started dating, he was 32 and she was 20. He was her first boyfriend, and worse, first sexual experience as well (and did I mention that they fucked on their first date? Yeah. I know because I COULD FUCKING HEAR IT, by the way). So she ended up getting all crazy possessive over him and started to insist on spending every waking moment with him. She stayed the night almost every night, which of course meant that they would loudly fuck in the room next to mine every night as well. That was wonderful.
Anyway, shit only got progressively more fucked up. First she straight up tricked him into marrying her. Basically, he's had seizure problems nearly his whole life and needs meds to control it. Very expensive meds. Well, he ended up getting fired from his job, and as a result lost his insurance. So she convinced him that marrying her so he could get on her insurance was the best way to take care of that little problem. Despite the fact that there were PLENTY of other avenues he could have taken to get the medicine he needed. But nope, she got to live out her fantasy of marrying her first love, by taking advantage of the fact that he needed his life-saving medicine, and that he had started to worry that he wasn't going to be able to find anyone else at his age. THEN she convinced him to move out suddenly and get an apartment with her, leaving me completely fucked on bills/rent (at least, so I thought, turns out everything worked out just fine for me and I'm arguably better off now than when he lived here), despite the fact that she was the only one working at the time.
And how did that go? About as well as you'd expect. It lasted about six months or so before SHE got fired too (for being caught texting him while she was supposed to be working), they lost the apartment, and she dragged him off to another town about 30 miles away to live with her parents. And neither of them drive, by the way. So yeah, I haven't seen him in a couple years now, but the last time I did, he had gained quite a bit of weight as a result of doing nothing, since he always had to be around for her. And he's been stuck living in a town where he knows NOBODY but her and her family. And I won't even go into how she cut him off from his own family, as well. I'm good friends with his sister, and she fucked up their relationship SUPER bad as well.
So yeah, good times, huh?
Anyway, shit only got progressively more fucked up. First she straight up tricked him into marrying her. Basically, he's had seizure problems nearly his whole life and needs meds to control it. Very expensive meds. Well, he ended up getting fired from his job, and as a result lost his insurance. So she convinced him that marrying her so he could get on her insurance was the best way to take care of that little problem. Despite the fact that there were PLENTY of other avenues he could have taken to get the medicine he needed. But nope, she got to live out her fantasy of marrying her first love, by taking advantage of the fact that he needed his life-saving medicine, and that he had started to worry that he wasn't going to be able to find anyone else at his age. THEN she convinced him to move out suddenly and get an apartment with her, leaving me completely fucked on bills/rent (at least, so I thought, turns out everything worked out just fine for me and I'm arguably better off now than when he lived here), despite the fact that she was the only one working at the time.
And how did that go? About as well as you'd expect. It lasted about six months or so before SHE got fired too (for being caught texting him while she was supposed to be working), they lost the apartment, and she dragged him off to another town about 30 miles away to live with her parents. And neither of them drive, by the way. So yeah, I haven't seen him in a couple years now, but the last time I did, he had gained quite a bit of weight as a result of doing nothing, since he always had to be around for her. And he's been stuck living in a town where he knows NOBODY but her and her family. And I won't even go into how she cut him off from his own family, as well. I'm good friends with his sister, and she fucked up their relationship SUPER bad as well.
So yeah, good times, huh?
SneakyStephan
Banned
My father was (and still is) in a relationship like this for the past 20 years
he doesn't have a single friend left and almost noone in his family still talks to him (he had a very active social life before he met her), everyone just gave up on him after a while.
She made him break contact with my mother and her family as well (he was pretty close with my mother's family) and started becoming jealous of his own family too.
She was controlling , that 'I don't want these people in our house/my house' sounds very familiar to me as I've heard it countless times over the years.
The only difference is she didn't show a whole lot affection to him either
She even treated me (and the dog, yes that's right she'd get upset and jealous if he gave the dog too much attention) as a threat to her and acted it out with petty jealousy, psychological abuse and physical threats
My father went through some heavy depression because of her and now he is a broken spineless shell of a man with noone to fall back on. He will die alone if he outlives her.
Tell your friend not to let any one person walk all over him and don't let them destroy his social life
He should pursue a healthy relationship with a normal person.
If she's threatening to kill herself then he should convince her to have herself admitted and get help
he doesn't have a single friend left and almost noone in his family still talks to him (he had a very active social life before he met her), everyone just gave up on him after a while.
She made him break contact with my mother and her family as well (he was pretty close with my mother's family) and started becoming jealous of his own family too.
She was controlling , that 'I don't want these people in our house/my house' sounds very familiar to me as I've heard it countless times over the years.
The only difference is she didn't show a whole lot affection to him either
She even treated me (and the dog, yes that's right she'd get upset and jealous if he gave the dog too much attention) as a threat to her and acted it out with petty jealousy, psychological abuse and physical threats
My father went through some heavy depression because of her and now he is a broken spineless shell of a man with noone to fall back on. He will die alone if he outlives her.
Tell your friend not to let any one person walk all over him and don't let them destroy his social life
He should pursue a healthy relationship with a normal person.
If she's threatening to kill herself then he should convince her to have herself admitted and get help
kitchenmotors
Banned
Curious, is there a reason why she wanted you and your partner out of the house? When I hear partner, is this a gay relationship? Because I've dealt with that shit before with a friends girlfriend and at that point, I distanced myself. Wouldn't put up with that, even if it was my best friend.
because they don't know a healthy way to teach responsibility and think that giving the kid any comfort will make them lazy
Aaron-Lagann
Banned
My brother's ex girlfriend would threaten to kill herself if he broke up with her. Shit was dumb.
Fun-fact: She's now married to our other brother.
Fun-fact: She's now married to our other brother.
These aren't insecurities, this is emotional manipulation in order to leech off him because she doesn't want to take care of herself.
It is for my best friend. Used to hang out all the time, but now its like once every two or three weeks. His girlfriend has no friends, so the only people she is ever with are him and her sister. They argue all the time and whenever we ask him why he's still with her if all they do is fight, he'll answer with "its none of your business." This girl is nuts. She makes him message her on facebook instead of texting when they arent together because it shows her where he is. Holy trust issues..
victreeb3l
Member
Yep, he totally got trapped into that. The whole fan-turned-live-in-GF had signs of trouble from the get go.
Call a psych ward then have him break up with her. Maybe even get the courts involved and put a restraining order or something.
Call a psych ward then have him break up with her. Maybe even get the courts involved and put a restraining order or something.
layzie1989
Member
My first girlfriend slashed her forearms and sent me pictures after a fight and a breakup. I was so naive I thought I could fix everything and that if I didn't something worse would happen. The relationship actually went on for another four months until she broke up with me. If I could talk to myself then I would say to not feel responsible and to get her help, or at least talk to somebody about it. It took three years before I was even able to talk about it.
To OP, I would say to tell your friend to be real about the situation, and if he's worried about a possible violent reaction to a breakup, she's being psychologically manipulative and needs more help than he can give her. He deserves better.
To OP, I would say to tell your friend to be real about the situation, and if he's worried about a possible violent reaction to a breakup, she's being psychologically manipulative and needs more help than he can give her. He deserves better.
FeenieVonKarma
Member
I hope that he can find a halfway decent way to split up with her.
I remember knowing a girl through WoW whose boyfriend was exactly the same as this girl. He had threatened to kill herself. I spent a lot of time talking over things with her and she eventually did decide to break things off. Surprisingly, it worked out well.
I've been the clingy one in a relationship before, though it wore off eventually, but it is something about being "caught up" in the relationship and how infatuated you are with the person. Then for some reason that all suddenly disappears once it becomes obvious that it's over.
Obviously don't take my word for it, I'd hate for anything bad like that to happen in their case. But he obviously needs to do something because it's clearly getting him down. Perhaps he should talk to the parents - not the best way of going about it perhaps, but might give him a kind of "buffer" so that he doesn't have to have the suicide threats thrown directly at him. Either way I think he just needs to learn what he can with the eventual aim being to break up with her, because she isn't going to change for many years (given she's only 18).
I think this sums it up very well.
I remember knowing a girl through WoW whose boyfriend was exactly the same as this girl. He had threatened to kill herself. I spent a lot of time talking over things with her and she eventually did decide to break things off. Surprisingly, it worked out well.
I've been the clingy one in a relationship before, though it wore off eventually, but it is something about being "caught up" in the relationship and how infatuated you are with the person. Then for some reason that all suddenly disappears once it becomes obvious that it's over.
Obviously don't take my word for it, I'd hate for anything bad like that to happen in their case. But he obviously needs to do something because it's clearly getting him down. Perhaps he should talk to the parents - not the best way of going about it perhaps, but might give him a kind of "buffer" so that he doesn't have to have the suicide threats thrown directly at him. Either way I think he just needs to learn what he can with the eventual aim being to break up with her, because she isn't going to change for many years (given she's only 18).
I think this sums it up very well.
Snkfanatic
Banned
Jesus christ..... wow
shanshan310
Member
Nah, not a gay relationship. My boyfriend is also in the creative industry and this friend often asked for advice and feedback on musical stuff he's been doing. Some of the advice he gave was constructive criticism (he told my friend that he should talk less on stage between songs because people are there to hear the music and my friend is prone to rambling and looking nervous) and the girlfriend took great offense to it. That's the reason she got upset anyway, so I assume that's why she wanted us to leave.
Holy Order Sol
Member
This is where one runs and never looks back. Preferably without even an attempt at an explanation. Complete cut-off and all.
I went through this with a friend once. The girl was clingy, attention whoring and very eccentric let's just say. The worst part is that she wasn't a bad person to be around, in fact she liked her BF's group of friends and we in turn could call her a friend because she wasn't a bad person.
Despite all that, her attention whoring was ruining my friend's life. She'd try not to let the guy hang out with us if she wasn't there. Even if we were studying, she'd find us and distract us. She'd also force the guy to do things that he was uncomfortable with in public. It was pretty funny to us for awhile, but eventually that turned to pity. The final straw was when she was crying to him over the phone when he was driving to one of his final exams in university that she needs help. It turned out it was nothing and she just wanted to see him. He would end up late for his exam.
I ended up being the guy to tell him "you need to get out." Which wasn't easy because again she wasn't a bad person. It's just that her quirks were extremely bad. The guy was smart but he was still kind of in denial but I could tell he was seeing the signs. So I kept pushing him. Eventually he did break up with her and it was an angry breakup. She bad mouthed him to her friends, said she broke up with him, etc. Now he's back on his feet and in a healthy relationship.
To this day, the crazy girl still didn't know I had anything to do with their breakup. /Burns excellent
Despite all that, her attention whoring was ruining my friend's life. She'd try not to let the guy hang out with us if she wasn't there. Even if we were studying, she'd find us and distract us. She'd also force the guy to do things that he was uncomfortable with in public. It was pretty funny to us for awhile, but eventually that turned to pity. The final straw was when she was crying to him over the phone when he was driving to one of his final exams in university that she needs help. It turned out it was nothing and she just wanted to see him. He would end up late for his exam.
I ended up being the guy to tell him "you need to get out." Which wasn't easy because again she wasn't a bad person. It's just that her quirks were extremely bad. The guy was smart but he was still kind of in denial but I could tell he was seeing the signs. So I kept pushing him. Eventually he did break up with her and it was an angry breakup. She bad mouthed him to her friends, said she broke up with him, etc. Now he's back on his feet and in a healthy relationship.
To this day, the crazy girl still didn't know I had anything to do with their breakup. /Burns excellent
Count Dookkake
Member
This is why it pays to have standards.
Don't eat shit, even if you are starving.
Don't eat shit, even if you are starving.
Some people go a long time without any attention, and once they find something resembles a good deal, they attach HARD.
It is pathetic to watch someone's identity slowly be absorbed by another, to the point where they isolate themselves away from the rest of the world. Eventually resentment will build once they realize no one wants to deal with them anymore...if they were real friends, they wouldn't abandon everyone just because they are gettin some ass.
Having a Significant Other who cares deeply, yet encourages you to pursue your own interests is damn near perfect.
It is pathetic to watch someone's identity slowly be absorbed by another, to the point where they isolate themselves away from the rest of the world. Eventually resentment will build once they realize no one wants to deal with them anymore...if they were real friends, they wouldn't abandon everyone just because they are gettin some ass.
Having a Significant Other who cares deeply, yet encourages you to pursue your own interests is damn near perfect.
T
Transhuman
Unconfirmed Member
Our house? You sure it didn't read "your parent's house, that they allow me to stay in out of the generosity of their hearts"?
This is a good stance to live by.
Mammoth Jones
Member
He's young. Getting pussywhipped is an experience. He'll get over it when they break up and he'll learn to set boundaries a little bit more.
Only thing I can suggest is be there for him when they break up. Take him out. Buy him some rounds and be his friends. Forgive. And kindly remind his ass that you'll kick him in the nuts if he ever lets himself get bitched like that again.
"I can't sleep unless you're here" LMAO, then you better take some fucking ambien...I'm out with my boys!
Only thing I can suggest is be there for him when they break up. Take him out. Buy him some rounds and be his friends. Forgive. And kindly remind his ass that you'll kick him in the nuts if he ever lets himself get bitched like that again.
"I can't sleep unless you're here" LMAO, then you better take some fucking ambien...I'm out with my boys!
thesoapster
Member
Could be. That number shocked me as well...
justjustin
Member
My first girlfriend was just like this (lucky me) and I went through the same thing. He might be happy and keeping it together for now-- relying on a complex although flimsy web of justifications-- but eventually he's going to get worn out.
That he stayed with her after she threatened to kill herself means he is being held emotionally hostage and wants out, but he doesn't know how. I did the same thing to bide my time until I thought of a good way to end the relationship. Unless he's a prideful person, I don't think he'll be offended if anyone tries to help him think of ways to end this unfair relationship in the safest way possible. If you think you can offer some advice or lend a hand please do. He'll appreciate it.
From personal experience, I wanted to break up having no regrets. I did everything I reasonably could to show her I cared about her and express she was a worthwhile human being before I let her go-- so when she died I could at least say I did my best. That's just me, though, because I naturally think of possible consequences and what ifs, so I wanted to minimize that tortured train of thought if she really did kill herself.
As others have said, your friend simply staying with her isn't going to magically make her any better or preserve her safety. Her problems have nothing to do with him personally, and he is not responsible for how she acts. It's all because of her perspective. He should just focus on the best way to break up that's best for his emotional well-being. Some people can just cut and run and never look back, but I sure as hell couldn't. It was a little extra work for me because of my personality, but it was worth it in the end. Luckily, the worst I got after breaking up was a screeching email from her mother saying I ruined her life. But that was nothing compared to the three month long psychological nightmare I endured. Good luck to your friend, I hope he escapes sooner rather than later.
What the hell.
Give this to Junji Ito and he'll write a masterpiece out of it, I'm sure.
Zuhzuhzombie!!
Member
My ex wife. So clingy and desperate/needful of attention that I couldn't practice my music/work on my record label/play videogames. Monopolized my time and if I didn't give her attention she immediately sought it in other men. It was a disaster.
Captain_Spanky
Member
Anytime someone threatens to kill themselves phone a hospital. If it's manipulative the serious attention will not be the kind they wanted so hopefully they'll stop (and get some counselling for their manipulative, fucked up behavior) and if it's serious they'll be in a safe protective environment to deal with their issues.
BriareosGAF
Member
My aunt & uncle are retired psychologists (he used to evaluate death row inmates). Once I was explaining an employee who had expressed suicidal ideation and their response was "well, just remember, it wasn't your fault."
Not that it bears repeating, but yeah, classic (almost banal) dependency issues; she's 18 and lacking wisdom, hopefully she outgrows it. Your friend should let her down easily but firmly, and soon. Contact her parents and professionals if she makes any claims to self-harm during the episode.
Not that it bears repeating, but yeah, classic (almost banal) dependency issues; she's 18 and lacking wisdom, hopefully she outgrows it. Your friend should let her down easily but firmly, and soon. Contact her parents and professionals if she makes any claims to self-harm during the episode.
I was in a similar situation several years ago, where I was the one dating the crazy girl. It sucks, but the only thing that convinced me to break up with her was my best friend telling me how he felt about it. But he was the last in a long line of people who were telling me the same thing that I refused to listen to.
So I guess what I'm saying is, yes, you should probably say something, but you need to be prepared that he might not take it well.
EDIT:
Also this.
So I guess what I'm saying is, yes, you should probably say something, but you need to be prepared that he might not take it well.
EDIT:
Also this.
My brother-in-law had to deal with a lunatic like that a few years back, and he ended up having to get a restraining order on her. Your friend will probably have to do the same. Don't let him get guilt-tripped by the bitch.
As I've aged I've realized that if my friends are dumb enough to not get out of relationships like this it's on them and you shouldn't worry about other people's lives. You can't break up with the girl for them or anything, so the only thing you can do is sit back and say "that sucks and if you don't like the relationship and aren't getting what you want out of it you should end it."
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