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Cringe My wife is getting more and more frigid as we get older and I’m getting so resentful

TheMan

Member
Jul 31, 2006
7,381
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1,245
When we got married, our sex drives never matched up completely but at least we did it a few times a week and she seemed into it.

Now that we’re older with a couple of kids, sex sucks. I initiate 99% of the time, and she rejects 99% of my advances. I feel like I have to whine and bitch to get sex and I hate it. We only do missionary cause she refuses to do anything else and lately she even hates to kiss. Frankly I think about leaving all the time but I’m ugly so I don’t have tons of other prospects. I’ve considered escorts just to scratch that itch, but she handles the finances so she would see the missing cash and ask questions. Plus I just started a professional career and getting arrested would obviously put that in jeopardy.

Anyway, yes I’m live journaling. Not really asking for advice but it feels good to get this out. Not a lot of other outlets.
 

Tesseract

Banned
Dec 7, 2008
42,676
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The Pentagon
communication and romanticism(wut) are key, but it's normal for women past the reproduction phase to have lower sexual desires

there's plenty of good sex boosters for women if it's a chemical problem

weed is worth trying, mushrooms, molly

exercise is vital, hot yoga is excellent

google is your friend
 
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DESTROYA

Gold Member
Jan 1, 2011
3,018
2,137
845
USA
Have you tried asking her why her sex drive is down?
Maybe it’s her? Maybe you? Maybe hormones?
Easiest way to find out is ask but did you only marry her for the sex?
 

cryptoadam

... and he cannot lie
Feb 21, 2018
7,668
9,310
890
real talk since you said you were ugly, hit the gym or start some sort of workout. Good thing with us dudes is we can over come butterfaces with muscles. If you hit the gym start getting into shape it might spark your wife a bit and get her juices flowing. She sees a nice bicep, maybe an ab or two, a nice butt or quad it might get it tingly down there.

I would also recommend talking about it and explaining where you are coming from because it sounds like she is building some resentment towards you when it comes to sex since it pisses her off when you talk about it. That could lead to other underlying problems in the relationship and build frustration on both your parts which will come out at other times. So maybe you do something small like forget to put the toilet seat down and next thing you know its WW3.

Now worst case scenario its pretty much over and she isn't attracted/in love with you and is sticking it out because of the kids. It sounds like you might be in this boat as well because you said you thought about leaving and are even up to cheating on her if you could get away with it. TBH thats not very healthy in a marriage. Do you two still love each other or are you just roomates with children now?
 

GymWolf

Member
Jun 11, 2019
1,758
1,801
385
Sound like majority of married women tbh, at least here in italy.

And that's why the man search and alternative female "friends".

One of the reason why i hate even the idea of wedding.

Sorry if i pass for a negative guy, it's just what i think.

It's terrible when you have high sex drive and the beloved person don't, i'm sad for you my friend.
 

MaestroMike

Member
Sep 25, 2011
183
191
585
women don't like sex as much as guyz espec. as they get older and espec. if they are tired/not eating enough and have to take care of kids all the time or work all the time the libido takes a hit. i know when ive been moving and working like crazy and not sleeping enough my cortisol levels spike up & libido/sex drive takes a hit. basic biology but something a lot of people don't know about.

is she working a lot/taking care of the kids 24/7??? cuz she not gunna wanna do anything if she aint in a relaxed state/not sleeping enough/eating enough. call ur mommy have her take care of the kids, go on a couples vacation to like hawaii or a place with a nice beach & eat a lot of seafood & steaks & veggies & fats. or just have some1 to help more around the house or u can do more of the housework/chores/cleaning/take care of the kids so she can relax more & get in the mood. she'll prolly appreciate it & then show u more love cuz she aint as stressed/more relaxed.

or u can just lay off & jerk off to satisfy ur needs. sex aint a big deal its nothing really after having kids all ur focus needs to be on raising the kids & making them come out good. when theyre grown up & gone u two can chill back more & relax & get busy
 

Wwg1wga

Member
Dec 3, 2018
152
429
345
When we got married, our sex drives never matched up completely but at least we did it a few times a week and she seemed into it.

Now that we’re older with a couple of kids, sex sucks. I initiate 99% of the time, and she rejects 99% of my advances. I feel like I have to whine and bitch to get sex and I hate it. We only do missionary cause she refuses to do anything else and lately she even hates to kiss. Frankly I think about leaving all the time but I’m ugly so I don’t have tons of other prospects. I’ve considered escorts just to scratch that itch, but she handles the finances so she would see the missing cash and ask questions. Plus I just started a professional career and getting arrested would obviously put that in jeopardy.

Anyway, yes I’m live journaling. Not really asking for advice but it feels good to get this out. Not a lot of other outlets.
Ask your wife to try Wim Hof Method.


 

The Pleasure

Member
Jan 8, 2019
723
735
355
Very disrespectful. Do you not realize the nuanced lunacy? Its a sort of equation. Is this worth fixing versus the love her so much that you cheat to get your other needs met while attempting to keep this relationship.

But here's the rub. How far is the op willing to go to get what he wants and hoe far will he go to make things as uncomfortable for his wife along with how ruthless he is willing to act.

Funny part about escorts is a ton of them see married men not for sex but marital problems.
 
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Tesseract

Banned
Dec 7, 2008
42,676
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Very disrespectful. Do you not realize the nuanced lunacy? Its a sort of equation. Is this worth fixing versus the love her so much that you cheat to get your other needs met while attempting to keep this relationship.

But here's the rub. How far is the op willing to go to get what he wants and hoe far will he go to make things as uncomfortable for his wife along with how ruthless he is willing to act.

Funny part about escorts is a ton of them see married men not for sex but marital problems.
dude, these things can be repaired with adequate communication and therapy

your life sounds like a fucking nightmare
 

The Pleasure

Member
Jan 8, 2019
723
735
355
dude, these things can be repaired with adequate communication and therapy

your life sounds like a fucking nightmare
Have you ever considered that therapy and communication will end up in said divorce? The fact that its reached this point isn't out of no where and the resentment has been harbored for years. Either from him, her or possibly both. Sometimes levity helps prepare people for the inevitable which is why such outlandish words are said in the first place.

But sure. Go with therapy and spend thousands of dollars for something that is probably already concrete with people who don't want to admit their true feelings.
 

Tesseract

Banned
Dec 7, 2008
42,676
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Have you ever considered that therapy and communication will end up in said divorce? The fact that its reached this point isn't out of no where and the resentment has been harbored for years. Either from him, her or possibly both. Sometimes levity helps prepare people for the inevitable which is why such outlandish words are said in the first place.

But sure. Go with therapy and spend thousands of dollars for something that is probably already concrete with people who don't want to admit their true feelings.
hm so we have two divergent paths that end the same way

one is conservative and reasonable, the other pretty atrocious and vow splitting

let's take the dangerous route and see what happens next, i wonder
 
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buizel

Member
Feb 19, 2018
487
559
340
Talking about it just pisses her off more
Damn, thats worrying. I dont want to jump to either extreme like some other message board. If she gets pissy say "What the fuck am i meant to do when I want sex?". If she wont talk about it, just tell her blunty plainly how you feel.

Im no good at this. All the best my dude
 
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AlteredForms

Member
Oct 22, 2013
2,324
551
580
That's absolutely depressing and it's got me contemplating about the future. You appear to have put a great deal into this relationship OP and starting from scratch doesn't seem advisable. You don't seem as attractive to her as before, so change that as much as possible. Go the gym, take care of your appearance and be more romantic with her, not merely sexual. If possible, do the family finances and handle your business.

You make it sound as though she's the man of the house. And if that's the case, she'll probably get her fix elsewhere.
 

TheGreatYosh

Member
Jul 19, 2018
1,914
1,687
545
1. Stop watching porn. 2. Hit the gym. 3. Learn to enjoy missionary.

Your wife will want sex a little more often, and you will enjoy it so much more. Missionary is the only form of human sex. Everything else is degenerate animalistic behavior. Your wife is better than you.
 
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Barsinister

Member
Jan 16, 2008
1,685
2,762
1,285
USA
I have been thinking on this since I read it this morning. It's hard to give advice to someone who I don't know, but think on this please...

What kind of a man are you? Are you confident? Do you think of yourself as a provider? Are you the man of the house? Do you defer to your wife on all decisions regarding the family?

You call yourself ugly. This makes me think you have no self regard.

You write that your wife handles all household expenses, was that her choice? Does she complain about it?

You sound to me like Jerry from the "Rick and Morty" show. Maybe there is more to you, but I can't see it from what you are writing.
 

Virex

formerly Virex
Jan 26, 2018
2,663
5,586
795
South Africa
Clearly she's fucking someone else mate.

P.S. And I don't mean it in a nasty way to insult you or make fun of the situation. But clearly when you are in a situation as you are it is usually the case of one party sleeping with another party. But I hope it gets better for you.
 
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Frito_Pendejo

Neo Member
Sep 17, 2019
38
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Life is too short to spend it with someone you’ve totally checked out on. You’d probably be mortified to find out the shit she says about you to her friends or coworkers. Reality is it’s over. It sucks and it’s extremely unfortunate but sometimes people just grow apart. And knock that “I’m ugly” shit off. Get a divorce for the betterment of both of you and find someone new you can be happy with.
 
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gatti-man

Member
Aug 30, 2010
8,134
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If when you try and talk about she gets mad what does she actually say? If it’s just “whatever fucking deal with it” she’s either cheating or just not in love with you anymore.

tons of adults do it and atleast now you know where you stand.

If it’s more like “you’re a selfish bastard what do you do for me” type response then fix your shit. Also get in the gym and try to be fuckable. Smell good, try and look good and let thing happen naturally.
 

Catphish

Gold Member
Jan 13, 2017
1,825
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595
Chicago, IL, USA
I feel you, OP. But I wouldn't post stuff like this here if I were you. You're probably already hurting, and some of the things you're gonna read here are just gonna twist the knife.

1. You're not alone.
2. Tell her how you're feeling. Air it out with her. Not with strangers on the internet.
3. If it's a viable option, seek marriage counseling. If she won't go, go see someone yourself. You may very well benefit from it.
4. If all else fails, consider separation or divorce. No one deserves to live miserably and unloved.

Good luck, mate.
 

DESTROYA

Gold Member
Jan 1, 2011
3,018
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USA
No need to spend money for sex. There are gay guys all over the world that are willing to suck dick for free, no matter if you are ugly or not (or if you even have a face). Lots of straight married men that can't get anything from their wives get it this way.
As a straight guy I don’t now if I should be appalled or stand up and give you a standing ovation.
Personally I can never see myself go down that path but it’s really weird to hear a gay dude say this .