Yeah, I'm kinda annoyed at myself for not finishing it up, but I have had a very tiring couple of months with my new job and I just didn't have the energy to finish it.
I super feel ya right now. I just kind of pulled together that story out of my own personal fears but it wasn't that good and I really wanted to enter the challenge with some weird and terrifying, but like you said I just didn't have the emotional energy. I'm hoping by the next one I'll have a bit more pep in my step.
Anywho some feedback
Dongs Macabre - Snooze: I want to say, despite having parts that arent very original (ai gaining sentience being the big one) this came together in an unexpected way that made it work. I really love the fact the monster is the thing that gives the AI life not the scientist. I also like the idea of accidentally discovering a horrifying creature in the earth's crust (or however deep it is). I think the biggest problem with this is hands down the character motivation. Early on, I had no idea why there was such a rush that the MC felt they needed to send out drones instead of waiting for testing, why she would think of waking something she only knows as big, and in general her motivations just felt all over the place. I understand that the world is being destroyed via earthquakes, but you dont make that clear enough early on to make us feel like there is some kind of rush to figure out a solution. Especially a solution that involves waking up something big.
Alucard - Eternal Afterlove: I feel like a lot of my thoughts on this could be summed up by the fact you described dark hair as obsidian
(ie its a bit much). Your descriptions outside of the hair) were fine but they didnt really work with me this time around. I think it's because we skip from door to love in a heartbeat and dont really have time to process where this hellscape is. I think some of the words you spent on descriptions would have been better spent on strengthening your characters. On a similar note, not too sure who Jason is as a person, other than hes a little dramatic and has never heard of the term Monkeys Paw.
Plum - A London Street: I dont like when characters talk to themselves. Thats the kind of thing that works in comics (I guess?) but all it usually serves is distract from whats happening. Obviously some exceptions, like a character who is having a conversation with themselve that serves to further the story. Though Zombie was a good twist, the creepy homeless angle being weird while youre working at night creeped me out more.
Moustacheman - The Monsters Garb: there was some pretty crazy escalation there at the midway point. There feels like some real disparate tones between the first half and last half. The first half reads like the setup to lovecraft style horror, where two old friends talk about some ancient something. The second reads like a survival horror game where the MC has to fight off a monster. Neither parts were bad (I was surprised at how much I enjoyed the last half), but they just didnt gel together. It felt like I read two different stories.
Kingofrod - Concorde Street: Welcome aboard. Right off the bat, I like your descriptions and you give a very good visual idea of what the man looks like. Maybe too good an idea, some of your descriptions class, mainly the hood covering like a ski mask, but the kid says theyre eyes are cast downward. But isnt his face completely covered by the hood? Again, descriptions are good, just keep an eye for descriptions that might not go with, or contradict each other. Then again, thats kind of an editing phase thing. I liked this because it started as a good old fashioned ghost story with a creepy old man doing a thing and someone coming back into town to find the creepy old man still doing the thing. Though your ending did feel a bit confusing to me? Are the old who occasionally walked down concorde street men various people possessed?
Mu Cephei - The Dead: Kay, this was really good. Your descriptions were clear and on point, and their short nature(along with short sentences) lended well to the bleak tone thought out. The revelation about the gun was fantastic! And just the general feeling of this from start to end was great! If I had one problem, its that I had trouble figuring out who the MC was. I know now that it was Anna, but it starts off with such a heavy focus on Michael that I thought it would be about him at the start and I honestly glossed over the fact Anna was there. She just doesnt have much of a presence. Also, the sword threw me a bit for a loop. Night vision goggles are kinda of a weird accessory I can
kinda buy that he found but a sword and that just feels like too much. Though I do appreciate the silence the sword brings in a survival scenario.
Charade - The Hound of Hanging Hill: I want to give you props for a great opening paragraph, tells us abit about Bruce, our immediate location, and you go one step forward by putting us in a map which is a step extra not a lot of people take, but it always helps add to the story. Overall, the quality of your writing was good, but it was a bit too jumpy with scene transitions and characters that I didnt have a good grip on
what was going on. I think a bit more focus would have gone a long way for me.
Chodi - Unfinished Business: This read as a shotgun shot of ideas and some of them worked for me and some of them did not. The ones that did was the stream of conscious and general idea of addressing me, the reader to try and stir up some paranoia. That worked best with the casual haunted house stuff because my home creaks and has dark spots I dont like looking at. The part that didnt was monsters being real and you name dropping things like Slender Man. That just felt a little too silly for me. And the eldritch stuff too, because that was just a little too out of the realm of possibility for something trying to make me paranoid in my home.
Votes
1. Mu Cephei
2. Dong Macabre
3. Kingofrod (it was a tie between this and Charade's for me tbh)