Hedgewood Manor Bakemono: I really liked the lively dialog. And, I liked the premise of the whole story. It reminded me of the style I read once: a snippet of a Lemony Snicket story from A Series of Unfortunate Events. On that note though, I think this would work well as a longer novel because of its complexity. Oh and I also liked how you went back and forth from narration to dialog; good balance.
Dagenham Market or In a blaze of glory Ashes: Very good job evoking a scene. Some small typos but they didnt take away from the story. Some of the accent writing seemed a little funky, in terms of the phonetic possibility of them being said that way, but you would know more about hearing those accents and typing them out than me!
Duck with a Basket John Dunbar: TOTALLY AWESOME! I liked foul fowl. This is just my style I guess. I very much liked how you described the ducks response to situations: quacking away, flapping wings, but a masked face that didnt show expression. This story cracked me up and was light, but also had a meaningful ending.
A chance FairyD: This is an awesome story premise that I think you could turn into a longer piece. It also reminded me a tiny bit of the Percy Jackson series, but I liked the perspective of yours from the gods, and getting the opinion of one god more than the Percy Jackson series that was based on the viewpoint of the main character human boy.
Witness Protection Sober: I liked the concept of this story very creative, and fitting to the prompt and secondary objective. Im wondering how you could have had the main character, and the witness protection officer, have either (a) more depth to their personality or (b) more mystery to their personality like Andrea had. Im not quite sure how though so this isnt very helpful .
I Do Not Find the Hanged Man Puddles: I loved this! This is great! Im excited about your novel! Very captivating, good flow, great story. One thing though that you may want to tinker with: I felt like in the beginning, the dialog felt awkward. I think it would have felt more natural if some of the narration you had after the initial dialog about waking up in the middle of the night actually came before the initial dialog. Not a big deal though. Way to go!
Like a horse in a cave AnkitT: I liked the choice of using the 1st person voice in this. This was so awesome fun to read and well-described. Though, at points, it felt a little rushed.
Rifle Bootaaay: This reminded me of the Hunger Games series. But, I liked your edition of goblins. The beginning was a bit slow I think if you truncate that part, this piece would have been more consistently captivating, at least, for me. But great descriptions and use of adjectives and adverbs.
That Repute is Not Dead, Which Can Eternal Lie Cyan: Haha, I thought this was a brilliant way of providing commentary. I liked your idea and I feel like it would also work well in another medium, like a speech, or something with visuals, etc. I liked the style, and loved the little asides about the coffee. I felt that they were well-placed too.
The Tinkerbell Effect DumbNameD: I thought this was a really creative idea with good dialog. Very believable characters. Great idea. This is the kind of thing I sometimes think about trying to write about but then I think I cant pull it off.
Army Men Mully: Sorry I havent read this yet I actually printed out the stories this time around but before yours was posted. Itll be hard to read on my phone but will try to read it later tonight and provide feedback!
Votes:
1. JohnDunbar
2. Puddles
3. DumbNamed
HM: Ashes
Dagenham Market or In a blaze of glory Ashes: Very good job evoking a scene. Some small typos but they didnt take away from the story. Some of the accent writing seemed a little funky, in terms of the phonetic possibility of them being said that way, but you would know more about hearing those accents and typing them out than me!
Duck with a Basket John Dunbar: TOTALLY AWESOME! I liked foul fowl. This is just my style I guess. I very much liked how you described the ducks response to situations: quacking away, flapping wings, but a masked face that didnt show expression. This story cracked me up and was light, but also had a meaningful ending.
A chance FairyD: This is an awesome story premise that I think you could turn into a longer piece. It also reminded me a tiny bit of the Percy Jackson series, but I liked the perspective of yours from the gods, and getting the opinion of one god more than the Percy Jackson series that was based on the viewpoint of the main character human boy.
Witness Protection Sober: I liked the concept of this story very creative, and fitting to the prompt and secondary objective. Im wondering how you could have had the main character, and the witness protection officer, have either (a) more depth to their personality or (b) more mystery to their personality like Andrea had. Im not quite sure how though so this isnt very helpful .
I Do Not Find the Hanged Man Puddles: I loved this! This is great! Im excited about your novel! Very captivating, good flow, great story. One thing though that you may want to tinker with: I felt like in the beginning, the dialog felt awkward. I think it would have felt more natural if some of the narration you had after the initial dialog about waking up in the middle of the night actually came before the initial dialog. Not a big deal though. Way to go!
Like a horse in a cave AnkitT: I liked the choice of using the 1st person voice in this. This was so awesome fun to read and well-described. Though, at points, it felt a little rushed.
Rifle Bootaaay: This reminded me of the Hunger Games series. But, I liked your edition of goblins. The beginning was a bit slow I think if you truncate that part, this piece would have been more consistently captivating, at least, for me. But great descriptions and use of adjectives and adverbs.
That Repute is Not Dead, Which Can Eternal Lie Cyan: Haha, I thought this was a brilliant way of providing commentary. I liked your idea and I feel like it would also work well in another medium, like a speech, or something with visuals, etc. I liked the style, and loved the little asides about the coffee. I felt that they were well-placed too.
The Tinkerbell Effect DumbNameD: I thought this was a really creative idea with good dialog. Very believable characters. Great idea. This is the kind of thing I sometimes think about trying to write about but then I think I cant pull it off.
Army Men Mully: Sorry I havent read this yet I actually printed out the stories this time around but before yours was posted. Itll be hard to read on my phone but will try to read it later tonight and provide feedback!
Votes:
1. JohnDunbar
2. Puddles
3. DumbNamed
HM: Ashes