Support NeoGAF

British Monsoon · Oct 18, 2011

The NeoGAF Poetry Corner - Challenge #37: Chained

Theme: Chained

Interperet the theme however you see fit, whether the chains in your piece are metaphorical, or all too real.

Secondary Objective: Cinquain

In 1909 American poet Adelaide Crapsey, inspired by the Japanese haiku and tanka poetic forms, devised her own; the Cinquain. These short, unrhymed poems consist of twenty-two syllables distributed as 2, 4, 6, 8, 2, over five lines.

---

Poetry Thread Rules 2.0

For poets entering:

You are allowed one entry based on the theme; and an optional second entry, if it meets the secondary objective.
There are no word counts. Interpret the theme as you wish.
If you're a brave soul, there is a 'super secret' optional objective: performing the poem. Don't worry - we will only judge your official entry (the written version). Try it out. Poetry Slams are always cool.

For voters:

You can vote even if you haven't posted a poem.
Vote for your three favourite poems. But remember that:
- you can't vote for your self
- you can't pick two poems from the same author
- you can't vote for an entry labelled 'ineligible'
You cannot win unless you vote.

Competition:

The contest runs for two weeks.
The deadline is on the last Friday. Once the final entry list is up, the voting begins; it finishes at the end of the weekend.
How we count the votes:
- 1st place is allocated 3 pts; 2nd is allocated 2pts; 3rd is allocated 1pt
- If there is no outright winner, we add half a point to 1st place, so that the person with the most first place votes win. If we still don't have a winner, we then leave it up to the op to decide how to best go about it; or to choose the outright winner
The winner gets a round of applause. They are then in charge of the new thread. If you can't make a new thread, just ask somebody in the current thread, and they might do it for you.

General:

This thread is not merely for winning or losing, but for critiquing and improving your own craft.
We like to keep the finale on the alternative week to its sister thread: the creative writing thread. Every so often, we get interrupted, such as during E3, and/or Nanowrimo.
The archives and the op templates are managed by Bootaaay. If you have a question about it, you can pm him.
A big thank you to him, and everybody else who manages the thread week in and week out. We would be worse off without them.
Everybody is welcome to enjoy the poetry on offer, or just vote, or just critique.

Submission Deadline; (PST)

Voting Deadline; (PST)

British Monsoon · Oct 18, 2011

The NeoGAF Poetry Society: Alumni's Archive

Amir0x - A painful note, Battlefield Bliss
AnkitT - Gray Areas, Point of View, I See, Internal Conflict, Sightsee, The Circlejerk, Be Pee, You Expected a Title? Really?, Development Hell, Cover Your Eyes, They Say I Talk in Obsoletes, Collective, Sensory Deprivation, Nuclear Winter, Deception, Cremation, Match Made in Heaven, Nobody Came to Mine, Hot Douche, Asylum, Deadbeat, Happenstance, It's Personal, Everyone becomes a philosopher after 40, Untitled, Fossil, Placeholder, If Only, Don't fight back, and see what happens., On again off again, Open to Interpretation, Open Your Mind
Alarif - Light Blue Reminds Her, Second Movement of Discordia Part 2, Uncanny, The Balloon, Untitled, A Game of Cat, Mouse & Fuck Bioware, Blessed
Ashes1396 - Left and Right, Trouble Belongs to Me, The Head & Tails of it All, Blind Faith, The Brain, the Heart, the Kidneys, Mary Poppins vs. other classic musical sing-a-longs, Epoch encroaching mass atrocity: The Rwandan Genocide, und sex?, Golden Phoenix & River Thames, Nobody has time in the city of London for anyone else, Developers, or a poem written in one go in under ten minutes, Soft dreams treading on winter nights, Live, War Torn Machine, Taking Flight From the Nest, The Abominably Rich Man, Prison, A Pure Winter's Daughter, Mechanical Heart, Frightened Rabbits, The brevity of life, Valentines day is over; see you next year!, Don't be sad John., Speaking to the Bottom of a Bottle, Thief, High Seas, Why Believe in Hope?, Time, my best friend, What a Wonderful World, The path of the hitch hiker who doesn't give a f**k!, Lonesome Boat, Death Likes War, till we awake, Sleeping beauty, Rest amongst the lilies, Hometown Glory, Mindless violence? Fuck you! - A Youth Cut Rhapsody, Her Words, Walk Not Alone, The unkempt poet on Old Holloway road, We are in this together., Torn, Open for Business =/= The Cracks in the Ceiling
Beelzebozo - Letters
Bootaaay - Untitled, "Happy" I muttered, trying to pin the word down, November Rain, Vuvuzela & Untitled, Delirium Tremens, Poor Gary Coleman, Nimbus Watching & Crocodile Tears, An Ode to Oscar (the former life of the party), Nerevarine, Trev & Bill's night out on the town, Bastogne, A Man Out of Time, A Dose of Reality, The Storm, The Tower, Smaug, Winter's Shroud, Gone to Ground, Live to Regret, The Sourceress & Current Affairs, Beneath the Waves, Morning Dew, Sea Spray, In the ink deep blackness of night-time's embrace., Ticker Tack, Vigil, Carousel, Death Rattle, Where the Wind Blows, The Road Yet Travelled, A Summer Death, From the ashes of empires we rose once more, Bloodied & Torn, Crows, Streets of London, A Wasp Among the Hoverflies, Either or Or?, Corpse Lights, Sea Wall, Unknown, Wake to See the Sun, Brimstone, Shroud, Whiled Turkey
Botolf - I Heard Something, The Lights, O Musician
ChiefKief - He Carries On
cory - I'm not that Fond of Ramen
Cryptozoologist - Untitled
Cyan - Goals, George Washington & Ashes1396, Adrian Brody, Untitled, Slow, the End
Dartastic - Untitled, Untitled #2, Within - "Fear"
Davedough - Concious Babblings of a Frail Psyche
disappeared - January 27th, maybe tomorrow., Ape Shit, at last
Divine - Life or Death
Dresden - Chipping Away at the Statue, Old Callisto, See-Through Lenses, It's always within you, Cristiano Ronaldo & They Call it the Vuvuzela, Alarif, Said the Monkey to the Monk, Galactic Trooper, Expectations, Orange Everywhere In This Bitch, High & Low, Scuttle, Ferry, Untitled, Broetry, I ain't caring, just wondering
dvolovets - An Elegy for a Forgotten Artist
FantasticMrFoxdie - The Ending*/
Flink - Your Bed
Freezie KO - My Flag
goldlion054 - The Girl at the Grocery Store, The Abandonned Neighborhood, That Day
half a moon - Untitled
H.B. - I've been tired for a year and ten days
hey_monkey - Afterward, In Summer, Chiggers: A Dream Song, Cyan Hobbes, Just One, Untitled, For Monica, Jeddah is Drowning

British Monsoon · Oct 18, 2011

Igoritza - Untitled
Irish - Faint, Down the Street & Journeyman, What Have I Done?, B Covers Bread As Well, Never Always, Live the Life, Lock, Mud, Lack of Focus, How It Is..., Ever, Continued, Cement, Went Out, The View, Return
Jangaroo - Tomorrow, Now
John Dunbar - An Ordinary Chap, A Winter Wonderland, This Morning in the Kitchen
kid ness - Me, Coin Flip, The Angry Man, Sandbox King, The Market, Somewhere a World, Lizard
The Lamp - Melanoma
MaxSteel - Poem #1, Interior
Melchiah - Beneath the Flesh
Mike Works - Desire
Miri - Sheath, Entry With Ego, Saboteur. Society. Cycle, As the Sirens Sang in the Halls of He., The "Oh Lordy Lordy Few Forties & an Oz" Sex Mind, Warm, Wild, and Starving, I Am, Upon the Town of Red & Blue. Repeat, Fallen Angel Felled, Wander walks with Lucidia, I am Arlevana. I am Villain, Wander walks towards an Intro, Shallow Gouge, Old Man, Victros, Her Name, Vaccine., Safe with 2-ply
Monocle - Untitled
More Fun To Compute - Things and stuff
Mudkips - Interior
Nix - Bitter Dreams; Sweet Relief
Neutrality - Goodbyes, Sunne, Vincent, Theo Baldwin's Final Entry, About a Queen, Smoke and the Feeling of Weightlessness, Forever Yours
Nightshade1765 - Reterning the key to the Rightful Gatekeeper
PolarBearsClub - Forgetting Birthdays, Guest
Plywood - The Masochist, Again
Plumbob - Untitled, The Witches Wade South, Control, Untitled
Raguel - Untitled
RDreamer - Two Days Short of Forever
Reneledarker - The Stolen Eternity
ronito - Vespers
Salvor.Hardin - A Weathered Man, A Virgin Afternoon in the Arabian Desert, Of Jungles and Lights, Beyond the Horizon, A Soldier For All
Seam - The Tearful Moment/The Sane Moment, Located moment, senses poem.
SoccerGoaliePro - Untitled
soul creator - Overanalyze
soultron - Untitled, Embodied in Copper
Snowman Prophet - Indigestion, THE BOOK OF SEGA GENESIS
ThLunarian - Untitled #1, Untitled #2
ThoseDeafMutes - Tab Explosion
Tim the Wiz - All We Humans, More Love, The Waning Earth, Glorious Field, Utoya, Stardust, You
Timedog - Waves Hitting Rocks (Godfuck), Nothing
Trip Warhawkins - A Meaningless Affair, The Coward Says Goodbye
Truth101 - Partings, Alone we wonder
ULTROS! - Room
umop_3pisdn - Untitled, Cellular Matrix, Like sand drinks water
WanderingWind - Untitled, Untitled
Ward - Puffy Chicken Pickle Chips, A Muddled Puddle
Zamorro - Time Well Spent
Zapages - Prince & Farah Meeting in the Two Thrones
ZephyrFate - Dislocation, ZephyrFate, Niche in the Canyon, Left Behind, Untitled

Ashes · Oct 18, 2011

Interesting.... that secondary objective will be good to take on.

btw, the creative writing thread is taking a break for the nanowrimo after the latest challenge, so we might have to think of a short week in between the end of November and start of December, to keep to the alternative week of the creative writing thread when that restarts.

British Monsoon · Oct 18, 2011

I guess it depends on when the creative writing thread starts up again and whether we're going to take a break for NaNo too. I've personally got no problem doing the poetry challenges alongside NaNo, what does everyone else think?

Also, if the creative writing thread is restarted on December 5th and we keep our current schedule (which would give us a poetry challenge posted on the 31st of October, the 14th & the 28th of November), everything will fit back together nicely in alternate weeks.

Ashes · Oct 18, 2011

Fair enough.

John Dunbar · Oct 19, 2011

Wake up
And feel the flesh.
In this make-belief land
The pleasures free from distraction
Are chained.

Dresden · Oct 19, 2011

The lovely sub-par, inhuman, unloved,
short stocky fat men chain-smoking by the light
leaking from under the doors of their dying wives,
the children squealing in their beds, muffled heads,
ears shut against the screeching cutting across the sky.
(The arc of a rainbow)

Poor peasant filth, ugly, bitter lacking -
no money no land, the lottery ticket held tightly in one hand,
hand-to-hand the bills that pile up, the debts accruing debts,
the silence of midnight slumber belying the acid gut stench
of worries that gnaw at them - the woman moaning in her sleep,
the children sleeping, worrying about lunch, the father in his robes
sitting on the couch with the TV on, not watching, just listening.
(Ever goes downward)

iavi · Oct 20, 2011

I can keep up with this thread while NaNo's going on. Let's keep it running.

iavi · Oct 20, 2011

While constructing our throne upon the remnants of your homes,
Oh, you will moan.
Then mourn as the drones do take to your bodies with laughter--
Matching much of this hell you felt it necessary to put me through.
Theyre hardly poetic.
Without subtlety, they will handle your pathetic.
And even the stronger of you who'll stand stiff in the moment,
Will ultimately find yourselves no more than mounds of wax,
Much like I...
You fools, now prepare your backs,
For, much like yours has to mine,
The flame does come.

British Monsoon · Oct 24, 2011

I wish I knew how to peel back
the tangled layers of deceit
that adorn your troubled frame.
But like a beloved childhood blanket,
you cling on to your fabrications,
shielding yourself from the world.
Tightly, tightly you hold your grip
as every day people pass you by
and you add more and more layers.
With concerned words as my crowbar,
I desperately try to gain purchase,
only to find your thoughts welded shut.

Ashes · Oct 26, 2011

Bumping this thread. I was about to post.. Close but no cigar... Should be up soon.

Ashes · Oct 28, 2011

Spectator at a Fireworks Festival

Humble beginnings out of which
Come spectacular endings;
Sit little rocket not
In your enclosure,
- The fuse is lit, the fuse is lit;
The Childers running;
The grin bearing adults,
Cold and freezing -
Whistle out into the night,
Free like a golden Phoenix,
- Wait for it, wait for it -
Boom! Bust! Bang!
Ooh, aaah, followed by
The clapping sounds
of a thunderous applause...
The rainbow butterfly,
Spreading it's wings,
Like a chain reaction,
Across the crowds'
Watery eyes;
Stand and watch spectator,
Quell your haunted past,
As a quarter pound of ashes,
Transforms into an almighty star,
Filling the death light sky,
Living, breathing,
Coolness personified.

British Monsoon · Oct 29, 2011

In the darkened blackness of the cage,
untouched by flame or light of day,
sat the shape of a man, huddled and cold
forgotten by all, left to grow old.
With only his thoughts for company,
from himself he vainly sought to flee,
madness having long taken its toll
in the darkness, he slowly lost control.
Mind and body sank into a foul atrophy,
yearning for the light he would never see
and in that gloom the veil at last fell
a body alive, where no soul dwells.

iavi · Oct 29, 2011

Ashes · Oct 29, 2011

Miri said:
I can keep up with this thread while NaNo's going on. Let's keep it running.

We are all agreed then.

Ps. Does this mean you are entering NaNoWriMo?

Barbacoatl · Oct 29, 2011

Chained to the t.o.s.
we toss
and for the littlest things
we toast.

Gotta floss;
gotta look tight for the boss.

Nothing flows,
flowers grow
in my mind there's still
a hundred wars.

Google ads
Gogol words
Devil warts unmask my flaws.

But it's not 'till I post,
that I return to the Ithaca
below;

Where the Devil goes
to take a shit
while he reads the Post.

John Dunbar · Oct 29, 2011

have i misunderstood the rules? i thought two entries are only allowed if one meets the secondary objective. unless i am horribly mistaken on what a cinquain is, this is not the case here.

Ashes · Oct 29, 2011

John Dunbar said:
have i misunderstood the rules? i thought two entries are only allowed if one meets the secondary objective. unless i am horribly mistaken on what a cinquain is, this is not the case here.

No you are correct. Those second entries are ineligible, but are put forth as poems they want to be critiqued or enjoyed, or just to get out of their system. We've had that before plenty of times.

British Monsoon · Oct 29, 2011

No, you are correct about that. I had written some cinquain's, but none of them met the theme.

Hell, here they are anyways;

Red fire
rages and blusters,
wind driven and ferocious,
with unquenchable anger
it burns.

Longing,
hands reach and grasp
for an elusive touch
of milk white skin, glistening wet
and naked.

Seven sins
mark our finale
as day and night crumbles
and the burnt world falls, gracelessly
to hell.

iavi · Oct 29, 2011

John Dunbar said:
have i misunderstood the rules? i thought two entries are only allowed if one meets the secondary objective. unless i am horribly mistaken on what a cinquain is, this is not the case here.

Nah, you're correct. That secondary of mine is ineligible. I got to writing it while working on the secondary that I never finished and threw it up here anyway.

British Monsoon · Oct 30, 2011

Whoops, sorry guys, forgot to put the entry list up - I've been busy

as it's mah birthday ^_^

Entries;

Wake Up by John Dunbar
bind by Dresden
The messenger, laugh as he does tell. by Miri
Deceit by Bootaaay
Spectator at a Fireworks Festival by Ashes1396
Chained to the t.o.s. by Trip Warhawkins

Ineligible Entries (critiques welcome);

Caged by Bootaaay
I've heard your wishes, woman, now--let me sleep as I do. by Miri

British Monsoon · Oct 31, 2011

Ah fuck, probably should've bumped this before I went to bed x_x - oh well, get your votes in guys!

01. Miri - The messenger, laugh as he does tell.
02. Dresden - bind
03. Ashes1396 - Spectator at a Fireworks Festival
HM; John Dunbar, Trip Warhawkins

John Dunbar · Oct 31, 2011

Ashes1396 said:
No you are correct. Those second entries are ineligible, but are put forth as poems they want to be critiqued or enjoyed, or just to get out of their system. We've had that before plenty of times.

oh, i see. poetry threads are nothing but anarchy. anarchy!

1. Dresden
2. Ashes
3. Trip Warhawkins
HM: Boootay, Miri

Ashes · Oct 31, 2011

Cold day outside... Will vote in a bit...

iavi · Oct 31, 2011

Ah, I meant to get these in last night, but fell out.

1. Ashes
2. Bootaaay
3. Dresden

HM: Trip Warhawkins, JD

Ashes1396 said:
Ps. Does this mean you are entering NaNoWriMo?

Yessir. I've not an outline, real idea--nothing. But I figured that I should actually do it and get it done this year. I've jumped in with the past two years or so, and only got about half way.

Ashes · Oct 31, 2011

John Dunbar said:
oh, i see. poetry threads are nothing but anarchy. anarchy!

Liberated dreams in the land of tissue paper handcuffs. Or lazy dazy poets who understand the need for rules, but let things fly, cause... we can? Take your pick. We're not the most popular thread if I'm honest, so I personally like a fuller list.

Comment column

Wake Up - I thought it great at first, but I can not make it make sense to me. It talks about waking up and feeling the flesh; awaking literally?; Then it talks about the pleasures being chained. So maybe dreams, or writing prose, or free thought... I got nothin, sorry.

bind - Lovely sense of Traveling via.... not like a fly or anything. I think I mean like on film. Where the camera follows a set path. And then you add the link between the stanzas, the rainbow, and I thought: nicely done. Fantasy and reality? "not watching, just listening" is an awesome line. I think I've fallen asleep to TV a fair few times.

The messenger, laugh as he does tell --- hmm. Your poetry as usual demands to be read slowly. The scene you set was great. I'm not sure whether there are two voices or where one starts and the other finishes; that is if there are actually two voices. I kinda like it.

Deceit - Onion metaphors always remind me of Shrek. Its the peeling of layers that reminded me of onions. Whilst trying to see the poem, or imagine it if you will, I, for some reason, figure a homeless man: People pass you by. I really like the crowbar reference. And 'cling on to your fabrications', lies or stories?; that was great too.

Chained to the t.o.s. - Laugh out loud.

I'll read the other two later.

Votes

1. Bind
2. Deceit
3. The messenger, laugh as he does tell

hm. Chained to the t.o.s

...........................................

Caged - coming soon
I've heard your wishes, woman, now--let me sleep as I do. -- comin soon.

Ashes · Oct 31, 2011

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D4k3bX0ydJg&feature=youtube_gdata_player

And watch from about 8 and half minutes till the end for the death light reference:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xy_9bx6U8_0&feature=youtube_gdata_player

Ashes · Nov 1, 2011

Dresden. Vote. Please.

iavi · Nov 1, 2011

So... It is sad, but I think we're gonna have to go ahead and call it a day on this one.

Dresden · Nov 1, 2011

Ugh... sorry guys, I meant to vote, just fell asleep after playing Dark Souls.

Ashes · Nov 1, 2011

Dresden said:
Ugh... sorry guys, I meant to vote, just fell asleep after playing Dark Souls.

a twist in the tale!

British Monsoon · Nov 1, 2011

OK then, here's the results;

RESULTS -

01. ~~Dresden - 9 points (2)~~
01. Ashes1396 - 6 points (1)
02. Miri - 4 points (1)
03. Bootaaay - 4 points (0)
04. Trip Warhawkins - 1 point

Congratulations to this weeks winner, Ashes! I'll post the updated templates shortly.

Ashes · Nov 1, 2011

Woh... Dresden was about to vote man... That poem was really something...

yes, I'm lazy. But it's right too, no?

Dresden · Nov 1, 2011

It's more than fine, the rules are stated clearly in the thread! Congratulations to Ashes.

Ashes · Nov 1, 2011

Dresden said:
It's more than fine, the rules are stated clearly in the thread! Congratulations to Ashes.

Lazy bugger. We should take this fight outdoors....okay in a bit...

British Monsoon · Nov 1, 2011

Ashes1396 said:
Woh... Dresden was about to vote man... That poem was really something...

Oh crap, I thought Dresden's previous post meant he wasn't going to vote, uh...whoops, sorry guys.

Ashes · Nov 1, 2011

Bootaaay said:
Oh crap, I thought Dresden's previous post meant he wasn't going to vote, uh...whoops, sorry guys.

lol!

iavi · Nov 4, 2011

Ashes, are you not doing another one?

Ashes · Nov 4, 2011

Waiting on Bootaaay for the template... who I've just realised may be waiting on dresden to vote... after what I said... Anarchy ensues!

Alright I'll post it up today... Got any ideas?

iavi · Nov 4, 2011

Not really, you're on your own on this one, bud. Lol. That is, unless anybody else has an idea.

British Monsoon · Nov 4, 2011

Oh damn, I would've had the templates up sooner, but I forgot. Sorry guys;

Thread template - http://tinypaste.com/ee9fbce3
Archive template 1 - http://tinypaste.com/d06fc58e
Archive template 2 - http://tinypaste.com/fd008973

Ashes · Nov 4, 2011

Unchain your self if ye be human. Follow my ~~link~~ lead, an ye shall find the new ~~thread~~ world.

Support NeoGAF

The NeoGAF Poetry Corner - Challenge #37: Chained

Member

Member

Member

Banned

Member

Banned

correct about everything

Member

Member

Member

Member

Banned

Banned

Member

Member

Banned

Banned

correct about everything

Banned

Member

Member

Member

Member

correct about everything

Banned

Member

Banned

Banned

Banned

Member

Member

Banned

Member

Banned

Member

Banned

Member

Banned

Member

Banned

Member

Member

Banned

Similar threads