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Cyan · Jun 27, 2011

The NeoGAF Poetry Corner - Challenge #29: War

Theme: War
From Wikipedia: War is a state of armed and often prolonged conflict carried on between states, nations, or other parties typified by extreme aggression, societal disruption, and high mortality. War generally involves two or more organized groups or parties. Such a conflict is always an attempt at altering either the psychological or material hierarchy of domination or equality between such groups. In all cases, at least one participant (group) in the conflict perceives the need to either psychologically or materially dominate the other participant.
An absence of war is usually called peace.

Secondary Objective: Narrative poetry/epics.
An epic is a lengthy narrative poem, ordinarily concerning a serious subject containing details of heroic deeds and events significant to a culture or nation.
Whilst this is merely optional, and I highly doubt anyone (including me) would enforce the secondary objective, if you would like some guidelines then here you go:

Epics tend to open in medias res.
The setting is often vast, covering many nations, the world or the universe.
They start with a statement of the theme and includes the use of epithets.
Divine intervention on human affairs is quite common and they usually detail "Star" heroes that embody the values of the civilization.

Poetry thread Rules version 1.2:
1. This thread is not merely for winning or losing, but for critiquing and improving your own craft.
2. This poetry thread 'contest' will end on a Friday, and voting will last until Sunday at midnight. You cannot win unless you vote. Although you don't have to submit a piece to vote.
3. The winner must then provide the next challenge theme for the following two week period. Some weeks like during E3, this may not be possible, so we will have an interim one week period until normality is resumed. As a general rule, we like to keep this on the alternate week to the Creative Writing Thread.
4. There are no word count limits, make it as long or as short as you want.
5. Optional secondary objectives are not mandatory, you can include them or not.
6. Further addition to rule five: you can also try the secondary objective as a secondary piece. Just make sure you label it as such.
7. Vote for your favourite poems. Voters should award first, second and third places to their favourite three poems. Don't vote for the same author twice. And watch out for pieces that are labeled ineligible - comments on these pieces labelled as such are welcome but you just can't vote for them. Incidentally, feel free to vote even if you haven't submitted a piece - the more the merrier

8. During the count, First place is allocated three points. Second place is allocated two points. And third place is allocated one point.
9. In the event of a tie, the tally will be counted again with first place being allocated three and half points. If it isn't resolved then, it will be up to the OP (most likely the previous winner) to decide to how to go about things.
10. Winner gets a round of applause and will have the records stating it as such. After which Rule 3 is in effect and we start a new thread.

Submission Deadline: Friday, July 8th at 11:59 PM (PST)

Voting Deadline: Sunday, July 10th at 11:59 PM (PST)

Cyan · Jun 27, 2011

The NeoGAF Poetry Society: Alumni's Archive

AnkitT - Gray Areas, Point of View, I See, Internal Conflict, Sightsee, The Circlejerk, Be Pee, You Expected a Title? Really?, Development Hell, Cover Your Eyes, They Say I Talk in Obsoletes, Collective, Sensory Deprivation, Nuclear Winter, Deception, Cremation, Match Made in Heaven, Nobody Came to Mine, Hot Douche, Asylum, Deadbeat, Happenstance, It's Personal, Everyone becomes a philosopher after 40, Untitled, Fossil
Alarif - Light Blue Reminds Her, Second Movement of Discordia Part 2, Uncanny, The Balloon, Untitled, A Game of Cat, Mouse & Fuck Bioware, Blessed
Ashes1396 - Left and Right, Trouble Belongs to Me, The Head & Tails of it All, Blind Faith, The Brain, the Heart, the Kidneys, Mary Poppins vs. other classic musical sing-a-longs, Epoch encroaching mass atrocity: The Rwandan Genocide, und sex?, Golden Phoenix & River Thames, Nobody has time in the city of London for anyone else, Developers, or a poem written in one go in under ten minutes, Soft dreams treading on winter nights, Live, War Torn Machine, Taking Flight From the Nest, The Abominably Rich Man, Prison, A Pure Winter's Daughter, Mechanical Heart, Frightened Rabbits, The brevity of life, Valentines day is over; see you next year!, Don't be sad John., Speaking to the Bottom of a Bottle, Thief, High Seas, Why Believe in Hope?, Time, my best friend, What a Wonderful World, The path of the hitch hiker who doesn't give a f**k!, Lonesome Boat
Beelzebozo - Letters
Bootaaay - Untitled, "Happy" I muttered, trying to pin the word down, November Rain, Vuvuzela & Untitled, Delirium Tremens & Gary Coleman, Nimbus Watching & Crocodile Tears, An Ode to Oscar (the former life of the party), Nerevarine, Trev & Bill's night out on the town, Bastogne, A Man Out of Time, A Dose of Reality, The Storm, The Tower, Smaug, Winter's Shroud, Gone to Ground, Live to Regret, The Sourceress & Current Affairs, Beneath the Waves, Morning Dew, Sea Spray, In the ink deep blackness of night-time's embrace., Ticker Tack, Vigil, Carousel, Death Rattle, Where the Wind Blows, The Road Yet Travelled, A Summer Death, From the ashes of empires we rose once more
Botolf - I Heard Something, The Lights
cory - I'm not that Fond of Ramen
Cryptozoologist - Untitled
Cyan - Goals, George Washington & Ashes1396, Adrian Brody, Untitled, Slow, the End
Dartastic - Untitled, Untitled #2, Within - "Fear"
Davedough - Concious Babblings of a Frail Psyche
disappeared - January 27th, maybe tomorrow., Ape Shit, at last
Dresden - Chipping Away at the Statue, Old Callisto, See-Through Lenses, It's always within you, Cristiano Ronaldo & They Call it the Vuvuzela, Alarif, Said the Monkey to the Monk, Galactic Trooper, Expectations, Orange Everywhere In This Bitch, High & Low, Scuttle, Ferry, Untitled
Flink - Your Bed
Freezie KO - My Flag
goldlion054 - The Girl at the Grocery Store, The Abandonned Neighborhood, That Day
half a moon - Untitled
H.B. - I've been tired for a year and ten days
hey_monkey - Afterward, In Summer, Chiggers: A Dream Song, Cyan Hobbes, Just One, Untitled, For Monica, Jeddah is Drowning
Igoritza - Untitled
Irish - Faint, Down the Street & Journeyman, What Have I Done?, B Covers Bread As Well, Never Always, Live the Life, Lock, Mud, Lack of Focus, How It Is..., Ever, Continued, Cement, Went Out, The View
Jangaroo - Tomorrow, Now
John Dunbar - An Ordinary Chap, A Winter Wonderland
kid ness - Me, Coin Flip, The Angry Man, Sandbox King, The Market, Somewhere a World, Lizard
The Lamp - Melanoma
MaxSteel - Poem #1, Interior
Melchiah - Beneath the Flesh
Mike Works - Desire
Miri - Sheath, Entry With Ego, Saboteur. Society. Cycle, As the Sirens Sang in the Halls of He., The "Oh Lordy Lordy Few Forties & an Oz" Sex Mind, Warm, Wild, and Starving, I Am, Upon the Town of Red & Blue. Repeat
Monocle - Untitled
Mudkips - Interior
Neutrality - Goodbyes, Sunne
Nightshade1765 - Reterning the key to the Rightful Gatekeeper
PolarBearsClub - Forgetting Birthdays, Guest
Plywood - The Masochist
Plumbob - Untitled, The Witches Wade South, Control, Untitled
Raguel - Untitled
Reneledarker - The Stolen Eternity
ronito - Vespers
Salvor.Hardin - A Weathered Man, A Virgin Afternoon in the Arabian Desert, Of Jungles and Lights, Beyond the Horizon
soul creator - Overanalyze
Snowman Prophet - Indigestion, THE BOOK OF SEGA GENESIS
ThoseDeafMutes - Tab Explosion
Tim the Wiz - All We Humans, More Love, The Waning Earth
Timedog - Waves Hitting Rocks (Godfuck), Nothing
Trip Warhawkins - A Meaningless Affair, The Coward Says Goodbye
Truth101 - Partings, Alone we wonder
ULTROS! - Room
umop_3pisdn - Untitled, Cellular Matrix
WanderingWind - Untitled, Untitled
Ward - Puffy Chicken Pickle Chips
Zamorro - Time Well Spent
Zapages - Prince & Farah Meeting in the Two Thrones
ZephyrFate - Dislocation, ZephyrFate, Niche in the Canyon, Left Behind, Untitled

Neutrality · Jun 27, 2011

Woooooo.
Thanks a lot man!
Sorry for the shite banner.

Ashes · Jun 27, 2011

I like the banner. Cool theme. And great op Cyan...

iavi · Jun 28, 2011

Hmm, real vast theme here. And funnily enough, it might just be the first one I haven't had an initial idea for. I'm drawing blanks.

e: Wha? That banner is awesome man. You're already better than me in that regard, haha. I didn't even have one for the thread I put together.

Neutrality · Jun 28, 2011

I actually blanked on a theme for a while.
Haha.

And I'm just horrible with that online suite Aviary.
More used to photoshop.

Cyan · Jun 28, 2011

Banner looked pretty good to me! I saw it and was like, "if I ever win this thing I'm screwed."

iavi · Jul 3, 2011

Damn. I am so stuck as to what to do with this one. I already drew a psychological warfare painting with one of my pieces in a previous entry... Trying to avoid redundancy is a bit harder than it seems.

Ashes · Jul 4, 2011

War. War never changes.

Ashes · Jul 5, 2011

How is everyone doing? Anybody thinking of entering anytime soon.

Ashes · Jul 6, 2011

Oh crap, I'm talking to my self.

Oh well, I'll look back on this thread in a couple of years time and laugh at how uncool I am. lol

On my journeys, looking for war related poems, I've found a fair few. But, and I give a fully fortified disclosure here, I really kind of like Coldplay's Viva La Vida. Yeah laugh at the Cold Play fan.

And I like this cover:
http://youtu.be/XbcG6IsX3HE

Coldplay
Viva La Vida lyrics
Songwriters: GUY BERRYMAN, CHRISTOPHER A. MARTIN, JON BUCKLAND, WILL CHAMPION

I used to rule the world
Seas would rise when I gave the word
Now in the morning I sleep alone
Sweep the streets I used to own

I used to roll the dice
Feel the fear in my enemy's eyes
Listen as the crowd would sing
"Now the old king is dead! Long live the king!"

One minute I held the key
Next the walls were closed on me
And I discovered that my castles stand
Upon pillars of salt and pillars of sand

I hear Jerusalem bells a ringing
Roman Cavalry choirs are singing
Be my mirror, my sword and shield
My missionaries in a foreign field

For some reason I can't explain
Once you go there was never
Never an honest word
And that was when I ruled the world

It was the wicked and wild wind
Blew down the doors to let me in
Shattered windows and the sound of drums
People couldn't believe what I'd become

Revolutionaries wait
For my head on a silver plate
Just a puppet on a lonely string
Oh who would ever want to be king?

I hear Jerusalem bells a ringing
Roman Cavalry choirs are singing
Be my mirror, my sword and shield
My missionaries in a foreign field

For some reason I can't explain
I know Saint Peter won't call my name
Never an honest word
But that was when I ruled the world

I hear Jerusalem bells a ringing
Roman Cavalry choirs are singing
Be my mirror, my sword and shield
My missionaries in a foreign field

For some reason I can't explain
I know Saint Peter won't call my name
Never an honest word
But that was when I ruled the world

Viva La Vida lyrics © Universal Music Publishing Group
[ From: http://www.elyrics.net/read/c/coldplay-lyrics/viva-la-vida-lyrics.html]

British Monsoon · Jul 6, 2011

Ashes1396 said:
How is everyone doing? Anybody thinking of entering anytime soon.

Yeah, soon enough - scrapped one poem already, so hopefully I can pull out something better in the next couple of days.

iavi · Jul 6, 2011

Ashes1396 said:
How is everyone doing? Anybody thinking of entering anytime soon.

I'll have one in by the deadline. I'm still feeling creatively bankrupt though. None of the ideas so far have stuck with me.

Neutrality · Jul 7, 2011

My father passed away unexpectedly July 1st.
I don't think I'll be able to enter this one.
If I can, said poem will be very depressing.
Although I suppose that might be the point.
Life sucks.

iavi · Jul 7, 2011

Neutrality said:
My father passed away unexpectedly July 1st.
I don't think I'll be able to enter this one.
If I can, said poem will be very depressing.
Although I suppose that might be the point.
Life sucks.

I'm so sorry to hear that, man. I don't want to sound as if I'm pushing you to enter, but writing may actually help you get through. Next to talking an issue out with someone, I've always found the process to be absolutely cathartic. Don't even feel the need to put it up here.

Ashes · Jul 7, 2011

Sorry to hear that brother... I agree with miri...

I lost my father when I was pretty young... Feel free to pm me if you want to talk...

Take it easy for a while...

Edit: I think I wrote "brevity of life" in my dad's memory, earlier this year... It's not very good, but there you go...

Ashes · Jul 8, 2011

__________________________

Death likes War
_____________

Sitting atop a fallen helicopter,
floating along the blue sea,
watching the town burning in the wind,
my sense of awe is shook,
my eyes bulge with blood.

Horror is mixed with misery,
as fragments of a fighter jet,
shot out of the red sky,
still in flames,
rides along the waves with me,
sharks on either side.

Death likes War,
like Life loves Love.

War is like Death,
like Peace is like Love.

I hear the wail of a child crying,
as she too looks faraway,
in her pale yellow dust stained dress,
searching for the safety of her
mother's quiet arms.

Thunderstorms rage through
the ocean behind us,
the waves are carrying us there,
and we can do nothing,
but let ourselves be caught up
in the maelstrom.
_____________
__________________________

British Monsoon · Jul 9, 2011

Bloodied and Torn

They sang their songs prettily enough,
down on their way to the boats
with locks of lavender tied,
twining about their arms.
Fresh, summer boys
with smiles on their faces
and dreams of glory bright in their eyes.
The wives and mothers stood,
tightly holding back tears
while the children stared,
some in wide eyed wonder, some in fear
as their fathers sailed away.
The old men looked on impassively
for they had the truth of it.
Many of their sons were there,
lining bravely on to the boats,
but not so many would return,
and those that did would be boys no longer,
bloodied and torn by the realities of war.

Also, if anyone cares to read it I turned the poem I scrapped into a short, short story; http://www.tidypub.org/phoNv.

And very sorry to hear about your father Neutrality, my condolences

Ashes · Jul 9, 2011

Nice story... I reckon you should put it in the writing thread, as a proper entry, seeing a you wrote it this week and all...
I read it in one go! Very good.

Ashes · Jul 9, 2011

Last couple of hours left...

Sibylus · Jul 9, 2011

Have had a few ideas and fragments swimming around in my head, presently trying to pull them together into something coherent.

Tim the Wiz · Jul 9, 2011

Sibylus · Jul 9, 2011

Arise, musician, and play,
So that we may hear the music

It was the comfort of the anointed,
The relief and strength of the appointed.
Now it is the breaker of thrones,
And the maker of Kings,
The digger and plier of bones.

For whom did you weep on the Mount,
Whose dead was grieved in the count?
In Ephraim was the striking of spears,
And the hewing of swords,
As songs to beget tears?

Plucking you your harp of war,
Weaving music for the threshing floor.
The men of Hebron are sealed up there,
And their voices sing no longer,
Musicians broken as strings once fair.

Arise, musician, and play,
So that we may hear the music
Rising and rising to the ear of heaven,
Inspire it love or loathing?

iavi · Jul 9, 2011

Fallen Angels Felled

Cold and callous winds caress the backs of falling angels;
Those who let the devil taint their eyes.
His words sounded friendly,
Calming,
At times, even motivational,
But their wings couldn't withstand the weight of their hearts as they turned to ice.

British Monsoon · Jul 9, 2011

Here's the entries for this week;

Death Likes War by Ashes1396
Bloodied & Torn by Bootaaay
Glorious Field by Tim the Wiz
O Musician by Botolf
Fallen Angels Felled by Miri

Get voting people!

Ashes · Jul 9, 2011

Hey, Botolf's back...

Sibylus · Jul 9, 2011

Ashes1396 said:
Hey, Botolf's back...

Guten morgen!

This is a greeting in Soviet Germanistan.

Gibson · Jul 9, 2011

Fire ignites
A light spark
Sets to torch
An enmity
To knead ones fellow man
Into dews mourning glory
Devourer of Worlds
I hunger
Cradle of Gaia
I sleep
For as the Ironmen temper their steel
So do I sharpen my soul
For what the blade bends
The soul tears asunder

Ashes · Jul 10, 2011

A little too late to be eligible to win, even by our standards, Gibson. But I'll read and crit, if you like...

Lionheart1337 · Jul 10, 2011

Ashes1396 said:
War. War never changes.

EVerbody better end their poems with this.

Ashes · Jul 11, 2011

Just about six hours left

British Monsoon · Jul 11, 2011

Death Likes War - this feels a bit stilted at the start, but the second half is much stronger and there's some great imagery too, 'mother's quiet arms' I especially liked.

Glorious Field - excellent imagery and tone in this one and well paced for the most part, really enjoyed it.

O Musician - wonderfully written, and great imagery too, 'weaving music for the threshing floor' is an excellent line but I feel the last line was lacking, or that it needed an additional line.

Fallen Angels Felled - short and to the point and great language as usual, I really like the last line, 'motivational' doesn't sound right to me though.

Tempered - this one ends very strongly, and I liked some of the language in the beginning, 'dew's mourning glory' especially. And welcome, hope to see you enter future challenges

1. Tim the Wiz
2. Botolf
3. Ashes1396

HM; Miri

Sibylus · Jul 11, 2011

1. Tim the Wiz
2. Bootaaay
3. Ashes1396

@Bootaaay: Agreed, I didn't give myself quite enough time to polish the tail of it.

Ashes · Jul 11, 2011

Bootaaay - I think it was a little too unoriginal, waving off the boys etc,. Why would old men be grim and their sons happy and joyful? Very few soldiers sing their way onto boats in the way you put it. I mean, if they're marching to war.. Though that might just be fault of mine. Maybe I read one too many ww1/ww2 diaries, letters recently, of wartime itself, and not when they are leaving for it. And I feel a little bit torn, because the poem, prose wise, is pretty decent, usage of lavender etc,. that story did help me enjoy the poem though. Really nice touch. A bit torn, sorry.

Tim the wiz - I struggled with my interpretations on a few counts... E.g. whores were wearing wives clothes: I guessed that you meant that they, the soldiers, had replaced their wives with prossies, but why that is at the forefront of the poem, I didn't get... I liked the last part, even if vultures are cliche, I think it worked well enough. The creativity was there, but again, like bootaaay, a bit torn, sorry.

Botolf - Very nice rhythm, and the way it rolls off the tongue with some good imagery and word choices. Started losing it on line 16, and just faltered, which I think, given the evidence of the rest of the poem, is a shame really. Decent stuff overall, good to have you back.

Miri - first two lines don't gel together so well, but I liked the way everything came together in the end. Some epic imagery but with a twist... Cool stuff.

Gibson - pretty cool piece; a little too melodramatic, but Fun stuff. Hope we see you a little earlier next time.

1. Miri
2. Bootaaay
3. Tim the wiz

Edit: sorry about typos; not on pc...

Tim the Wiz · Jul 11, 2011

1. Botolf
2. Bootaaay
3. Ashes

HM: Miri

AnkitT · Jul 11, 2011

1.Bootaaay
2.Tim the wiz
3.Miri
HM.Botolf

iavi · Jul 11, 2011

I'll roll back through here when I can think up complete crits. I'll leave little snippets for now.

1. Tim the Wiz - Such incredible bits of wording here. I'm jealous.

2. Bootaaay - The way you work emotion into a piece with imagery is almost unparalleled in this thread, and it was definitely present here.

3. Ashes - You went all out on the image this time, and it's a beautifully dark one at that, but the subtlety wasn't there, imo. Finding that balance is hard, when trying to portray a scene so incredibly hopeless, definitely.

HM: Botolf - The wording is very strong, but I feel as if I'm missing most of its meaning. That may be because I'm tired and it's not immediately visible, but even then...

I was struggling to find a good concept to roll with on this one, so I decided to go with a concept that I could compress into as little lines as possible, getting it done faster. I'll probably try it again.

Ashes · Jul 11, 2011

Bootaaay said:
Death Likes War - this feels a bit stilted at the start, but the second half is much stronger and there's some great imagery too, 'mother's quiet arms' I especially liked.

HM; Mir

Miri said:
3. Ashes - You went all out on the image this time, and it's a beautifully dark one at that, but the subtlety wasn't there, imo. Finding that balance is hard, when trying to portray a scene so incredibly hopeless, definitely.

Yeah, I was trying something different. Just been picking up on things from poets, artists etc, and was trying to provoke an epic scene, with scale in the background, and human tragedy in the fore, and some philosophical ideas embedded in between, and symbolic colours here and there. I'm an amateur at that, as you saw this week, so hopefully, it's onwards and upwards.

I think it'll make for a powerful painting, I'd love to see someone try and draw it. Actually, any of the poems this week would make for a decent painting. Fallen angels/musicians/waving off soldiers/epic battlefield with vultures circling... Good stuff.

Results up shortly...

Ashes · Jul 11, 2011

_____________________________

Results
__________

1. Tim the Wiz - 12 pts
2. Bootaaay - 11 pts

Two front runners this week ... Congrats Tim the Wiz!

We have (for the third time in our short history) someone who has won both the Poetry Thread and Creative Writing Thread in the same cycle! Whatever is spurring you on, keeping drinking that stuff bro.

The results in full

1. Tim the Wiz - 12 pts
2. Bootaaay - 11 pts
3. Ashes1396 - 05 pts
4. Botolf - 04 pts
4. Miri - 04 pts

A big thank you to everyone who put the time and effort into entering an entry, reading, providing crits & comments, and voting. Thanks also go to Bootaaay for updating the op template & the Alumni Archive. And Cyan for posting this thread on Neutrality's behalf. And on that note, I wanted to wish condolences to Neutrality's family & friends... R.I.P father of Neutrality.

British Monsoon · Jul 11, 2011

Congrats Tim

Ashes1396 said:
Why would old men be grim and their sons happy and joyful? Very few soldiers sing their way onto boats in the way you put it. I mean, if they're marching to war.. Though that might just be fault of mine. Maybe I read one too many ww1/ww2 diaries, letters recently, of wartime itself, and not when they are leaving for it.

I'd based it on the 'Pals Battalion' recruiting scheme the British army used before conscription in WW1 - they went around towns on recruiting drives and encouraged friends, relatives and co-workers to sign up to a 'pals battalion' where they'd all fight alongside each other in a single unit. Most of the battalions were decimated at the Somme, but in interviews with those that survived they often talk about how on a nationwide wave of patriotism recruiters sold them with promises of 'a break from the daily grind' and that 'it'd all be over by Christmas', while most, if not all, had no idea about the true scale and horrors of trench warfare. Philip Larkin's poem MCMXIV actually set me on the idea, and I had tried to work in some description of the pals battalions or at least note the bonds between the soldiers and their naive and innocent attitude, but ended up cutting that section as it wasn't working.

Ashes · Jul 11, 2011

Bootaaay said:
Congrats Tim

I'd based it on the 'Pals Battalion' recruiting scheme the British army used before conscription in WW1 - they went around towns on recruiting drives and encouraged friends, relatives and co-workers to sign up to a 'pals battalion' where they'd all fight alongside each other in a single unit. Most of the battalions were decimated at the Somme, but in interviews with those that survived they often talk about how on a nationwide wave of patriotism recruiters sold them with promises of 'a break from the daily grind' and that 'it'd all be over by Christmas', while most, if not all, had no idea about the true scale and horrors of trench warfare. Philip Larkin's poem MCMXIV actually set me on the idea, and I had tried to work in some description of the pals battalions or at least note the bonds between the soldiers and their naive and innocent attitude, but ended up cutting that section as it wasn't working.

I love this kind of stuff. Obviously unfair to compare you to larkin, but I thought of the same poem. See how he writes a single line, and compares it to a holiday, rather then bravery and folly, in that they, the soldiers didn't know what horrors lay, still going into the unknown etc. And the critical comment is from the poem, not between young and old. I think the larkin poem was ww1, but I can't remember to be honest.

I enjoyed your poem, I really did, but it felt a little off, a little naive on what motivations it was portraying, to whom.

Compare it with your story, and see how in that example, the mc moved with the reader from the same level. First kill is a cliche, but you demonstrated the experience through the character so well. Well at least for me.

British Monsoon · Jul 11, 2011

Ashes1396 said:
I enjoyed your poem, I really did, but it felt a little off, a little naive on what motivations it was portraying, to whom.

For sure, I agree. That's something I always find with writing about war, it's hard for me to find sufficient tone to convey the meaning without sounding somewhat naive.

Ashes1396 said:
I think the larkin poem was ww1, but I can't remember to be honest.

MCMXIV = 1914

Sibylus · Jul 11, 2011

Congrats!

Ashes1396 said:
Botolf - Very nice rhythm, and the way it rolls off the tongue with some good imagery and word choices. Started losing it on line 16, and just faltered, which I think, given the evidence of the rest of the poem, is a shame really. Decent stuff overall, good to have you back.

All fair, I dawdled a bit with my time on this one. Going to keep writing and tweaking it!

Miri said:
HM: Botolf - The wording is very strong, but I feel as if I'm missing most of its meaning. That may be because I'm tired and it's not immediately visible, but even then...

The figure the poem addresses is David, who is renowned in the Bible both as a musician and as a warrior. It alludes to some of the turbulent events surrounding his rule (civil war, his flight up the Mount of Olives, the death of his son Absalom), and characterizes his warring in musical terms.

Tim the Wiz · Jul 11, 2011

Thanks guys. I'm kinda sick--the kind where sitting up to use the keyboard really sucks--so I'm going to have to ask one of you guys to start the new challenge.

(Details!

Theme: Dreams. Secondary (optional): The return of first-person.

Ashes · Jul 11, 2011

Sorry to hear that mate. I guess it's only fair to let Bootaaay lead us into the new world, unless somebody else wants to take up the reign?

British Monsoon · Jul 11, 2011

OK, I'll post the new thread in a bit.

British Monsoon · Jul 11, 2011

New thread is up;

http://www.neogaf.com/forum/showthread.php?t=436879

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