Edit: Jon regardless of you saying you aren't, you are completely doom and gloom on Splatoon while admittedly being ignorant on what is in the game.
Hey, I watched the direct and here are my notes. I didn't put the single-player stuff in as it's pretty self-explanatory.
INKOPOLIS (Hub World)
Has shops of various types where you can buy gear
Variety of gear and its quality improves as you level up
Weapons
SHOOTERS
Aerospray NG
Jet Squelcher
The Blaster
CHARGERS
Splat Charger
E-Liter 3K
Splatterscope (has long-range scope for true sniping)
ROLLERS
Dynamo Roller - Deflects attacks
SUB WEAPONS (Like Frag Grenades, Proximity Mines, etc.)
9 types
Examples:
Consume lots of ink
Splat Bomb
sprinkler
Seeker
Splash Wall
Suction bomb
Burst Bomb
Point Sensor
Ink Mine
Squid Beakon (spawn point)
Disruptor (slow)
SPECIAL WEAPONS (Scorestreaks - Airstrikes, etc.)
Fill up ink to launch them
Examples:
Inkstrike Rocket
Bubbler - affects you and teammates
Kraken
GEAR ABILITIES (Similar to Perks)
Power-ups on gear
Examples:
Use less ink on Main weapon/Sub weapon
Get more special charge
Quick respawn
Quicker ink recovery
Bigger bomb range
Tenacity
Quicker super jump
Damage up
Defense up
Run speed up
Swim speed up
Comeback
Defense up
Special duration up
Bomb sniffer
Opening gambit
Ninja squid
Recon
Last-ditch effort
Cold-blooded
Haunt
Stealth jump
Ink resistance up
GEAR UPGRADING
Star Counts on Gear = Gear ranks
Higher ranks have more abilities
Gear can be leveled up and will gain new abilities
You can also add slots to gear via vendor
BATTLE DOJO
Practice/Play against friends
2-Player; one uses Gamepad, one uses Pro Controller
Online Play
REGULAR BATTLE
Turf War
Shuffle teams after each game
You can join friends
You choose from 2 stages, they change every 4 hours
RANKED BATTLE
Splat Zone - Control over one part of a stage
Ranks can go up and down after each battle
C- to A+ (9 levels in total)
Players must reach level 10 in Regular Battle to battle online
Ranked battle will be locked at launch; unlocked for the world when "enough players" reach level 10
FEATURE/CONTENT UPDATES
Free Update Events planned "through Summer 2015"
Adding stages, weapons (Ink Brush), gear
Ranked Battle upcoming modes include Tower Control and Rainmaker
August Update Event
Team up with 4 friends
4x4 online custom battles (4 friends vs. 4 friends) - Select stage and rules
AMIIBO
20 challenge stages per Amiibo
Girl, Boy, Squid
Girl has charger challenges, boy has roller challenges, squid has mix
SPLATFESTS
You can get titles
Choose a team (Cat vs. Dog) - you get a special item if you team wins
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Looks pretty full-featured, and you can level up gear pretty far and add slots and abilities as you level up gear. That's impressive and it rivals any other game out there, definitely.
I still think it's cheese that they don't have the 4-on-4 stuff at launch but whatever, I don't think it will bother most people. I'd also like to see more maps at launch ideally but realistically if the maps are good it won't matter (typically in most shooters people choose the same handful of maps over and over anyways).
I thought it was weird that they only mentioned the Pro Controller in the context of Battle Dojo. I'm assuming that's an oversight; nonetheless it's confirmation that the Pro Controller is supported (I'm assuming it's supported in all modes).
I'm far from doom and gloom on Splatoon. I do have a healthy skepticism due to Nintendo having no track record in modern shooters, a sketchy history with online gameplay performance, and an apparent desire to rush this game out the door and patch in extra features later. Add in the fact that it will have been beta tested on real networks with real players for a mere handful of hours and I think I have some legitimate reasons to temper my enthusiasm.
That said it looks really solid, and while it's probably a bit too aesthetically cutesy to be up my alley, it looks relatively legit as far as shooters go. Here's hoping that it develops a solid community and that it gets ongoing support past August.