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Screenwriting |OT|
- Thread starter kai3345
- Start date
afternoon delight
Member
What's everybody's thoughts on actions being capitalized within sentences? Do you have any rules that you restrict yourself toward? For example, what would you do with the following sentences?
1. Johanna screams as she crashes through the table.
2. Heyes seems surprised when she fires twice.
I'd see:
1. Johanna SCREAMS as she CRASHES through the table.
2. Heyes seems surprised when she FIRES TWICE.
I'm admittedly having trouble feeling comfortable breaking the barrier and choosing emphasis, any thoughts hombres?
1. Johanna screams as she crashes through the table.
2. Heyes seems surprised when she fires twice.
I'd see:
1. Johanna SCREAMS as she CRASHES through the table.
2. Heyes seems surprised when she FIRES TWICE.
I'm admittedly having trouble feeling comfortable breaking the barrier and choosing emphasis, any thoughts hombres?
As a general note, I'd recommend all individuals interested in screenwriting give "Scriptnotes" a listen. It's an ostensibly weekly podcast hosted by John August and Craig Mazin.
Why should you listen?
Even if you aren't fond of the work of August and Maizin, I'd advise listening. I've learned a great deal since the podcast launched.
Listen to Scripnotes: Web link, iTunes.
The capitalization you have in your example is sufficient.
I use CAPS as a way to emphasize important parts of the prose. So what constitutes "important parts"? Well, let's talk a bit about what a screenplay is supposed to be and how one should read it.
Think of a script as an impressionistic piece that is supposed to give the reader the broad strokes in an exciting and concise manner. It's supposed to be easy to run your eyes down the page. Why? Because with 90-120 pages of material per script, you don't have time to peruse unwieldy blocks of text. The reality is that most people skim screenplays. They read with rapidity and will be dubious of large paragraphs, and will more than likely skip over a fair bit of the stuff they deem as fat.
In my own work, I use CAPS to introduce characters, label sounds, and accentuate small details I think are pivotal. But I am always careful not to overuse CAPS. Think of it as "YOU HAVE TO READ THIS. IF YOU DON'T, YOU WILL BE LOST." It's a tool and although useful, too much will diminish its value.
Having read an array of screenplays and penning a few of my own (purely speculative work, mind you), I find the use of CAPS in conjunction with BOLD lettering works well. This is just my own style. I think it'd behoove you to experiment. Find a balance that works for you. It takes years to find a voice and a format that is synergistic.
Here's a mantra to always follow: don't be boring. It's one of the few absolutes in the medium. So experiment. Read more scripts. Learn new techniques and try to hone their use. But don't think you need to use EVERY trick in the book in order to write a good screenplay. Don't scrutinize to the point of abandonment. Just write. Then let it simmer. Then come back and rewrite it. Eventually, you'll have to move on to the next thing. But don't fret. Take something away from each project.
In short, you seem to have a good grasp on the use of CAPS, but don't let it restrict you if you think it doesn't work quite right. Tinker with it. Don't think you must do something just for the sake of it. Try it out and see what happens.
Keep writing.
Why should you listen?
- It's concise, punctual, and impeccably structured.
- It's hosted by two professional screenwriters with years of experience in the business.
- August and Maizin are rational and erudite. They have a decent grasp on what constitutes a good screenplay and the realities of the business.
- It's a perfect balance of optimism, pragmatism, and realism.
- It's free!
Even if you aren't fond of the work of August and Maizin, I'd advise listening. I've learned a great deal since the podcast launched.
Listen to Scripnotes: Web link, iTunes.
The capitalization you have in your example is sufficient.
I use CAPS as a way to emphasize important parts of the prose. So what constitutes "important parts"? Well, let's talk a bit about what a screenplay is supposed to be and how one should read it.
Think of a script as an impressionistic piece that is supposed to give the reader the broad strokes in an exciting and concise manner. It's supposed to be easy to run your eyes down the page. Why? Because with 90-120 pages of material per script, you don't have time to peruse unwieldy blocks of text. The reality is that most people skim screenplays. They read with rapidity and will be dubious of large paragraphs, and will more than likely skip over a fair bit of the stuff they deem as fat.
In my own work, I use CAPS to introduce characters, label sounds, and accentuate small details I think are pivotal. But I am always careful not to overuse CAPS. Think of it as "YOU HAVE TO READ THIS. IF YOU DON'T, YOU WILL BE LOST." It's a tool and although useful, too much will diminish its value.
Having read an array of screenplays and penning a few of my own (purely speculative work, mind you), I find the use of CAPS in conjunction with BOLD lettering works well. This is just my own style. I think it'd behoove you to experiment. Find a balance that works for you. It takes years to find a voice and a format that is synergistic.
Here's a mantra to always follow: don't be boring. It's one of the few absolutes in the medium. So experiment. Read more scripts. Learn new techniques and try to hone their use. But don't think you need to use EVERY trick in the book in order to write a good screenplay. Don't scrutinize to the point of abandonment. Just write. Then let it simmer. Then come back and rewrite it. Eventually, you'll have to move on to the next thing. But don't fret. Take something away from each project.
In short, you seem to have a good grasp on the use of CAPS, but don't let it restrict you if you think it doesn't work quite right. Tinker with it. Don't think you must do something just for the sake of it. Try it out and see what happens.
Keep writing.
B33 is spot on.
Also, consistency is key and consider using underlining, bold, CAPS. All are fine and they each serve a great purpose when used well.
I read a lot of scripts at my job and it's always a treat to see someone do something new. It's also a pain when you're fighting the syntax to get a grasp of what's happening.
Basically, don't get too cute but find a place to build your 'client cred' as well as your property.
Also, consistency is key and consider using underlining, bold, CAPS. All are fine and they each serve a great purpose when used well.
I read a lot of scripts at my job and it's always a treat to see someone do something new. It's also a pain when you're fighting the syntax to get a grasp of what's happening.
Basically, don't get too cute but find a place to build your 'client cred' as well as your property.
Well said. I didn't originally stress this, but it's invaluable advice.
When you make a formatting decision, be sure to be consistent. It's essential for your script to be cohesive and clear. Your goal is to have syntax that impels the reader to move down the page. You won't accomplish this if you befuddle them.
*high five*
Seriously, it's an easy trap to fall into especially when you consider the scope of a screenplay. Although I'd say as an issue, it's best to address this polish-type issue after you're done, otherwise you'll just endlessly rewrite your rewritten rewrites!
Also, thanks for the podcast, I've never come across the one you posted
Yes. A transcript is offered within a week of an episode being posted on the page. You can find them in the show notes section once available.
*high five*
Seriously, it's an easy trap to fall into especially when you consider the scope of a screenplay. Although I'd say as an issue, it's best to address this polish-type issue after you're done, otherwise you'll just endlessly rewrite your rewritten rewrites!
Also, thanks for the podcast, I've never come across the one you posted
Admittedly, I've made the same mistake. It happens. It's not easy to keep track of 90-120 pages of material.
Great advice!
You're welcome. It's a podcast I originally stumbled upon while searching through iTunes.
I've written a couple episodes of a sitcom recently; a pilot and a more adventerous/exploring the world type episode. They're both fairly different specimens. One is located entirely within a small restaurant and has only a handful of cast (6-8}. The other is out in a park with a bunch of kids, a birthday party, catering, a little league baseball game.. virtually requiring a 40+ string cast. The park one, according to people who've read it, has a lot more laugh out loud moments.
My friend/co-writer/co-creator is suggesting we stop writing episodes (i have 18+ planned) and focus on refining one of them for entry into contests.. or maybe even shooting, really roughly.
Any advice?
My friend/co-writer/co-creator is suggesting we stop writing episodes (i have 18+ planned) and focus on refining one of them for entry into contests.. or maybe even shooting, really roughly.
Any advice?
afternoon delight
Member
First of all, thank you B33 and Fat Kids very much for taking the time. Sculli, I miss your input.
Are there any other screenplays you all would recommend where the action was very well imparted on the reader?
Big fan of them, I'd say the same of their program.
I guess this is the hardest part for me right now. This admittedly-spec-script consists of a LOT of action and forward movement of one individual and I've really liked how the screenplays of The Matrix, Raiders of the Lost Ark, Ronin, Fallen, Se7en, LA Confidential, and The Road portray their events. Pinpointing which actions to emphasize in sequences is what I find the most frustrating, because I want the language to be punctual but not lacking the fluidity of physical movement.
Are there any other screenplays you all would recommend where the action was very well imparted on the reader?
Is there money involved or will it be a volunteeresque group effort? I'd plan for whatever requires the lowest amount of people and locations, and then repurpose or edit material to make the strongest single product instead of two maybe filmables.
Thanks for the suggestion. One question: by "repurposing," do you mean taking scenes/plots/characters from the other (more complex) scripts and fusing them into simpler-to-film script to create like a hybrid? Essentially cherry pick the best bits across all scripts in order to create a single, super script?
SCULLIBUNDO
Banned
So after two feature scripts (one of which I just finished the second draft for) for other people this year, I'm in the middle of writing my first official treatment - where I've always previously gone straight into the scripting stage. The reason I'm going treatment first this time is that it's an original feature I'm writing (my second) for myself to direct and I've been informed I'll have more than a good chance at getting development funding for the scripting process now that I have two previous projects in production.
The idea that I can get paid to write the story I want to write is kind of amazing to me at the moment. Previously it's always been a case of how much money I have in my account being the factor of how much time I can take off to write my own material.
If you see a lot less of me on GAF, this is why.
The idea that I can get paid to write the story I want to write is kind of amazing to me at the moment. Previously it's always been a case of how much money I have in my account being the factor of how much time I can take off to write my own material.
If you see a lot less of me on GAF, this is why.
SCULLIBUNDO
Banned
Depends what you consider 'my' movies. I don't really consider anything I've written under commission for somebody else with their vision in mind to be mine, per se. Not to say that I'm not excited to see how they turn out. I will update when these projects start shooting.
But hopefully what I'm working on now goes well and it will be sooner rather than later.
SCULLIBUNDO
Banned
Of course I can, but I won't. It's more that I don't want to jinx things before they're happening.
The following is a scene found about two-thirds of the way through a 23 page-long sitcom script I'm writing. I just picked out a random scene in an unbiased effort to show something representative of the whole script.
Can you guys suggest any changes? I'm particularly interested in how to improve the action descriptions.
INT. TABLE - SAME
SAVERAGE and LEM have moved their chairs closer together; their food, still barely touched.
ECHO and SIERRA arrive, arm in arm.
Echo attempts to take her seat but Sierra restrains her.
The women are taken aback, almost shocked.
Echo and Sierra are open-mouthed.
Can you guys suggest any changes? I'm particularly interested in how to improve the action descriptions.
INT. TABLE - SAME
SAVERAGE and LEM have moved their chairs closer together; their food, still barely touched.
ECHO and SIERRA arrive, arm in arm.
SIERRA
- and my husband has such a
predictable schedule it’d almost be
too easy.
Echo and Sierra share a laugh.Echo attempts to take her seat but Sierra restrains her.
SIERRA (CONT.)
Benjamin, Benjie. I think Echo has
some enormous, long-gestating news
to share.
ECHO
Sierra!
SAVERAGE
Get out!
(to LEM)
Your name is Benjamin too?
LEM
Naw. I’m Benjamin the first. But
you can be Benjamin two.
The two men chuckle.The women are taken aback, almost shocked.
SIERRA
Why don’t we just call you Lem, and
you, Saverage?
SAVERAGE
I like it.
SIERRA
As I was saying, Echo has something
super important to say.
SAVERAGE
Wait. Before you say anything. We
have even more important news.
Lem nods excitedly.SAVERAGE (CONT.)
You want to tell them?
LEM
(to Saverage)
No. It was your idea. You go.
SAVERAGE
Ah, thanks, Ben. I mean, Lem.
(to the girls)
We’ve decided to have lunch
together.
Echo and Sierra have no response.LEM
You know, weekly.
SAVERAGE
Maybe more often.
LEM
We don’t know yet. It’s too early
to say.
SAVERAGE
I’ve got a good feeling though.
LEM
Me too.
SAVERAGE
(to Echo)
I’m sorry, honey. You were saying?
Echo grabs her stomach.ECHO
I-
LEM
One second, there’s something I
have to take care of.
Lem stands up and walks to the other end of the restaurant;Echo and Sierra are open-mouthed.
okay, while you chew on that one. Here is my opening page, two and a half scenes. It needs to shine and urge the reader to flip to the second page. Any suggestions?
FADE IN
EXT. ABUELA'S MAS BUENAS MEXICAN REST. - DAY
A "GRAND OPENING" BANNER and a single car in the parking lot: A BEIGE SEDAN.
A WHITE SEDAN parks within a foot of the empty Beige Car - making it impossible for the driver's side door to open.
BENJIE LEM, 30, emerges from the White Sedan; strides to the restaurant.
The passenger-side door of the White Car opens a crack; SIERRA, 30, female, peeks through it - she can't get out!
INT. ABUELA'S MAS BUENAS - SAME
SIERRA, in HOSPITAL SCRUBS, slides next to LEM, who studies the room.
A dozen empty tables, save one. It's occupied by BENJAMIN and ECHO SAVERAGE, both 30s.
WAITER #1, 40, ushers them to a table immediately next to the Saverages.
Lem pulls a chair out for Sierra - the one closest to the other table - pinning the girls together.
Lem slides into a chair opposite Sierra.
Waiter #1 hands them OVERSIZED MENUS.
INT. SAVERAGE TABLE - SAME
SAVERAGE crunches a piece of a salsa-loaded CHIP.
He stops, leans over the SALSA DISH, an inch from touching it with his nose - his arms extended away, as if for balance.
He raises his hand. ECHO covers her face with her hands.
FADE IN
EXT. ABUELA'S MAS BUENAS MEXICAN REST. - DAY
A "GRAND OPENING" BANNER and a single car in the parking lot: A BEIGE SEDAN.
A WHITE SEDAN parks within a foot of the empty Beige Car - making it impossible for the driver's side door to open.
BENJIE LEM, 30, emerges from the White Sedan; strides to the restaurant.
The passenger-side door of the White Car opens a crack; SIERRA, 30, female, peeks through it - she can't get out!
INT. ABUELA'S MAS BUENAS - SAME
SIERRA, in HOSPITAL SCRUBS, slides next to LEM, who studies the room.
A dozen empty tables, save one. It's occupied by BENJAMIN and ECHO SAVERAGE, both 30s.
WAITER #1, 40, ushers them to a table immediately next to the Saverages.
WAITER #1
"Hola, amigos. Have a seat."
Lem pulls a chair out for Sierra - the one closest to the other table - pinning the girls together.
Lem slides into a chair opposite Sierra.
Waiter #1 hands them OVERSIZED MENUS.
INT. SAVERAGE TABLE - SAME
SAVERAGE crunches a piece of a salsa-loaded CHIP.
He stops, leans over the SALSA DISH, an inch from touching it with his nose - his arms extended away, as if for balance.
He raises his hand. ECHO covers her face with her hands.
SAVERAGE
Excuse me.
ECHO
Ben, don't.
WAITER #1 approaches.
beat
Member
Bear in mind I'm an interested amateur with no credits or even completed spec work. And I'm just spitballing.
This isn't an action description thing, but... Saverage and Lem have decided to have lunch together weekly and they didn't know each other's first names? Except they kinda do, because Saverage calls Lem 'Ben' by accident and also presumably knows his own first name?
Also, it's a mildly funny joke, and it immediately sets a character note for Lem -- that he's thoughtless -- but it's kind of implausible that Sierra doesn't bring this to his attention. Personal preference, I'd consider addressing this either in the parking lot or in the restaurant, OR it's a character thing that Sierra lets this stuff go without mentioning it. But I guess that last option doesn't match up with the restaurant stuff from your earlier post ('almost shocked', 'open-mouthed').
BTW, how did she get out? Did she make Lem come back and fix his parking job? Did she climb out the sunroof or the driver's side door or the passenger side window? Potentially worth addressing this, you could get a joke or two out of it.
Not sure why the waiter's line is in quotes. I mean, I guess it's something the restaurant makes him say, but I'd suggest just making that a description of the intended delivery ("(flat)" or something). Also, maybe specifying he's anything other than Latino.
Will the oversized-ness menus be paying off?
Really not sure why the women would be 'almost shocked'. Absent any context in the first two thirds that explains this, this seems like barely a speed bump in a conversation. It's there, it's a little weird, and the dialogue has the characters basically silently acknowledge it and move on. All I'm saying is that 'almost shocked' is a bit too much, IMO.
This isn't an action description thing, but... Saverage and Lem have decided to have lunch together weekly and they didn't know each other's first names? Except they kinda do, because Saverage calls Lem 'Ben' by accident and also presumably knows his own first name?
It's hella rude of Lem, but 'open-mouthed' is still a pretty big reaction, arguably bigger than this deserves. Also, ...
I literally reread this four times to get this straight. OK, few things: don't switch between 'car' and 'sedan'. Secondly, don't say it's " it impossible for the driver's side door [of the beige car] to open." The beige car is empty! It's true, but it's more relevant to the story that the passenger side door of the white car is the one that's stuck.
Also, it's a mildly funny joke, and it immediately sets a character note for Lem -- that he's thoughtless -- but it's kind of implausible that Sierra doesn't bring this to his attention. Personal preference, I'd consider addressing this either in the parking lot or in the restaurant, OR it's a character thing that Sierra lets this stuff go without mentioning it. But I guess that last option doesn't match up with the restaurant stuff from your earlier post ('almost shocked', 'open-mouthed').
BTW, how did she get out? Did she make Lem come back and fix his parking job? Did she climb out the sunroof or the driver's side door or the passenger side window? Potentially worth addressing this, you could get a joke or two out of it.
Not sure why the waiter's line is in quotes. I mean, I guess it's something the restaurant makes him say, but I'd suggest just making that a description of the intended delivery ("(flat)" or something). Also, maybe specifying he's anything other than Latino.
Will the oversized-ness menus be paying off?
Extending his arms for balance is a weird and interesting and potentially funny action. It's also extremely unnecessary to do for a seated character. Not saying it's a wrong choice to write, but as a weird piece of unnecessary movement, it's actually kind of muted. Again, my initial reaction would be to write something even bigger. Maybe - if it doesn't throw off the balance of your script - you could move some Lem and Sierra stuff earlier, then introduce Saverage walking up to the table; a standing character can potentially do some more and bigger stuff. Or maybe he just does something strange with the chip before eating it too.
Thanks beat, good stuff. I'll certainly go back and check all those sections again. You're probably on the nose with the reactions on the girls. It's obvious that I was making acting choices there - where I should leave it more open (e.g. still implying stunned, for instance, but not forcing or demanding it.)
I appreciate the notes.
beat said:
good point. I was only thinking about the payoff at the end of the script (that clearly you haven't been privy to), when Saverage steps outside of the restaurant and obviously sees that he's been trapped by some thoughtless jerk and their white sedan.. and Lem pretends that he had walked to the restaurant to avoid ruining things with his new friend.
I know that opening scene is complex to envision based on the writing, and your suggestion is a good one: keep the information focused on the here and now and what the reader needs in order to understand the immediate situation.
I toned down the reactions by Sierra (read: completely cut out) and I added an action line immediately after that suggests she had to get a little dirty to get out of there. Do you think that's sufficient?
I'd like to leave this to the imagination. But I did add the line about her dusting herself off. I think that will work against assumptions (that she climbed over to the driver's side) and rather found some unexpected way out (like maybe the trunk).
that was a mistake. I deleted the quotes. I can't believe I didn't notice that over so many drafts. Thanks for catching that.
Not specifically. But I do imagine them being just comically oversized and in view for nearly half of the episode. Sierra and Echo will use the menus to hide their faces in embarrassment, so I did want to make sure that the menus were sufficiently sized for that.
Here's a revised version of that first page:
FADE IN
EXT. ABUELA'S MAS BUENAS MEXICAN REST. - DAY
A "GRAND OPENING" BANNER and a single car in the parking lot: A BEIGE SEDAN.
A WHITE SEDAN parks within a foot of the empty Beige Sedan - making it impossible for the passenger-side door of the White Sedan to open.
BENJIE LEM, 30, emerges from the White Sedan; strides to the restaurant.
The passenger-side door of the White Sedan opens a crack; SIERRA, 30, female, peeks through it - she can't get out!
INT. ABUELA'S MAS BUENAS - SAME
SIERRA, in HOSPITAL SCRUBS, slides next to LEM, who studies the room. She dusts herself off.
A dozen empty tables, save one. It's occupied by BENJAMIN and ECHO SAVERAGE, both 30s.
WAITER #1, 40, ushers them to a table immediately next to the Saverages.
WAITER #1
Hola, amigos. Have a seat.
Lem pulls a chair out for Sierra - the one closest to the other table - pinning the girls together.
Lem slides into a chair opposite Sierra.
Waiter #1 hands them OVERSIZED MENUS.
INT. SAVERAGE TABLE - SAME
SAVERAGE crunches a piece of a salsa-loaded CHIP.
He stops, stands up, leans over the SALSA DISH, an inch from touching it with his nose - his arms extended back, as if for balance.
He raises his hand. ECHO covers her face with her hands.
SAVERAGE
Excuse me.
edit: I'm going to be on the phone with a internet/short film company head tomorrow - just about general advice, he doesn't know anything about the screenplay yet but it might come up - so any and all comments/suggestions are really appreciated.
I should probably come up with a good logline in case I'm asked. So far I have: Two men bond over their exceptionally poor taste in food and begin a relationship, over a series of lunch dates, that makes one of them reconsider ever stepping out of his cocoon.
beat
Member
I have no idea how screenplays write out stuff that happens in two different parts of the same room, but I'm not 100% sure this is the way it's done. Esp when the two tables are side by side; it's like you're making directing choices here. The TV scripts I've read (both pilots and non) use sluglines only for new scenes. For example, in Community's "Introduction to Statistics" (PDF), there's a scene where Britta and Shirley run into Jeff and Slater in the hallway, there's a brief exchange, and then the story follows Jeff and Slater, still in the hallway - no new slugline, just "Jeff walks with Slater." to indicate what's going on and implying that the ongoing action and camera leave Britta and Shirley behind. But again, not an expert.
Second thing, I think I get what you mean, that Sierra and Echo are pinned back to back, but I'm not sure. This part actually might need more description. (Like, is the restaurant that cramped? Esp since the tables are empty, even if they're seated next to each other, there's no reason they couldn't just scooch over.)
Actually, why not flip it so Lem pins in Severage because they're back to back? Too on-the-nose? It would also stage them closer together, though maybe there's a good reason to seat them across two tables. (shades of that Burton Batman with Bruce Wayne and Vicki Vale at opposite ends of the long dinner table.)
ETA: that final joke probably works even in a show because it's the final joke, but the unforgiving nitpicker in me wants to say that afterwards, people will wonder: "Why wouldn't Severage ask if it was Lem's car? Clearly staff don't park in that lot or else Severage's beige car wouldn't have been the only one there when Lem pulled in, and the restaurant was empty all night, so - even if Severage is dim - he or Echo might very reasonably ask if the only other customers owned the only other car."
SaltyDoughnut
Member
Hey, I'm gonna be starting college in the fall. Just for practice outside of studies, I want to write a ~45 (or 60) minute television drama episode (first draft) each month for a year. I plan to start with an original pilot episode and then write 12 episodes to follow it, using the summer months to squeeze in the finale/13th episode. Doing this just for foundation/practice, is it a reasonable proposal? (I'd actually like to do this all four years if possible)
I've done a lot of work creating shorts and working on promotional films, but I've not yet written anything in standard screen-format, so I don't know the range of time it might take to do the writing.
Thanks
I've done a lot of work creating shorts and working on promotional films, but I've not yet written anything in standard screen-format, so I don't know the range of time it might take to do the writing.
Thanks
SaltyDoughnut
Member
I guess the base question is:
Does ~45 mins a day for a month seem like enough time to create a first draft of a ~45 (or 60) min television drama episode?
Does ~45 mins a day for a month seem like enough time to create a first draft of a ~45 (or 60) min television drama episode?
Yes. You should be able to pump out a couple of pages a day IF you stick to a solid 45 minutes of pure writing. I wrote a 30 page script in three days, of course, I put in much more time.. bordering on 8 hours a day.
Outline. Outline. Outline. First, write out a couple of paragraphs on each of your main characters. Their background. Their wants/desires. Their failings. Their relationships. Their jobs. Their passtimes. Then, if you're writing a 60 page episode, write out the key plot developments that occur at page 8 (end of first act, swing into act two) - you've gone from describing the normal world, and setting up the key players that will figure into the rest of the plot, and flipping it upside down; something has occurred that changes the rules of the world and "raises the stakes". At page 15, inject a new character that will help guide the main character on his journey to his resolution; they will provide the protag with a chance at a new skill and a choice, sometimes something has to be given up to get this new skill/information. At page 30, you need a big event to happen that changes the course of the story; the midpoint, or the hi/lo - if everything seems to be going well, make everything turn ugly. If everything is going bad to worse, provide a major breakthrough. Not a coincidence though; it must be earned. At around page 50, all must be lost. Create a scenario where all the work up until now is seemingly lost/cast aside. The worst possible thing has just happened. Then you'll have to come up with the miraculous solution - something, hopefully, that you've been setting up all the while.
Then try to write out a page-by-page, quick synopsis - just a sentence or two on what happens within every minute of screen time.
Now, with an outline as a guide, sitting next to your computer, you can push headlong, confidently, and, as commonly occurs, eventually toss most of it aside. You'll have to be a slave to your characters and sometimes what you thought they would do is not what you'll discover they'll do.
You were pretty much spot on - I spoke with a short film director and he let me know that I had effectively written a shooting script/something that I could use for filming. But for sending out to agents/movie houses, the format will not fly. The cutting between tables is certainly still in the same setting - all the same scene and I have to come up with a more clever way to cut between the action without breaking up/ending the scene.
I'll study that community script you posted - hopefully it'll give me guidance enough to rewrite those pages. Thanks for the critique. On the nose.
before and after of the first page of my sitcom pilot - i.e. before and after incorporating suggestions from a short film writer/director:
before.
after.
I had to invent some new dialogue to inject in the otherwise silent film opening/cold open. I think it reflects who the characters are, establishes that Lem (the main character) isn't happy to be there, for some reason prefers bland/Americanized foods to authentic versions, fears change, and Sierra (his wife) tolerates his eccentricities, and is trying to inject new experiences into his/their life.
I feel it "looks" better - is more inviting to read - compared to the original which looks like a wall of text.
before.
after.
I had to invent some new dialogue to inject in the otherwise silent film opening/cold open. I think it reflects who the characters are, establishes that Lem (the main character) isn't happy to be there, for some reason prefers bland/Americanized foods to authentic versions, fears change, and Sierra (his wife) tolerates his eccentricities, and is trying to inject new experiences into his/their life.
I feel it "looks" better - is more inviting to read - compared to the original which looks like a wall of text.
SCULLIBUNDO
Banned
Once you've established the names of your characters through dialogue, try to avoid having characters mention each other's names in conversation too much. It doesn't read well or sound natural (unless it's a deliberate character quirk). You also only need to capitalize their names the first time you introduce them in the action text.
So I just finished the second draft for a short script I've been writing off and on this summer. It's about me and my friends getting hacked up by a slasher. I'd love if you guys could read it and give me some feedback:
https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/u/85886015/Pandametric.pdf
It's not long, only like 17 pages total.
https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/u/85886015/Pandametric.pdf
It's not long, only like 17 pages total.
at page 10 (thankfully I've been on hold -on the phone- for a while at work). Like the pace so far. Are you thinking about actually filming this yourself?
I'd love to film this myself, but I'm not super sure my friends would be as enthusiastic. We actually ended up filming that Ballstorm movie I talk about in the script and they were all pretty burnt out on filming by the end.
So what'd you think?
Anyone ever submit to a writing program at a Network? I applied for the NBC Late Night Writing Workshop and made what they called the quarterfinals, but I haven't heard anything back. Would it be rude to send an email?
AlteredBeast
Fork 'em, Sparky!
Alright, after having a buddy of mine read through my screenplay, I am reworking a ton of dialogue from start to finish. The one critique I heard from start to finish was to make the dialogue shorter and to the point. I have a knack for overdescribing scenarios and situations.
I obviously don't want every character to sound overly "smart" like Jason Segel in I Love You, Man, but then again, I want to give every character their own unique voice and viewpoint.
What is the best way to learn to write unique dialogue?
I obviously don't want every character to sound overly "smart" like Jason Segel in I Love You, Man, but then again, I want to give every character their own unique voice and viewpoint.
What is the best way to learn to write unique dialogue?
Dragoon En Regalia
Member
Syd Field's passed away at 77 just now. I have most of the big books he's written and will dutifully give them a go once I start writing things other than short stories.
bernardobri
Steve, the dog with no powers that we let hang out with us all for some reason
Screenplay is a great resource, definitely help me to get through some formative and creative barriers. I recommend it always over the Campbell books when it comes to understanding story development and narrative flow.
RIP Syd Field.
afternoon delight
Member
So a character enters a cave at night. This cave and its winding labyrinth halls will be the finale.
INT. CORRIDOR - NIGHT
INT. CORRIDOR - TIMELESS
INT. CORRIDOR
Basically I need to look at The Descent screenplay I guess.
INT. CORRIDOR - NIGHT
INT. CORRIDOR - TIMELESS
INT. CORRIDOR
Basically I need to look at The Descent screenplay I guess.
SCULLIBUNDO
Banned
Don't complicate things for yourself just because you can't see the sky. Worry about that stuff when you're in outer space.
afternoon delight
Member
My man! Thank you.
bernardobri
Steve, the dog with no powers that we let hang out with us all for some reason
It's award season so that means companies publishing their screenplays for consideration.
http://gointothestory.blcklst.com/2013/11/update-award-season-screenplay-downloads-29-scripts.html
http://gointothestory.blcklst.com/2013/11/update-award-season-screenplay-downloads-29-scripts.html
afternoon delight
Member
Unrelated to screenwriting, but also sort of related:
If you ever have to write coverage on a script, don't be a pompous asshole about it. Don't act like you're writing a film school thesis and talk in pseudo intellectual bullshittery (that's probably a good script tip, too). It's a fucking summary of a script and its strength and weaknesses, not a treatise on the state of whatever fucking genre you had to read.
And scene.
(Also, guys, don't do specs of shows that aren't on the air anymore)
If you ever have to write coverage on a script, don't be a pompous asshole about it. Don't act like you're writing a film school thesis and talk in pseudo intellectual bullshittery (that's probably a good script tip, too). It's a fucking summary of a script and its strength and weaknesses, not a treatise on the state of whatever fucking genre you had to read.
And scene.
(Also, guys, don't do specs of shows that aren't on the air anymore)
Boy, I really need to get off my ass and start writing some of the ideas I have.. had this one in particular for a feature for a few years now - I think it's a really good idea and has great potential yet I am lazy and don't do anything with it.
Might have to browse amazon for some screenwriting books and dive into and get some creative gears turning in my head.
Might have to browse amazon for some screenwriting books and dive into and get some creative gears turning in my head.
afternoon delight
Member
Well, if you can get specific, do so. There's a lot of literature dedicated to singular genres and types.
beat
Member
Go Into The Story at The Blacklist is also a good source of screenplays for produced movies: http://gointothestory.blcklst.com/category/screenplays
bernardobri
Steve, the dog with no powers that we let hang out with us all for some reason
"Screenplay" by Syd Field is a great start.
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