Dark Stalkers
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Like this?
why is there a penis coming out of your mirror
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Shaving your ass is not really a good idea
- Thread starter Slayer-33
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why is there a penis coming out of your mirror
Like this?
ic:
Why does he look sad, though?
Rockman
Member
fierrotlepou
Member
This story is kind of obligatory in a thread like this.
Vermillion
Banned
Like this?
I've been laughing for 2 minutes. Great work.
Alligatorjandro
Banned
I dont trust ass shavers.
I didn't shave my ass hair when I did my colonoscopy.
I did mine at a private clinic and the nurse that was going to help when I stumbled in wearing nothing but my hospital frock as probably one of the prettiest and sexiest women I had ever met. It was tremendously embarrassing.
I did mine at a private clinic and the nurse that was going to help when I stumbled in wearing nothing but my hospital frock as probably one of the prettiest and sexiest women I had ever met. It was tremendously embarrassing.
Rubbish King
The gift that keeps on giving
That was an amazing tale, hope the guy lived
brianjones
Member
is it illegal to be drunk during a colonoscopy?
Trojita
Rapid Response Threadmaker
More than 50 posts and this wasn't posted. For shame GAF.
Phat Michael
Banned
like did u shave the hole or the cheeks?
Canis lupus
Member
I have recently made a mistake in my life, and I offer my story to you, that you may learn from my error. It all started, as many things do, with me having trouble shitting.
No, I was not constipated; this was not a regularity problem but a matter of technique. It seems my ass-hair had grown to such a length that tiny grogans were constantly getting tied up in the matted jungle between my asscheeks. It led to much frustration, with me KNOWING that I still had something to drop, but unable to shake the tenacious turd loose from its butthair dwelling. Eventually I would have to do two things: either reach down with some paper and try to pinch off the lingering loaf (which required careful precision to avoid smearing the creature all over my rear, especially since I had no way of seeing what I was doing) or just go for broke, start wiping, and hope that I could remove all the leftover fecal matter before the toilet paper reached its Cant-Be-Flushed threshold.
I was contemplating this problem, when I had what seemed at the time to be a bright idea. Hey! This is my butt and my butt-hair, right? So why dont I just eliminate all the hair, and then my grogans will flow out like beer from a keg! I said to myself. It is a statement that will go down in history with a lot of other regretted statements. How many Indians could there be? said by General Custer. Looks like a good day for a drive! by JFK. There! America On-Line now has complete Usenet access! by some idiot system tech. Such was my anal shaving idea.
I performed the operation that night, with a cheap disposable razor and a towel to sit on. Starting from the bottom, and shaving from the crack to the cheeks, I began the arduous process of ridding my ass of hair. Occassionally, I would have to clean the razor of accumulated hair and miscellaneous slime, which I did by wiping it on the towel. Slowly, my twin mounds and the between-ravine began to resemble the hairless cheeks of a newborn baby. Finally, I wiped the razor one last time, and surveyed my work. The towel was covered with a pile of hair. My ass was smooth as ivory. I smiled, satisfied, thinking my troubles were over.
Little did I know.
I now have a great respect for anal-hair. Like everything in this world God created, it has its mighty purpose in existence. It was only after I had removed it that I started to learn how much I had been taking it for granted. For one, it provides friction. I learned this the next day, when I walked out into the sun heading for class. After climbing two flights of stairs and starting to sweat, I started to notice something unpleasant. The sweat was accumulating in my crack, and was causing the unpleasant sensation of my two asscheeks sliding past each other with every step. I thought about going to the bathroom and wiping it off, but had to get to class. Eventually, I thought, it would dry.
Unfortunately, it did dry, but only after mingling with the microscopic shit- molecules lingering around my brown starfish. When I stood up after class, my cheeks were stuck together with a slimy sticky shit/sweat combination. As I made my way back to my dorm, it started to itch. God-DAMN, did it itch! Felt like a swarm of ants was making its way up and down my crack. Fighting to keep from jamming my hand down there and scratching away, I rushed back to the dorm.
Unfortunately again, this exertion caused me to sweat, and when I finally reached my room, my cheeks were sliding back and forth against each other like a pair of horny cane-toads. I quickly dropped my pants, and attempted to dry my ass off by sticking it in front of a fan and spreading my cheeks. As I pulled the two mounds of flesh apart, a horrible stench burst free and filled the room. Every dog within a 4 block radius started to howl. I had it worst of all, as the ripe aroma of festering shit/sweat went into the fan and blew back into my face. I fought to keep from heaving. And as I sat there, fighting vomit, my ass cheeks spread and dripping, with the concentrated aroma of my body odor mixed with the tangy smell of my own shit blowing right into my face, I had only one thought: It will be like this until the hair grows back. Weeks.
Later on, trying to deal as best I could, wiping my ass at every opportunity, I discovered another wonderful use for ass-hair ventilation. I attempted to launch a fart, only to have it get stuck between my asscheeks. Apparently, with no hair, the two pink twins can get vacuum sealed together, and the result was a frustrating fart that slid up and down between my cheeks like a lost gerbil.
As if that wasnt enough, I am now enduring further torture. As anyone who has ever shaved anything knows, when hair is first growing in, it comes in as stubble. Imagine your ass having the texture of a brillo pad. Well, that is what I am dealing with now. It is a hellish torture, and there are many times when I just look out the window and contemplate why I shouldnt just jump out and get it all over with in one fleshy splat, rather than endure this constant agony.
Friends, DONT SHAVE YOUR ASS-HAIR!
No, I was not constipated; this was not a regularity problem but a matter of technique. It seems my ass-hair had grown to such a length that tiny grogans were constantly getting tied up in the matted jungle between my asscheeks. It led to much frustration, with me KNOWING that I still had something to drop, but unable to shake the tenacious turd loose from its butthair dwelling. Eventually I would have to do two things: either reach down with some paper and try to pinch off the lingering loaf (which required careful precision to avoid smearing the creature all over my rear, especially since I had no way of seeing what I was doing) or just go for broke, start wiping, and hope that I could remove all the leftover fecal matter before the toilet paper reached its Cant-Be-Flushed threshold.
I was contemplating this problem, when I had what seemed at the time to be a bright idea. Hey! This is my butt and my butt-hair, right? So why dont I just eliminate all the hair, and then my grogans will flow out like beer from a keg! I said to myself. It is a statement that will go down in history with a lot of other regretted statements. How many Indians could there be? said by General Custer. Looks like a good day for a drive! by JFK. There! America On-Line now has complete Usenet access! by some idiot system tech. Such was my anal shaving idea.
I performed the operation that night, with a cheap disposable razor and a towel to sit on. Starting from the bottom, and shaving from the crack to the cheeks, I began the arduous process of ridding my ass of hair. Occassionally, I would have to clean the razor of accumulated hair and miscellaneous slime, which I did by wiping it on the towel. Slowly, my twin mounds and the between-ravine began to resemble the hairless cheeks of a newborn baby. Finally, I wiped the razor one last time, and surveyed my work. The towel was covered with a pile of hair. My ass was smooth as ivory. I smiled, satisfied, thinking my troubles were over.
Little did I know.
I now have a great respect for anal-hair. Like everything in this world God created, it has its mighty purpose in existence. It was only after I had removed it that I started to learn how much I had been taking it for granted. For one, it provides friction. I learned this the next day, when I walked out into the sun heading for class. After climbing two flights of stairs and starting to sweat, I started to notice something unpleasant. The sweat was accumulating in my crack, and was causing the unpleasant sensation of my two asscheeks sliding past each other with every step. I thought about going to the bathroom and wiping it off, but had to get to class. Eventually, I thought, it would dry.
Unfortunately, it did dry, but only after mingling with the microscopic shit- molecules lingering around my brown starfish. When I stood up after class, my cheeks were stuck together with a slimy sticky shit/sweat combination. As I made my way back to my dorm, it started to itch. God-DAMN, did it itch! Felt like a swarm of ants was making its way up and down my crack. Fighting to keep from jamming my hand down there and scratching away, I rushed back to the dorm.
Unfortunately again, this exertion caused me to sweat, and when I finally reached my room, my cheeks were sliding back and forth against each other like a pair of horny cane-toads. I quickly dropped my pants, and attempted to dry my ass off by sticking it in front of a fan and spreading my cheeks. As I pulled the two mounds of flesh apart, a horrible stench burst free and filled the room. Every dog within a 4 block radius started to howl. I had it worst of all, as the ripe aroma of festering shit/sweat went into the fan and blew back into my face. I fought to keep from heaving. And as I sat there, fighting vomit, my ass cheeks spread and dripping, with the concentrated aroma of my body odor mixed with the tangy smell of my own shit blowing right into my face, I had only one thought: It will be like this until the hair grows back. Weeks.
Later on, trying to deal as best I could, wiping my ass at every opportunity, I discovered another wonderful use for ass-hair ventilation. I attempted to launch a fart, only to have it get stuck between my asscheeks. Apparently, with no hair, the two pink twins can get vacuum sealed together, and the result was a frustrating fart that slid up and down between my cheeks like a lost gerbil.
As if that wasnt enough, I am now enduring further torture. As anyone who has ever shaved anything knows, when hair is first growing in, it comes in as stubble. Imagine your ass having the texture of a brillo pad. Well, that is what I am dealing with now. It is a hellish torture, and there are many times when I just look out the window and contemplate why I shouldnt just jump out and get it all over with in one fleshy splat, rather than endure this constant agony.
Friends, DONT SHAVE YOUR ASS-HAIR!
Canis lupus
Member
I immediatly thought of this when I read the thread title
Baron Doggystyle von Woof
Member
Don't shave your ass man, trim it.
If you trim it you might as well shave it unless it's so much a jungle of hair that it is causing constipation or something.
Oh man...
I've never shaved it and I'll never do it. I like it hairy, that's how mother nature wanted it to be, right?
Slayer-33
Liverpool-2
A little, thankfully it's ok now.
@ drunk colonoscopy, you are technically drunk under the anesthesia they put you under.
Ass hair has various evolutionary purposes for when you're running around in the jungle naked.
1. Protecting the soft anus for when you may sit on rocks and logs.
2. Traps particles of feces and sweat to increase your scent.
As a manly man who lives in the jungle completely naked and never bathes, I would NEVER do something as girly as shaving my ass, pft.
1. Protecting the soft anus for when you may sit on rocks and logs.
2. Traps particles of feces and sweat to increase your scent.
As a manly man who lives in the jungle completely naked and never bathes, I would NEVER do something as girly as shaving my ass, pft.
PeakPointMatrix
Member
Wait, why? I thought without hairs there you'd get... less caught in there during the process.
Alex Anderson
Member
I thought OP was gonna have an abscess from an infected shaven hair or something. Now that woulda sucked.
Bulbo Urethral Baggins
Banned
Yeah. That's why you need more paper. The hair isn't there to snag it all.
PeakPointMatrix
Member
But you dont want fecal matter caught in your ass hair, do you? :S
Asscrack-hair is not a substitute for toiletpaper!
Messofanego
Banned
This sentiment has been going around GAF for a while now. And yet the curious people will try, then bring their own horror story in another thread.
The gift that keeps on farting.
The gift that keeps on farting.
Bulbo Urethral Baggins
Banned
I'm not gonna fight with mother nature.
There's plenty of guys who manage to get rid of their ass hair successfully, but it hardly makes for an entertaining thread. Usually guys like swimmers or something similar actually put REAL effort (hair removal methods that cost money) that actually work, not waving a razor at your butt randomly.
Jason's Ultimatum
Member
It's actually the hole that's hard to shave. Mine is just so hairy and long that they creep out the crack of my ass. When I fart, the hairs russle like an old man wth a mustache sneezing.
Hot Coldman
Banned
I for one accept our new clegnut overlord
Baconsaurus Rex
Member
This is a good thread
D
Deleted member 81567
Unconfirmed Member
My poop is like rabbit poop these days. No large chunks anymore. Can it be because of the asshair?
While I do empathize with your situation I lost my proverbial shit with this line.
Baconsaurus Rex
Member
Lay off the carrots for a while
B_Rik_Schitthaus
Banned
Like this?
It's fake, the hand and razor aren't reflected.
SirChained
Banned
Ew you guys don't shave there? I only shave my ass because girls say it's uncomfortable when I'm hairy back there.
Particle Physicist
between a quark and a baryon
cheststrongwell
my cake, fuck off
Any dude that shaves their ass is a pussy. Be proud of your manly hair.
Onion_Relish
Member
That usually indicates too much protein or too little roughage from fruits and vegetables. Diversify man...
Also the ass shaving isn't THAT bad. Yes the first few days are a little annoying due to the sweat issue and the fart issue, but after about a week when there is just enough hair to slide farts out but not enough that lose the ability to have nice clean wipes it is definitely worth the effort. For those of you reticent to shave, just trim that stuff down. No ingrown hair, no stubble, no gerbil farts but better wipeage. Actually, I'd say the gerbil farts are the worst... Feels so unnatural.
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