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[akira28]

I think if you're sure, then you're sure. You CAN meet someone and in less than 8 months time, know with all your heart that you want to spend the rest of your life with them. IT can happen. But how many times do people make that decision and end up being wrong, or changing their minds, or ending things for some other reason?

It takes a whole lot more than desire and resoluteness, so what else besides those, for her, make you two a good couple for marriage?

 

[Flash]

lol what the fuck at the amount of people suggesting that the OP already bail out. Just talk to her and tell her how you're 100% committed to her and the relationship, but that marriage is off the table for the time being at least. Too young, not ready financially, etc. At least tell her to finish her studies first.

She's likely just enjoying the independence of living away from home and the excitement of living full time with a boyfriend. She's 21, she'll get over it in a few months. The fact that she's even considering marrying you means things are going well with you guys as well. And if she's unwilling to compromise on the marriage issue, then it's probably best to end it.

 

[Deathmistress]

Past the 7 year mark and marriage isn't even on the horizon. We live together, have a cat, share finances, but marriage seems like too much right now. It's that final leap.
I have friends who've met after we began dating, have gotten married, and are already divorced. People beating my bf and me to the altar is kind of a game now, we want to see how high the number can get.
That being said, do what feels right. If you are ready and feel in your very bones she/he's the one, pull the marriage trigger.

 

[triplestation]

I've been with my current gf for over eight months now. We like each other, we have a lot of fun together. She even moved in with me. Sure, we argue about stupid things a lot. But that is a normal thing in a relationship.

The only thing that bothers me is marriage talk. Ever since she's been back from her internship she's been annoying me with that. She want to marry me as soon as possible and have kids etc. But I don't want to... yet. We've been for eight months together. ONLY eight months! Everything can change, it's too soon in my opinion.

I even told her that a man should propose, not a woman. But I only told her that to prevent her from embarrassing herself. Because I would definitely say NO.

Is eight months enough to make such a huge decision? I sometimes even think about breaking up with her, just to get rid of this marriage bullshit.

How long did it take before you got engaged, GAF???

 

[Aguirre]

"i've never been married, engaged or even had a girlfriend, but if you want my advice..."

 

[SUPREME1]

I've been with my current gf for over eight months now. We like each other, we have a lot of fun together. She even moved in with me. Sure, we argue about stupid things a lot. But that is a normal thing in a relationship.

The only thing that bothers me is marriage talk. Ever since she's been back from her internship she's been annoying me with that. She want to marry me as soon as possible and have kids etc. But I don't want to... yet. We've been for eight months together. ONLY eight months! Everything can change, it's too soon in my opinion.

I even told her that a man should propose, not a woman. But I only told her that to prevent her from embarrassing herself. Because I would definitely say NO.

Is eight months enough to make such a huge decision? I sometimes even think about breaking up with her, just to get rid of this marriage bullshit.

How long did it take before you got engaged, GAF???

3 red flags.

You like each other? You best be fully in love if you're going to commit.

 

[Shao Kahn Brewing a Stew]

Spoiler

in my case, she didn't get engaged to anyone else later.

 

[lunchtoast]

Has she explained to you why she wants to get married and why it's any different than just staying a couple? Besides what your friend has said about her being afraid.

 

[cwmartin]

I was with my ex for 4 years and this is the exact reason we broke up. Don't let anyone pressure you into marriage if you don't want it.

Also this...

I don't mean to sound like a dick, but you should have had this discussion BEFORE moving in together. FFS. She has every right to push for marriage. Either move out or marry. Sorry.

is stupid, don't listen to Cheech on this one. He's a smart guy, but off on this imo.

 

[Prologue]

I was with my ex for 4 years and this is the exact reason we broke up. Don't let anyone pressure you into marriage if you don't want it.

Also this...

is stupid, don't listen to Cheech on this one. He's a smart guy, but off on this imo.

Whats wrong with what he said?

 

[timetokill]

You moved in together that soon?

You made a huge mistake, OP. What a blunder.

 

[GungHo]

If you don't want to do it, don't do it. Marriage and children are two things you should never feel pressured into, especially since divorces are a pain and you can't return kids to Service Merchandise.

 

[Dr. Malik]

She just wants your Love On Top till the End Of Time

 

[jorgeton]

8 months is way too soon to get married. What's the rush?

 

[Stasis]

Didn't read entire thread but hell no. Only in very rare circumstances should that be brought up so soon, and if you were in one of those you wouldn't be here asking, you'd know.

I've been with my gf for 4 years, living together permanently (she used to be a constant sleepover when I was living with roommates back in the beginning) for 3. I know she's my life partner, but really... it took at least 3 years to know that for sure, like 100% certain. I know everyone is different, but there's really just no need to rush. Better safe than very sorry.

 

[Magni]

21 years old, living together for one month, together for eight.. yeah don't do it.

How did you meet her?

 

[cwmartin]

Whats wrong with what he said?

I just don't think that living with an SO has to be the end all be all to marriage. And it shouldn't force the issue just because you live together.

 

[Magni]

Whats wrong with what he said?

Moving with someone doesn't mean you marry them a month later.

 

[Newline]

If your in any doubt then obviously don't do it. I too would rather ball out of the relationship than get myself into a marriage I am not fully confident in.

 

[Soup Bar]

Better make sure she won't tie you down with a child, by not taking birth control pills or other wise... Some people can be crazy like that.

 

[Kabuki Quantum Lover]

Don't rush shit like that. I've been with my girlfriend for almost 5 years and I think it's too soon.

 

[Majmun]

She just wants your Love On Top till the End Of Time

21 years old, living together for one month, together for eight.. yeah don't do it.

How did you meet her?

I met her in a gay bar. No joke. She's a good friend of my nephew. He's gay. They go to the same school. They sometimes go clubbing together, and he invited me to come with them. There were other people invited as well.

And it just clicked immediately. I mean, the girl is gorgeous and very nice. She just needs to get rid of this marriage thing.

 

[StriKeVillain]

Don't rush shit like that. I've been with my girlfriend for almost 5 years and I think it's too soon.

8 years here and the same. Although, we're both in no rush. We enjoy what we have going on - no need to rush into marriage.

 

[Magni]

I met her in a gay bar. No joke. She's a good friend of my nephew. He's gay. They go to the same school. They sometimes go clubbing together, and he invited me to come with them. There were other people invited as well.

And it just clicked immediately. I mean, the girl is gorgeous and very nice. She just needs to get rid of this marriage thing.

What does she say when you tell her it's too early for you? Does she understand where you're coming from?

 

[Owl]

Tell her no. Eight months may work someone, but it's not the right time for you. If she loves you, she needs to understand that you're not ready for that commitment.

 

[DjangoReinhardt]

I don't think the girl is crazy based on the information presented here. OP almost certainly had a large hand in creating this expectation when let her move in after little more than six months of knowing each other.

That said, marrying a 21-year-old who is still in school sounds like a terrible idea to me. She's lacking in life experience, has no career, and is at an age where drastic personal change is not unusual. I don't see much benefit to the OP to rush, rather than wait until she is more settled into adulthood.

 

[Subitai]

It is not too soon if you're both ready to make the commitments and sacrifices. Clearly however you're realistically not right now, but may be in the future. In which case, I'd wonder if you have really gotten to know this girl as usually they aren't shy about what their ideal plans are. Anyway, what other questions are you looking for answers to in the relationship (it seems like you've answered all of hers to this point)? You certainly could have legitimate issues that need to be addressed that she is too immature to realize are important. Or, are there certain milestones in your life you feel you need to achieve before you'll feel comfortable being married (owning a house, savings, job security and is she aware of this?)? Or are you waiting for her to "grow out" of her jealously and trust problems? If so, she needs to know that from you unequivocally so that she has the chance to adjust if she can. Maybe she can't or won't, in which case you guys need to both move on. Maybe she's thinks you've raised your commitment more by living together than you think you have. In which case you both need to get back on the same page.

Edit: Don't feel compelled to reply to those questions here, just make sure you know for yourself

Bottom line, if you guys care enough to work differences out, you will. If not, you won't and you'll both move on. The sooner you do work through this sticky stuff, the sooner you can both move on confidently in one direction or the other.

 

[Dark Octave]

I've been with my current gf for over eight months now. We like each other, we have a lot of fun together. She even moved in with me. Sure, we argue about stupid things a lot. But that is a normal thing in a relationship.

The only thing that bothers me is marriage talk. Ever since she's been back from her internship she's been annoying me with that. She want to marry me as soon as possible and have kids etc. But I don't want to... yet. We've been for eight months together. ONLY eight months! Everything can change, it's too soon in my opinion.

I even told her that a man should propose, not a woman. But I only told her that to prevent her from embarrassing herself. Because I would definitely say NO.

Is eight months enough to make such a huge decision? I sometimes even think about breaking up with her, just to get rid of this marriage bullshit.

How long did it take before you got engaged, GAF???

No it's not normal.

We waited 10 years. It was never a big deal to either of us and we went into it with the mindset that it wouldn't change a single thing and it hasn't. You need time to get to know each other. 10 years may be a bit of overkill, if the ultimate goal is marriage but when people stress over getting married it makes me wonder if they are more excited about the title and process of getting married (wedding) than the actual relationship and the relationship, married or not, is the only thing that matters.

 

[Devolution]

I've been with my current gf for over eight months now. We like each other, we have a lot of fun together. She even moved in with me. Sure, we argue about stupid things a lot. But that is a normal thing in a relationship.

The only thing that bothers me is marriage talk. Ever since she's been back from her internship she's been annoying me with that. She want to marry me as soon as possible and have kids etc. But I don't want to... yet. We've been for eight months together. ONLY eight months! Everything can change, it's too soon in my opinion.

I even told her that a man should propose, not a woman. But I only told her that to prevent her from embarrassing herself. Because I would definitely say NO.

Is eight months enough to make such a huge decision? I sometimes even think about breaking up with her, just to get rid of this marriage bullshit.

How long did it take before you got engaged, GAF???

All of the bolded combined means you should talk to her and you might even have to dump her. Her priorities are not the same as yours and it will become an issue.

 

[superdeluxe]

Sounds like she is at a different of the relationship that you are, you might have to sit her down and talk this out.

 

[The Mana Legend]

My childhood friend dated his wife for 11 YEARS before they got married just 6 months ago.

I've been dating my fiance for 7 years and we have no clue when the fucking wedding is. We wanted it to be in August, but it's hard to plan that shit when she is gone for the whole Summer. So by the time we do get married, it'll probably not be until we've been together for almost 9 years.

Also, 8 months is way too early. And you never EVER, EVER EVER EVER want to get married with a single ounce of doubt. Don't do it. Flat out tell her NO, and tell her not to talk about it until you WANT to talk about it.

 

[Mr. B Natural]

Moving with someone doesn't mean you marry them a month later.

But it's mixed messages to move in with someone after only 7 months dating and not like talking about the next step.

As long as you don't have kids, moving in and marrying is, more or less, the same thing when it comes to the relationship between the two parties. Depending on how open the two are when it comes to finances, it could be the exact same thing. Only thing you're missing is the technicality.

If you're not the committing type, then why is her bed and your bed the same?

The woman here has every right to talk marriage but he has the right to slow it down and compromise. She isn't crazy and neither is he.

 

[Galang]

As people have already said marrying that early is very very rarely going to work out.

The fact that she's 21 is the most worrying. I'm a completely different person now than I was at even 21. I'm only 23 now, but every year since I've turned 20 I can actually look back and see how much I've grown for better or worse.

 

[Devolution]

But it's mixed messages to move in with someone after only 7 months dating and not like talking about the next step.

As long as you don't have kids, moving in and marrying is, more or less, the same thing when it comes to the relationship between the two parties. Depending on how open the two are when it comes to finances, it could be the exact same thing. Only thing you're missing is the technicality.

If you're not the committing type, then why is her bed and your bed the same?

The woman here has every right to talk marriage but he has the right to slow it down and compromise. She isn't crazy and neither is he.

You don't have to talk about marriage the moment you move in.

 

[Prologue]

You don't have to talk about marriage the moment you move in.

You should at least talk about it if the person is moving in. Its one of the few topics thats a deal breaker if two people are in disagreement.

 

[CrunchyB]

that is actually an interesting story..

I am from Denmark, my Father was from Iceland. In Iceland people use/used a lastname with the fathers name ..[snip]

Cool story! I knew about Icelandic naming practice (like in Björk Gudmundsdóttir and Kolbeinn Sigtórsson). I always thought it was pretty neat.
Also, lots of mainland surnames historically used the same system. My mother's maiden name is Jansen (literally: from Jan), which is an extremely common Dutch name. Jan is, of course, short for Johan

She's Dutch with French heritage. She's Christian, I was raised a muslim.

Ah, a fellow Dutchie! From what city/region is she? Her future husband should know, there's a very big difference between marrying a Frysk or a Brabo

 

[tino]

Well, OP your relationship is over. I can tell you right now. Whoever is more mature will realize this first and break it off.

Nothing to see here.

 

[TheContact]

I'm in same situation you're in now except I've been with this girl for 3 years. She started talking about marriage 6 months into the relationship. She's a little crazy, I'm hesitant, for instance, she got extremely pissed at me and told me to sleep on the couch once because I left some frozen soup out to dethaw, forgot about it after a couple days, and it went bad.

 

[Escape Goat]

Sometimes love isn't enough.

 

[foodtaster]

the amount of time dating is irrelevant. it's just some combination of love, commitment and naivete. i know a couple who supposedly got married the same day they met. 43 years of marriage now.

if you both want it to work, it will. the fact that you don't means it will not.

 

[jaxword]

She just needs to get rid of this marriage thing.

This isn't going to happen, and you should be mature/experienced enough by now to realize that.

 

[Plywood]

She just needs to get rid of this marriage thing.

So you like her enough but not enough to marry her. Okay.

 

[SirIgbyCeaser]

I met her in a gay bar. No joke. She's a good friend of my nephew. He's gay. They go to the same school. They sometimes go clubbing together, and he invited me to come with them. There were other people invited as well.

And it just clicked immediately. I mean, the girl is gorgeous and very nice. She just needs to get rid of this marriage thing.

You don't know her parents do you?

 

[Count Dookkake]

8 months is too soon to cohabit.

lol at marriage.

 

[Ledsen]

Together 5 years, lived together 2,5 years... And se just now got engaged. It's NOT something you rush. Then again, come back when you're talking children instead of "just" marriage. That's when you'll have to think loooong and haaaaard about it...

 

[Majmun]

Just wanted to tell you guys that she's moved out, as of today. We went to the Castle of Love festival yesterday, and we had a good talk after she went mad over NOTHING. I told her that I had enough of her tantrums, and that this relationship isn't working out well. Then she started to tell me that I didn't love her, otherwise I'd marry her blablaba. That was the end of the line for me. We argued a lot afterwards, I won't go into details...

And school has begun. Told her it's better to concentrate on her study, instead of me.

I feel really good right now. Should have more time for myself now. It's clear she isn't the one. Tried to call her today, but she doesn't pick up her phone. FINE

Ah, a fellow Dutchie! From what city/region is she? Her future husband should know, there's a very big difference between marrying a Frysk or a Brabo

She's from Limburg. I'm from the Randstad

So you like her enough but not enough to marry her. Okay.

What's wrong with that? So everyone has to just marry if they like each other??

You don't know her parents do you?

I don't know her parent well, no. I've met them a few times. Only had dinner once with them. They are very busy people. But I liked them...


And I'm sure they're happy with our break-up.

I'm going to be honest here...
When I made this thread I was alredy thinking about breaking up with her. And her crazy behaviour from yesterday sealed the deal.

I shouldn't have invited her to my house in the first place. That was basically the beginning of this whole drama...

I've had enough of girls- time to date a woman.

 

[Log4Girlz]

Just wanted to tell you guys that she's moved out, as of today. We went to the Castle of Love festival yesterday, and we had a good talk after she went mad over NOTHING. I told her that I had enough of her tantrums, and that this relationship isn't working out well. Then she started to tell me that I didn't love her, otherwise I'd marry her blablaba. That was the end of the line for me. We argued a lot afterwards, I won't go into details...

And school has begun. Told her it's better to concentrate on her study, instead of me.

I feel really good right now. Should have more time for myself now. It's clear she isn't the one. Tried to call her today, but she doesn't pick up her phone. FINE




She's from Limburg. I'm from the Randstad



What's wrong with that? So everyone has to just marry if they like each other??



I don't know her parent well, no. I've met them a few times. Only had dinner once with them. They are very busy people. But I liked them...


And I'm sure they're happy with our break-up.

I'm going to be honest here...
When I made this thread I was alredy thinking about breaking up with her. And her crazy behaviour from yesterday sealed the deal.

I shouldn't have invited her to my house in the first place. That was basically the beginning of this whole drama...

I've had enough of girls- time to date a woman.

Good job man *bro fist*.

 

[InvincibleAgent]

I prefer, instead of pointing out that she's not grown up, telling her the thing that will make her grow up:

"Look, I know you want to get married. I'm not ready for that. But I don't want to stand in your way if that's what you really want."

That way, she can either grow up or move on. But I guess you were past that point.

 

[Log4Girlz]

"Look, I know you want to get married. I'm not ready for that. But I don't want to stand in your way if that's what you really want."

Ultimatum time!

Umm, he broke up with her.

 

[Sanky Panky]

Good job OP. Breaking up is in the air lately. Time to enjoy life and do things you've been putting off for a while. I'm on the same boat.