So a vegan just left the dinner table to sit outside

If he's uncomfortable eating where meat is being served, fair enough.

However, the time to bring that up was when he was asked to dinner. Not when he was already there. Then the family can choose to either make a vegan dinner or choose not to do a dinner get-together. I'm guessing they didn't invite them to dinner just to not eat with them.

Sounds like this was definitely looking for attention.
 

Stumpokapow

listen to the mad man
Family disputes are never about right/wrong, and contrary to popular belief it's also not about reasonable/unreasonable. They're about what solution you come to when going forward. Okay, your brother-in-law has what you think is a dumb belief and it's disrupting stuff.

You can either:
- Not invite him to dinner
- Invite him after dinner for social stuff but with the understanding that he's not coming to dinner.
- Invite him to dinner and serve exclusively vegan food
- Invite him to dinner and recognize he's going to make a scene
- Try to nag him about how his belief is dumb and get into fights with him about it, ultimately changing nothing but feeling morally superior that you identified a "flaw" in his "logic" or proved he was a "hypocrite"
- Cut him out of your life altogether.

You don't need a coherent argument because there's nothing to argue about. The internet can't validate your course of action here, and it's definitely the case that no one cares what the outcome is. This goes for literally every thread that has ever asked for advice about a family or relationship situation.
 
Wait. He pulled this at your folks house? This guy sounds like a bitch.
This. right here. If you are going to your SO's PARENTS HOUSE for dinner, you be better be on your best behavior. even if you've been dating for 10 years, its his/her parents house. and they're cooking dinner and they made a vegan option.

Making a scene like that is beyond ridiculous. And I hope your sister realizes that she's dating a primadonna and breaks up with his ass.
 
How would you react to this?
I'd tell them they're idiots who try to force their values on others. They clearly want a "Oh, I guess we'll all eat vegan next time!" reaction, i wouldn't do that, if they want to eat outside they can eat outside and I would completely ignore them while the rest of the family enjoys their meal together, their loss, they can always come back but I will make absolutely clear that I will not change my meals for their sakes just like I don't expect them to change theirs for mine, when I'm at their place I wouldn't complain about the lack of dead animal flesh and pull out a burger so they should be able to suck it up and eat with their family.
 
Well, wouldn't be inviting him back anyway.
I wish it were that easy, but given his sister walked out in solidarity with her husband its a little more complicated. She's on his side so if they don't get invited back, he'll feel like her family is intolerant and discriminating towards their vegan lifestyle which could cause the sister to turn against her own family and for both parties to essentially disown one another.
 
Disrespectful as fuck. I didn't grow up eating pork and have dated women whose families did. Never in a million years would I ever dream of getting up from someone's table after being invited to break bread with them.
 

captive

Joe Six-Pack: posting for the common man
Just ignore it would be my advice. Family are always weird, it's just something you have to live with, and really, morally the guy is kind of in the right given that you're happily chowing down on some innocent creatures corpse, even if he was an arse about it.
wrong. eating animals being wrong is an opinion, not a fact.
Give it a day or two, find and offer him a vegan safe beer and bond over some shared interest, then give the guy some gentle ribbing over it if he's not the hyper sensitive thin skinned kind.
seriously? Such a thing exists? Beer is like water, barely, yeast and hops.
 
Usually Vegans and vegetarians are least offended by fish, so this is surprising.

If it was like veal or lamb I'd sort of be somewhat sympathetic with the Vegan but this is just somewhat surprising a vegan would go that far in food shaming.
 
I have a feeling this situation is being filtered through the biased eye of the OP.


What details are we missing? who said something first? Him, or you (or someone else?). Was he quietly getting up to excuse himself, or did he make a scene? Was the scene escalated by anyone other than him?



I dunno, I'm kinda on the vegan's side on this one. though I'm not sure what he expected when he sat down in the first place.
 
My brother has been a vegan for over 20 years and a vegetarian for over 25.. he's never reacted in this way but certainly if you like get some gristle or something equally gross in a meat-eating incident he'll make a joking comment about it. To each his or her own though. My wife has been a vegetarian for over 20 years now and she'll cook meat for me sometimes although she asks me to touch it.

I don't think I'd have a problem with this scenario personally but I can see why it might be off-putting especially if he's never done it before. If it's a new relationship though, now you'll know. For me personally, the smell of fish is absolutely repulsive so I might not want to be near it either, for the record. I can see if there is a strong smell that a vegan might be extra put off by it.
 
Simple. Address it and say "Sorry you felt the need to sit outside, but this is what our family gatherings entail. If you'd like to continue to attend you should be prepared for this, we don't mind if you need to eat outside, but we aren't changing our traditions."
 
This story makes no fucking sense.

You don't show up to a dinner unprepared to sit with people who might be eating food you wouldn't eat. Check ahead of time on what's going down and decide whether or not to stay home like a normal person. You can't be so fucking aloof to not know when you're an outsider in most social situations.
 
Not eating together won't be an option in the short-term. We're all together under the same roof for a family vacation. So I guess the rest of us will just have to eat vegetarian food (he seems to be ok with us eating vegetarian, we don't have to go full vegan) for the rest of the week
 
I mean, they definitely shouldn't get invited to family dinners anymore. If they aren't going to have dinner with the family, then there's no use for them to be there.

That's just insane to me that he did that. He has to be living in an increasingly insular bubble or something, assuming this hasn't happened before (which, from what your post says, I would say it hasn't).


Not eating together won't be an option in the short-term. We're all together under the same roof for a family vacation. So I guess the rest of us will just have to eat vegetarian food (he seems to be ok with us eating vegetarian, we don't have to go full vegan) for the rest of the week
Dude, you shouldn't be changing your own eating choices to appease him and his childish behavior. Let them eat outside again.
 
This story makes no fucking sense.

You don't show up to a dinner unprepared to sit with people who might be eating food you wouldn't eat. Check ahead of time on what's going down and decide whether or not to stay home like a normal person. You can't be so fucking aloof to not know when you're an outsider in most social situations.
It's almost like the dude expected to be pampered and was, but not enough

BEAT EM UP
 
I kinda get it because I do my best not to make my vegan friends feel uncomfortable by chowing down on meat directly in front of them, so I'd say it depends on how they handled it. Were they polite when they walked out or did they stand up and go "I can't possibly fathom how any of you can live with yourselves eating this fish," and storm out? I'm assuming they knew you were having cod ahead of time, so it makes a little less sense.
 
Preparing special food is a step further than a lot of families would go. Shit I went out to a few dinners where I apparently "got my man card removed" and would definitely "eat meat if I were on a stranded island and that's all there was", amongst other highly educated takes.
 
One rude reaction from someone no one here even knows and all vegans are rude fiends. Crazy amount of comments in here not even about his being rude but insulting all vegans which is so respectful.
 
Do extremely Orthodox Jews have any problems with people eating pork as they share a table? I wouldn't know but seems plausible.

I'm not saying you should've tossed the cod away but leave him be with that decision. Next time either don't invite them or serve a vegan menu for all.

Not eating together won't be an option in the short-term. We're all together under the same roof for a family vacation. So I guess the rest of us will just have to eat vegetarian food (he seems to be ok with us eating vegetarian, we don't have to go full vegan) for the rest of the week
Add one or two nights that you can plan a differed meal. Send them for a walk or something as you and the rest sit down to eat meat.
 

Plinko

Wildcard berths that can't beat teams without a winning record should have homefield advantage
Ridiculous, but there's nothing you can do. Just ignore the behavior.

I have several family members who are vegan and don't act like this at all. Very odd.

edit: Now that I think about it, it may make him nauseous. I've seen that response before.
 
So not wanting to watch people eat dead animals is disrespectful?
Your girlfriend invites you to have dinner at her parents' house, she even makes it so that they have ready a vegan alternative for both of you because they respect your choice to be vegan, they're obviously being welcoming of you and want you to be part of a joyous family occasion.

If your reaction to this is immaturely throw a tantrum mid dinner because they're eating meat despite the fact that they got you a vegan meal specially for you and your girlfriend, talking like a high horse snob and insulting every one else in the home, THEIR home, yes, that is being disrespectful.

You don't go to someone's house and insult their culture just because you're an entitled prick, this has nothing to do with his veganism, and everything with him being a disrespectful asshole to a welcoming family who accomodated for his diet.
 

captive

Joe Six-Pack: posting for the common man
I wish it were that easy, but given his sister walked out in solidarity with her husband its a little more complicated. She's on his side so if they don't get invited back, he'll feel like her family is intolerant and discriminating towards their vegan lifestyle which could cause the sister to turn against her own family and for both parties to essentially disown one another.
fuck that. Families are fucked up. For instance my wife and I are no longer invited to my parents if my brother and sister in law are there. Because "we did something" but no one will tell us what we did to offend someone. In fact we dont even know what who we did it to.

My sister in law is undiagnosed border line personality disorder, allegedly on medication for anxiety and otherwise generally acts like a bitch. Literally ignoring my wife and I, sitting on her phone, going outside to smoke, or going in a separate room while literally everyone including her own kids are with the rest of the family. But apparently my wife and I are the bad guys.

not worth my time or trouble. As i've put it to my mom and dad, when I work in IT i dont know something is wrong if someone doesnt put in a helpdesk ticket. Generally if someone offended you, you should tell them about it and talk about it like an adult, but since no one wants to tell us, we couldn't care less.

and then theres friends families that tell us stories. You dont pick your family, but you sure as hell can pick your friends.
 
Was he wearing a fedora OP?

Not eating together won't be an option in the short-term. We're all together under the same roof for a family vacation. So I guess the rest of us will just have to eat vegetarian food (he seems to be ok with us eating vegetarian, we don't have to go full vegan) for the rest of the week
Yeah, I wouldn't do this. I'm also picky when it comes to my food, so this wouldn't happen.
 
Family disputes are never about right/wrong, and contrary to popular belief it's also not about reasonable/unreasonable. They're about what solution you come to when going forward. Okay, your brother-in-law has what you think is a dumb belief and it's disrupting stuff.

You can either:
- Not invite him to dinner
- Invite him after dinner for social stuff but with the understanding that he's not coming to dinner.
- Invite him to dinner and serve exclusively vegan food
- Invite him to dinner and recognize he's going to make a scene
- Try to nag him about how his belief is dumb and get into fights with him about it, ultimately changing nothing but feeling morally superior that you identified a "flaw" in his "logic" or proved he was a "hypocrite"
- Cut him out of your life altogether.

You don't need a coherent argument because there's nothing to argue about. The internet can't validate your course of action here, and it's definitely the case that no one cares what the outcome is. This goes for literally every thread that has ever asked for advice about a family or relationship situation.
Ouch.

When I said I can't make a coherent argument, I didn't mean make an argument against him to use in this situation. I meant it mostly as a a pre-emptive apology for a poorly put together OP