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[Sikamikanico]

Hey GAF, depressing post I know, but I wanted to vent/generally talk about this without having to resort to Facebook and in turn being bombarded with people I know IRL asking me "how things are" etc

My partner is 8 months pregnant, and on our 32 week scan, it was detected there was extra fluid in the womb - so she was asked to do a Glucose Intolerance test (so far, so normal - they're checking for Gestational Diabetes)

Anywho, missus has the test and then they call us the next day and say to her "There's something we found in your blood, you need to come in and see a consultant" At this point, alarm bells started ringing because they wouldn't tell us what they'd found, nor give a straight answer when asked "Is the baby okay?!"

Slightly panicked, we see the consultant the next day and are advised that baby has possibly contracted CMV (cytomegalovirus) - a piddly little virus that unfortunately can cause major damage, ranging from facial deformities, brain damage, blindness, deafness and everything in between.

We had the news today that the blood was tested further to determine if the CMV was a recent infection, and they've confirmed it is. Now we have to wait until Monday for another scan to determine if she's okay - at least physically. It's encouraging at least that up to the 32 week scan, all measurements of baby (arms/feet/legs/hands/organs/brain/skull) were normal - so I'm mostly confident she won't be disfigured or anything. (Christ even typing the words disfigured or braindamage makes me want to cry my eyes out)

I'll be honest and say we're feeling pretty devastated right now, but hopeful. Never been so scared in my life, but am maintaining total poker face for my partners benefit (she's been forbidden from googling the condition, as it does not make for pleasant reading).

Any parents of GAF ever encountered this virus when pregnant or have disabled children that can offer advice?

<3

 

[Ensirius]

I can't help in this matters I just wanna say I'm so sorry.
Hope everything turns out the best possible way.

 

[RedNalgene]

OP I can't provide any advice or anything as I've never gone through something like this, but my heart does go out to you. Be as strong as you can for your partner, try and stay positive through the weekend and not jump to conclusions until you have more information. Distract yourself if possible by doing things that command your full attention.

Was there any indication as to how she got the infection?

 

[Mimosa97]

How did she catch the virus ?

 

[Sephzilla]

My thoughts are with you OP and I hope everything ends up turning out ok for you

 

[Sikamikanico]

OP I can't provide any advice or anything as I've never gone through something like this, but my heart does go out to you. Be as strong as you can for your partner, try and stay positive through the weekend and not jump to conclusions until you have more information. Distract yourself if possible by doing things that command your full attention.

Was there any indication as to how she got the infection?

How did she catch the virus ?

CMV to you or I is nothing - it's from the same family as the cold sore virus and is common amongst children (we have a 3 year old, who attends a local nursery - so he's the likely source) but as an adult, you wouldn't notice that you have it.

The most frustrating thing is - I've never heard of it.

Everyone has heard of toxoplasmosis (cat poo/litter trays are bad for pregnant women) or blue cheese (lysteria) but CMV is MORE common than either - and yet is NEVER spoken about.

Thanks all for the good vibes/thoughts/prayers etc - I will update the thread as we find out more.

 

[bengraven]

If something does happen to change her life, just be the best dad you can be.

 

[off duty ninja]

My heart goes out to you OP. My wife and I have a severely developmentally disabled, blind and autistic son that was born with Septo-Optic Dysplasia. The developmental disabilities and blindness at least were caused directly by his condition. He also is very small for his age (10 y/o about 55 lbs.) and VERY challenging to care for as he is nonverbal and has major tantrums and fits when he gets frustrated that he can't express his needs.

We didn't find out about his condition until he was about 5 months old. Our GP dismissed our concerns about his vision as usual for months old children and that he would track better as he aged but at about 6 months it all came crashing down.

When my wife was pregnant with him she had some issues with spotting and went to the ER but everything seemed ok. During pregnancy the growth seemed normal and there were no concerns in general. We were asked to do an amniocentesis but my wife and I both agreed that we would have him with or without disability so we opted not to do the amnio due to the potential risks.

I don't have too much advice to give but what has kept me strong all these years when I start to feel sorry for myself, my family and our son is that there are always people that have it worse. It is a challenge sometimes to care about the trivialities of things at work and life in general when you are impacted so greatly by something like this but you can't give up. Stay strong and if you ever need to chat please hit me up via PM.

 

[Zeus Molecules]

My prayers go out to you and your family OP

 

[Boem]

Good luck man. I hope everything turns out well.

As for sharing - I understand completely that you don't want to make it public. Maybe tell some close friends/relatives for emotional support, if you're comfortable with that. There's never anything wrong with asking for help, even if it's just someone who can listen.

Good luck for the both of you.

 

[Sadist]

My thoughts go out to you and your wife OP. That's all I can say now.

Hoping for the best here!

 

[theaface]

I've no special words of wisdom to offer other than to say that your little girl and you will be OK. Even if she ends up with characteristics that are considered outside of the norm, you'll love her more than anything in the world. Hell, you'll probably love her that little bit more.

As hard it is, try not to dwell on what might be. Uncertainty can play cruel tricks on people and hold sway over our thoughts far more than they should. Try to just enjoy that you're going to have a baby soon! It's the most precious time so never lose sight of those happy moments building up to the birth, as they go by so quickly!

 

[viciouskillersquirrel]

You're being at 32 weeks already and being physically okay at that point is a good sign, at least. My son was born sooner than that and though it was an ordeal, he made it through mostly unscathed (he has to wear glasses, but we can live with that).

 

[guek]

Are they going to start your wife on anti-viral therapy?

Best of luck, OP.

 

[Betty]

Maybe if it's only a recent infection it won't cause any significant amount of damage since the baby is mostly formed by now?

It's good that the tests show that everything is measuring out well at least.

Hoping things work out for the best, stay strong.

 

[echoshifting]

My understanding is that most babies with CMV turn out okay, right?

Still, this is the nightmare, and my heart goes out to you. Every day my wife was pregnant I worried away the hours over stuff like this.

I agree with a previous poster that telling a couple close, trusted people would be a good idea. Sounds like you could use some support and I imagine your wife has things she is afraid to say to you, too. But I think you are wise not to tell everyone in your life until you are sure there is going to be a problem.

Hoping for the best for you and your family. I'm sure the next few weeks are going to be hell. Post when you need to vent, gaf is here as always

 

[Munch Poke]

I don't really pray, but I'll try for you friend.

My daughter has a condition herself. We had to do an amniocentesis for her around the time we found out her sex. And that was horrifying waiting for test results. Not to mention incredibly brutal for her mother to endure, it's essentially a super long needle to the gut.

Luckily we live in a modern age and many things can be fixed or at least kept in check. Just be there for your Mrs, and try to keep in mind like you said everything was A-okay up until this point. I hope your follow up appointment goes better than you can imagine.

 

[Steeped in a Sea of Games]

No matter what, when she comes and you get her for the first time, hold your little girl with pride and love and then you can start taking whatever steps you need to do to give her as good a life as you can. It's no different than having any other child really (as far as our duty as parents to strive for the best we can muster for our children.)

Hopefully she'll be ok, but a life with certain disabilities can still be a full life filled with experience and joy, it's just different. It's hard, but just try to stay connected and understanding with your SO and you can work through this and come out the other side stronger and better as a family.

 

[zeemumu]

I hope thing work out for you, OP.

 

[Skyzard]

Goodluck OP, hope she turns out just fine.

From the National Health Service website in the UK they say:

In the UK, it's estimated that one to two babies in every 200 will be born with congenital CMV. Of these, about 13% will have problems at birth, such as hearing loss and learning difficulties, with a similar number developing problems later on.

Not super reassuring but could be a lot worse.

 

[noquarter]

My heart goes out to you, and I hope everything is ok.

When my wife was pregnant, we got a similar scare at week 8 or 9 I believe. The doctor did a fluid test and found something in there that was possible to cause brain damage or other deformities. Was a trying time, since we were still early enough to abort and needed to decide if that would be best or continue on and plan for life raising our kid. Luckily for us, the next month they were able to retest and found that everything was fine, but for a month we did think about what would be best.

I hope it all works out and you have a healthy child.

 

[zeemumu]

You're being at 32 weeks already and being physically okay at that point is a good sign, at least. My son was born sooner than that and though it was an ordeal, he made it through mostly unscathed (he has to wear glasses, but we can live with that).

I'm picturing a baby wearing baby glasses looking at a newspaper and saying "I don't know, viciouskillersquirrel, with the way the real estate market is right now I don't think we can afford a doll house."

 

[Waddle Dee]

I'm sorry to here about this OP and I hope your child ends up to be a wonderful, healthy baby.

Just keep in mind that many kids who are born with mental and/or physical disabilities end up happy and strong. Never give up on your child and they won't give up on you. Stay strong.

No matter what, when she comes and you get her for the first time, hold your little girl with pride and love and then you can start taking whatever steps you need to do to give her as good a life as you can. It's no different than having any other child really.

Hopefully she'll be ok, but a life with certain disabilities can still be a full life filled witg experience and joy, it's just different. It's hard, but just try to stay connected and understanding with your SO and you can work through this and come out the other side stronger and better as a family.

Also, this. Not accusing you or anything, OP, but my mother works with parents who have disabled children and it's sad to know that so many of these parents don't treat their own kids like the real people they are. Make sure to love your child and raise them to the best of your abilities, no matter what your child's disabilities are (if your child is even born with any).

 

[Random Painted HIghway]

What a nightmare OP, good luck

 

[Fuchsdh]

Best wishes for your family, Sik. Really hope that your daughter is born happy and healthy.

Whatever comes, though, I don't think it's something that she can't overcome with your help.

 

[Mr Swine]

I really hope she comes out fine OP, wish the best for you, your wife and your daughter

 

[Glix]

Stay strong OP. Sending good vibes your way.

 

[Josh5890]

My prayers go out to you and your family OP. Hope for the best and try to stay positive!

 

[Septimus Prime]

Damn, sorry to hear, OP. I hope everything turns out well.

 

[adamsappel]

Best of luck to you and your family. I'm hopeful it all turns out well.

 

[Dupy]

Our twin boys were born at 26 weeks, right on the cusp of viability outside the mother. We were matched with them as they were leaving the hospital after 3 months of NICU care and tricky surgeries. When we brought them home they were on oxygen tanks, meds, special feeding schedules, etc. and required many many many checkups.

It was hard to be sure (all parenting is hard!) but we never once loved our sons any less. Kids are super rewarding. As soon as they laugh at your goofy voice or fall asleep in your arms you understand why being a parent is so special.

Good luck!

 

[Matsukaze]

You have my best wishes, OP. I will pray everything turns out alright.

 

[Baka Sempai]

Try and stay as positive as possible, 32 weeks is pretty far in, so it may not be as negative as it sounds.

Read this and it will hopefully bring you a bit of ease

However, only about one in five babies with congenital CMV infection will be sick from the virus or will have long-term health problems.

Congenital CMV

 

[UFO]

I hope everything works out good for you. Stay positive and try to keep your stress under control.

 

[Manmademan]

My wife's friend just had this happen.

Contracted CMV during pregnancy, daughter ended up with something like microcephaly and has some pretty severe learning disabilities.

Hoping your situation is better OP.

 

[Mark L]

God bless you and your partner, OP. I'm so sorry you are going through this.

 

[GiJoccin]

CMV infections are more likely to do damage if it's early in the pregnancy (first half in particular) so everything being A OK on anatomy scan is pretty reassuring

hope for the best!

 

[NOLA_Gaffer]

Best wishes to you, Sikamikanico, and here's hoping for the best.

The wife and I aren't planning on having children for a few more years, but lord knows what when the time comes it's gonna be stressful and nervewracking.

No major medical conditions in either of our families respective histories but that doesn't mean much, and neither of us are in the best shape either, so we'll need to work on that soon.

 

[bonesmccoy]

My prayers are with you guys, OP.

My heart goes out to you OP. My wife and I have a severely developmentally disabled, blind and autistic son that was born with Septo-Optic Dysplasia. The developmental disabilities and blindness at least were caused directly by his condition. He also is very small for his age (10 y/o about 55 lbs.) and VERY challenging to care for as he is nonverbal and has major tantrums and fits when he gets frustrated that he can't express his needs.

We didn't find out about his condition until he was about 5 months old. Our GP dismissed our concerns about his vision as usual for months old children and that he would track better as he aged but at about 6 months it all came crashing down.

When my wife was pregnant with him she had some issues with spotting and went to the ER but everything seemed ok. During pregnancy the growth seemed normal and there were no concerns in general. We were asked to do an amniocentesis but my wife and I both agreed that we would have him with or without disability so we opted not to do the amnio due to the potential risks.

I don't have too much advice to give but what has kept me strong all these years when I start to feel sorry for myself, my family and our son is that there are always people that have it worse. It is a challenge sometimes to care about the trivialities of things at work and life in general when you are impacted so greatly by something like this but you can't give up. Stay strong and if you ever need to chat please hit me up via PM.

This feels like such a trite thing to say, but you and your wife are incredibly inspiring.

 

[Sikamikanico]

I'm sorry to here about this OP and I hope your child ends up to be a wonderful, healthy baby.

Just keep in mind that many kids who are born with mental and/or physical disabilities end up happy and strong. Never give up on your child and they won't give up on you. Stay strong.

Also, this. Not accusing you or anything, OP, but my mother works with parents who have disabled children and it's sad to know that so many of these parents don't treat their own kids like the real people they are. Make sure to love your child and raise them to the best of your abilities, no matter what your child's disabilities are (if your child is even born with any).

100%. Never one to shy away from a challenge me, of course I'll love and care for her not matter what. I just hate this weird limbo of not knowing right now. It's genuinely agonising.

My heart goes out to you OP. My wife and I have a severely developmentally disabled, blind and autistic son that was born with Septo-Optic Dysplasia. The developmental disabilities and blindness at least were caused directly by his condition. He also is very small for his age (10 y/o about 55 lbs.) and VERY challenging to care for as he is nonverbal and has major tantrums and fits when he gets frustrated that he can't express his needs.

We didn't find out about his condition until he was about 5 months old. Our GP dismissed our concerns about his vision as usual for months old children and that he would track better as he aged but at about 6 months it all came crashing down.

When my wife was pregnant with him she had some issues with spotting and went to the ER but everything seemed ok. During pregnancy the growth seemed normal and there were no concerns in general. We were asked to do an amniocentesis but my wife and I both agreed that we would have him with or without disability so we opted not to do the amnio due to the potential risks.

I don't have too much advice to give but what has kept me strong all these years when I start to feel sorry for myself, my family and our son is that there are always people that have it worse. It is a challenge sometimes to care about the trivialities of things at work and life in general when you are impacted so greatly by something like this but you can't give up. Stay strong and if you ever need to chat please hit me up via PM.

Dude, kudos to you and yours - sounds like one tough cookie. Appreciate the openness - it's hugely comforting.

 

[esmith08734]

Wishing you the best through this, OP.

 

[Trojita]

Best of luck to you and your family.

 

[Triggerhappytel]

I'm so sorry dude; this is just awful. With our first babe my wife and I found out that she had a high possibility of Down's Syndrome so she had to have her amniotic fluid tested. That week and some waiting for the results was just awful and she spent the whole time miserable. It worked out fine in the end (we have three healthy kids now) but I wouldn't wish that awful worrying on anyone. Best of luck to you both; whatever happens please try to stay strong for your girlfriend.

 

[eLGee]

Be strong, and my best wishes to you, OP.

 

[Beartruck]

Hopefully the worst it gets deformity wise is some cool-ass birthmark. Good luck OP.

 

[Talonluck]

Things like this were a constant worry to me and my wife when we had ours. I hope everything goes well. Stay strong for your child and wife. She will really need you after the birth.

 

[Neverforget]

OP once you meet your little angel you will have the strength to do the best you can to make your daughter the happiest kid.

It will be tough but I'm sure you will find the comfort from the love you have for her.

Best of luck and hopefully your baby will be OK.

 

[Keri]

My wife's friend just had this happen.

Contracted CMV during pregnancy, daughter ended up with something like microcephaly and has some pretty severe learning disabilities.

Hoping your situation is better OP.

At 32 weeks, I think the OP and his wife are already past this particular risk. The baby is well past being viable, at 32 weeks. OP, what is the treatment plan? If the risks of long-term disabilities were high, it seems like they might opt to induce your wife and treat the infection directly, ASAP. Have they mentioned anything like that?

It's so scary the amount of things that can go wrong during pregnancy. I'd never heard of this particular risk either. Like you mentioned, I was well informed of listeria and toxoplasmosis, but not this one...The only explanation is that there's just no way to prevent it, so almost no sense in discussing or worrying parents about. I hope you can at least take comfort in that fact. I really do think the odds are in your favor though.

 

[Flo_Evans]

We had a slight scare with our 1st, I forget what the medical term was but the gist of it was the amniotic sac wasn't growing fast enough and the baby was going to be crushed inside my wife. Needless to say that was not a good visit.

It ended up being fine, we got lots of extra ultrasounds and worry.

Good luck OP.

 

[SomewhatGroovy]

OP, as someone who is expecting his third child, I want to offer my sincere wishes to you , your wife and child. Please keep us in the loop and let us know how things progress for you and yours if you are so inclined as I think it is a great conversation to have and to learn from.

My hope is you take this one day at a time and do not let a lot of unknown overwhelm you and your wife. She needs to be healthy and safe so I hope you guys just really nail this a day at a time. My concerns over this very topic were discussed between my wife and I on numerous occassions. I'll share it with you for your consideration but not , of course, to suggest how you should think much less feel. Challenges are relative. Even in a "best case scenario", and your child is 'normal', there is always an unknown and a challenge. I've known parents who look at others' kids and think "Man, I wish ours would be..." this or that while the parents they're looking at are doing the same thing and so forth.

No matter what happens, I know you and your wife will rise to the occassion and kick ass and love this kid to the moon and back. Take care, my dude. You'll have your answers and your kiddo in your arms soon enough.