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The super duper Simpsons quote thread

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I loved the fact the actual announcer from "Behind the Music" also narrated "Behind the Laughter:"

For America's favorite family, everything was coming up roses ... but those roses contained ready-to-sting bees.

But reckless spending and interracial homoeroticism were just volume one of the Encyclopedia Self-Destructica.

The dream was over. Coming up: was the dream really over? Yes it was. Or was it?

The Simpsons' TV show started out on a wing and a prayer, but now the wing was on fire, and the prayer had been answered ... by Satan.

Would Willie's fence-mending eggs bear fruit? Or would his olive branch be torn apart by woodpeckers of mistrust?

So whether choking their son or poking some fun, the Simpsons will keep on gagging for years to come.

(PS thanks to snpp.com for the quotes)
 
talking head said:
everytime i see this (which is criminally almost never) i bust a gut

Lisa: "Oh, Mom, please? You can make this my birthday and Christmas presents."
Marge: "You already used up your birthday and Christmas presents on that peach tree we got you. And you hardly ever play with that anymore."
Lisa: "Yes, I do. Sure, I do. Look!" [runs outside to said tree, singing in super high voice] "Lalalalaaaa.....Plllaaaaaaayyying with my peeeeach treeee moooommmmm!"
Click to expand...

WHAT EPISODE IS THIS. I remember it from long ago, and it remains one of my most-quoted..uh.. quotes, but i can't find what episode it's from!
 
From Marge vs. the Monorail:

Leonard Nimoy: I'd say this vessel could do at least Warp 5. [crowd laughs]
Mayor Quimby: And let me say, "May The Force be with you."
Leonard Nimoy: Do you even know who I am?
Mayor Quimby: I think I do. Weren't you one of the Little Rascals?
 
Blader5489 said:
From Marge vs. the Monorail:

Leonard Nimoy: I'd say this vessel could do at least Warp 5. [crowd laughs]
Mayor Quimby: And let me say, "May The Force be with you."
Leonard Nimoy: Do you even know who I am?
Mayor Quimby: I think I do. Weren't you one of the Little Rascals?
Click to expand...
:lol
 
Either I overlooked this in the thread, or this thread sucks

aedef48a218e9b1cfb84597352f025f8.gif

"You don't make friends with salad!"




and....

"i gotta go, my damn wiener kids are listening."
 
With all of the "101 Best Simpson quotes" and "7 best Simpson Episodes" through the media at the moment, this quote keeps springing to mind:

Krusty: I could even tell the FCC to take a hike. Look at this list of words they won't let me say on the air. (Hands Bart a piece of paper)
Bart: Aww! All the good ones. Hmm, I never even heard of number nine.
Krusty: That's two-ing thirteen while she's eleven-ing your five.
Bart: Can I keep this?
Krusty: Sure, no twelve off my ass.
 
Homer: Mmm...sixty four slices of American cheese.
[Takes the stack to the table and sits down]
Sixty four...[eats it]
Sixty three...[eats it]
[Next morning]
Two...[eats it really slowly]
One...[eats it]
[Marge walks in]
Marge: [incredulous] Have you been up all night eating cheese?
Homer: [slurred] I think I'm blind...

About a decade ago, Daily Radar had a countdown of the best Simpsons quotes of all time. This was their number one. At first, I was incredulous but, well, it is really great.

YouTube Clip
 
Lionel Hutz (Red Blazer Realty): "A smashed hot-rod? A wrecked police cruiser? A destroyed house? I've had it with your renegade ways, Simpson. You're a loose cannon."
 
Gigglepoo said:
Homer: Mmm...sixty four slices of American cheese.
[Takes the stack to the table and sits down]
Sixty four...[eats it]
Sixty three...[eats it]
[Next morning]
Two...[eats it really slowly]
One...[eats it]
[Marge walks in]
Marge: [incredulous] Have you been up all night eating cheese?
Homer: [slurred] I think I'm blind...

About a decade ago, Daily Radar had a countdown of the best Simpsons quotes of all time. This was their number one. At first, I was incredulous but, well, it is really great.

YouTube Clip
Click to expand...

I have never seen this episode. I thought I'd seen them all.
 
IF YOU CAN THINK OF A SIMPLER WAY TO EXCHANGE LONG CHAIN PROTEINS I'D LIKE TO HEAR IT. WELL?

-----------------------------

Don't blame me, I voted for Kodos.

--------------------------------

You can always vote for a third party.

Go ahead, throw your vote away

*ross perot punches out hat*
 
Homer: "You want the truth? You want the truth? You can't handle the truth! And when you put your face in a pile of goo, that used to be your best friend's face, then you'll know, it's china town!"
 
Skinner: Now I... I finally have time to do what I've always wanted: write the great American novel. Mine is about a futuristic amusement park where dinosaurs are brought to life through advanced cloning techniques. I call it "Billy and the Cloneasaurus."

Apu: Oh, you have got to be kidding sir. First you think of an idea that has already been done. Then you give it a title that nobody could possibly like. Didn't you think this through... (fade to later) ...it was on the bestseller list for eighteen months! Every magazine cover had... (later again) ...most popular movies of all time, sir! What were you thinking?!! (pause) I mean, thank you, come again.
 
Lisa: Look at the wonders of the computer age now!
Homer: "Wonders" Lisa? Or "Blunders?"
Lisa: I think that was implied by what I said.
Homer: "Implied" Lisa? Or "Implode?"

Dr. Nick: I recommend a steady gorging process with assal horizontology.
 
Somnid said:
Lisa: Look at the wonders of the computer age now!
Homer: "Wonders" Lisa? Or "Blunders?"
Lisa: I think that was implied by what I said.
Homer: "Implied" Lisa? Or "Implode?"

That was even funny to read. What ep is that from?
Click to expand...
 
tnw said:
Skinner: Now I... I finally have time to do what I've always wanted: write the great American novel. Mine is about a futuristic amusement park where dinosaurs are brought to life through advanced cloning techniques. I call it "Billy and the Cloneasaurus."

Apu: Oh, you have got to be kidding sir. First you think of an idea that has already been done. Then you give it a title that nobody could possibly like. Didn't you think this through... (fade to later) ...it was on the bestseller list for eighteen months! Every magazine cover had... (later again) ...most popular movies of all time, sir! What were you thinking?!! (pause) I mean, thank you, come again.
Click to expand...

Absolutely classic. :lol
 
koam said:
So the movie is coming out on Friday. We've had a "best one time character" thread, a best "episode" thread and now, i think it's time for a best quotes thread. I'll start this off with some of my faves:



"Oh my god, i'm seeing double, FOUR Krusties" - random mob goon


"Troy, baby, ever heard of Planet of the Apes?" - Agent
"The movie or the planet?" - Troy


"Weasling our way out of situations is what seperates us from the animals.. except the weasle" - Homer


"My name is.. Homer JAY Simpson" -Homer


"Hello Super Nintendo Chalmers" - Ralph (:lol click on this youtube, it's in german)


"My eyes... the goggles do nothing" - McBain


"It's like Speed 2 but on a bus" - Milhouse


YouTube links = welcome, paste the quote here though.
Click to expand...

Super Nintendo Chalmers loses the funny in German.
 
My contributions:

Wiggum: " If your nose starts bleeding again that means your picking it too much.....or not enough"

"Hey homer, give me one of those um burgers, I can't seem to stand up on my own free will"

Ralph Wiggum: " My cat smells like cat food"

"it tastes like burning"

'Yes this is lisa simpson and I love her and when I grow up I want to marry her"
Lisa" NOOOOOO, look you, I don't like you, I never liked you and the only reason I gave you that stupid card is because nobody else did"

Bart watching it on tv: look lisa you can actually see the exact point when you break his heart. *watching it in slow motion*



Homer: "Its spanking season and I got some hankerin for some spankerin"

"I 've looped this video tape over and over again, I got the idea from a movie about a bus that had to stay abouve 85 miles an hour. I think it was called the bus that couldn't slow down."
 
Gigglepoo said:
Homer: Mmm...sixty four slices of American cheese.
[Takes the stack to the table and sits down]
Sixty four...[eats it]
Sixty three...[eats it]
[Next morning]
Two...[eats it really slowly]
One...[eats it]
[Marge walks in]
Marge: [incredulous] Have you been up all night eating cheese?
Homer: [slurred] I think I'm blind...

About a decade ago, Daily Radar had a countdown of the best Simpsons quotes of all time. This was their number one. At first, I was incredulous but, well, it is really great.

YouTube Clip
Click to expand...
that part is just awesome with burns and smithers on the ceiling, and then they fall down in the morning and burns just says "good day" and they storm out

also:
homer: awww, twenty dollars?! but i wanted a peanut!!
homer's brain: twenty dollars can buy many peanuts
homer: explain how!!!
homer's brain: money can be exchanged for goods and services
then he runs out, slips on the peanut, and loses is $20

and another awesome brain exchange
homer's brain (while listening to flanders blather on about cider): well, you can stay but i'm leaving
homer: *collapses*
 
Homer: Son, that's the stupidest idea I ever heard... and I know exactly who would pay top dollar for it!
(picks up phone and dials)
Phone: You've reached FOX. If you're pitching a show where gold-digging skanks get what's coming to them, press 1. If you're pitching a rip-off of another network's reality show, press 2. Please stay on the line - your half-baked ideas are all we've got.
 
Didn't read to see if these were said but I had to post and fast.

Homer- I wish I wish I hadn't killed that fish.

Mob- We're here, we're queer, we don't want anymore bears.

beaten by 1 post DAMN
 
super funk said:
This is clips of the scenes with Linguo, some of my favorite. Shut up your face.
http://youtube.com/watch?v=4dIOaQe__bY

I couldnt find a clip of this, so I have to paraphrase.
*Artie and Marge dancing at the recreation of their prom*
Homer *looking in*: If Artie marries Marge, Ill never be born.
Click to expand...

'sentence fragment'

sentence fragment is also a sentence fragment

'......shutting down'


I really like how that episode played off of Run Lola Run. That was great :D
 
super funk said:
This is clips of the scenes with Linguo, some of my favorite. Shut up your face.
http://youtube.com/watch?v=4dIOaQe__bY

I couldnt find a clip of this, so I have to paraphrase.
*Artie and Marge dancing at the recreation of their prom*
Homer *looking in*: If Artie marries Marge, Ill never be born.
Click to expand...
They cut out the best part!

"Linguo...is...dead."
 
Oh man I just saw the Christmas episode where Bart shoplifts and it's incredible. There's a period of 3 minutes where Homer is utterly incredible. I forget how it starts but it ends with the drawing of a robot roasting a weenie over a fire.
 
Got a few:

From "Lisa The Tree Hugger"

Bart goes to at a Thai restaurant called "You Thai Now" to ask for a job.

Thai restaurant guy: You need job? I have job for you.

(he hands Bart a stack of menus with cutouts to hang on doorknobs)

You take these. You hang Thai menu on door. I get more business. Send daughters to small, liberal arts college. Swathmore. Maybe, Sarah Lawrence. Call professors by first name. Ah, dynamite!

Bart: Hang 'em on the door. Got it!

(Bart tries to hang the menus, but people chase him away from their doors, so Bart throws the menus in a dumpster. The Thai restaurant owner runs up.)

Thai restaurant guy:You quitter. Quitter boy! Quitter boy!

Bart: I'm sorry.

Thai restaurant guy:Now restaurant fail. Children go to state college. Serious students powerless against drunken jock-ocracy. Baseball hats everywhereeeee.
Click to expand...

Another one from a fairly recent episode, The Heartbroke Kid:

Spangler: What are you eating now?

Homer: Cheeseburger.

Spangler: You're a catastrophe. Let me have half of it.

Homer: I don't wanna.

Spangler: I just want the cheese, I don't want the meat. I do want the meat.

Homer: Here's a corner.

Spangler: Let me just bite it, don't rip it! Let me have the whole thing, you'll get some later.

Homer: You're a selfish jerk.

Spangler: I've smelled it, it has to be eaten!

Homer: But it's my burger!

Spangler: I'm driving. I'll kill us!

Homer: Fine, I'd rather die!
Click to expand...

Another favorite quote of mine is from the X-Files episode, where Leonard Nimoy orders the hot dog. The way he says "SURPRISE ME!" worked its way into my daily talk :lol
 
Burns: (bringing down a Greenpeace boat) It was I you fools! The man you trusted isn't Wavy Gravy at all! And all this time I’ve been smoking harmless tobacco!
 
I'm not very good with quotes, but could anyone help me out with a couple of ultra obscure ones that constantly spring to mind.

1) When Sideshow Bob is working the crowd and some random fist gets thrown up at the back with a guy shouting 'Probably!' in support. I can never remember the context.

2) When Burns is introducing the new (Mayor?) to his nefarious chums and opens the door to present a watercooler which just so happens to bubble. The thick Texan guy says 'What'd he say?' with the most hilariously clueless look.

Help me GAF!
 
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