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[Amir0x]

User Update: People have mentioned it might be important to mention places to call for help preventing suicide, as any time we discuss the sensitive subject of suicide, there is - just like in any publicizing of violent crimes - a not statistically insignificant chance of a copycat

Due to that, with the help of another user, here is a few hotlines to call. If you guys know numbers for other countries, it'd be much appreciated.

1-800-273-TALK is the National Suicide Prevention Hotline in the US. It's a clearinghouse actually, that routes calls to over 150 crisis centers around the country, and gets people help from people in their communities.

1-866-488-7386 is The Trevor Project, which is a center specifically for GLBT youth in crisis. That would be a good one too.

Thank you!

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Discussion
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As many of you on GAF may know, Transgender suicide rates are astronomical. Among transgender men suicide attempt rate is a staggering 46%; among transgender women suicide attempt rate is 42%. It disproportionately effects transgender minorities (54% multiracial) and American Indians (56%) and, critical for this topic specifically, younger folk. But across the board, the rates are clearly astronomical.

The reasons for this are legion. Pressure from peer groups; negative reactions from parents; pressure from society to conform to "normative standards"; bullying; pressure from religion; awful employment and career opportunities (more than 54% make less than $10,000 household income). The rate of suicide attempts skyrocket when discrimination and violence/bullying has been found immediately preceding the attempts, which may seem obvious but people often love to suggest that these things are at best lightly related (instead, following such things as being made homeless due to their identity or having a doctor turn them away, the rate goes from 60-69%).

On Sunday, 2:30am, a 17 year old girl was struck and killed by a tractor trailer on I-71. She was not confused as to why she was doing this. She had planned this out, after a long and painful period of growing up. She knew exactly what caused her to doubt herself, knew exactly the ties that connected her to her current depressed and self-loathing state.

Her name was Leelah Alcorn.

In her suicide note, she had but one wish: "My death needs to mean something.... Fix Society."

The following is her suicide note. I leave it here unedited because, frankly, she deserves the respect of society to truly comprehend why this happened and how we arrived here. But I also think it's painfully instructive of the type of horrors that the transgender community suffers through, and how that pain is so often suffered in silence from the broader community.

The Note is as follows:

If you are reading this, it means that I have committed suicide and obviously failed to delete this post from my queue.

Please don’t be sad, it’s for the better. The life I would’ve lived isn’t worth living in… because I’m transgender. I could go into detail explaining why I feel that way, but this note is probably going to be lengthy enough as it is. To put it simply, I feel like a girl trapped in a boy’s body, and I’ve felt that way ever since I was 4. I never knew there was a word for that feeling, nor was it possible for a boy to become a girl, so I never told anyone and I just continued to do traditionally “boyish” things to try to fit in.

When I was 14, I learned what transgender meant and cried of happiness. After 10 years of confusion I finally understood who I was. I immediately told my mom, and she reacted extremely negatively, telling me that it was a phase, that I would never truly be a girl, that God doesn’t make mistakes, that I am wrong. If you are reading this, parents, please don’t tell this to your kids. Even if you are Christian or are against transgender people don’t ever say that to someone, especially your kid. That won’t do anything but make them hate them self. That’s exactly what it did to me.

My mom started taking me to a therapist, but would only take me to christian therapists, (who were all very biased) so I never actually got the therapy I needed to cure me of my depression. I only got more christians telling me that I was selfish and wrong and that I should look to God for help.

When I was 16 I realized that my parents would never come around, and that I would have to wait until I was 18 to start any sort of transitioning treatment, which absolutely broke my heart. The longer you wait, the harder it is to transition. I felt hopeless, that I was just going to look like a man in drag for the rest of my life. On my 16th birthday, when I didn’t receive consent from my parents to start transitioning, I cried myself to sleep.

I formed a sort of a “fuck you” attitude towards my parents and came out as gay at school, thinking that maybe if I eased into coming out as trans it would be less of a shock. Although the reaction from my friends was positive, my parents were pissed. They felt like I was attacking their image, and that I was an embarrassment to them. They wanted me to be their perfect little straight christian boy, and that’s obviously not what I wanted.

So they took me out of public school, took away my laptop and phone, and forbid me of getting on any sort of social media, completely isolating me from my friends. This was probably the part of my life when I was the most depressed, and I’m surprised I didn’t kill myself. I was completely alone for 5 months. No friends, no support, no love. Just my parent’s disappointment and the cruelty of loneliness.

At the end of the school year, my parents finally came around and gave me my phone and let me back on social media. I was excited, I finally had my friends back. They were extremely excited to see me and talk to me, but only at first. Eventually they realized they didn’t actually give a shit about me, and I felt even lonelier than I did before. The only friends I thought I had only liked me because they saw me five times a week.

After a summer of having almost no friends plus the weight of having to think about college, save money for moving out, keep my grades up, go to church each week and feel like shit because everyone there is against everything I live for, I have decided I’ve had enough. I’m never going to transition successfully, even when I move out. I’m never going to be happy with the way I look or sound. I’m never going to have enough friends to satisfy me. I’m never going to have enough love to satisfy me. I’m never going to find a man who loves me. I’m never going to be happy. Either I live the rest of my life as a lonely man who wishes he were a woman or I live my life as a lonelier woman who hates herself. There’s no winning. There’s no way out. I’m sad enough already, I don’t need my life to get any worse. People say “it gets better” but that isn’t true in my case. It gets worse. Each day I get worse.

That’s the gist of it, that’s why I feel like killing myself. Sorry if that’s not a good enough reason for you, it’s good enough for me. As for my will, I want 100% of the things that I legally own to be sold and the money (plus my money in the bank) to be given to trans civil rights movements and support groups, I don’t give a shit which one. The only way I will rest in peace is if one day transgender people aren’t treated the way I was, they’re treated like humans, with valid feelings and human rights. Gender needs to be taught about in schools, the earlier the better. My death needs to mean something. My death needs to be counted in the number of transgender people who commit suicide this year. I want someone to look at that number and say “that’s fucked up” and fix it. Fix society. Please.

Goodbye,

(Leelah) Josh Alcorn

Link

To anyone on GAF who believes this is somehow a sin or who knows someone who does, please do your best to passionately speak up for the transgender community when possible. Remember that this is a CHILD. That she did not choose to be born the way she was. That gender is a huge range of categories, and we can scientifically quantify that (and even if we couldn't, it wouldn't matter. There is no reason for the hate). That there is nothing worse than suffering such aching pain and heartache alone.


I've had to grow up a lot over the past decade, and I've made a lot of mistakes. But one thing I've noticed as I've hit 30, is the older I get, the more empathy I feel for those around me. It is one of my great regrets I didn't have that overwhelming empathy when I was younger, because I wish I would have spoke up more. There were more than one injustice I witnessed that I failed to adequately fight against. We can all change this, one day at a time.


I AM EDITING IN SOME TRANSGENDER CIVIL RIGHTS ORGANIZATIONS YOU CAN DONATE TO FOR CHANGE:

List of Transgender Civil Rights Organizations

Some of my preference ->

● National Center for Transgender Equality
● The LGBTQ Transgender Civil Rights Project
● Trans Youth Support Network
● Trans Student Educational Resource

 

[Orthogonal]

Very sad, RIP

 

[User 479360]

I sympathize (due to having bad depression myself), though I know nothing about being transgendered. This is really sad, because she deserved the opportunity to become a woman.

May she rest in peace and her death mean something.

 

[Empty]

i read this earlier and was very moved. terribly terribly sad. it's pretty easy to blame the parents as it's so direct but i sort of felt a uneasy sense of culpability more than anything. the parents just didn't seem to understand trans issues at all, like all this could have been avoided if they just knew what they were playing with instead of writing it off as standard teen angst. i'm not sure if i'll ever have the mentality to be a true activist but it certainly made me think about what i'm doing to talk about trans issues and help contribute to normalizing it in the culture so people do know what it's about and what people are going through, and it's not really enough.

 

[F0rneus]

Damn that was rough to read. Rest in peace.

 

[royalan]

I was reading about this earlier. A terrible tragedy.

 

[Massive Nights]

I feel for the girl, but that's a shitty way to kill yourself, the poor driver.

 

[sixteen-bit]

RIP

 

[Gordon Shumway]

Damn, Ami..thanks for sharing this. Poor kid. That was a rough read, for sure. RIP..

 

[Deleted member 17706]

Goddamn, that's sad. A completely preventable tragedy that came about from the ignorant selfishness of the parents. Hard read, but glad I made it through. RIP, Leelah.

 

[HUELEN10]

Read the whole thing, and I respect her sad, horrible, miserable decision (one no one should ever even have to consider); out of all the things to commit suicide for, that should never have to be one of them. Stuff like this should never even happen! I wonder what the parents have to say. if you can't love your child for who they are, you shouldn't be cruel and bring to this world an unloved, forsaken child; no one deserves that fate.

The parents should be ashamed of themselves for multiple reasons, and I put this all on them. This is truly, truly awful. I hope her death was not in vain, but only time and other people will tell.

 

[evil solrac v3.0]

the parents need to be looked at more closely. I feel they caused her death.

 

[HUELEN10]

the parents need to be looked at more closely. I feel they caused her death.

They are directly responsible in my book.

 

[Mononoke]

Some don't realize how much agony one can be in if they aren't allowed to be their right gender. It can cause a lot of suffering. My friend that lives in the UK was trying to transition and she was given the run around for 3 years. Had to see psych doctors, had to go from one appointment to the next. They had to prove she actually was elgible for it. And they kept giving her the run around. That was just to get hormones.

This is why some peopele seek them out online or go out of country to get things done. It's so sad that we don't give people more support for this. I can't even imagine what it would be like to have parents that don't support you and actually fight you on this. Truly awful stuff.

 

[PseudoKirby]

I wish parents would be more open minded with all of this, at the very least communicate with the children better. offer them support and help them figure out who they are.

rather than "god doesn't make mistakes" they could talk to them and help them come to terms with things, or maybe the parents themselves could understand better and help them make the move to the gender they want.

 

[23qwerty]

and you've got the mother completely denying that her daughter was driven to suicide, misgendering, and using the wrong name numerous times

upstanding parent of the year award

 

[Squire]

I am shattered.

 

[Boom Boom Pow]

As many of you on GAF may know, Transgender suicide rates are astronomical. Among transgender men suicide attempt rate is a staggering 46%; among transgender women suicide attempt rate is 42%. It disproportionately effects transgender minorities (54% multiracial) and American Indians (56%) and, critical for this topic specifically, younger folk. But across the board, the rates are clearly astronomical.

The reasons for this are legion. Pressure from peer groups; negative reactions from parents; pressure from society to conform to "normative standards"; bullying; pressure from religion; awful employment and career opportunities (more than 54% make less than $10,000 household income). The rate of suicide attempts skyrocket when discrimination and violence/bullying has been found immediately preceding the attempts, which may seem obvious but people often love to suggest that these things are at best lightly related (instead, following such things as being made homeless due to their identity or having a doctor turn them away, the rate goes from 60-69%).

On Sunday, 2:30am, a 17 year old girl was struck and killed by a tractor trailer on I-71. She was not confused as to why she was doing this. She had planned this out, after a long and painful period of growing up. She knew exactly what caused her to doubt herself, knew exactly the ties that connected her to her current depressed and self-loathing state.

Her name was Leelah Alcorn. In her suicide note, she had but one wish: "My death needs to mean something.... Fix Society."

The following is her suicide note. I leave it here unedited because, frankly, she deserves the respect of society to truly comprehend why this happened and how we arrived here. But I also think it's painfully instructive of the type of horrors that the transgender community suffers through, and how that pain is so often suffered in silence from the broader community.

The Note is as follows:



Link

To anyone on GAF who believes this is somehow a sin or who knows someone who does, please do your best to passionately speak up for the transgender community when possible. Remember that this is a CHILD. That she did not choose to be born the way she was. That gender is a huge range of categories, and we can scientifically quantify that (and even if we couldn't, it wouldn't matter. There is no reason for the hate). That there is nothing worse than suffering such aching pain and heartache alone.


I've had to grow up a lot over the past decade, and I've made a lot of mistakes. But one thing I've noticed as I've hit 30, is the older I get, the more empathy I feel for those around me. It is one of my great regrets I didn't have that overwhelming empathy when I was younger, because I wish I would have spoke up more. There were more than one injustice I witnessed that I failed to adequately fight against. We can all change this, one day at a time.

is this statistic telling me that out of all transgender guys, 54% have tried to commit suicide? If I know 4 transgender dude, 2 of them would have tried to commit suicide at least once in their life?

how did they come to such a statistic?

 

[Messi]

On Facebook, Alcorn's mother has written, "My sweet 16 year old son, Joshua Ryan Alcorn went home to heaven this morning. He was out for an early morning walk and was hit by a truck."

This...this right here makes my blood boil. Even in death they can't give her the respect she deserves.

Horrible that she felt helpless and no way out.

RIP.

 

[Amir0x]

is this statistic telling me that out of all transgender guys, 54% have tried to commit suicide? If I know 4 transgender dude, 2 of them would have tried to commit suicide at least once in their life?

how did they come to such a statistic?

46% tried to commit suicide. But yes, for the most part, if you met four transgendered males, the odds are at least two tried to commit suicide once in their lives. For how they came to this statistic, the link was posted several times in the OP but here it is again.

 

[Biggu Bosu]

and you've got the mother completely denying that her daughter was driven to suicide, misgendering, and using the wrong name numerous times

upstanding parent of the year award

Let's not act like she isn't in pain, I'm not saying she's innocent either. It's all quite sad

 

[CSX]

and you've got the mother completely denying that her daughter was driven to suicide, misgendering, and using the wrong name numerous times

upstanding parent of the year award

Wow just...wow

 

[23qwerty]

Let's not act like she isn't in pain, I'm not saying she's innocent either. It's all quite sad

...

 

[Kuga]

That was an extremely sad read. I feel sorry that she grew up in an environment that did not accept her being. We can do better - those suicide attempt statistics are atrocious.

RIP.

 

[Azulsky]

My soul is crushed.

I don't know how to fix society, I really wish I could though.

I feel like it has to be done bottom up. If only there was one person there for her, she might still be here tonight.

I pity the parents, who in their willful ignorance pushed their child down this path.

 

[Union Carbine]

RIP. Hope she found a better place on the other side.

 

[Amir0x]

Idiot.

let's not start flinging insults. I'd also have preferred we didn't post the Mother's facebook, so this didn't become a witch hunt situation.

I think this is a pretty good moment for some positive discussion on how we got to this point and why it needs to stop and, more importantly, what steps we might take to stop it.

 

[Biggu Bosu]

Parents fucked up bad, hopefully some parents out there dealing with this get the message

 

[googleplex]

"God doesn't make mistakes"

Fuck you lady. This is heartbreaking.

 

[Masquerader]

Never met anyone transgender, but if I ever do, I'll make sure to remember those statistics in my actions with them.

and you've got the mother completely denying that her daughter was driven to suicide, misgendering, and using the wrong name numerous times

upstanding parent of the year award

... What a dumb, moronic prick. Fuck her, trying to avoid the blame. Her own daughter's dead, and she still won't respect her wishes? Cunt.

 

[Biggu Bosu]

Never met anyone transgender, but if I ever do, I'll make sure to remember those statistics in my actions with them.



... What a dumb, moronic prick. Fuck her, trying to avoid the blame. Her own daughter's dead, and she still won't respect her wishes? Cunt.

Thankfully we have the internet which got the message out, no more hiding

 

[23qwerty]

let's not start flinging insults. I'd also have preferred we didn't post the Mother's facebook, so this didn't become a witch hunt situation.

I think this is a pretty good moment for some positive discussion on how we got to this point and why it needs to stop and, more importantly, what steps we might take to stop it.

tryna figure out the reasoning behind manually adding that quote in when you know i edited it out right away...

 

[Arksy]

So sad.

 

[RM8]

Her mother is basically organic garbage devoid of anything redeemable. This is simply unbelievable.

 

[John Kowalski]

fuck, 46% is fucking nuts

 

[legacyzero]

the parents need to be looked at more closely. I feel they caused her death.

I agree, or if anything, did nothing to prevent it. It makes my FUCKING BLOOD BOIL!!

 

[Sai-kun]

Fucking disgusting scumbag piece of shit parents. Fuck them.

 

[Silky]

I feel awful for the person who committed suicide, because it seems that she really did have no other options.

I feel awful for the parents because of course they lost their daughter, at the same time the note provided showed they weren't supportive of her life decisions. So I'm less sympathetic on that end.

I feel awful for the driver involved in this unfortunate mess because of the obvious guilt that comes from this.

Messy situation all around. Transgender people deserve to be treated like a person just as much as anyone else. A lot of people should see this.

 

[Griss]

Heartbreaking to read those thoughts, as they are such a typically teenage and short-sighted view on life. I don't blame her, I suffered depression from 18-20, and my thought processes were much the same. It's nearly impossible to see how radically different your life might be in a decade when you're 17 or 18. Now, at 30, it seems so much easier. The fact that this girl will never have the chance to learn that lesson because of a decision made out of despair is just heartbreaking. What I'd have told her - you're right that it doesn't always get better. It didn't really for me. But you get stronger. That's what changes. You learn to handle it if you can just take it a day at a time. I guess it's too late for that now. RIP

The other part of this that deserves discussion is that the majority of people don't understand anything about transgender issues. That will obviously include most parents. Ergo, there's almost no chance that parents will be supportive if their kid is transgendered. Even if the parents are knowledgable about transgenderism, there's no guarantee that they'll share their kid's opinions about it or be positive about it. Considering how hard it must be to be transgender, the fact that you're almost guaranteed to lose the family support (that is the one thing you need above all) is just a crazy obstacle that makes the horrible statistics in the OP very understandable. I know that personally if it hadn't been for family support I might not be here. What can be done about this issue? Like right now? I feel like there needs to be transgender teen shelters or something.

 

[The Albatross]

HOly shit .. 44% of transgendered people commit suicide?

*edit*

attempt to commit, but still. That's insane. Never knew it was that much. Sad.

 

[Reishiki]

This is the specter we must live under.

For every heartwarming success story, there is another like this. I shouldn't have to say that I am lucky to have a family who supports me.

RIP.

 

[CountAntonius]

Heartbreaking to see a person feel so helpless. May she rest in peace.

 

[Gordon Shumway]

and you've got the mother completely denying that her daughter was driven to suicide, misgendering, and using the wrong name numerous times

upstanding parent of the year award

Yeah..gonna step outta here for a couple and readjust my words..

 

[Amir0x]

Her mother is basically organic garbage devoid of anything redeemable.

I know it's an easy emotion to feel. How awful is this human being? Why did she let her daughter arrive at this point? How can she remain so cold?

But the reality is she exists within the structure of a society that makes such ignorance extremely easy. For example, we've made SOME progress on explaining lesbian and gay sexuality in the classroom and trying to normalize it, and yet it's still extremely bad. But for transgender issues, the amount of teaching done on the subject is offensively tiny. There's almost none to speak of in most public schools.

She is also within a highly religious family and community that allowed these negative views to cultivate. When you have little familiarity with what this topic really means, you're more likely to draw incorrect and negative conclusions. She believed in God, because that's what she was raised on. And she was taught God thinks this is wrong.

Further still, there is immense social confusion about what being transgender means. For example, there's a very vocally angry portion of the country that thinks it's perfectly OK to physically assault someone who is transgender who fails to disclose this fact on a first date. There's a huge portion of society that shames men for dating transgender women.

All of this does not mean she is not wrong or that she does not need to have some serious introspection. But I don't think she arrived where she did by being "organic garbage." I think she arrived where she did because she's a byproduct of a society that is designed to discriminate and hate transgender individuals, as well as fail to provide any adequate education on what it means to be transgender. In such a knowledge vacuum, people tend to fill that with ignorance.

 

[RumblingRosco]

and you've got the mother completely denying that her daughter was driven to suicide, misgendering, and using the wrong name numerous times

upstanding parent of the year award

I'd probably be in denial too if I was the direct cause of my child committing suicide. No excuses for the mother, but maybe, some day, she'll come around and realize it didn't have to end this way. At least, I hope.

 

[Mononoke]

I don't get parents that have qualifiers for loving their children. Wouldn't the fact that they are your baby, trump any prejudices you have? How do you lack empathy and love for your own child. I'll never understand this. It makes me cry. What is wrong with people?

Edit: I do agree we need to look at society as a whole that props up prejudices. But damn. I'll never understand how a parent can do this to their child. This is YOUR CHILD.

 

[Ziltoidia 9]

Religious nuts like that are what ruin this society. Some help, but people who believe in an invisible being more than their own flesh make me sick.

 

[Patapwn]

"My sweet 16 year old son, Joshua Ryan Alcorn went home to heaven this morning."

*Barf*

 

[F0rneus]

I can`t judge the mom. She lost a child. I lost parents, but a child? I can't even begin to understand that suffering.

But I do hope she learns about her daughter in the future, and understands the pain she had to go through. Do not deny her the simple act of calling her, your daughter. Not after she killed herself, because she never had it.

 

[Amir0x]

I don't get parents that have qualifiers for loving their children. Wouldn't the fact that they are your baby, trump any prejudices you have? How do you lack empathy and love for your own child. I'll never understand this. It makes me cry. What is wrong with people?

Edit: I do agree we need to look at society as a whole that props up prejudices. But damn. I'll never understand how a parent can do this to their child.

I think from the mother's perspective, she'd probably say she did love her, but that she simply thought she was sinning. Love the sinner, hate the sin sort of interpretation.

She'd likely (incorrectly) compare it to a kid who gets in a fight at school and you have to punish them but you still love them and wish them all the best. She'd probably say her attempts to put her daughter in therapy was proof of that love.

I come to this conclusion because I've heard this sad argument before