The fact you thought it might work in the first place is somewhat amusing.
You're nearly 10 years younger and about her same size (maybe smaller?). Think about it man..
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The worst 'dating' rejection someone had to face?
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The fact you thought it might work in the first place is somewhat amusing.
You're nearly 10 years younger and about her same size (maybe smaller?). Think about it man..
Let's use two celebrities. Chris Evans we can all mostly agree is a handsome guy. Maggie Gyllenhaal I'd say is kinda plain. I'd put money that in the average club. Maggie if she felt like it could get laid faster than Chris Evans could. Hell I think I'd have to go as ugly as Precious before Chris Evans could "win". As for game, if a guy wants to fuck a girl there is next no nothing barring the most fucked up shit a girl could say, that would make him turn her down. Women can be less ....tolerant.
I got another one.
I had a really cute lab partner for Engineering lab.
Anyways, after the 4 hour lab we usually walked towards the student union and split our own ways. Well, one day I mustered up enough courage to ask her if she wanted to grab something to eat.
Her: Sorry, I'm busy.
Me: Oh, well uhm what about grabbing something later?
Her: Sorry, I have a boyfriend.
Some reason it didn't even phase me when I met her next week to do lab. But that entire day I felt dejected.
I had a really cute lab partner for Engineering lab.
Anyways, after the 4 hour lab we usually walked towards the student union and split our own ways. Well, one day I mustered up enough courage to ask her if she wanted to grab something to eat.
Her: Sorry, I'm busy.
Me: Oh, well uhm what about grabbing something later?
Her: Sorry, I have a boyfriend.
Some reason it didn't even phase me when I met her next week to do lab. But that entire day I felt dejected.
Vermillion
Banned
I don't think numbering is terrible.
Reminds me - when I did the speed dating thing the other day I did have to put down a number for how attractive I found the girl or how sexy/hot (and vice versa). It's just a scale and really another way of expressing whether someone is attractive. I can see that it has often been used in objectification, but so long as it's not something you think applies to just one gender, I don't see the problem.
OriginofHysteria
Banned
Jaffaboy
Member
The first girl I had a crush on was when I was 10, and it lasted for about a year. I was pretty shy so I never really spoke to her. I decided to make her a valentines card, signed my name on it and hid it in her bag during lunch. At the end of our next class she found it, her friends read it and pointed at me so everyone knew it was from me, and she then proceeded to tear it up and throw it in the trash without even looking in my direction.
That event kind of set a precedent for me, I've been pretty useless with girls forever after, until I started seeing my girlfriend just under a month ago. It only took 16 years and a lot of rejections, and rejecting actually, but right now things are awesome!
That event kind of set a precedent for me, I've been pretty useless with girls forever after, until I started seeing my girlfriend just under a month ago. It only took 16 years and a lot of rejections, and rejecting actually, but right now things are awesome!
Same for me.
I've had to convince myself he was trolling because the alternative makes me depressed for the human race.
I've never been rejected but I never really put myself out there TO get rejected; which, really, is far worse than trying and failing. I've got a really amazing girlfriend now but honestly I still don't know how it happened - just naturally, I guess; neither of us asked the other out, just kissed one day and it went from there.
Before that I led another girl on; I wasn't really interested at all but I was pretty lonely/a bit depressed at the time so it was kinda nice knowing that someone *wanted* me (this sounds super douchey, but it's true). Anyway, I lead her on then didn't really reply to txts/messages/invites - worked out for the best though because she found a guy that actually gives a shit. Still a bit awkward when I see her around the city. Probably my douchiest moment.
Eighty Deuce
Banned
Some advice to make you feel better. She made you feel like a child, so go out and fuck a cougar. Before you know it you'll wake up to home made breakfast after a wild night of fornicating a pro. If your lucky you can play some Xbox if she's got kids still around.
perfectchaos007
Member
And you can take a juice box out of the fridge before you head home
Eighty Deuce
Banned
Hell yeah get some ecto cooler
Out of Working Order
Member
Reading these, I realise now why I never even bother to try.
Yeah, it's not really even worth it anymore.
Really?!
for me its the oppositeTo be honest i am really suprised how mild all those rejections are..
I mean this is the worst that happend to people?
Vermillion
Banned
Really?!
To be honest i am really suprised how mild all those rejections are..
I mean this is the worst that happend to people?
What were you expecting? Gunshots?
Laughing Banana
Weeping Pickle
Come on both of you, stop using this thread as a justification to never try out. You can do it.
FreeMufasa
Junior Member
U Manz give me bare jokes :lol
That's not how attractiveness pays off. It doesn't guarantee anything with anyone.
jokingbird
Member
I went out with a girl two times and we were supposed to have a third date when she texted me that she couldn't see me anymore. When I asked why she said, " I can only make time for things I care about and I can't make time for you." Not that bad, but for some reason it really stung at the time.
Vermillion
Banned
Damn.
KingofGourds
Member
I'd say it kinda is. That's ice cold.
Prax
Member
I kind of think the fact that most girls want a "relationship" and most guys just want to get "laid" as a cultural expectation really evens out the "rejection rates".
Maybe the girl's point of rejection is after the one night stand, while a lot of you guys would still count it as "scoring".
I can see how girls might have an easier time just getting sex, but I don't necessarily see that sex is what they really want from the guy.
I feel like girls have a really tough time with relationships and getting the attention they want too. If only there were more girl-gaf participating to balance these stories out!
I don't really have a rejection story. Wait, here is my worst one:
A guy I had a crush on and was kind of friendly with didn't want to go to the prom really, and then I offered to be his date to convince him to go. But then he took it as a sarcastic joke (I'm sure) and said no. And I was kind of sad but of course I didn't show it and figured it was because he took it as a joke.
Anyway I asked him again a week or so later for serious and he agreed. lol
At some later point (maybe a couple of days later, not sure!), a guy asked me to go to the prom on behalf of his friend who was sitting by him. His friend was really embarrassed by this. I was really awkwarded and just blurted "Uh.. no.. I uhm.. already have a date. Sorry." and pretty much scampered away. I don't even remember if he eventually went to the prom anyway, but I was relieved I had the excuse that I already had a date. On the other hand, I was kind of insulted because the friend who was asking kind of did it in a joking manner in a "OF COURSE YOU WOULDN'T HAVE A DATE, PRAX LOL, SO CAN YOU GO WITH MY OTHER SINGLE FRIEND??". Even were I single, this is not how you would get my agreement!
I have shaky self-esteem and social awkwardness anyway, so people who show me interest just sets off a "they are only asking me out because they are making fun of me or think I look like the desperate type that would easily put out because I am so lonely and unappealing .___. " response in me.
Most people have a weird time figuring out dating anyway, so don't let it get to you and don't get embittered!
Maybe the girl's point of rejection is after the one night stand, while a lot of you guys would still count it as "scoring".
I can see how girls might have an easier time just getting sex, but I don't necessarily see that sex is what they really want from the guy.
I feel like girls have a really tough time with relationships and getting the attention they want too. If only there were more girl-gaf participating to balance these stories out!
I don't really have a rejection story. Wait, here is my worst one:
A guy I had a crush on and was kind of friendly with didn't want to go to the prom really, and then I offered to be his date to convince him to go. But then he took it as a sarcastic joke (I'm sure) and said no. And I was kind of sad but of course I didn't show it and figured it was because he took it as a joke.
Anyway I asked him again a week or so later for serious and he agreed. lol
At some later point (maybe a couple of days later, not sure!), a guy asked me to go to the prom on behalf of his friend who was sitting by him. His friend was really embarrassed by this. I was really awkwarded and just blurted "Uh.. no.. I uhm.. already have a date. Sorry." and pretty much scampered away. I don't even remember if he eventually went to the prom anyway, but I was relieved I had the excuse that I already had a date. On the other hand, I was kind of insulted because the friend who was asking kind of did it in a joking manner in a "OF COURSE YOU WOULDN'T HAVE A DATE, PRAX LOL, SO CAN YOU GO WITH MY OTHER SINGLE FRIEND??". Even were I single, this is not how you would get my agreement!
I have shaky self-esteem and social awkwardness anyway, so people who show me interest just sets off a "they are only asking me out because they are making fun of me or think I look like the desperate type that would easily put out because I am so lonely and unappealing .___. " response in me.
Most people have a weird time figuring out dating anyway, so don't let it get to you and don't get embittered!
shanshan310
Member
Most women will approach men they are interested in. However, based on personal experiences/ friends' stories/ gaf it would appear that women tend to be more choosy about who they talk to (Ie. someone they actually like) whereas, at least among people I know, the men tend to approach any and every woman to maximise their chances of success.
Women get rejected too. Grass isn't always "greener on the other side".
HalfBakedProphet
Member
Staying stagnate is the worst thing you can do when you're in a bad place emotionally. you can't grow if you don't want to push boundaries and get outside your comfort zone.
Angelus Errare
Banned
Sad thing to admit, but I've only approached females a few times in my life. Every girl I've ever dated and fooled around with has approached me, from high school to now...thank god for that shit.
Meh, I'm 5'8'' 130lb and I dated a chick who was 5'10 probably a tad bit heavier, she was a volleyball player and when we went out she loved wearing heels.
So when we went out we always got looks, all the dudes would be looking at her just jaws dropped...that's when I'd hold her hand for that extra "U mad" moment....and she had amazing breasts.
Meh, I'm 5'8'' 130lb and I dated a chick who was 5'10 probably a tad bit heavier, she was a volleyball player and when we went out she loved wearing heels.
So when we went out we always got looks, all the dudes would be looking at her just jaws dropped...that's when I'd hold her hand for that extra "U mad" moment....and she had amazing breasts.
Trying is indeed the first step towards failure. It is also the first step towards success.
Let me imagine that you had tried/asked about 30 girls out in the last year. It is entirely possible that all 30 would have rejected you and that this would make you feel bad.
But it is also possible that one of these girls would have said yes, and that you would have gone out on a date and it was great, and then from there you would have begun a relationship which made you happy, and then you would have eventually gotten married and lived happily together for at least a long while. There's no way for me to "prove" this, because I'm talking about something that might have potentially happened but which ultimately did not. But it is, at the very least, possible.
I want you to think about how many people are lonely or in unhappy relationships of convenience and who could have been much happier if they had been more assertive. Just by simple laws of probability, there are surely several people every single day who would have found someone they truly loved if they'd simply had the courage to ask. Yes, 99.9% of advances won't end that way, but since there are well over 1000 advances made a day, that implies at least a few people should be seeing success. That success cannot possibly be you if you don't even try.
I'm not saying you have to heed this advice, but I want you to make sure you're aware you're consciously deciding that you'd rather not try at all than risk failure. I am not saying that is an unacceptable approach; failure hurts. But it is not a position without its downsides.
Sword Familiar
178% of NeoGAF posters don't understand statistics
It was also kind of corny imo. Wouldn't worry about not seeing her again.
Bam Bam Baklava
Member
HalfBakedProphet
Member
God damn, nice post Opiate
I would also add that women approach men differently in many cases. Most men are direct in their approach, in my experience. A woman's "approach" could be as simple as spending time with you.
Before we started dating, one of my former girlfriends spent enormous amounts of time talking to me on the phone and through email in ways that went well beyond convenience or necessity. She was clearly seeking me out. However, she was also just as clearly (in hindsight, mind you, I don't mean I understood this at the time) waiting for me to make the "final" move and be the one to explicitly request a date.
This doesn't describe all girls, of course. Or all guys. But it's frequent enough to be worth noting, and it's entirely possible some men in here have been "hit on" without even knowing it by girls who spent lots of extra time with them and who would have said yes to a date if they'd simply asked.
ThisWreckage
Banned
Depends on the girl. It is definitely not a universal truth.
I would much rather a woman be curt and mean spirited toward me than to lie or mislead me. The worst people are the people that do not have the courage to simply say, "You know what? I'm not interested."
Bam Bam Baklava
Member
It's not a universal truth that most women approach guys they're interested in?
Napoleonthechimp
Member
Women can afford to be more choosy because there's plenty of demand, because getting guys is much easier for them. Guys who aren't rich or attractive, on the other hand, have to basically proposition every girl they're even remotely attracted to in the hope that they'll eventually meet a girl whose standards are low enough to say yes.
How are you not getting this?
It's like, I dunno, you're a rich noble walking through the poor district, and all the poor people are trying to sell you things.
Their plight is that they need to sell their things so they can eat that night, but they're competing with possibly dozens of other people with potentially better things on sale for the same money.
Your plight is that you didn't bring enough pocket change to afford the most beautiful chair by the most skilled craftsman, and you don't want to settle for the almost as beautiful chair made by the not quite as skilled but still pretty good craftsman.
These are not equal plights.
shanshan310
Member
But all I have are anecdotes! It is true within my circles of friends. There are a couple of girls who still think its a man's job to approach her (those girls are single and sad guy-they-like isn't their boyfriend) but by and large women don't have a problem approaching guys they're interested in. I'm sure the statistics would vary greatly depending on region/ age/ many other things.
This is also true.
While I somewhat agree with your statements about not giving up, I kind of feel like it breeds an unhealthy attitude of just approaching everyone. I'd like to be approached by someone who actually thinks I seem interesting/cool, not just because I'm a woman and I happen to be there.
ThisWreckage
Banned
No, because some women are shy. Other women insist on being courted. Other women refuse to make the first move. So it's not a universal truth. Dating and women are not mathematical formulas.
shanshan310
Member
Except women aren't goods to be traded. If there are roughly an equal amount of men and women in the world, why is it that 'women' seem to be more in demand? The way this thread is going, you'd think there was only 1 woman to every 10 men.
I definitely agree with this -- that's why my statement was so carefully measured, and had so many conditionals like "I am not saying your approach is unacceptable."
I would probably recommend staying away from either extreme. Giving up entirely for fear of failure is not likely to make you the happiest; at the same time, neither is approaching every single woman you meet.
Just using dating sites as a simple example here for clarity, I would not recommend waiting and hoping someone messages you, and then if someone finally does, taking the first offer regardless of compatibility because it's convenient. On the other hand, I would also not recommend sending every single woman in your area a picture of your penis and expecting this to lead to fruitful, happy, long term relationships.
Somewhere in the middle is probably best. Don't sit back and wait because you're afraid to try, but also don't message every single girl you see. Rough estimate: I'd say messaging 1-3 girls a week, after reading their profile, would be a reasonable approach, allowing you to honestly read their information and see if you are actually interested beyond "hey, that person has a vagina!" That's a ballpark figure without any real analysis behind it.
Sword Familiar
178% of NeoGAF posters don't understand statistics
I think that only applies if the girl is ready to choose from the pool of "anyone interested", but maybe not so much when it comes to the one she's actually interested in, if she's not lucky enough to have him in the "anyone interested" pool already. I'd say it's easier for women to meet potential mates because they get more offers, but that doesn't mean it's easy to find someone you really like. Just, maybe, easier, relatively, compared to men.
ThisWreckage
Banned
Your effort will wound you and give birth to gifts. That's what effort boils down to.
Devolution
Member
I made this argument earlier only to be patronized.
Bam Bam Baklava
Member
This is something that's confused me for a while because I've heard other guys say they got approached and all that but it's never happened to me (except one very extenuating circumstance). Nothing wrong with how I look either.
I mean I can take it but it would be nice if it wasn't all on me all the time. In fact, I'd say this is true with guys too which makes this even more perplexing.
Devolution
Member
I asked my first and third boyfriend out. Some of my friends have asked guys out. It's slowly becoming a more acceptable thing for us to do especially if the women consider themselves more headstrong and assertive.
Laughing Banana
Weeping Pickle
To elevate all the "Why bother trying" folks a bit, let me share a bit of a story: my brother met his wife right now while on Facebook. Do you guys know the chance of that happening? He suffered innumerable rejection but he persisted, and in the end he actually managed to find the person he's now building his family with through sheer persistence/will.
There's never a case of zero chance, if you don't give up that is.
There's never a case of zero chance, if you don't give up that is.
If a person is unattractive and lonely, they start to become more and more open to anyone. They'll settle for just about anything. This air of desperation wafts through the air and makes it very difficult to attract anyone as they sense your desperation vibes (being unattractive doesn't help). If a person is attractive and getting offers left and right (which can happen more commonly for women), then people tend to become choosy and are not satisfied until they find "the one", a perfect mate. Both sets of people then are not easily satisfied. One group because they cannot find someone and the other group because they are not finding the right someone.
It's like you didn't understand my analogy at all.
Hint: Women aren't the goods being traded.
How does this not prove my point?
The only struggle women have is in finding the perfect guy.
Guys who aren't rich or attractive struggle to find any girl.
Do you see the difference?
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