I don't mind the matches as I do the segments. Worse than B movie acting.
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Triple H |OT| February Wrasslin
- Thread starter Mr. Sam
- Start date
- Status
I don't mind the matches as I do the segments. Worse than B movie acting.
CrunchinJelly
formerly cjelly
Tonight live on WWE Raw Supershow
Keyser Soze
Member
I really hope Taker vs H's was a bit of misdirection, and they go another way.
Please...
Please...
What have you done!?
INT. JOEY STYLES' OFFICE, TITAN TOWER, STAMFORD, CONNECTICUT
JOEY STYLES is sat at his desk, dutifully typing away at his latest WWE.com article. He looks visibly older than when we last saw him, visibly worn down by having to deal with the stupid and the maniacal all day on Twitter. JBL, with two black eyes and a fat lip, sits unconscious in the corner.
Joey stops typing. There's a noise in the hallway. Chanting. Singing. It's getting closer. The door swings open, almost off its hinges. TRIPLE H bursts in, wearing a shirt which reads 'I DON'T WORK TUESDAYS.' He's followed by his acolytes; SEAN WALTMAN, KEVIN NASH, KHARMA (heavily pregnant) and SIN CARA (in full attire, in a wheelchair). Triple H calmly chews on a cheese and pickle sandwich as his stooges perform his theme music in the third person.
STOOGES (with worrying enthusiasm): He is the game, you don't wanna play him! He is control, no way you can shake him! He is heavy debts, no way you can pay him! He is the pain--!
Triple H raises a hand.
TRIPLE H: Alright, alright. Be quiet now. Daddy has to talk to the nice man.
The stooges stop singing and instead start to hum the tune. Dern-dern-dern. Dern-dern-dern. Triple H leans on the desk and opens his mouth. Before he can say a word, Sin Cara zooms across the room in his wheelchair and flies out an open window. Pause for laughs. Triple H visibly shakes it off.
TRIPLE H (to himself): Best signing I ever made...
JOEY STYLES: Paul, uh, can I help you?
TRIPLE H: Joey! Jo-ey! We're pals, right? Call me Hunter. In fact, call me Hunter Hunter Hunter. Or Triple H's for short. Or. Mr. H's. That's what my friends call me. Now, what's this stuff about you doing a "Best Matches of 2011" article on, uh, your little internet site?
JOEY STYLES: WWE.com?
TRIPLE H: That's the one!
JOEY STYLES: Well, Hunter, I was just putting the finishing touches to it. I've got Cena versus Punk as number one. Did you--
TRIPLE H: Joey, I'm gonna stop you right there. Look, I know you're a fan of, uh, "alternative wrestling" from your days at ACW--
JOEY STYLES: ECW.
TRIPLE H: Yeah, whatever.
Hunter chuckles. Kharma, Waltman and Nash burst into fits of laughter. Somewhere several storeys below, Sin Cara joins in. Waltman slaps Nash on the back. The force of this causes Nash's knee to buckle under his weight. He falls to the floor, clutching his leg. Still laughing.
TRIPLE H: Point is, that ain't what people want! Chicago? Yeah, they love MC Chunk, sure - they got a thing for skinny fatasses. But you know who they love more? You know who everyone loves more? Mr. H's. And it just so happens that Mr. H's and his good friend JohnnyCashLover1992 had the best match of all-time this year, and it'd just be insane if that wasn't at the top of the list, now, wouldn't it?
JOEY STYLES: Hunter--
TRIPLE H: Mr. H's!
JOEY STYLES: Mr. H's, look - I respect you, I really do. But I couldn't possibly change this list. Everybody knows I run WWE.com. It's my duty to be truthful to myself, to represent myself as sincerely and honestly to the fans as--
TRIPLE H: Joey, Joey - say no more. I know where you're going with this. You're afraid. You're no poet. You're no great American writer. You're a hack. You couldn't hope to possibly capture the majesty that was a Mr. H's match, let alone the greatest Mr. H's match of all time. But relax, not only is Mr. H's the greatest wrestler ever, he's a master of the English language. You ever see The Chaperone? I won three Oscars for best actor, best supporting actor and best editing. All my scenes? Improvised. I am a wordsmith. Here, take this; I wrote a little something up for you.
Triple H hands Joey a folded up piece of paper. Joey unfolds it, stares at it disbelievingly, then begins to read aloud.
JOEY STYLES: "Although The Undertaker's streak at WrestleMania is not dead, it is now dead. Because Mr. H's - the game, the king of kings, the cerebral assassin, the best WWE superstar ever - killed it. He killed it dead. He killed the crap out of it. Why? Because he is that damn good, Mr. H's is. He put on the best match ever and he did what no other man could do. Mr. H's is so much better than any other man, especially skinny fatasses and vanilla midgets. Vote of no confidence my ass! Mr. H's will wrestle a broom and kill its streak too. And he'll be a twenty time broom champion of the world. He's that awesome."
Joey folds the paper back up. He's visibly upset; crying. Triple H smiles broadly, his trousers tenting.
TRIPLE H: It's beautiful, I know.
Fade to black.
JOEY STYLES is sat at his desk, dutifully typing away at his latest WWE.com article. He looks visibly older than when we last saw him, visibly worn down by having to deal with the stupid and the maniacal all day on Twitter. JBL, with two black eyes and a fat lip, sits unconscious in the corner.
Joey stops typing. There's a noise in the hallway. Chanting. Singing. It's getting closer. The door swings open, almost off its hinges. TRIPLE H bursts in, wearing a shirt which reads 'I DON'T WORK TUESDAYS.' He's followed by his acolytes; SEAN WALTMAN, KEVIN NASH, KHARMA (heavily pregnant) and SIN CARA (in full attire, in a wheelchair). Triple H calmly chews on a cheese and pickle sandwich as his stooges perform his theme music in the third person.
STOOGES (with worrying enthusiasm): He is the game, you don't wanna play him! He is control, no way you can shake him! He is heavy debts, no way you can pay him! He is the pain--!
Triple H raises a hand.
TRIPLE H: Alright, alright. Be quiet now. Daddy has to talk to the nice man.
The stooges stop singing and instead start to hum the tune. Dern-dern-dern. Dern-dern-dern. Triple H leans on the desk and opens his mouth. Before he can say a word, Sin Cara zooms across the room in his wheelchair and flies out an open window. Pause for laughs. Triple H visibly shakes it off.
TRIPLE H (to himself): Best signing I ever made...
JOEY STYLES: Paul, uh, can I help you?
TRIPLE H: Joey! Jo-ey! We're pals, right? Call me Hunter. In fact, call me Hunter Hunter Hunter. Or Triple H's for short. Or. Mr. H's. That's what my friends call me. Now, what's this stuff about you doing a "Best Matches of 2011" article on, uh, your little internet site?
JOEY STYLES: WWE.com?
TRIPLE H: That's the one!
JOEY STYLES: Well, Hunter, I was just putting the finishing touches to it. I've got Cena versus Punk as number one. Did you--
TRIPLE H: Joey, I'm gonna stop you right there. Look, I know you're a fan of, uh, "alternative wrestling" from your days at ACW--
JOEY STYLES: ECW.
TRIPLE H: Yeah, whatever.
Hunter chuckles. Kharma, Waltman and Nash burst into fits of laughter. Somewhere several storeys below, Sin Cara joins in. Waltman slaps Nash on the back. The force of this causes Nash's knee to buckle under his weight. He falls to the floor, clutching his leg. Still laughing.
TRIPLE H: Point is, that ain't what people want! Chicago? Yeah, they love MC Chunk, sure - they got a thing for skinny fatasses. But you know who they love more? You know who everyone loves more? Mr. H's. And it just so happens that Mr. H's and his good friend JohnnyCashLover1992 had the best match of all-time this year, and it'd just be insane if that wasn't at the top of the list, now, wouldn't it?
JOEY STYLES: Hunter--
TRIPLE H: Mr. H's!
JOEY STYLES: Mr. H's, look - I respect you, I really do. But I couldn't possibly change this list. Everybody knows I run WWE.com. It's my duty to be truthful to myself, to represent myself as sincerely and honestly to the fans as--
TRIPLE H: Joey, Joey - say no more. I know where you're going with this. You're afraid. You're no poet. You're no great American writer. You're a hack. You couldn't hope to possibly capture the majesty that was a Mr. H's match, let alone the greatest Mr. H's match of all time. But relax, not only is Mr. H's the greatest wrestler ever, he's a master of the English language. You ever see The Chaperone? I won three Oscars for best actor, best supporting actor and best editing. All my scenes? Improvised. I am a wordsmith. Here, take this; I wrote a little something up for you.
Triple H hands Joey a folded up piece of paper. Joey unfolds it, stares at it disbelievingly, then begins to read aloud.
JOEY STYLES: "Although The Undertaker's streak at WrestleMania is not dead, it is now dead. Because Mr. H's - the game, the king of kings, the cerebral assassin, the best WWE superstar ever - killed it. He killed it dead. He killed the crap out of it. Why? Because he is that damn good, Mr. H's is. He put on the best match ever and he did what no other man could do. Mr. H's is so much better than any other man, especially skinny fatasses and vanilla midgets. Vote of no confidence my ass! Mr. H's will wrestle a broom and kill its streak too. And he'll be a twenty time broom champion of the world. He's that awesome."
Joey folds the paper back up. He's visibly upset; crying. Triple H smiles broadly, his trousers tenting.
TRIPLE H: It's beautiful, I know.
Fade to black.
Mr. Luchador
Member
Wrestling hasn't been the same since La Parka lost his gimmick.
Is that Maria?
I watched ROH last night, it was a good show with 2 title matches!
also.....
hnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnng
Is that Maria?
Keyser Soze
Member
This whole thing is beautiful, all parts of it.
I watched ROH last night, it was a good show with 2 title matches!
also.....
hnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnng
AHH MY WEAKNESS POINT HAS BEEN HIT
Mmm...Maria. She can get it along with the Bellas.
You have no idea how hard it was trying not to laugh while reading that. So goddamn hard...
You have no idea how hard it was trying not to laugh while reading that. So goddamn hard...
No he won it once.. oddly.. pointing at the Mania sign from last year, but no pics of him when he actually won.
Mr. Luchador
Member
Up to December 1999 on my wrestling re-watch. I'll try to recap a fair bit since I haven't updated it for months.
WWF
- Stephanie McMahon and Test are engaged.
- British Bulldog has returned and in a bout of (roid) rage threw a trash can off Stephanie McMahon's head.
- She forgot she was engaged to Test. Then she remembered.
- Stephanie McMahon and Test were due to be married until...
Triple H marries the boss' daughter in Vegas
- The Rock and Sock Connection has been on and off.
- Mankind has released his 1st book.
- Mankind and Al Snow are best mates and have been to Las Vegas. Al Snow's 'doll' was removed from the shelf of Walmart as they believed he severed women's heads.
Mankind & Al Snow in Las Vegas
- Big Show is the WWF Champion and has been feuding with the Big Boss Man.
- Big Show won the title after Steve Austin was ran over at Survivor Series (remember that!?)
- Big Boss Man invaded the funeral of Big Show's father and drove away with the casket (which Big Show surfed on top of).
Big Boss Man and Big Show Feud
- In fact Big Boss Man has been in some crazy feuds over the last few months. He was feuding with Al Snow before this. He kidnapped Al Snow's dog (Pepper) and eventually ended up forcing feeding it to Al Snow.
- The Acolytes are slowing turning into the APA and have been starting Bar Brawls for the last few months.
- The Dudley Boys have debuted.
- Chyna is the WWF IC Champ, defeating Jeff Jarrett for it. She is now feuding with Chris Jericho.
- Stevie Richards is in the WWF and he's mimicking various wrestlers and famous people (totally forgot about this!).
- DX have reformed (again).
- HHH is fully in his 'Game' personna now and driving Vince McMahon mental.
- Kane & Xpac are no longer tag team partners and are feuding with each other.
Best of WWF/wwe 1999
WCW
- The Vince Russo era of WCW has started.
- Hacksaw Jim Duggan is a janitor.
- Roddy Piper is a Ref.
11/22/99 Roddy Piper Confronts the Powers That Be
- Hollywood Hulk Hogan hasn't been seen for months.
- Sting was a heel. Then a face. Then a heel... and now a face. Oh, he's a heel again.
- Lex Luger keeps feigning injuries to get out of matches (actually pretty amusing).
- Norman Smiley is probably the best thing in WCW right now.
WCW: The Birth of Screamin' Norman Smiley
- Bret Hart is the WCW World Champ (probably the first thing he's done since joining two years ago).
- Goldberg isn't doing much.
- The Outsiders (Kevin Nash & Scott Hall) are still around but rarely do much even though Scott Hall has the US Title and the TV Title.
- Oh wait... Kevin Nash has just slam dunked the TV Title into the bin. Guess that's that then.
The Outsiders Throw Away the TV Title
- Curt Hening 'retired' and then joined Russo's 'Corporation'.
- La Parka became the official 'Chairman' of WCW.
La Parka - Renegade Master
- Dustin Runnels (that's Goldust) is now in WCW and not doing anything.
- Dean Malenko, Saturn and Shane Douglas are in a stable called 'The Renegades'. They have a muscle woman in it too. She's called 'Asia'... kid you not.
- In fact some of the gimmicks are down right stupid: The Artist Formerly Known As Prince Iaukea, The Maestro...
WCW: The Artist Formerly Known As Prince Iaukea vs. The Maestro
- The Nitro Girls are feuding each other... honestly.
- Disco Inferno is feuding with the Mafia... well Johnny The Bull (or Vito... or RELLIK - THAT'S KILLER BACKWARDS!!!!!!!) and Tony Mamaluke.
- Oh and Jeff Jarrett is in WCW now and he's desperate to be noticed... same gimmick for 20 years.
ECW
- Dudleys have left and joined WWF
- Taz is joining soon and the crowd know, they keep booing him.
- The actual wrestling in ECW is far above anything WCW or WWF are offering at the same time. WCW have tried with Bret Hart and Chris Benoit, while the WWF... not sure really.
- The push of Mike Awesome has been really fun to watch again
- More so due to the introduction of Masato Tanaka
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5x7qv7Qjg-E
Indies
- Hard to find indies from this time but a few have started to appear
- CZW the most notable seems to be improving show upon show
- Still can't decide what its offering though - is it violence or wrestling? Both? Neither?
- Wrestling can range from terrible to surprisingly decent
- Crowd seems to eat most wrestlers alive or couldn't care less.
- One off matches of Mike Quackenbush and Reckless Youth have been good to watch.
- Not sure why they never appeared in more prominent promotions (on Thunder/Shotgun etc).
WWF
- Stephanie McMahon and Test are engaged.
- British Bulldog has returned and in a bout of (roid) rage threw a trash can off Stephanie McMahon's head.
- She forgot she was engaged to Test. Then she remembered.
- Stephanie McMahon and Test were due to be married until...
Triple H marries the boss' daughter in Vegas
- The Rock and Sock Connection has been on and off.
- Mankind has released his 1st book.
- Mankind and Al Snow are best mates and have been to Las Vegas. Al Snow's 'doll' was removed from the shelf of Walmart as they believed he severed women's heads.
Mankind & Al Snow in Las Vegas
- Big Show is the WWF Champion and has been feuding with the Big Boss Man.
- Big Show won the title after Steve Austin was ran over at Survivor Series (remember that!?)
- Big Boss Man invaded the funeral of Big Show's father and drove away with the casket (which Big Show surfed on top of).
Big Boss Man and Big Show Feud
- In fact Big Boss Man has been in some crazy feuds over the last few months. He was feuding with Al Snow before this. He kidnapped Al Snow's dog (Pepper) and eventually ended up forcing feeding it to Al Snow.
- The Acolytes are slowing turning into the APA and have been starting Bar Brawls for the last few months.
- The Dudley Boys have debuted.
- Chyna is the WWF IC Champ, defeating Jeff Jarrett for it. She is now feuding with Chris Jericho.
- Stevie Richards is in the WWF and he's mimicking various wrestlers and famous people (totally forgot about this!).
- DX have reformed (again).
- HHH is fully in his 'Game' personna now and driving Vince McMahon mental.
- Kane & Xpac are no longer tag team partners and are feuding with each other.
Best of WWF/wwe 1999
WCW
- The Vince Russo era of WCW has started.
- Hacksaw Jim Duggan is a janitor.
- Roddy Piper is a Ref.
11/22/99 Roddy Piper Confronts the Powers That Be
- Hollywood Hulk Hogan hasn't been seen for months.
- Sting was a heel. Then a face. Then a heel... and now a face. Oh, he's a heel again.
- Lex Luger keeps feigning injuries to get out of matches (actually pretty amusing).
- Norman Smiley is probably the best thing in WCW right now.
WCW: The Birth of Screamin' Norman Smiley
- Bret Hart is the WCW World Champ (probably the first thing he's done since joining two years ago).
- Goldberg isn't doing much.
- The Outsiders (Kevin Nash & Scott Hall) are still around but rarely do much even though Scott Hall has the US Title and the TV Title.
- Oh wait... Kevin Nash has just slam dunked the TV Title into the bin. Guess that's that then.
The Outsiders Throw Away the TV Title
- Curt Hening 'retired' and then joined Russo's 'Corporation'.
- La Parka became the official 'Chairman' of WCW.
La Parka - Renegade Master
- Dustin Runnels (that's Goldust) is now in WCW and not doing anything.
- Dean Malenko, Saturn and Shane Douglas are in a stable called 'The Renegades'. They have a muscle woman in it too. She's called 'Asia'... kid you not.
- In fact some of the gimmicks are down right stupid: The Artist Formerly Known As Prince Iaukea, The Maestro...
WCW: The Artist Formerly Known As Prince Iaukea vs. The Maestro
- The Nitro Girls are feuding each other... honestly.
- Disco Inferno is feuding with the Mafia... well Johnny The Bull (or Vito... or RELLIK - THAT'S KILLER BACKWARDS!!!!!!!) and Tony Mamaluke.
- Oh and Jeff Jarrett is in WCW now and he's desperate to be noticed... same gimmick for 20 years.
ECW
- Dudleys have left and joined WWF
- Taz is joining soon and the crowd know, they keep booing him.
- The actual wrestling in ECW is far above anything WCW or WWF are offering at the same time. WCW have tried with Bret Hart and Chris Benoit, while the WWF... not sure really.
- The push of Mike Awesome has been really fun to watch again
- More so due to the introduction of Masato Tanaka
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5x7qv7Qjg-E
Indies
- Hard to find indies from this time but a few have started to appear
- CZW the most notable seems to be improving show upon show
- Still can't decide what its offering though - is it violence or wrestling? Both? Neither?
- Wrestling can range from terrible to surprisingly decent
- Crowd seems to eat most wrestlers alive or couldn't care less.
- One off matches of Mike Quackenbush and Reckless Youth have been good to watch.
- Not sure why they never appeared in more prominent promotions (on Thunder/Shotgun etc).
Undertaker has evolved past pointing. He just nods now.
Give him a break, it probably takes a while to get that arm up.
awesome!
Perspicacity
Banned
Undertaker has evolved past pointing. He just nods now.
When you are 19-0, people know what you're talking about without using your words!
FallingEdge
Member
I finally got a chance to watch Impact from last Thursday and I must say, it was great. Kinda amazing to see how much better a show can be if you have a crowd who actually gives a damn instead of what they get in Orlando.
And that SSP botch. Holy shit.
And that SSP botch. Holy shit.
Now that the Superbowl is done, we can get down to the real business
Damn, Randy is Jaaaaaacked.
/envy
You're sounding like the mom from the K-mart commercial
CrunchinJelly
formerly cjelly
Natalya jokes Ithil? SMH
Don't shoot the messenger, I'm just passing on the official plan for the show.
CrunchinJelly
formerly cjelly
What's wrong with fart jokes?
Oh really?
Yes, really. It's already working.
Keyser Soze
Member
Vince: MORE!
Vince: NO TOO MUCH, MORE SUBTLE YOU IDIOTS
VINCE!: WHAT IN THE HELL WAS THAT? YOU DID TOO MANY MOVES!
My rewatch was stopped dead in it's tracks at Royal Rumble 2000 after the megaupload takedown =(
I can't help but think Randy Orton.
Man I wish I could find the clip, but there's a Raw from before WrestleMania 13 where Sid has the worst tan ever.
Shadowlink
Member
Think of the possibility that Taker decides to wrestle one last time after this Wrestlemania, and loses against Kane or someone new like Ziggler/Cody Rhodes. Save it for Wrestlemania 30.
mightynine
Member
Orange from fake tan? Probably Miz.
Liquidsnake
Banned
Mr. Luchador
Member
You'd be surprised how much you can find on youtube and dailymotion.
Shadowlink
Member
Triple H doesn't really need the win. I'm not even sure why they're fighting again.
Yeah, I'm not really interested in another match between them. That said, I don't know who I'd like instead.
Punk's new shirt:
In Punk We Trust http://www.wweshop.com/item/cm-punk-in-punk-we-trust-authentic-t-shirt/cmpunk/01-15539
In Punk We Trust http://www.wweshop.com/item/cm-punk-in-punk-we-trust-authentic-t-shirt/cmpunk/01-15539
- Status