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[SolVanderlyn]

Alright, so here's the deal.

I grew up in a house of delicious food. Food was always a central thing. My mom is a terribly unhealthy person and eats fast food all the time, and cooks nothing but the most fattening foods (Macaroni and cheese, pizza, grilled cheese sandwiches with butter in the toast, cinnamon sugar bread, ice cream, if it's unhealthy it probably belongs on this list) so I grew up obese.

Fast forward to high school and I start working out and trying to eat healthy. I do alright, but the poor environment made it hard. I went from obese to overweight.

Fast forward to college and I lost ALL of my excess weight simply by moving out of the house. When I was on my own, I realized how much and how badly I was eating at home. My social life turned around completely and I was finally not embarrassed to go out in public.

Fast forward to grad school, where I had to choose between A) Not going to grad school, staying at my shitty retail job, and living in my own apartment or B) Living at home while attending school. I chose B so that I can have some social mobility. But now, I'm back in that terrible environment. I try to explain to my mother her terrible eating habits, but she doesn't listen. She even acts like I'm accosting her lifestyle. She tries to support my healthy eating ideology, but the fact is everyone else who lives here is eating pizza every other night, and there is all sorts of other terrible shit lying around that makes it really hard to stick to a program. I run five and a half miles six days a week, and I've still gained almost 20 lbs. living here.

I realize it's all about self control, but it's also so easy to fall back into old habits and the way I lived before, especially when everyone else in the house acts like you're an outcast for A) Eating healthy and B) Not approving of their unhealthy lifestyle.

Has anyone else ever dealt with anything like this? In a year I'll have a job and hopefully be able to move out of here, but that's a ways away and I dread having to deal with this for another 365 days or so.

 

[GrizzNKev]

I always lose weight during the school year and gain it back when I'm with my parents in the summer. Same reason as you. My parents never gave a shit about being healthy so now I'm trying to not be fat.

 

[Cuphead]

It'll get easier once you;re buying your own groceries OP.

 

[Turok_TTZ]

you lack resolve. though your environment does you no favors, ultimately you yourself decide what you put in your mouth to consume. unless your family is literally forcing junk down your throat, you need to be more vigilant.

 

[SolVanderlyn]

you lack resolve. though your environment does you no favors, ultimately you yourself decide what you put in your mouth to consume. unless your family is literally forcing junk down your throat, you need to be more vigilant.

Unfortunately, this is ultimately the real answer. I realize that. I actually did ok for the first year of grad school, but as the stakes get higher and stress piles on, it's harder to "fight" your environment. Whereas in college I never had to fight it at all. I suppose I'm just venting - it's really frustrating having all the progress I made be undone.

 

[OpinionatedCyborg]

Cook dinner a couple times a week if you aren't already. Make stuff that's healthy and tastes great. It might encourage your mom (who apparently does most of the cooking) to repeat those recipes in the future.

 

[jasonng]

Im going to echo the others and say buy your own groceries. It's cheaper than eating out every other night.

 

[illmatic24]

Something seems off about running 5 1/2 miles practically every day but still gaining 20 pounds. Are you eating huge portions or something? Even if the food is bad for you, try to limit how much of it you eat. I know that's very difficult though.

Do you have any money saved at all? I'm assuming you aren't working at the moment. But if you do have anything, I would buy a little mini fridge for your room if I were you and just buy your own groceries. You wouldn't have to go crazy with it. Twenty or thirty bucks every now and then can get you a decent amount of stuff, I'm sure.

 

[Slygmous]

I'm suffering from this at work somewhat. My office is nearby a bunch of fast food places, from which one of us ends up choosing lunch every day.
I don't want to be the spoilsport that brings my own lunch...

 

[ElectricKaibutsu]

I certainly empathize, OP. It's human nature to just do what the people around you are doing. And if you're tempted into eating food that tastes good but is bad for you, it's hard to avoid that temptation when it's all around you. I found counting calories helped me. Then it wasn't just some vague notion about eating healthy, it was how much I was specifically allowed to eat each day. It's not the healthiest way to keep weight under control since it doesn't take into account food variety and vitamins and such, but you can eat pizza at least, just a smaller portion than everyone else. Gotta watch the sodium though.

 

[ampere]

That doesn't sound like an easy environment to eat healthy in, but remember that weight gain is pretty much calories in vs calories burned. So even if you are eating crap, if you eat a smaller amount of it you won't necessarily gain weight.

Maybe if you are going to have pizza just make sure you only have one slice? Best of luck, OP.

 

[solomon]

My mom has always cooked healthy foods (Shes from Haiti, so lots of Brown rice, sauteed fish and veggies). The only reason I got big as a kid was the stupid amount of bread and peanut butter I ate. If I were you probably start to make food yourself and maybe try to get your mom involved and see if she likes it.

 

[Persona7]

The only options I can see are for you to move out again or spend your own money on the food you want.

I can easily see why someone would get angry for someone accosting their eating habits and being told how to spend their money even if it is nudging toward a healthier lifestyle.

 

[BocoDragon]

I just went to stay with my parents for six months.

I just cooked my own food and said no to their garbage.

 

[Sketchbag]

I think of it as the Office Lunch Effect: a bunch will go out for lunch but you brought lunch but you really want to go so you spend $10 and eat somewhere with them while that lunch you brought is left for another time.

 

[Lucian Cat]

My parents cook the most flavourless food so I just say no and cook my own stuff half the time. Do that op. Eating healthy isn't that expensive if you buy in bulk.

 

[BladeoftheImmortal]

It's hard to say no to good food. i understand OP. People who say ultimately it's your decision don't understand how hard it is to actually say no. Addiction to food is just as bad as any other addiction.

But no one tells smokers "just don't smoke" with a straight face.

Best of luck to you, and if u wouldn't mind PMing your diet plans I'd like to know. I also have a big problem eating healthy.

 

[mr stroke]

I run five and a half miles six days a week, and I've still gained almost 20 lbs. living here.

.

Try lifting weights.

Might as well take advantage of those extra calories and get huge

 

[freddy]

Yep, I'm glad I lost a hiuge amount of weight when my kids were young and not now. With the crap they bring home and make us buy them, it would be way too hard.

 

[matrix-cat]

The worst thing is when someone leaves delicious unhealthy food all over the place all the time and says "Just don't eat it". Like you just have to make the decision once and you're magically immune to temptation for the rest of your life. I love my Dad to bits, and I didn't want to force him to go without just because I chose to, but he used to be terrible about this. I talked to him about it and he started hiding all his cookies and chocolate bars away, the lovely old feller

 

[Nickle]

If you are primarily worried about gaining weight, then just eat less food. I know that eating junk food may be your only option, but eating fewer calories will help you make the best out of a bad situation (for example, instead of having 5 pieces of pizza, just have 1 or 2).

 

[triplestation]

damn that sounds tough

avoiding mac and cheese takes some next level will power

stuff like that regularly also is not a good idea at all

but use resources like google and youtube to look for recipes to make real food that will nourish you rather than just fill you with fat and excess energy, start with chili IMO

good luck m8

 

[SolVanderlyn]

I can easily see why someone would get angry for someone accosting their eating habits and being told how to spend their money even if it is nudging toward a healthier lifestyle.

I think I'm entitled to disapprove of and look down on their lifestyle, which is all I am doing. After I realized my suggestions were falling on deaf ears, I stopped trying to convince them of anything. So I'm not accosting anyone, thanks.

And I do try to eat my own meals. I do buy my own groceries, too. The problem is temptation and the sense of being the odd one out when I'm off eating meals by myself and the rest of my family is giving me the evil eye for not eating dinner with them. A lot of times I'll just say screw it and have a meal with them because I'm tired of fighting not only them, but also of fighting myself. Then I pay for it later. I also tend to drink once or twice a week and the amount of bad stuff lying around is terrible for drunk me to be in proximity of. That's entirely my own fault, but still an annoying problem.

Thanks for all of the advice, and for everyone with similar problems, good luck.

 

[Persona7]

I think I'm entitled to disapprove of and look down on their lifestyle, which is all I am doing. After I realized my suggestions were falling on deaf ears, I stopped trying to convince them of anything. So I'm not accosting anyone, thanks.

And I do try to eat my own meals. I do buy my own groceries, too. The problem is temptation and the sense of being the odd one out when I'm off eating meals by myself and the rest of my family is giving me the evil eye for not eating dinner with them. A lot of times I'll just say screw it and have a meal with them because I'm tired of fighting not only them, but also of fighting myself. Then I pay for it later. I also tend to drink once or twice a week and the amount of bad stuff lying around is terrible for drunk me to be in proximity of. That's entirely my own fault, but still an annoying problem.

Thanks for all of the advice, and for everyone with similar problems, good luck.

The way you worded your post was that you were making a request or demand.

http://www.thefreedictionary.com/_/dict.aspx?rd=1&word=accosting


anyway, I understand how hard it can be and I would have made a different post if the op had the line about falling on deaf ears and not trying to convince them anymore.

 

[way more]

Your social network has a very high relationship with habits. People who manage to quit alcohol, cigarettes, take up jogging, get into film, etc, always have more success by being around those who behave similarly. This is to acknowledge that it will be more difficult to do around your current network

 

[Cro-Magnon]

I understand the OP completely.

Still, my parents' home cooking situation is not nearly as bad as he described his. I, too, tend to come back to living with them during summer, but, as long as I keep working out regularly, being knowledgeable about my fueling needs is enough to keep my dieting habit on tracks.

@OP: in these situations, you usually can't stress enough how it is a matter of self-discipline. From what I've read, you've managed to become from obese to an adequate runner, so it doesn't seem like you lack willpower.

Also, you could try staying out of the house more often than not. Go to libraries if you have to study, meet people, keep yourself occupied*, and obviously don't stop training.

*Hell, why don't you try do some volunteering, if you can spare the time?


And don't do the error of under-eating, satiation is important, just be very watchful of what you ingest.

 

[Siegcram]

Cook for youself and maybe even for your family. Only good can come of it.

 

[Vigilant Walrus]

Alright, so here's the deal.

I grew up in a house of delicious food. Food was always a central thing. My mom is a terribly unhealthy person and eats fast food all the time, and cooks nothing but the most fattening foods (Macaroni and cheese, pizza, grilled cheese sandwiches with butter in the toast, cinnamon sugar bread, ice cream, if it's unhealthy it probably belongs on this list) so I grew up obese.

Fast forward to high school and I start working out and trying to eat healthy. I do alright, but the poor environment made it hard. I went from obese to overweight.

Fast forward to college and I lost ALL of my excess weight simply by moving out of the house. When I was on my own, I realized how much and how badly I was eating at home. My social life turned around completely and I was finally not embarrassed to go out in public.

Fast forward to grad school, where I had to choose between A) Not going to grad school, staying at my shitty retail job, and living in my own apartment or B) Living at home while attending school. I chose B so that I can have some social mobility. But now, I'm back in that terrible environment. I try to explain to my mother her terrible eating habits, but she doesn't listen. She even acts like I'm accosting her lifestyle. She tries to support my healthy eating ideology, but the fact is everyone else who lives here is eating pizza every other night, and there is all sorts of other terrible shit lying around that makes it really hard to stick to a program. I run five and a half miles six days a week, and I've still gained almost 20 lbs. living here.

I realize it's all about self control, but it's also so easy to fall back into old habits and the way I lived before, especially when everyone else in the house acts like you're an outcast for A) Eating healthy and B) Not approving of their unhealthy lifestyle.

Has anyone else ever dealt with anything like this? In a year I'll have a job and hopefully be able to move out of here, but that's a ways away and I dread having to deal with this for another 365 days or so.

Holy fuck man. I was boiling with anger while reading this post.


First of all - There is no way it is not neglect to let your kids grow up obese. Besides the irreversible damage, changes your genes and your metabolism (people who were overweight as kids always have a much easier time getting it all back than other kids. Both for psychological and physiological reasons).
It's not fair you have had have gone through life like this. It's not my right or place to judge your parents parenting, but I am just talking to you as someone else who went through teenage years as a overweight person. It's terrible.

Secondly, good on you for making this choice. It's soulless and give almost all your money every month to rent. Living home makes sense, allows you to save up and get out of there for good. And good job on your family for taking you in again!


Thirdly, every family has their own dynamics. My own mother is overweight, and when I visit her I too find that it can be difficult to stay off the bad foods, but here is what I have found.

1) My resolve to eat clean and healthy is diminished when my I myself am poorly nuiritionied. Not enough food throughout the day (starving), no stable blood sugar (from eating so clean, the body craves), not enough water (doesnt feel full) , in a poor emotional state (eats for emotional reasons. not hunger).
So the key here is to, make sure that every day you are well fed. Then you look at the pizza they are making and go "fuck nahh. I will be sweating for the next 3 hours just from the calories bomb for that. I will feel bloated, and horrible. I am not even hungry. I'll get some water.


2) Push yourself every day. 2-3 times a day, before heading out your room to eat or leave the house, do as many pushups as you can do. I find that getting the blood pumping strangely strengthens my resolve. You just did 20 push ups. Are you really going to eat some shit that will set you significantly back tomorrow?
Eventually you look at cake and sweet, and dont see that anymore - you just see the effects it will cause. I would probably have to run 10 miles to eat that ben and jerries, which is gone in like 15 minutes. fuck that. life is too short for that.



3) Make things that taste healthy. I buy chicken sausages and roost them with chili powder. even though its chicken, they actually taste like italian sausages. then I just pour eggs over, and make some kind of crazy omelette thing. its crazy healthy, yummy and makes you full. I feel really good. So many good things taste good.
Pickles? Ohhh maaay god, pickles are amazing. There is no way that pickles dont make everything better. Potatoes are not bad, just because you dont put gravy on it.



4) doing that amount of cardio you do 6 times a week combined with gettting 20 pounds (10 kilo?).. it doesnt sound right. it should not be possible. Are you overeating? The amount of calories you are burning should make that impossible.

 

[SolVanderlyn]

Holy fuck man. I was boiling with anger while reading this post.


First of all - There is no way it is not neglect to let your kids grow up obese. Besides the irreversible damage, changes your genes and your metabolism (people who were overweight as kids always have a much easier time getting it all back than other kids. Both for psychological and physiological reasons).
It's not fair you have had have gone through life like this. It's not my right or place to judge your parents parenting, but I am just talking to you as someone else who went through teenage years as a overweight person. It's terrible.

I know, I have some lingering resentment towards my parents for this, especially because they refuse to own up to it. My house was the butt of many jokes in my youth, and some of my friends' parents didn't like their kids coming here because of how poorly we ate. I didn't realize/hear about it until later.

Secondly, good on you for making this choice. It's soulless and give almost all your money every month to rent. Living home makes sense, allows you to save up and get out of there for good. And good job on your family for taking you in again!

Thanks. And yeah, despite having this particular glaring problem, my family is incredibly generous and understanding.

4) doing that amount of cardio you do 6 times a week combined with gettting 20 pounds (10 kilo?).. it doesnt sound right. it should not be possible. Are you overeating? The amount of calories you are burning should make that impossible.

The difference in diet is drastic enough to warrant the weight gain. On my own I ate super healthy - black bean burgers without the bun, no soda, no desserts, go out to eat once a week and even then rarely for something like pizza, oatmeal, multigrain/wheat if I ate bread. I actually went all out, to an extreme, with the health thing. I didn't just lose the weight, I was super in shape. I was running three miles a day back then. I also did some unhealthy things, like skipping meals occasionally. Here, I wasn't exaggerating when I said they eat pizza every other night. And all of my old problems resurface - portion control, desire to eat unhealthy things, etc. And they're instantly reinforced, even if in an unspoken manner, by my family, because they don't see it as something that's a problem to begin with. Like I said, my mom does try to help me with eating healthy, but it just doesn't work when nobody else but me is doing it. Sometimes I'll even have my healthy meal (yogurt and granola, for example) and then take a bit of pizza or grab an oatmeal cookie or something an hour later. I know I don't have to, but the temptation is there.

But yeah, I have actually gained a significant amount of weight even with the increased routine because the problem is that bad. 20 lbs might be a bit of an exaggeration, but none of my old clothes fit anymore and I definitely see and feel a difference. The worst part is getting off the treadmill after spending 60 minutes on it knowing that I haven't only made no progress, but reversed my progress for that day because of what I ate.

Thanks for all of your advice.

 

[Azulsky]

OP,

This sounds like me and my family. I lost about 70lbs in college.I got it back the year between college and finally getting a job when I was living at home. That and more is gone now but its taken an internal renaissance for me to get here.

I think about this phase often and how I fucked it up. My conclusion is that I really never developed any willpower while at school, I was simply removed from the temptation.

For the most part my parents feign wanting to be fit but they dont have the willpower, energy or time to do it. My mother has been chronically ill/obese/diabetic ever since she had my sister 20 years ago and her policy on food for us what give the kids what they want to be happy. I understand the lingering resentment you described perfectly.

You are correct in your understanding that the vast majority of progress for body fat loss stems from the dietary choices and is not compensated easily by exercise. I think the reality is that I cannot live the rest of my life in isolation from other people just to be a health hermit, so the only final solution is to find the willpower. Eating is just too much of a social habit to do otherwise.

As far as what has been successful for me recent is using calorie tracker, which even if you dont follow the calories in --> calories out theory still is accurate on a relative basis. I recommend MyFitnessPal due to the completeness of the food database and the social aspect of it keeps you motivated and you feel accountable.

As far as nutritional selection the best you can do in your situation is portion control. Just try to start eating less.

At some point I came across the iron willpower button that lets me say no to food. When I figure out how ill let you know.
If you jump on MyFitnessPal add me, same username as my GAF name. There is a weight loss thread in OT Community as well with good people on it.

 

[Violet_0]

cook for yourself and cut off the carbs

 

[cacildo]

Set this rule for yourself: eat all your meals alone.

My wife is the kind of person that eats a hamburger at night and the next morning she is somehow thinner. She also loves food. The only way i can lose weight (and stop getting fatter) is with this rule

 

[SolVanderlyn]

OP,

This sounds like me and my family. I lost about 70lbs in college.

My conclusion is that I really never developed any willpower while at school, I was simply removed from the temptation.

For the most part my parents feign wanting to be fit but they dont have the willpower, energy or time to do it.

Yep, this is my situation almost verbatim. Sorry to hear you have to deal with it, too. I never overcame my eating habits, I just wasn't in a situation where I could easily act on them. Constantly being surrounded by peers (most of whom were at least somewhat health conscious) also helped immensely.