• Hey, guest user. Hope you're enjoying NeoGAF! Have you considered registering for an account? Come join us and add your take to the daily discourse.

'Ugly girl': The negative messages we send to our daughters

Status
Not open for further replies.
UPDATE: 13th November BBC will be running a season of programmes about body image from Monday 19 - Wednesday 28th November.

They ran an article on the FIVE photos that sparked body image debates over the years, including the Dove real beauty campaign.

Well worth reading the whole thing, and can't wait to tune in to the program.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-20252921
  1. Dove real beauty ad campaign (2004)
  2. Josh Sundquist (2006)
    _64009748_64009745.jpg
  3. Lizzie Miller NSFW (2009)
    "If you're bigger honestly than a size six [US size six usually converts to a UK size 10] they'll put you on the plus-size board which is really sad," says Miller. "I feel like the fashion industry always goes to that extreme. Models who are size zero and two are actually modelling clothes for women that are actually size six to eight. So I feel like with us, we're size 12-14 but really we're modelling for girls that are 16-20."
  4. Isabelle Caro RIP NSFW (2007; Anti-Anorexia campaign)
    "Most seriously, these images we find so shocking, don't shock someone with an eating disorder. They excite, encourage and motivate them to get as thin, if not thinner than the person depicted."
  5. Demi Moore (1991; the famous 'Demi' pregnant pose)
    Moore's earnings are said to have risen from $350,000 in 1990 to $3 million in 1992 at least in part as a consequence of the photo.

ORIGINAL POST:
http://www.independent.co.uk/voices...essages-we-send-to-our-daughters-8222556.html (The Independent)

Last week, the Everyday Sexism Project received a deeply moving entry from a fifteen-year-old girl.

It might seem shocking to some, but it was just the latest of many hundreds of similar posts we have received from girls in their teens and younger.

She wrote “I’m fifteen and feel like girls my age are under a lot of pressure…I know I am smart, I know I am kind and funny…everybody around me keeps telling me I can be whatever I want to be. I know all this but I just don’t feel that way.”

She continued: “I always feel like if I don’t look a certain way, if boys don’t think I’m ‘sexy’ or ‘hot’ then I've failed and it doesn't even matter if I am a doctor or writer, I'll still feel like nothing...successful women are only considered a success if they are successful AND hot, and I worry constantly that I won't be. What if my boobs don't grow? What if I don't have the perfect body? What if my hips don't widen and give me a little waist? If none of that happens I feel like [sic] there's no point in doing anything because I'll just be the 'fat ugly girl' regardless of whether I do become a doctor or not.”

Her words reveal a keen perception of double standards in a society that tells young women they can have all the same dreams men can, study at any academic institution they wish and aim for any career path they choose, whilst simultaneously inundating them with an onslaught of daily messages that as women they will be judged almost exclusively on the basis of their looks, regardless of success.

She is even aware of this influence, writing: “I wish the people who had real power and control the images and messages we get fed all day actually thought about what they did for once… I know the girls in adverts are airbrushed. I know beauty is on the inside. But I still feel like I'm not good enough.”

But an awareness of the effect these messages can have is not a strong enough defence against them; not for a vulnerable teenage girl in the throes of peer pressure and puberty, nor even for adult women with a keen awareness of the images and messages that manipulate our self-view. She describes the experience of watching her own mother struggle with the same expectations and insecurities:

“I watch my mum tear herself apart everyday because her boobs are sagging and her skin is wrinkling, she feels like she is ugly even though she is amazing.”

Holli Rubin, a representative of Endangered Bodies, says: “this is a problem of epidemic proportions. Over 60% of adults feel ashamed of how they look…when we put ourselves down in front of our children we are modelling a very negative view. This gets passed down to children who internalize it and consequently begin to feel the same way.”

Within minutes of receiving the teenager’s frank account, messages were pouring in from other women, young and old, testifying to the same feelings of pressure and inadequacy regardless of age or achievement.

...

Hundreds of similar Everyday Sexism entries testify that she is far from alone amongst her peers too. One teenager, who explains that she “chooses to wear modest clothes for religious reasons”, even echoes the same words, choosing the pseudonym “Ugly Girl”:

“I've had people call me hideous, mock me for expressing feelings towards the opposite sex, and outright laugh in my face for believing I could somehow be beautiful and value myself on the inside... Just because I am a women [sic] my image is treated as the only thing that should define me and that should matter. This is the concept of sexism that haunts me in everyday life and I despise it.”

A recent report by the All Party Parliamentary Group on Body Image revealed girls as young as five now worry about their weight and appearance and “one in four seven year old girls have tried to lose weight at least once.” It cited research showing that 13% of girls age 10-17 would avoid even giving an opinion because of insecurities about the way they look.

Last year a teenage girl from my senior school committed suicide after a preoccupation with weight and body image prompted her to develop an eating disorder. At the inquest, the coroner referred to the pressure placed on teenagers by images of “wafer thin girls” in magazines. He stated that the fashion industry was “directly responsible for what happened”.

From the advertising industry and its narrow media ideal of female beauty to the normalised objectification of Page 3; from articles that deconstruct the outfits of female politicians to the programs teaching girls how to nip, tuck, change and disguise their bodies; these messages are everywhere, everyday. The pressure on women and young girls to conform to such stereotypes is overwhelming, and until it is tackled, it will continue to undermine attempts to convince young women like this teenager that she really can “be whatever I want to be”.

Wow. My mother does this and it's now transferred to my sister who's very self-conscious about her body image to the point of actual delusion of thinking she's fat even though she has 20 BMI. She's going to be a doctor in a year or so and yet still that won't be enough. Then the rest of the world just feeds that confirmation bias to become an onslaught.

The Dove "real beauty" campaign [AMAZING AD] (started in 2004) was a good push in the right direction. Even though advertising is meant to show perfect images a little reality would be good especially when people are hurting themselves over fake images. It's honestly down to them since they're everywhere.

dove-models-real-beauty.jpg

flawless.jpg

dove51.jpg

01_Dove_CampaignForRealBeauty_by_CeliaPeterson.jpg
 
Dove "fat" model ads are sadly not that much closer to the average woman. Truly fat people are more often than not ugly, and there is unfortunately a lot of fat people out there.
 
But I really like Dove's real beauty campaign. I've heard people complain about it because none of the "big" people in the campaign are actually the typical people when you think of when someone says fat. But we shouldn't be saying obesity is beautiful. Just like we shouldn't be glamorizing being so damn skinny.
 
I agree with her to a point. The flipside to the argument is that if you feel bad about yourself, there's always room to improve. Just know what's overboard.
 

Platy

Member
If the Dove "big girl" is big ... then it means we are fucked

and they like to think this doesn't happen with males at all.

It sure happens ... but it is a COMPLETLY diferent scale.

You can see a considerable amount of "normal" males in media and entertainment ... but it is VERY hard to find a "normal" female in the same places.
 

Atrus

Gold Member
It's a parenting issue first and lastly. Letting people be raised by a society that predicates itself on earning more money any way it can will forever result in an atmosphere that preys on any individuals insecurities.

You are expected to buy happiness and contentment not believe you already have it. Whatever you ban, another avenue of exploitation will be found.
 
It's a parenting issue first and lastly. Letting people be raised by a society that predicates itself on earning more money any way it can will forever result in an atmosphere that preys on any individuals insecurities.

You are expected to buy happiness and contentment not believe you already have it. Whatever you ban, another avenue of exploitation will be found.

Even the best parents can't shield their child from peer pressure and a collective idea that you're never pretty enough.
 
I always feel like if I don’t look a certain way, if boys don’t think I’m ‘sexy’ or ‘hot’ then I've failed and it doesn't even matter if I am a doctor or writer, I'll still feel like nothing...successful women are only considered a success if they are successful AND hot

In a thread about Jill Stein, a doctor and third party candidate for president, the sixth post was about her having yellow teeth and the seventh post was about her looking good for her age.
 
Jesus Christ...

The two issues are intertwined. What we see as "unattainable" thinness in Hollywood wouldn't be something so far out of reach if our Western diets weren't so out of whack.
So I don't come off as a judgmental prick, know that I'm speaking from experience here.

The broader scope of the article (that women are defined by looks rather than their accomplishments) is obviously a pressing concern, but I don't think it is wise or healthy to push plus-sized models as "the new normal". It's a knee-jerk reaction to a more complicated problem, and a death sentence to future generations who will be doomed with heart disease and diabetes.
 
The two issues are intertwined. What we see as "unattainable" thinness in Hollywood wouldn't be something so far out of reach if our Western diets weren't so out of whack.
So I don't come off as a judgmental prick, know that I'm speaking from experience here.

The broader scope of the article (that women are defined by looks rather than their accomplishments) is obviously a pressing concern, but I don't think it is wise or healthy to push plus-sized models as "the new normal". It's a knee-jerk reaction to a more complicated problem, and a death sentence to future generations who will be doomed with heart disease and diabetes.

Okay plus size models are average sized women. Tyra Banks at her healthy weight is plus size.
 

i-Lo

Member
I agree that the whole superficiality of physical beauty has been made far worse by the ubiquitous and pervasive social media. That said, we should not include, 'obesity' as a normal & beautiful because it sends an unhealthy message (save for obesity born of medical reasons).
 

Valnen

Member
The girls in those pictures aren't even fat. They look normal. Anyone who says otherwise should go back to 4chan or something.
 

Atrus

Gold Member
Even the best parents can't shield their child from peer pressure and a collective idea that you're never pretty enough.

"Shielding" is not parenting and parenting is the only recourse in this matter. It is the parent's task to mature and harden their children in ways that drive them to dominate existence.
 
The girls in those pictures aren't even fat. They look normal. Anyone who says otherwise should go back to 4chan or something.

That's a good thing. We want to promote the idea that it's okay to be chunky and not anything that much bigger than that. We don't want to promote the idea that it's okay to be overweight and/or obese.
 
In a thread about Jill Stein, a doctor and third party candidate for president, the sixth post was about her having yellow teeth and the seventh post was about her looking good for her age.

Kind of sad isn't it. In my case, I don't like the way my teeth look though I drink lots of Snapple tea and that's my own fault. I like tea.
 

ChuyMasta

Member
It kinda works:

Last week, the Everyday Sexism Project received a deeply moving entry from a fifteen-year-old boy.

It might seem shocking to some, but it was just the latest of many hundreds of similar posts we have received from boys in their teens and younger.

He wrote “I’m fifteen and feel like boys my age are under a lot of pressure…I know I am smart, I know I am kind and funny…everybody around me keeps telling me I can be whatever I want to be. I know all this but I just don’t feel that way.”

He continued: “I always feel like if I don’t look a certain way, if girls don’t think I’m ‘sexy’ or ‘hot’ then I've failed and it doesn't even matter if I am a doctor or writer, I'll still feel like nothing...successful men are only considered a success if they are successful AND hot, and I worry constantly that I won't be. What if my triceps don’t grow? What if I don't have the perfect body? What if my muscles don't widen and give me a little upper body? If none of that happens I feel like [sic] there's no point in doing anything because I'll just be the 'fat ugly guyl' regardless of whether I do become a doctor or not.”

His words reveal a keen perception of double standards in a society that tells young men they can have all the same dreams women can, study at any academic institution they wish and aim for any career path they choose, whilst simultaneously inundating them with an onslaught of daily messages that as men they will be judged almost exclusively on the basis of their looks, regardless of success.

He is even aware of this influence, writing: “I wish the people who had real power and control the images and messages we get fed all day actually thought about what they did for once… I know the boys in adverts are airbrushed. I know beauty is on the inside. But I still feel like I'm not good enough.”

But an awareness of the effect these messages can have is not a strong enough defence against them; not for a vulnerable teenage boy in the throes of peer pressure and puberty, nor even for adult men with a keen awareness of the images and messages that manipulate our self-view. He describes the experience of watching his own father struggle with the same expectations and insecurities:

“I watch my dad tear himself apart everyday because his boobs are growing and his belly is bulging, he feels like he is ugly even though he is amazing.”

Holli Rubin, a representative of Endangered Bodies, says: “this is a problem of epidemic proportions. Over 60% of adults feel ashamed of how they look…when we put ourselves down in front of our children we are modelling a very negative view. This gets passed down to children who internalize it and consequently begin to feel the same way.”

Within minutes of receiving the teenager’s frank account, messages were pouring in from other men, young and old, testifying to the same feelings of pressure and inadequacy regardless of age or achievement.

...

Hundreds of similar Everyday Sexism entries testify that he is far from alone amongst his peers too. One teenager, who explains that he “chooses to wear modest clothes for religious reasons”, even echoes the same words, choosing the pseudonym “Ugly guy”:

“I've had people call me hideous, mock me for expressing feelings towards the opposite sex, and outright laugh in my face for believing I could somehow be beautiful and value myself on the inside... Just because I am a man [sic] my image is treated as the only thing that should define me and that should matter. This is the concept of sexism that haunts me in everyday life and I despise it.”

A recent report by the All Party Parliamentary Group on Body Image revealed boys as young as five now worry about their weight and appearance and “one in four seven year old boys have tried to lose weight at least once.” It cited research showing that 13% of boys age 10-17 would avoid even giving an opinion because of insecurities about the way they look.

Last year a teenage boy from my senior school committed suicide after a preoccupation with weight and body image prompted him to develop an eating disorder. At the inquest, the coroner referred to the pressure placed on teenagers by images of “wafer thin boys” in magazines. He stated that the fashion industry was “directly responsible for what happened”.

From the advertising industry and its narrow media ideal of male beauty to the normalised objectification of Page 3; from articles that deconstruct the outfits of male politicians to the programs teaching boys how to nip, tuck, change and disguise their bodies; these messages are everywhere, everyday. The pressure on men and young boys to conform to such stereotypes is overwhelming, and until it is tackled, it will continue to undermine attempts to convince young men like this teenager that he really can “be whatever I want to be”.
 
"Shielding" is not parenting and parenting is the only recourse in this matter. It is the parent's task to mature and harden their children in ways that drive them to dominate existence.

You're overestimating the power of parents to make sure their kids don't fall into these traps. I had pretty good parents when it comes to this but the idea that you're failing in the looks department is very pervasive. We are constantly bombarded with it. Even if you manage to evade it at home and from the media, you have classmates and you'll see firsthand how many perks other girls (or boys) retain being more primped and pretty.
 

joe2187

Banned
I would all of them

dove-models-real-beauty.jpg


except the blonde one on the right, the pale one that looks like she's fusing with the background
 

Lissar

Reluctant Member
Okay plus size models are average sized women. Tyra Banks at her healthy weight is plus size.

Yep, much like regular models don't represent average size women, plus size models don't represent the plus size market.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Plus-size_model

"While the reputed 'average' dress size of an American women is size 14, the majority of models represented as plus size are between a US size 6-12; therefore the models do not reflect the average consumer size."

http://abcnews.go.com/blogs/headlin...ia-for-anorexia-size-6-is-plus-size-magazine/

Sizes vary, but a size 6 is usually around a 26" waist.
 

WanderingWind

Mecklemore Is My Favorite Wrapper
With boys, it's more commonly "tough" enough, "athletic" or "strong." But, yeah, it doesn't really matter - teen years are rough on everybody.
 
Yep, much like regular models don't represent average size women, plus size models don't represent the plus size market.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Plus-size_model

"While the reputed 'average' dress size of an American women is size 14, the majority of models represented as plus size are between a US size 6-12; therefore the models do not reflect the average consumer size."

http://abcnews.go.com/blogs/headlin...ia-for-anorexia-size-6-is-plus-size-magazine/

Sizes vary, but a size 6 is usually around a 26" waist.

Yeah I forgot plus size isn't even average. I meant over plus size.
 

Rorschach

Member
If you're ugly, you need to face facts and deal with it. Not everyone is gorgeous and it's ok.





Hard living in LA as an uggo, though!
 
Nah, it will just be illegal to be an asshole.

Do you realize how many fantastic people have greatly contributed to the human race because people were assholes to them. Some people perserve, some people don't. Survival of the fittest is a natural law. How arrogant to suggest otherwise.
 
This is the kind of bullshit that we should be fighting against. Natural beauty and fitness being distorted by fake lighting and photoshop into levels of perfection that are truly unattainable.

And I didn't know those stats about plus sized models, thanks for the info. I was more talking about the "big is beautiful" campaigns you occasionally see around.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top Bottom