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Virgin- Gaf: What is holding you back?

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GrizzNKev said:
Oh shit. Plywood, you have the personality and confidence here on GAF that would indicate to me that you're successful in social environments. I honestly find this surprising.

Meant as a compliment. I've had a girlfriend for almost 3 years (I'm 20) and I see myself as much less of a person than you. Go get some.
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I have a very big fear of rejection, I worry over first impressions and and possible consequences of long term impressions. If I feel I can trust someone personally in real life then I am a near reflection of this "persona", at least in varying degrees. Otherwise I am very stiff, rigid, stoic even.
Darklord said:
22 is nothing. People freak out a lot when they hit their 20's but some lose it at 14, some lose it as 29. It's not something that one day you wake up and your dicks gone. You'll lose it.

I've had a lot of bad luck. 3 times I had a chance to have sex and something has messed it up. The several girls I've dated were not as good as I suspected and things didn't go further. The one girl who I would 100% get to have sex with is in the other side of the world, of course...
There's nothing wrong with me, it's just I've had shit luck getting to that point, and I'm also a guy who prefers hanging with friends watching movies or going to gigs rather than prowling shitty nightclubs for a lay. I just...don't meet that many women! Single ones anyway.
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22 can feel like a very large number when speaking about it amongst people you know with in person. It's something which you can be feel shame about. Now I don't know if it is "shit luck" or if I just can't connect with people the way I should. I am a homebody though I am comfortable with going out and doing things. Another issue is that I am not a drinker(due to personal reasons I will not state), not even socially and I understand this can be a very troubling barrier, especially considering most young adults drink.
Warm Machine said:
Do you have a black and white pic of your abs in your profile with a headline that says how much you love cougars? Because if you did your virginity wouldn't stand a chance. I

If I was 22, lean, and single I'd be doing my best to get casual dates all the time from a wide range of women. At that point with a life asset like that fuck any sort of implied societal pride and just do what makes you physically happy.
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No I don't, I don't really take pictures of myself often. I also haven't really used any dating site for some months now however.
 
To people encouraging others to drink just because... it doesn't work that way. I don't get a courage boost by drinking. Only thing that happens to me is my head hurts and react slower. I'm still fully aware and logical after I'm drunk.
 
jon bones said:
not sure how good your reading comprehension is, but no one is advocating being an alcoholic
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I wasn't being serious, I'd be lost if I needed alcohol to function in social situations because of my little resistance to it, so it's a bit harder from me to socialize.

TL;DR - I'd suck as a social drinker, I can't handle more than a few pints of alcohol and then I'm looking for anything resembling a pillow.
 
jon bones said:
because the pros outweigh the cons. it's expensive, and i get the worst hangovers but it's delicious and it is far and away the greatest social lubricant invented by man. there's a reason humanity has been drinking for most of recorded history, even if you can't see it.



drinking definitely helps people connect, it's pretty much fact. people have more sex if they drink.

you should give it a shot - if only to expand your life experiences. you may have to give up the high horse of "noncomformity" but boy howdy is it worth it
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Your examples are not too convincing to me, I'm afraid. Just because it's been done for a long period of time doesn't necessarily make it "acceptable" or "right". People can connect on other things beyond drinks, beyond drugs, beyond video games, beyond films, beyond lots of things. These things can help create connected situations for some, but that's the universe: there is something that connects one another fucking everywhere. And for me, I get a sense of connection with people in terms of emotion, in terms of clear ideas on things. I don't need a drink to find this, just an easy conversation.

The only pro to your argument that I can see the most validity in is it can bring ease to people in many ways, particularly relaxing their personalities. But that's something you can easily condition yourself into with no drinks if you take a deep breath and assess yourself.
 
Karl2177 said:
Not everything is logic, Spock.
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00b2bd0b_Kirkthumbs.jpeg


Foffy said:
Your examples are not too convincing to me, I'm afraid. Just because it's been done for a long period of time doesn't necessarily make it "acceptable" or "right". People can connect on other things beyond drinks, beyond drugs, beyond video games, beyond films, beyond lots of things. These things can help create connected situations for some, but that's the universe: there is something that connects one another fucking everywhere. And for me, I get a sense of connection with people in terms of emotion, in terms of clear ideas on things. I don't need a drink to find this, just an easy conversation.

The only pro to your argument that I can see the most validity in is it can bring ease to people in many ways, particularly relaxing their personalities. But that's something you can easily condition yourself into with no drinks if you take a deep breath and assess yourself.
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you talk about drinking and connecting intimately with people as though you've experience either
 
jon bones said:
that must be it - surely it isn't that you're voluntarily missing out on a huge part of the human experience
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Yeah, well, i sure as hell haven't ever met anyone (online or not) who'd understand why i don't drink even after explaining.

Let's put it other way, why should i drink?
I've been offered some reasons before but they're very weak IMO, or something i really don't need.
-Social lubricant. Right. Perhaps. After icebreaking i can talk no problem, as for icebreaking itself, i'm rarely interested in starting a conversation. Can do it, but really don't care to, usually.
-Health benefits. Outweighted by risks.
-Experience. This one i've never understood, i'm not one interested in experiencing things for the things itself.
 
Woorloog said:
Yeah, well, i sure as hell haven't ever met anyone (online or not) who'd understand why i don't drink even after explaining.

Let's put it other way, why should i drink?
I've been offered some reasons before but they're very weak IMO, or something i really don't need.
-Social lubricant. Right. Perhaps. After icebreaking i can talk no problem, as for icebreaking itself, i'm rarely interested in starting a conversation. Can do it, but really don't care to, usually.
-Health benefits. Outweighted by risks.
-Experience. This one i've never understood, i'm not one interested in experiencing things for the things itself.
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While I'm not an advocate for drinking, I will say that drinking a little bit isn't going to hurt you. Drink in moderation. Like I said, I'm still awake and logical when I'm drunk, so there's no point in drinking too much for me. A little bit during social events aren't going to kill you. The health benefits are still there if you drink a little.
 
I lost my virginity at 25, here's what was holding me back:

Untreated anxiety and depression
Weight
A complete lack of self-worth

To fix those I lost 70 pounds, got on an SSRI, and started going to school again.

For an English paper I had to write about a new experience, so I decided to start an online dating profile, which eventually lead to my first girlfriend.

Edit: I don't drink... Didn't realize there was a debate. I also didn't realize people gave a shit if people didn't drink...
 
Let me chime in as an Alchy.

"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day." - Frank Sinatra

Yes I'm not being serious.
 
How bad is it to be a virgin in your twenties?
OP makes it sound like that being a 20 year old virgin is some sort of rare thing.

What the fuck is this guys? Should I just become a monk? Always wanted to see Burma.

Graffgor said:
I lost my virginity at 25, here's what was holding me back:

Untreated anxiety and depression
Weight
A complete lack of self-worth

To fix those I lost 70 pounds, got on an SSRI, and started going to school again.

For an English paper I had to write about a new experience, so I decided to start an online dating profile, which eventually lead to my first girlfriend.
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Well I'm a few years younger than 25 and yes the Anxiety and MDD is not untreated 100% in my case, but is certainly holding me back. I'm really thinking about checking out the online dating scene after your post.
 
Plywood said:
22 can feel like a very large number when speaking about it amongst people you know with in person. It's something which you can be feel shame about. Now I don't know if it is "shit luck" or if I just can't connect with people the way I should. I am a homebody though I am comfortable with going out and doing things. Another issue is that I am not a drinker(due to personal reasons I will not state), not even socially and I understand this can be a very troubling barrier, especially considering most young adults drink.
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I know. It can be embarrassing and annoying when others know but I know at least 6 guys who are/were 22 or older virgins. It's not some uncommon travesty.

I have a very big fear of rejection, I worry over first impressions and and possible consequences of long term impressions. If I feel I can trust someone personally in real life then I am a near reflection of this "persona", at least in varying degrees. Otherwise I am very stiff, rigid, stoic even.
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I think the best way to get over this is the hardest way. Get rejected. Literally go into a bar or a club, anywhere. Find the hottest girl and intend to bomb. Don't even worry about getting her, just go up and say hi. Got nothing else to say? Oh well! Sure you'll look silly, for a moment, to a person you don't know and will never see again. So who cares? Get rejected. The first time you might think "OH GOD!" but then after a couple more you'll think "Hey, at least I tried". Once I tried all night getting this smoking hot Asian girl, at the end of the night I asked if she wanted to go back to my hotel with me to "have another drink". She didn't. And when I went in for the kiss goodnight, I got the cheek. It sucks I didn't get to be with her but I tried and there was nothing I'd have done differently. And if there was? I'd learn from that and try to avoid it. A good experience or a bad experience is always a good lesson.
 
youngwerther said:
The more I think about it the more it puzzles me.

I don't really suffer from the stereotypical problems that seem to plague virgins.

I have a good self-image, I'm confident, I like myself, I'm reasonably attractive, I'm financially independent, I'm emotionally stable, I'm not socially retarded, and I would consider myself a well-rounded person. In fact throughout my life there have been around 15 girls that I personally know of who found me attractive and romantically interesting. Right now there are several that I know. Nothing is wrong with them but nothing is going to come of it at the same time. I just don't really care.

I really don't know what it is.
I'm not gay, and I'm not asexual either, so it isn't that.

I would have sex if it just happened, but I don't think I've ever thought about working for it or actually trying to make it happen.
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Holy shit. Are you me?
 
Cow Mengde said:
The lower inhibition thing doesn't work for everyone. It's not a magical cure, but I'm not against drinking either.
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Yeah, it works for some but for others is a "demon unlock" feature. I have seen shy, anti-social people turn into chipmunks in crack that end up doing shit they terribly regret.

I mean, one can still try but go easy at it. :P
 
Cow Mengde said:
To people encouraging others to drink just because... it doesn't work that way. I don't get a courage boost by drinking. Only thing that happens to me is my head hurts and react slower. I'm still fully aware and logical after I'm drunk.
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Do you think I'm not aware and I just become some kind of social butterfly with some drunkening elixir inside of me? Oh lord no.

Just because you are aware, doesn't mean that everyone else knows you are. Take advantage of that, and trust me it builds confidence after a while.
 
Do you guys really want to hear my story? Its like getting lost down a rabbit hole but here goes. I once green texted this on a popular image board and people were pretty understanding.

So basically, I'm white and the typical super average looking type of white guy. I live in and was born/raised in a lower economic, semi-ghetto neighborhood of a very ghetto city. My parents were barely middle class. Now, many of the white people went to catholic schools but my parents could not afford them. I went to the public schools despite the horrible reputations. Now I'm telling you that I was basically the only white kid. The entire school district is only 13% white. So naturally, I didn't hit it off so well with the girls in my high school being that most of them were not only extremely ghetto but many had kids already. A black girl once said she liked me but then I found out she had a 2 year old so NOPENOPENOPE.

Basically, I had a couple friends, my best friend being a Punjabi Indian. But I have no experience with girls and now that I'm in college uhhh...I don't know what to do despite feeling like some of the girls are, at least, glancing at me.
 
I don't know why I can't attract females in general. I'm constantly told by various females that I'm outgoing, so being introverted isn't the problem. I've been told by my guy friends who observe my flirtations at the club that I need to not talk so much. But, if I just act chill in the club/bar without initiating the conversation with females, I don't ever get approached. It's lose/lose for me. For those of you who just need to come out of your introverted shell, consider yourselves fortunate. I've tried both approaches and still lose, lol
 
Karl2177 said:
Do you think I'm not aware and I just become some kind of social butterfly with some drunkening elixir inside of me? Oh lord no.

Just because you are aware, doesn't mean that everyone else knows you are. Take advantage of that, and trust me it builds confidence after a while.
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You forget the parts where I don't feel too good. When I have a headache and vomiting, kinda hard to hide that. Even with just a headache, I'd be less amusing to talk to.
 
jon bones said:
because the pros outweigh the cons. it's expensive, and i get the worst hangovers but it's delicious and it is far and away the greatest social lubricant invented by man. there's a reason humanity has been drinking for most of recorded history, even if you can't see it.



drinking definitely helps people connect, it's pretty much fact. people have more sex if they drink.

you should give it a shot - if only to expand your life experiences. you may have to give up the high horse of "noncomformity" but boy howdy is it worth it
Click to expand...

So I guess people that can't drink for medical reasons are losers and will never get laid.
 
Devolution said:
Drinking is a great way to purposefully lower your inhibitions, open up and relax.
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I never said it wasn't. But for me, I do other things to open up and relax. Introspective thinking and meditation help. If you cleanse the mind, you can easily be at ease. As such, drinking doesn't really captivate me, and I have in fact drank before. Not getting shitfaced drunk, but I have had alcohol before. If you do it, more power to you, dude. It's just not a vice I like for myself.

jon bones said:
you talk about drinking and connecting intimately with people as though you've experience either
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Maybe not to your level, but I have experienced both. Not at the same time, which is what I hope is the crux of your claim. Because if it's not, then we really don't have the basis to continue any sort of discussion, as it becomes a case of judgment. If you're going to judge me, then it's none of my business. The same applies if I make judgments about you as a person, which I hope I've not come off as making about you. I was talking more of the themes of drinking, not what I think about you drinking.
 
A combination of not wanting sex without love, and nobody loving me.

So I've essentially been backed into a corner... And in this corner I masturbate a lot.
 
Darklord said:
I think the best way to get over this is the hardest way. Get rejected. Literally go into a bar or a club, anywhere. Find the hottest girl and intend to bomb. Don't even worry about getting her, just go up and say hi. Got nothing else to say? Oh well! Sure you'll look silly, for a moment, to a person you don't know and will never see again. So who cares? Get rejected. The first time you might think "OH GOD!" but then after a couple more you'll think "Hey, at least I tried". Once I tried all night getting this smoking hot Asian girl, at the end of the night I asked if she wanted to go back to my hotel with me to "have another drink". She didn't. And when I went in for the kiss goodnight, I got the cheek. It sucks I didn't get to be with her but I tried and there was nothing I'd have done differently. And if there was? I'd learn from that and try to avoid it. A good experience or a bad experience is always a good lesson.
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I've heard of this before, rejection therapy. I've been meaning to try it but I haven't gotten around. Your post is definitely an indicator that I should get to it.
 
Cow Mengde said:
While I'm not an advocate for drinking, I will say that drinking a little bit isn't going to hurt you. Drink in moderation. Like I said, I'm still awake and logical when I'm drunk, so there's no point in drinking too much for me. A little bit during social events aren't going to kill you. The health benefits are still there if you drink a little.
Click to expand...

Why? Why would i need/want to drink at all in the first place? (Other than the society's damnable "because we do it" attitude, which i don't care for nor listen to)

Yeah, i need a reason. Good one. As i said, i'm not one for the experiences themselves so...
Don't ask why i'm like this, it is just what i am.
 
Foffy said:
I never said it wasn't. But for me, I do other things to open up and relax. Introspective thinking and meditation help. If you cleanse the mind, you can easily be at ease. As such, drinking doesn't really captivate me, and I have in fact drank before. Not getting shitfaced drunk, but I have had alcohol before. If you do it, more power to you, dude. It's just not a vice I like for myself.
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But here's the thing, a couple of you sound generally uptight, and this definitely won't help in your endeavors.
 
Sex is pretty much the most overrated thing in existance. Yeah, I would rather do that then say pull hairs from my taint but still.
 
Devolution said:
I was kind of like that at one point. Why do I need this? Why would I do that? It just reflects a kind of hostile attitude that won't help you make friends or lovers.
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yep i was too. i didn't start drinking until i was 20. i never had TOO MANY problems with girls but I realized that I was in social positions that introduced me to more women and, as a result, i started getting luckier than i used to.

because of how my dad was growing up. he always told me to never drink, was sorta of against the notion of me socializing in large groups, etc. he's divorced with no social life whatsoever, just watches TV, surfs the web, or plays video games on his lonesome. his idea of going out is a trip to the mall. i can say that relaxing on the aversion to booze has dramatically improved my social life. i have friends that aren't particularly good looking or even charming normally that are able to spit far better game when they've good a little liquored up.
 
Woorloog said:
Why? Why would i need/want to drink at all in the first place? (Other than the society's damnable "because we do it" attitude, which i don't care for nor listen to)

Yeah, i need a reason. Good one. As i said, i'm not one for the experiences themselves so...
Don't ask why i'm like this, it is just what i am.
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In moderation, it has health benefits. Again, IN MODERATION.
 
andymcc said:
yep i was too. i didn't start drinking until i was 20. i never had TOO MANY problems with girls but I realized that I was in social positions that introduced me to more women and, as a result, i started getting luckier than i used to.

because of how my dad was growing up. he always told me to never drink, was sorta of against the notion of me socializing in large groups, etc. he's divorced with no social life whatsoever, just watches TV, surfs the web, or plays video games on his lonesome. his idea of going out is a trip to the mall. i can say that relaxing on the aversion to booze has dramatically improved my social life. i have friends that aren't particularly good looking or even charming normally that are able to spit far better game when they've good a little liquored up.
Click to expand...

It also makes for pretty good start up conversations with just about anyone. The bartender, a friend, what do you recommend here? What's your drink of choice? It's one of those things where enough people do it and it can be used as a pretty good icebreaker since it's not niche.
 
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