equippedwithtowel
Member
Get used to talking to women when not having an endgame.
That and put yourself out there, say yes more then no and make yourself appear open and interesting to be around.
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Virgin- Gaf: What is holding you back?
- Thread starter FreeMufasa
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Get used to talking to women when not having an endgame.
That and put yourself out there, say yes more then no and make yourself appear open and interesting to be around.
Devolution
Member
Here's the thing, make some gal pals, be someone that people generally want to hang around, make them laugh or be interesting. At some point some girl will think, hey I want to hang around him more, and she will.
Haha! I had a call earlier from a guy I was talking to on a dating site. Got into past relationships, etc, which brought up ~the question~. And he ended up calling me to tell me "that's so fucking awesome girl, whatever, get down with your bad self!"
Lol.
May be fun to talk to, or it may just get weird. Whatever! It's all in good fun.
Lol.
May be fun to talk to, or it may just get weird. Whatever! It's all in good fun.
ClassyPenguin
Banned
Best advice: Talk to girls as you would a guy. They're really no different. You can get a feel for the person they are withing a few minutes or so. "Don't confuse nice with she's into me." lots of guys fall into that then become bitter friendzone or MRA's.
I know this sounds stupid but I actually had to teach myself. I never became bitter misogynistic Nice Guy with fedora but I only realized this maybe like 3 years ago. I still have to remind myself that girls, or hell, everyone else, is a person and you shouldn't either put them on a pedestal or expect sex/whatever else in return because you started talking to them.
I have friend who I get along with really well (I asked her out once, she said no, I didn't get too choked up over it). Sadly we don't hang out much because she (or I) live way across town from one another and she always is busy, so most of the time we just text or FB chat about GoT or whatever else. Sounds like I need to find more gal pals?
Whitebison
Member
Do you have a group of friends to hang out?
I was in a similar situation when I was 21, I'm not proud to say that...buth the answer to me was drinking alcohol.
I've been always very shy,self-controlled etc.. but after 3 or 4 long drinks I was chatting with girls at parties,making jokes and all that stuff.
If you do that 4 or 5 times you will get a lot of confidence with girls,I met my girlfriend on one of those nights and we've been together for 5 years and counting!
ClassyPenguin
Banned
The worst thing is to make it a complex. Sure, they will laugh or giggle or tease, but if they're into you it's not like it is an ultimatum.
I understand how it is for people with social anxiety, depression or other illnesses, but the reality is if you meet some one who is understanding, they really won't care.
That's the spirit!
I understand how it is for people with social anxiety, depression or other illnesses, but the reality is if you meet some one who is understanding, they really won't care.
Haha! I had a call earlier from a guy I was talking to on a dating site. Got into past relationships, etc, which brought up ~the question~. And he ended up calling me to tell me "that's so fucking awesome girl, whatever, get down with your bad self!"
Lol.
May be fun to talk to, or it may just get weird. Whatever! It's all in good fun.
That's the spirit!
mullet2000
Member
It seems so obvious, but so many people just utterly fail at doing this.
Seriously people, if you're having some troubles clicking with women in general, just think for a few minutes about whether you're doing this or not.
I'm gonna be a positive ray of ~sunshine~. Just don't have to rush into anything
Devolution
Member
Yes. Even if those gal pals aren't that into you they expand your exposure to girls.
Solid advice.
The main thing that I would tell people who can't seem to start a relationship / get laid: focus on building a circle of female friends. It's a lot easier than trying to find a date, you will learn how to talk to girls, you'll find out what girls want, other girls will become more receptive to you when you go out together as a group, and if you're nice to these friends, they will try to set you up with someone they know.
triplestation
Member
Where are all the gal pals
???????
???????
I think I just need more friends, or hell acquaintances period. I still have < 100 friends on facebook if that's any indication of how few people I get to even know for a few minutes.
Again, along with that gal pal, I have maybe two friends but they also live across town (and they are HS friends, didn't make any in uni that stuck), and any other friends I only know from the internet. I'm really tempted to start looking at buying a car so I don't have to borrow one. I really don't mind putting in the effort to hang out even if I have to do most of the heavy lifting. My thought here is if they agree I mean, that's a victory already right?
Vermillion
Banned
*assuming that most of their friends aren't guys
Devolution
Member
lmao
Commander Jameson
Member
I don't think I've got any gal pals. Do you need to be not attracted to them?
Devolution
Member
No, just treat them like people and think with something other than your dick.
Vermillion
Banned
I mean obviously you have them, but I presumed you meant exposure to their female friends, as you've expressed that sentiment in the past.
Don't socialize enough and always in a bad mood, never want to open up to people. I practically come here everyday after work instead of hanging out with people. Could have made friends with the people at the local community college who I take art classes with, but I'm not interested in anything serious. Just flings.
If this reads very immature, then it probably is.
If this reads very immature, then it probably is.
For my sole ... gal pal, I think attraction isn't the issue. If you get along there is clearly some chemistry but you have to get over the fact nothing romantic is going to come out of it and just enjoy each other's friendship. At least, I think so.
Devolution
Member
How many women do you think only have male friends. Have parties only for it to be a sausage fest and have no female co-workers, friends of friends or classmates?
That Dude John
Member
This still an issue for me.
Vermillion
Banned
Not only - I rarely find a person who has only friends of one gender. But I know a good bit of women who mostly have guy friends.
RadioHeadAche
Member
Mostly fear due to being very self-conscious. Also I always seem to find myself attracted to straight guys.
I suck at social anything. Like, really suck. Most women I meet usually end up seeing me as their brother or weak or something. I have very little self confidence (no job, little life experience, I hate how I look, I hate my voice even). I have no idea how to dating game works. I don't even know where one goes to meet women, and all the women I know are already in committed relationships.
So...yeah. People always tell me how great and nice I am, but I'm still alone most of the time. Guess I'm just not someone people want to be around.
So...yeah. People always tell me how great and nice I am, but I'm still alone most of the time. Guess I'm just not someone people want to be around.
B-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-oh, hi Devo. Hhhhhhhhhhhhhhow's the weather, hahaha ha ha. You have nice byes. Eyes. Bright eyes. Oh fuck. That's not what I meant. DON'T JUDGE ME! YOU WHORE! SCREW YOU! AWAWAAAAAAAAAAAAAA *sobs and runs away and opens up /r/mensrights*
ClassyPenguin
Banned
A lot of girls have guy friends because they don't like a lot of the girl-drama. Just because you're friends with a girl does not entitle you to her pussy.
Happily married now but boy, did I take my time.. ( twenty-something before getting in on the action)
What held me back was a lack of female interest in me (there probably was, must have been blind to it) and me being socially inept around women.
I was also a bit of a loner who felt quite happy staying in my room watching TV and playing games, never had much urge to go outside and mingle.
That all changed though.. once I got older and saw my friends all getting gfs/wifes/families it suddenly hit me hard I was wasting my life.
What held me back was a lack of female interest in me (there probably was, must have been blind to it) and me being socially inept around women.
I was also a bit of a loner who felt quite happy staying in my room watching TV and playing games, never had much urge to go outside and mingle.
That all changed though.. once I got older and saw my friends all getting gfs/wifes/families it suddenly hit me hard I was wasting my life.
Vermillion
Banned
Indeed.
Some just end up with guy friends without actively wishing it, though. This one friend of mine had to consciously choose to make female friends - seems to have gone well for her.
Yeah. Learning to just have fun and be yourself around somebody is the best way to figure out if you're right for somebody I think. It's easy to be attracted to a lot of people.. if you can just relax and get to know somebody you can find out that they aren't for you AT ALL, as a friend or otherwise. Or you can find out that they're super up your alley. Or they're just super fun to be around and hang out with, because they're cool and funny and a good ol' time... But not your type, because of whatever.
That's reaaaally hard for some people though. And it's really easy to say. Personality types, personality disorders, anxieties, and other good/bad experiences go a long way to make that more challenging for some than others. It's really hard for me to give advice to somebody like that -- I think they have an uphill battle that involves a lot of personal reflection and a willingness to disrupt some kind of normality, which is difficult. I dunno.
Same here, I wear a Sailor Moon t-shirt and even went to my High School Prom as Tuxedo Mask, and I actually got a lot of people interested in the series.
But after HS you obviously lose that "reputation" you once had because everyone goes on their own different ways. Maybe its just my campus, but I found people not too give a fuck what other person were interested in. Like I see people playing YGO with each other and I know for sure these guys aren't virgins.
Story of my life.
As much as i put unto social situations its all for naught as of late.
ClassyPenguin
Banned
Get some psychological help. Even something like CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) has been empirically known to work in such cases. The thing you got to realize is that it is not a weakness, rather than a fact. That's how you're brain works.
Vermillion
Banned
Suggestion: Start doing something. Anything. A club will bring you into contact with more people. Go look for a job - it'll do the same, knock out something on your list. Etc.
And practice talking to random people. It's done me well, personally.
ClassyPenguin
Banned
This. No matter what your interests are if you're sociable, you get attention.
You can be into the most boring accounting practice and still come out like a charmer with practice. Just make sure you don't account a singular failure as a whole. Take rejections nd build on it. It's hard and it might be a long process but it will be worth it.
Also, girls are used to guys being nice to them, so nice is nothing new.
I did literally all of that while I was in college. Looking for a job now.
Still alone most of the time. If I don't put in the effort to talk to others, I don't exist. Not even to my friends. I'm just tired of being the one who has to do all the work to even maintain a fucking friendship; never mind dating or sex or any of that. Just the simple act of having someone be like "Hey. You're cool to be around. Let's go do something."
Literally every piece of advice that's been offered in these types of threads are things I have done. All of them. I've taken the nice advice. I've taken the tough love that advice-Gaf prides itself on. Every single thing I've tried to the absolute best of my ability. And I'm still here, wondering if any of it ever amounted to me "being someone."
I suck at sustaining relationships. No money, have sick immediate family members who are only getting worse and just bring my spirits down, parents are not in the greatest place financially either, and I have trouble getting over exes.
Like, lots of trouble. When I'm with a chick I think she's the greatest woman in the world and then when the relationship disintegrates I cannot shake the regret. Currently still in regret mode after a breakup a year ago. Last time it was a year and a half until this last girl basically made the move first on me (which is weird, but also is a display of my confidence).
Also I'm not very outgoing. I go to school and meet girls there and that's really it. Never can think of places to take girls on dates when something does pop up.
Like, lots of trouble. When I'm with a chick I think she's the greatest woman in the world and then when the relationship disintegrates I cannot shake the regret. Currently still in regret mode after a breakup a year ago. Last time it was a year and a half until this last girl basically made the move first on me (which is weird, but also is a display of my confidence).
Also I'm not very outgoing. I go to school and meet girls there and that's really it. Never can think of places to take girls on dates when something does pop up.
ThisWreckage
Banned
I often intimidate women, but that's not something I really dwell on. My personality is my personality. Most of social interaction is wearing a different hat based on who you come into contact with. With practice you can get whatever you want. I often get bored with that, however. I got to the point where I got sick of having to calculate a persona and I haven't look back since.
Vermillion
Banned
Oh, I know that feeling - the whole "maintaining" thing. Sometimes it's because people assume that you don't like them. Particularly if you're the quiet type. For many friendships, someone has to start things off. Unfairly, it may seem like it's always you. Eventually, it won't be.
Yep. I invite people to go do shit and they either deny or flat out ignore my attempts to contact them.
Its not like i have social anxiety or cant talk to girls. Quite the opposite. I just tend to be on the outside looking in no matter how much i try to change the situation. Girls? Always a friend, but never the one desired.
I know i shouldnt look at it like theres some sort of logic involved, but it really doesnt add up. There seems to be a difference in how people see me compared to how they actually treat me.
And because female friends are (in my experience) really supportive and amazing at putting things into perspective when I'm having a problem with my relationship. Sometimes you just need that perspective from the opposite sex when you're dealing with something difficult.
What if you're none of those things? I honestly don't think anyone has thought that they want to hang around more.
Vermillion
Banned
Mm, I'd say get better friends.
GasProblem
Member
Technically not a virgin because I had sex when I was 15, but haven't had any since and I'm 23 now.
At first it was being comfortable with being gay, which took wayyy too long. Now it's medical issues that are holding me back. Sometimes I have to force myself to go out because I know even if I meet someone I like I'm not going to do anything with that until everything is healed. You see people hook up, friends getting into relationships, and all you can do is be happy for them while deep inside you feel really jealous as well. One time I was crying on my bike while going home from a bar, I just felt really shitty, and drunk. I just wish I was 100% healthy so I could start dating with some self-esteem. Maybe next year ¯\_(ツ
_/¯
At first it was being comfortable with being gay, which took wayyy too long. Now it's medical issues that are holding me back. Sometimes I have to force myself to go out because I know even if I meet someone I like I'm not going to do anything with that until everything is healed. You see people hook up, friends getting into relationships, and all you can do is be happy for them while deep inside you feel really jealous as well. One time I was crying on my bike while going home from a bar, I just felt really shitty, and drunk. I just wish I was 100% healthy so I could start dating with some self-esteem. Maybe next year ¯\_(ツ
_/¯- Status