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What do you think of men taking their wives surname?
- Thread starter Cunth
- Start date
Hideous Snake
Gold Member
We don't do that over here. Both sides gets to keep their family name.
Z..
Member
You mean it only reffers specifically to a guy taking his wife's name and her not taking his?
That's about as dumb as the woman taking the man's name and him not taking hers, as far as I'm concerned. To each their own, of course, but neither of those options makes any sense to me personally.
No I wouldn't.
My mother took my father's surname when they married. I was born in wedlock and have my father's surname. My parents are no longer alive, so it's important for me to continue the family name. So in that regard, tradition matters to me.
I would want my wife and any children I have to all share the same surname. If a woman I meet has a problem with that, then I wouldn't be with her.
There is no compulsion here. It's about finding someone who shares your values and outlook on life.
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Z..
Member
Those same values can respected and every single instance of your plan would remain intact if you take her name as well, though, no? Your family name would live on and your wife and children would all share the same names just the same. Which values are you upholding by not wanting to take her name as well?
Barnabot
Member
In Brazil that's optional. Either you or you wife take each one of your surnames. If you wanna do things because of traditions then it's fine.
If you wanna take your wife surname out of respect for your wife then it's fine.
If you wanna just adopt your wife's surname because you wanna fight patriarchy then you're just a cuck.
Simples.
If you wanna take your wife surname out of respect for your wife then it's fine.
If you wanna just adopt your wife's surname because you wanna fight patriarchy then you're just a cuck.
Simples.
Z..
Member
I literally have no idea what in the hell you're talking about, buddy. I mean it wholeheartedly, I do not understand how I misunderstood his post in the slightest. I'm not unreasonable and would most willingly admit I was wrong if that is the case, but I'm not being disingenuous right now, trust me. I have no idea which shit you want me to own.
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
The let's take this slowly comment was meant not as an insult but as preamble for exposing a perceived misunderstanding between us, why are you being so aggressive?
Noting your (continued) use of ad hominems isn't really playing the victim, man.
Not a cuck at all, quite frankly... more like an idiot.
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Phunkydiabetic
Banned
Z..
Member
I must be stupid, then. I literally don't understand what you're on about. He dismissed my double name point on grounds that don't apply since the hyphenated thing isn't widespread at all and wasn't what I was referring to as it doesn't even exist in my part of the world.
I explained why that was the case by contrasting an example of what I was referring to initially with your example of what he meant and you're accusing me of going off on a tangent even though I was the one who started the double name conversation. What am I missing here?
No it wouldn't, because I would be introducing another name, so it would no longer be my family name anymore. By preserving my surname, I keep my family's name going -- that is what is upheld.
In the cultural background I'm from, we don't do double barrelled surnames and I personally don't like them.
I like the simplicity and uniformity of having one surname that is shared by everyone in the family unit.
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lock2k
Banned
My last name is "Pinto dos Reis". It means, in Portuguese (in slang form) i's "Dick of the Kings".
Pinto is a sephardi jewish surname that actually means colorful or painted in Portuguese and Spanish, but in Brazil Pinto is used for Dick/Cock in slang.
I wouldn't change my name even if my life depended on it, I love it. Many great memories. lol
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Z..
Member
So you mean you want your family name EXCLUSIVELY to be carried on while hers is left behind? As in, your kids get none of her names? If so, I find this a bit silly, frankly...
Wait... what? What is this obsession with double-barrelled surnames around here? Just take her name and forget the damn hyphen. If your family name is Smith and hers is Dorian name your son John Dorian Smith. Smith is still the family name and the one he passes down but you don't need to erase his mother's family name from his just because.
Pinto is also a baby chicken in European portugese and where the surname comes from, apparently.
But yeah, cock of kings is phenomenal. Hilarious name.
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mcz117chief
Member
My surname is really really meh, when I marry I will definitely consider taking my wife's name if it ain't worse or just use my mother's maiden name which is pretty good.
lock2k
Banned
So you mean you want your family name EXCLUSIVELY to be carried on while hers is left behind? As in, your kids get none of her names? If so, I find this a bit silly, frankly...
Wait... what? What is this obsession with double-barrelled surnames around here? Just take her name and forget the damn hyphen. If your family name is Smith and hers is Dorian name your son John Dorian Smith. Smith is still the family name and the one he passes down but you don't need to erase his mother's family name from his just because.
Pinto is also a baby chicken in European portugese and where the surname comes from, apparently.
But yeah, cock of kings is phenomenal. You're gonna love this one... a friend of mine is called João Pedro Montanelas e Pina. In case you don't know, pina means fuck in Eu PT. Hilarious name.
Oh, it does mean baby chicken here as well, it's just that in the origin of my name it meant painted or colorful
But yeah, I have fun with my last name, always a good conversation starter. lmao
If I was João Pedro I would be proud of the last name as well, fucking awesome!!
Well I don't find it silly. All that double barrelled stuff looks messy and becomes a mouthful after a while. You're talking as if I'm trying to force a woman to accept my surname. If she's not down with it, then that's fine, She can find a man who will take her surname, and double barrel the children's names, and jump through all the non-traditional hoops she wants.
G-Bus
Banned
Kind of wish the word cuck would go away. Sounds like something an "edgy" teenager would say.
I don't see an issue with it. Do what you want. Last names don't mean what they used to and it's stupid in this day and age to take issue over.
I had no interest in taking my wife's and she didn't take mine at first either. She ended up changing it a year later. She was cool with the kids having my surname. Can't remember how that was decided now.
I don't see an issue with it. Do what you want. Last names don't mean what they used to and it's stupid in this day and age to take issue over.
I had no interest in taking my wife's and she didn't take mine at first either. She ended up changing it a year later. She was cool with the kids having my surname. Can't remember how that was decided now.
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lock2k
Banned
TheGreatYosh
Banned
He's a cuck.
Starlight Lotice
Member
If it is mutual there is nothing wrong with it.
I like those when they put two names together.
I like those when they put two names together.
Shifty
Member
Ctrl + F Cuck
Shocked and stunned that it took 12 posts. Slackers.
Shocked and stunned that it took 12 posts. Slackers.
I remember when 'whipped' was enough to describe a bloke with a domineering partner. Kids today have no nuance to their burns.
Tumle
Member
So it's about finding someone who submissive enough to carry on your family name and letting there family name die out if there is no Male offspring in that family?
Z..
Member
I really have to ask... even after I specifically said I'm not referring to double barrelled names, why is everyone assuming that's what I mean? Forget the double barrelled names, I'm talking about giving your kids two family names, not one hyphenated double name. Why is this so hard? Do people only ever have one family name in English speaking countries or what am I missing?
And c'mon now, it's a bit silly to insist someone relinquish passing on their family name to their kids, no? Isn't that the whole point of having kids, making someone new who's a bit of both of you?
DESTROYA
Member
I swear this is a true story.
I new a girl who's last name was Greathead.
As for guys taking on a girls surname , it's just the first step to being whipped for life for this poor sucker.
S
SLoWMoTIoN
Unconfirmed Member
Name doesn't matter. You are already married. You couldn't be more fucked if something goes wrong.
kingwingin
Member
I wouldn't marry a women if she proposed anything like that. Have some self resoect
S
SLoWMoTIoN
Unconfirmed Member
Cuck cope
Jonirenicus
Banned
There are easier ways to come out of the closet
ResurrectedContrarian
Suffers with mild autism
Excuse me, but Johnny Cash already proved in Boy Named Sue that the bad name only makes you stronger.
Nonsense. It's a meaningful gesture for the wife to adopt the father's name, because reproduction isn't symmetrical in any way and any attempts to make it a pure partner / contract are external impositions. The child will be connected to its mother in a uniquely irreplaceable way, by continuity with her body, and we all know that this is unlike any other parent; men on the other hand stand outside that process, and more symbolically accept the child to their own personhood--so having that publicly announced name bond is necessary for paternity to function in a society, and to avoid the current disintegration into a culture of deadbeats and single moms. You could just as easily read the placing of a ring on a finger as "branding," but then of course all things look that way once you degrade human life by actually thinking autonomous legal contracts are the nature of relationships and family.
RokkanStoned
Member
I did. My wife has a rare surname with history to it, while I had the most plain Norwegian surname (ie. [insert first name]+ sen (meaning son).
KillCleanEat
Member
Seems strange to me that a man would do it. I guess it exposes power dynamics in relationships.
It's kind of whatever to me what someone else does. I would never do it. She doesn't have to take my name (it would bother me if she didn't
). But the kids do.
It's kind of whatever to me what someone else does. I would never do it. She doesn't have to take my name (it would bother me if she didn't
). But the kids do.
iconmaster
Banned
I don't want to say "pathetic," but I'll say "making a statement at the cost of dignity."
Z..
Member
Reproduction wasn't mentioned, nor is the idea that marriage is necessarily connected to it relevant in 2019, let's be honest.
The majority of my married friends don't plan on having kids at all. For reference, this mostly applies to couples around my own age (mid 30s so it's pretty safe to assume they're not having kids if they're still openly adamant about not doing so at this stage, the clock is ticking after all). Some do have kids and a few are trying but most aren't actively seeking it (which does lead to some heated discussions whenever the ones with kids inquire about the subject). I do have plenty of older close married friends (mostly guys and gals from my board gaming group who are mostly in their late 40s and early 50s) and all the married ones do have children, as a contrast.
That said, I do disagree. The asymmetrical nature of reproduction is not only not a valid justification nor does it apply here since the bond of naming the child after the father bears no weight whatsoever on the mother taking the father's name since that is a completely unrelated issue, no? Even if the mother doesn't take the husbands' name, the children will still bear it, no?
Keep in mind that the majority of peoples on earth have no name adoption traditions after marriage, this is something that is only even relevant for a chunk of the world's population so how is your assertion that such a tradition is necessary not immediately proven to be false by default?
"the current disintegration into a culture of deadbeats and single moms" - I'm not touching this one with a ten foot pole.
ResurrectedContrarian
Suffers with mild autism
My post was refuting the notion that patterns which place patrilineal names upon family members is some kind of "branding," by giving a quick glance at why it is on the contrary very meaningful and hence adopted by so many parts of the world (patrilineal descent being extremely broad geographically). Once we give up the hysteria over autonomy etc and recognize the necessity of naming and public recognition of family units--and recognize the distinct nature of paternity and its role in recognition of lineage--women taking the name of a husband doesn't look remotely unjust or like branding, and is a very intelligible step. It isn't an argument for necessity of the one pattern, but for its clear connection to the kind of symbolism that is necessary in some form for continuity and stability.
I do want to point out that things get complicated at this point, because in a vast number of cultures where the name wasn't technically altered, a woman would still primarily be recognized in public life by her connection to her husband. The notion of a new family identity superseding a prior individual one is more historically common than just about any social pattern.
This is sad, and to me is simply the slow-motion death of a culture, when it no longer has the will to reproduce itself. The only remaining question is why it went so awry, so that other peoples can do everything in their power to avoid following that path to suicide.
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lock2k
Banned
Z..
Member
I pretty much agree with you when it comes to naming conventions as far as children are concerned, rest assured. I never once claimed or even hinted at thinking otherwise. Wives and husbands on the other hand are a different matter as far as I'm concerned. I agree there is indeed a connection but I disagree when it comes to seeing the ritual as an integral part of it, it's use is vestigial and I have clear examples of solid family foundations without it in my close life which allow me to extrapolate as much, at least as far as my personal set of values is concerned.
I agree it's not unjust if the man also takes the woman's name, but the one sidedness of it is what gets to me. I'd be equally dismayed if were the other way around, I feel as if both participants should either be embracing each other's legacy together or maintaining their individuality together, what with it being a spiritual union and all.
Agreed, my point was merely that the naming in itself is without value, as your statement clearly demonstrates. The association is still present and the new family unit is recognized regardless of the naming ritual being present or not.
In our case it's not really a lack of will, more like a lack of resources combined with a fear of what's to come. Basically, the 2008 recession wreaked havoc on my country's economic stability and while the cost of living has kept on rising and essentials keep going up in price the wages have not. Basically, people have to choose between prosperity or having kids as for a huge chunk of people around here the two have become mutually exclusive. Some of my college educated friends (most of us are, higher education is about 1000€ a year here so it's accessible to most) are making as little as 11000€ a year 15 years into their careers. I'm talking about engineers and pharmaceutical professionals, here, not primary school teachers. You won't find a cheap 2 bedroom apartment under 1000€ in Lisbon these days, you think people are keen on having kids when they can barely cover their own costs in their mid 30s? Forget about disposable incomes, that's a luxury very few in our generation get to enjoy... hell, I have no idea what it even feels like!
As for some other examples within my social group the main concern with some other types seems to be that we're heading headfirst into a disastrous age, environmentally speaking, and some cases of wealthy enough couples I know just don't feel it's right to bring a kid into such a world (this is the one that generates heated discussions as some of the ones that do have kids feel very passionately about this issue).
In other words, in both cases... capitalism is what went so awry. Specifically, the decadence of late stage unregulated capitalism is what's to blame when it comes to my social circle. Be it for relentlessly exploiting the planet beyond sustainability to meet demands rather than finding an alternative or the sheer greed it enabled. =D
I myself will probably never have children of my own because I frankly don't want my genes to get passed on, fuck having to deal with bipolar disorder, not fair on my future prospective children. Would love to adopt, though... probably in my late 40s, if I can afford to.
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Sub_Level
wants to fuck an Asian grill.
Badda bing badda boom. Simple.