Thunder Monkey
Banned
You look like a log in a wig.
It might be harder to stay inconspicuous than you realize.
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Why do men keep putting me in the Girlfriend-zone?
- Thread starter SquiddyCracker
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You look like a log in a wig.
It might be harder to stay inconspicuous than you realize.
I always thought his username was a pun on penises.
Thunder Monkey
Banned
Everyone is their avatar is the joke I've been using.
The OP is meant to be satire though!
Also, if it happens enough times to girls they may feel they have to be preemptive in letting a guy know. It may not be "oh of course, everyone loves me!" but just concern through experience.
That said, I've only told guys I have a boyfriend when they get forceful about trying to get my number on the street. I typically use it as my last resort. (Most of the time this last resort does not have any sort of deterring effect. I primarily get "You don't have to tell him, it will be our secret." in return.)
My avatar is a cartoon of me! Close enough.
Johnny Cage In The Shower
Member
Did you draw it?
It's kind of nice, the nose (from this tiny thumbnail) kind of makes it look like you are an anthropomorphic character though. (chipmunk, rodent type, dare I say a bit furry-ish?)
D
Deleted member 10571
Unconfirmed Member
lttp, but subbed. This topic seems super-interesting and I loved the 2 videos of that Can-they-be-friends-guy.
I'd say I have some friends of the other sex, but I honestly wouldn't know what to say if someone approaches me with that question. It surely has at least some truth to it. I mean they're actually "just" friends, but would I say 'no'? No idea.
Then again, girlfriends of friends I'm totally not interested in? Yup, those can be totally non-sexualized friends.
I'd say I have some friends of the other sex, but I honestly wouldn't know what to say if someone approaches me with that question. It surely has at least some truth to it. I mean they're actually "just" friends, but would I say 'no'? No idea.
Then again, girlfriends of friends I'm totally not interested in? Yup, those can be totally non-sexualized friends.
Young guys need to learn that it comes in handy keeping a few chick friends around, they are useful when setting jealousy traps.
I did draw it!
And you're right, it does kind of look like that in the smaller picture. It doesn't in the larger version. I almost thought about not using it since it did look slightly odd when shrunk down, but just decided to go with it anyway.
Johnny Cage In The Shower
Member
So I guess at the end of the day, you'd still need to manipulate and trick women with false pretenses until you win their heart over?
It i a very nice drawing regardless, I was being super critical, and somewhat jealous, you seem like a talented cartoonist/ character designer.
I know it sounds harsh but that's how it is sometimes.
Vigilant Walrus
Member
Why not just be friends with people you like?
Johnny Cage In The Shower
Member
If only the friends I really like and have now made women jealous of me...
Ha, thanks! I'm definitely working on getting there.
Also, re: jealousy "traps". Don't try to trick people into getting jealous. It is not a good look. It shows insecurity. I remember when I was 14 and tried to pretend to be someone else online to hit on the guy to see how he'd react. Afterward I had never felt more ashamed of myself. Not because of how he reacted, but because it's just stupid.
AFollowerNotALeader
Member
Man. This thread is so weird.
From this thread I have learned:
1) I am a dumb caveman who is answerable only to his penis, and it's not my fault.
2) If I fall in love with one of my female friends I am a HORRIBLE MANIPULATOR.
3) If I fall in love with one of my female friends she is obligated to be my girlfriend BY HONOUR.
4) If she rejects me and I end our friendship because looking at her makes me dead inside I'm a horrible person.
Any more sweeping generalisations?
Well here's one:
Since I entered my relationship with my girlfriend a decade or so ago, girls flirt with me more. Sorry ladies, I'm off the market. What's up with that?
And yeah, I have female friends I don't want to have sex with. Ever in fact. Not even if it were necessary to repopulate the earth.
Relationships are complicated. Both friendships and romantic ones. Feelings are important and feelings are complicated. People get hurt. Both sides are guilty and both sides are victims, but not equally so in each case.
From this thread I have learned:
1) I am a dumb caveman who is answerable only to his penis, and it's not my fault.
2) If I fall in love with one of my female friends I am a HORRIBLE MANIPULATOR.
3) If I fall in love with one of my female friends she is obligated to be my girlfriend BY HONOUR.
4) If she rejects me and I end our friendship because looking at her makes me dead inside I'm a horrible person.
Any more sweeping generalisations?
Well here's one:
Since I entered my relationship with my girlfriend a decade or so ago, girls flirt with me more. Sorry ladies, I'm off the market. What's up with that?
And yeah, I have female friends I don't want to have sex with. Ever in fact. Not even if it were necessary to repopulate the earth.
Relationships are complicated. Both friendships and romantic ones. Feelings are important and feelings are complicated. People get hurt. Both sides are guilty and both sides are victims, but not equally so in each case.
SirIgbyCeaser
Banned
HEY WORLD, RELATIONSHIPS WORK BEST WHEN THEY JUST HAPPEN.
not demanded, not manipulated, not by attraction and lust.
But by seeing someone so often both parties feel in love.
not demanded, not manipulated, not by attraction and lust.
But by seeing someone so often both parties feel in love.
T
Transhuman
Unconfirmed Member
I don't know what this thread has to do with you finding a friend of yours incredibly unappealing sexually, but whatever. I'll take it.
ElectricBlue187
Member
I think it's only really possible if there's no attraction maybe because of a current relationship or sexual orientation otherwise you are just lying to yourself about what you really want.
AFollowerNotALeader
Member
Or in the apparently crazy parallel universe I inhabit it is possible to have female friends you don't want to have sex with?
I'm being flippant here, but if you read some of the comments on this thread there are people who seriously believe that this is not possible.
Double-edit: Also, what the hell?: "He doesn't want to sleep with her, she must be unattractive".
T
Transhuman
Unconfirmed Member
You said that you wouldn't sleep with her to repopulate the earth. That sentiment usually bespeaks of greater hurdles than the other person having a personality that rubs you the wrong way (which wouldn't be a problem in this example, because you're friends).
The Bookerman
Member
WHen I meet a girl, I try to be pretty clear from the offset what my intentions are: Cause if I don't, it will usually end up in some bullshit of "It's not you, it's me! let's be friends for the moment" If She knows I'm interested in her as a potential girlfriend from the get go, none this happens.
Call this crazy, but perhaps good communication on the part of both parties would avoid this situation.
Of course you can be buds with babes, not to say that there won't ever be some overlap at some point, but if they're a good friend, then you act appropriately and be a bit mature about it.
I am friends with a lass, that everyone says 'you look great together' etc, and we really get on well. It's not as if I don't find her attractive, but I have found someone that I get on really well with, that I can 'act like a bloke around'* - say all crazy stuff and she rolls with it and if it were to develop a different way, I think I would lose something special, because believe me the dynamics would change.
So I am totally cool with being buddies.
I also have plenty of other girl friends who I have common interests with but don't want to have a relationship with, so, yes it can work, but you do BOTH have to work at it.
*My babe buddy got me a copy of Razzle on my birthday - what a fuckin bro!!
Of course you can be buds with babes, not to say that there won't ever be some overlap at some point, but if they're a good friend, then you act appropriately and be a bit mature about it.
I am friends with a lass, that everyone says 'you look great together' etc, and we really get on well. It's not as if I don't find her attractive, but I have found someone that I get on really well with, that I can 'act like a bloke around'* - say all crazy stuff and she rolls with it and if it were to develop a different way, I think I would lose something special, because believe me the dynamics would change.
So I am totally cool with being buddies.
I also have plenty of other girl friends who I have common interests with but don't want to have a relationship with, so, yes it can work, but you do BOTH have to work at it.
*My babe buddy got me a copy of Razzle on my birthday - what a fuckin bro!!
AFollowerNotALeader
Member
At the risk of deconstructing my friendship with someone there are lots of other reasons why this might be the case. Here are two.
1) I might think of her like a sister and the thought of sleeping with her feels horribly, horribly wrong.
2) I might have watched how she treats the men she has sexual relationships with and want absolutely no part of that ever.
No-one is perfect. People you like can have flaws.
captainnapalm
Member
The girl in the OP will have a lot to look forward when she hits 30. Guys will increasingly stop looking to put her in the girlfriend zone.
I had a similar experience, although mine is really crazy. I was in hospital for quite a long time some years ago (in total for around almost 3 months). Well, I was in really bad shape of course and really sick. I work in that hospital as well. So some woman from work visited me and I talked to her for a bit. Well she later told me that she was married or something and I thought "wtf, did she really think I wanted a relationship (or actually anything) with her" It was completely crazy, I mean I almost died back then. How full of yourself do you need to be to even think something like that?
I was too weak to really react accordingly to that, although what should I have said? "I'm really sick, are you crazy? what the hell are you thinking?" to "you are not my type, what are you saying?" And then I'm somewhat happy that I wasn't able to really react to it, because I normally try to not be an asshole. Although I guess being an asshole would save me from crap like this.
The fuck is this?
captainnapalm
Member
That was what is commonly referred to as a posted message, or post for short. It is commonly found on internet forums and message boards. You are currently browsing such a forum.
What settings or conditions?
And I must say that as a gay man who has had mostly straight male friends all his life, I've never understood why people act as if unreciprocated sexual or romantic attraction necessarily gets in the way of friendship. It can if one person is made uncomfortable by that interest, or if one person is disingenuous about the friendship and only interested in sex... but it doesn't have to be that way.
Not a permanent solution, but may work. Though some issues:
1) I am a male and approach a female, she tells me right off the bat that she has a bf or doesn't want a relationship, etc. Seems kind of odd that she would immediately assume that's what I want.
2) As others have pointed out, you don't know right away how things will fall into place. Sometimes you may want a girl but after spending minutes with her you just want her as a buddy. Alternatively you may spend time with her as a friend and realize you'd like to be more with her and it creates potential problems with the friendship. Sometimes you just have to take a gamble and say "Hey, let's go out on a date!" rather than let it fester. The guy just needs to be OK with that and be able to continue the friendship without being bitter about it. (Do not take your tips from Ted Mosby in How I Met Your Mother)
captainnapalm
Member
I think the correct equivalent in your case would be how many gay male friends you have, where there's actually a chance of sex.
And what you failed to realize is that the girl in the OP is a satire. Don't worry though, you're not alone.
captainnapalm
Member
Ah. Well, joke's on me. Apologies for being snarky to this imaginary girl.
GoddyofAus
Banned
Clearly, this woman is either in the closet or is afraid of copulating.
blame space
Banned
- I have been friendzoned over 150 times
- I get off on it sexually so jokes on them
entremet
Member
She wasn't into me like that.
I never wanted a relationship at first. We just became friends and I developed feelings. I said heck, why not try, life is short. But it wasn't reciprocal.
dinazimmerman
Incurious Bastard
blamespace is winning this thread.
also, in the last few pages, a lot of nice, balanced posts have been made that I see as the final word on this matter...
also, in the last few pages, a lot of nice, balanced posts have been made that I see as the final word on this matter...
Relationships aren't equations. You can't just say getting along + physical attraction = relationship.
Lots of relationships end despite both of those things, and when people are friends they're in a better position to see the reasons their relationship would end beforehand and avoid the awful situation in the first place.
T
Transhuman
Unconfirmed Member
I'm starting to realise I took your "Not even to repopulate the earth" comment waaay too literally. Those are both perfect examples of romantic deal-breakers but not friendship deal-breakers.
diffusionx
Gold Member
Whoever is interested in a romantic relationship needs to be upfront about it. The onus is on them.
Count Dookkake
Member
lol, no.
Then she would be considered a presumptuous cunt.
Bu-bu-but what if she says no and then doesn't want to be my friend?
Everyone will laugh at me!
The Technomancer
card-carrying scientician
Which again assumes that they know that right away. Even if I'm attracted to a girl I dont necessarily know if I'm actually interested in a relationship until, you know, I've actually gotten to know them. This is what always kind of don't get and still have trouble with: other people talk about just asking other people out explicitly immediately, but literally all you have to go on at that point is their appearance and a fragment of their personality perhaps.
entremet
Member
It's been said many times, it doesn't always start that way.
Omegasquash
Member
Sometimes people get attracted to other people. Perhaps if the one developing feelings came out with it to begin with, then a permanent loss could be avoided. If a person sees another person as a potential girlfriend/boyfriend and then proceeds to do friend things with them, showing and communicating nothing else, that's their fault.
It's not being honest with another person, pure and simple.
It's not being honest with another person, pure and simple.
diffusionx
Gold Member
So it should be said whenever it gets to be that way.
Count Dookkake
Member
hardcastlemccormick
Banned
That should be enough to decide if you'll go on a date, where you'll proceed to get to know them better.
It's this constant refrain of "but I don't know if I'll like her!" that this thread continues to fuel. Goddammit people, it's not some magical boolean that trips suddenly without warning. If you find you like them in the middle of friendship, you dun goofed - you should have asked her out in the beginning.
diffusionx
Gold Member
Isn't that the point of, you know, a date?
You don't go into the date expecting wedding bells. You go in to get to know someone and see where that goes.
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