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[Lissar]

Question is, how long you've known your oldest friend? And on what circumstances you've met these friends? As a 29 year old woman, do you think you still highly value the friendship of some girl or guy you were close friends with in high school? If so why?
Also do you see yourself making new friends in near or not so near future, as your life situations change?

Do you think you may not have time to maintain a tight friendship with your current friends, if you move away with work or for whatever reason, and would that really bother you?

My oldest friend I met when I was 13. I already don't live close to very many of my friends, but I always put effort into maintaining contact. In fact my friends have been moving all around the world for most of our 20s, it's just something we're used to. We don't consider ourselves to be not as good of friends just because we are not in close proximity to each other.

I'm always up for making new friends, of course. But not to supplant older friends.

 

[ThisWreckage]

Be up front with your feelings and intentions from day one. Fixed.

End this thread now. This man gets it.

 

[The Adder]

End this thread now. This man gets it.

Not really, given that intentions and feelings change

 

[H.Protagonist]

Leave for a few hours and threads just get away from you...

Catching up:

And if you ever need someone to cry about Tim Drake with, I'm here for you.

I will supply the wine and you bring the comics

I, too, want to be H.Pro's friend. Nice guys aren't extinct!

Nice guys: Friend-zone fodder. Like chaff on the threshing floor.

Whoa, that sounds like fun. Except the hiking part. I'm more a gym person...and the poker. I don't like poker.

Actually, it's just the booze and the video games that sound fun.

Haha. How do you feel about shooting, then?

Judging from the food porn you post, your greatest asset is your cooking skills. Everything else is trivial for a friendship.

I only post the good stuff. My cooking is like culinary Russian roulette.

Food is at the crux of all my friendships. If we can't eat together, there's really not much to do. Not to mention I love cooking and baking for my friends.

Your dislike of Drake and ability to produce "sea-salt sprinkled, nutella-filled, brown butter chocolate chip cookies" makes me feel very conflicted.

I think some points are being missed, ignoring that the piece is satire, No all women do not hate the idea of dating their friends. What most hate is the idea of "friend-zoning", of the idea that becoming a friend and being a "nice person" automatically entitles someone to date you (and much more). I think many individuals enjoy befriending each other and then finding something special later on. But what is annoying/upsetting is when someone you thought was your friend, asks you out, is likely to be bitter about the rejection and no longer wants to be your friend. I'm not saying it's easy to deal with rejection (trust me I've been there) or to continue to be someones friend after it.But I think many people would wish others would try , instead of perpetuating some weird "friend-zone" concept and also the unsettling idea that entire friendships were based solely on the idea that this person would some day date/bone you.

^Nicely said.

Why do you guys even want friends of the opposite sex? Is there something in particular you get out if it?

I've never felt compelled to have girls as friends. I never understood why some guys did unless they were actually trying to sleep with them. I have a lot of really close guy friends that I share all my interests with I guess, I'm not really looking for new friends in general but particularly not those that are women, which always brings another set of dynamics into the equation.

I like the way other guys think when I want to talk about things or hang out but when I want to have sex or go on cute dates I'll find a woman.

A bunch of other people replied to you already, but it truly is just about hanging out with people who share your hobbies/interests. Gender is irrelevant. I don't know why it's so hard for some people to separate sex from the relationship you have or want with another person. Like Anti-M said, you can entertain passing lascivious thoughts about your friends without it actually interfering/informing anything. No one is a robot, but why it's such a big factor is hard for me to understand.

 

[Freezie KO]

It's really the place of the person who's attracted to the other. Otherwise you'll come off as a douche:

'Hey I'm guessing your totally hot for me. But sorry, not interested."

Rarely is it that simple. Sometimes well-intentioned but oblivious women give off signals.

A few months ago, I was hanging on Facebook on a lonely Saturday and was chatting with a female friend. She ended up driving over to my place to pop a bottle of wine at around 11 PM.

I thought this was going to end up in sex, and she just wanted to hang out. So it didn't happen obviously. It wasn't a big deal because I didn't want a relationship with her, and I wasn't secretly harboring romantic feelings. But if this was someone who I had feelings for, it's fairly easy to misread those signals.

 

[hardcastlemccormick]

Like Anti-M said, you can entertain passing lascivious thoughts about your friends without it actually interfering/informing anything. No one is a robot, but why it's such a big factor is hard for me to understand.

I think for some people those emotions get blown out of proportion and become impossible to grapple with. This could be from simple inexperience, or it could be from more deep seated issues such as emotional immaturity, extraordinarily melodramatic tendencies, or desperation. (I know a few people in the deep-seated melodrama category; they blow up at everything and their voices are a permanent wail.) Or hell, even depression.

 

[Nuklear]

Funny video for this thread: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T_lh5fR4DMA

 

[Johnny Cage In The Shower]

Funny video for this thread: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T_lh5fR4DMA

Perfect! thanks for posting!

 

[Wiktor]

“A woman may very well form a friendship with a man, but for this to endure, it must be assisted by a little physical antipathy.” - Nietzsch

 

[Lissar]

“A woman may very well form a friendship with a man, but for this to endure, it must be assisted by a little physical antipathy.” - Nietzsch

Yes, let's go to quotes by men from the 19th century about relations between men and women.

 

[RedSwirl]

Be up front with your feelings and intentions from day one. Fixed.

But that shit is hard.

 

[ThisWreckage]

Yes, let's go to quotes by men from the 19th century about relations between men and women.

He's right regardless of when it was said or written. Maxims don't cease to be true simply because they're from another time.

 

[Shouta]

I found this a while back and it explained a lot of what I couldn't put into words about male/female dynamic. Not sure if it's 100% true, but it makes sense. Would be interested in seeing what others think:



Although I don't really buy into the judgement calls about male intimacy being more dear... I guess it makes sense that it takes men some experience to understand how many women interface with the world.

A lot of it is actually fairly true. A bit is culturally specific but some of it has to do with more basic stuff like how the sexes/genders process information. It, of course, is a spectrum and there are some men that can maintain a wide social network and sprinkle their emotional bonds throughout it while there are women that are place deeper roots with in the few bonds they choose to hold.

Personally, I don't think men and women can be friends without particular settings or conditions. If those exist, then it becomes far easier for them to become friends and establish the relationship that doesn't cause a lot of this emotional turmoil. Or at least, it makes it a little less likely to occur.

 

[DominoKid]

it's 2013 and people still think men and women can't be friends. i cant believe this.

jesus christ how difficult are your lives that you cant be friends w/ someone of the opposite gender.

do people really think every male/female interaction is disguised by some sort of pretext? sometimes shit really is as simple as it seems.

 

[y2dvd]

Funny video for this thread: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T_lh5fR4DMA

Yeah I have to admit, I would date most of my gal friends if given the chance. Most, not all though.

 

[Leeness]

Lawd this thread...

I have problems making male friends. I want to be better at it, though. I used to be good at it, but now I don't really have any guy friends.

There's a guy I want to be friends with, but he vanished off the face of the earth

 

[Dennis]

Funny video for this thread: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T_lh5fR4DMA

I would have sex with everyone of the girls in that video.

I think that is relevant to this thread.

 

[Thunder Monkey]

I mean... it shouldn't be shocking to think that at some point a guy has had a thought (even just a flash) of any friend they may potentially be attracted to.

It may even stretch all the way to "Yeah... I'd fuck her/him." Doesn't mean that's the intention of the friendship or the only reason you talk to them.

Just something that floats around in your brain occasionally.

I would have sex with everyone of the girls in that video.

I think that is relevant to this thread.

So would I... and a few of the guys.

 

[davepoobond]

Yes, let's go to quotes by men from the 19th century about relations between men and women.

"men in the 19th century don't know anything about women"
-- Lissar

 

[Log4Girlz]

I don't know any girls who even want to be my friend. What is wrong with them?

 

[davepoobond]

I don't know any girls who even want to be my friend. What is wrong with them?

They don't know what they're missing.

 

[Ashes]

I don't know any girls who even want to be my friend. What is wrong with them?

Do you go up to them and ask them to be your friend?

 

[EviLore]

I don't know any girls who even want to be my friend.

Start walking around carrying some Murakami, then give it about five seconds

 

[Log4Girlz]

Do you go up to them and ask them to be your friend?

I like to follow them around a few hours before I approach them.

 

[Termbomber]

Start walking around carrying some Murakami, then give it about five seconds

Does Coelho count?

 

[Ashes]

Start walking around carrying some Murakami, then give it about five seconds

I've heard this before. Don't get why Murakami instead of a host of other more popular authors.

 

[Lissar]

"men in the 19th century don't know anything about women"
-- Lissar

It was a time when the prevailing wisdom was that women were purely emotional creatures incapable of reason.

I am at least a little skeptical of things from that time.

I've heard this before. Don't get why Murakami instead of a host of other more popular authors.

But is it Haruki or Ryu? The type of girl you'll find will vary based on your answer.

 

[TUROK]

It sucks when feelings aren't reciprocated. Be they romantic or friendly ones. Yes, you can bitch about it too, but please don't make the other person out to seem bad just because they didn't reciprocate. Sometimes people just don't feel the same way. Accept it.

 

[Kusagari]

Start walking around carrying some Murakami, then give it about five seconds

Shit. Guess I'm going to start walking around campus with Norwegian Wood in my hands.

 

[thetrin]

Haha. How do you feel about shooting, then?

Shooting! Shooting, I'm down with.

Shit. Guess I'm going to start walking around campus with Norwegian Wood in my hands.

Oh dear.

 

[Ashes]

I like to follow them around a few hours before I approach them.

That's where you're going wrong.

You should just be cool with your own company, and go with the flow. Cool people are easier to hang around with than stalkers.

 

[TheExodu5]

Funny video for this thread: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T_lh5fR4DMA

And the girls know it too. The guy is right...one sided friendships.

 

[Kusagari]

Oh dear.

I'd take Kafka on the Shore but they might think I'm into incest.

 

[Ashes]

It was a time when the prevailing wisdom was that women were purely emotional creatures incapable of reason.

I am at least a little skeptical of things from that time.



But is it Haruki or Ryu? The type of girl you'll find will vary based on your answer.

who thinks of Ryu before Haruki?

 

[Dude—No ...]

Once I was seeing this girl and she was so flaky about committing to a relationship with me. One day she wanted it and the next she didn't, and she would call me some days and ask me to come over, and I would stay at her place for days, and then she wouldn't call for weeks at a time. Then she started playing the friend bullshit and I went with it, but by that time I had already fallen for her and couldn't be her friend. So I straight told her one day I wasn't interested in being her pal and she knew it, and she said it shocked her and hurt her feelings, and I said something like, "No, your feelings aren't important right now." Then I forgot she existed.

It felt so amazing.

But yeah, I see where she's coming from I guess. I still think feelings should be laid-out as soon as possible.

 

[Lissar]

who thinks of Ryu before Haruki?

Many people!

Typically modern Japanese literature professors and their underlings. (Oh man my school had such hate for Haruki Murakami.)

Maybe we should just split the difference and go for Takashi instead.

 

[Dereck]

Funny video for this thread: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T_lh5fR4DMA

"the guy nonchalantly eating the sandwich and spewing knowledge is a legend"

 

[Thunder Monkey]

I like to follow them around a few hours before I approach them.

Did they know you were following them?

 

[thetrin]

I'd take Kafka on the Shore but they might think I'm into incest.

I was just making fun of the sexual innuendo you fell into with that sentence.

 

[Freezie KO]

Shit. Guess I'm going to start walking around campus with Norwegian Wood in my hands.

This would be hilarious if you're from Norway.

 

[Ashes]

Many people!

Typically modern Japanese literature professors and their underlings. (Oh man my school had such hate for Haruki Murakami.)

Maybe we should just split the difference and go for Takashi instead.

The Pokemon writer? or do you mean the artist? Anyways, thinking about it, I wouldn't particularly like someone who carried around books for show.

 

[Lissar]

The Pokemon writer? or do you mean the artist? Anyways, thinking about it, I wouldn't particularly like someone who carried around books for show.

I meant the artist. Almost posted one of his statues but thought better of it.

The problem with carrying around books for show is if you haven't read it then you'll be quite soon outed as an ass. If you're going to carry books around at least be prepared to have a conversation about it.

 

[Kusagari]

I was just making fun of the sexual innuendo you fell into with that sentence.

I somehow missed the innuendo when I typed that.

Hmm...I wonder how well that would work as a pickup line.

"Hey baby, how about I show you my Norwegian Wood."

 

[Thunder Monkey]

I somehow missed the innuendo when I typed that.

Hmm...I wonder how well that would work as a pickup line.

"Hey baby, how about I show you my Norwegian Wood."

It's all about delivery.

 

[Log4Girlz]

Did they know you were following them?

Do I look like an amateur?

 

[Ashes]

I meant the artist. Almost posted one of his statues but thought better of it.

The problem with carrying around books for show is if you haven't read it then you'll be quite soon outed as an ass. If you're going to carry books around at least be prepared to have a conversation about it.

Agreed. Though, you could say that you just got it, and ask for the enquiring person's thoughts.

Anyhow, reading the op reminded me of this one time, a girl said, sorry, I've got a boyfriend, when I asked her for her number. And I said (without thinking of course): Why are you apologising? I'm not attracted to you.

She went red.

That was the end of that friendship.

Anyways, Girls shouldn't presume a guy likes them. And the girl in the op seems a little off putting: oh noes, guys can't help but fall for me.

 

[Log4Girlz]

If I make friends with a girl, doesn't that technically make her my girlfriend?

 

[Ashes]

If I make friends with a girl, doesn't that technically make them my girlfriend?

No. Because the most widely used definition of the word girlfriend, describes a relationship status equal to that of a partner [be that romantically or sexually]. In heterosexual relationships anyway.

 

[Paper Fox]

Ugh I was so fucking awkward when I was younger. I never thought guys found me nice-looking because I was half-Asian and not the stereotypical 6ft tall bonde, blue-eyed goddess that I thought every guy wanted. And it didn't help that I naturally got along better with guys. So I did have a lot of guy friends after school, and there was a bit of friend-zoning going on. I'm not entirely convinced that there is such a thing as a purely platonic relationship between a single guy and a single girl that can last for a long time.

 

[NinjaBoiX]

Be up front with your feelings and intentions from day one. Fixed.

What should she be upfront about?

Not looking for a relationship with him? I dunno.

"You seem cool, what's your name?"
"Sally."
"Hi Sally, I'm Dave."
"Well Dave, if we are to be friends, I should make it clear right now that I'm not pursuing a relationship with you."
"Umm, OK..."