• Hey Guest. Check out your NeoGAF Wrapped 2025 results here!

Why do you poop longer with a phone or reading at hand?

Status
Not open for further replies.
It's a good place to relax while you think about whatever else, you can't take your phone into the shower (well you could certain phones) so the toilet will do.
 
I'l never understand people who insist on taking seconds to shit. Sitting on The Throne is a truly meditative experience and i spend a long time because i choose to, because it's The Right Choice.
 
Air Zombie Meat said:
Hate this internet trend of being lectured on the proper way to take a shit. Talk about overthinking it.
Click to expand...

So when you sit/shit while surfing the phone, you ensure you shit/sit long enough to watch the whole YouTube video, but not long enough for the blood to stop flowing in your legs. Make sure you wipe your butt with your left hand, and make sure you type with your right. Who holds the phone? That's something the internet can't teach. Germs? Pfft, we all know that germs don't spread on the phone. Disinfect your ass instead before you take a shit. Make sure you answer a call while shitting as the phone will prevent germs to enter your ear and mouth while it's next to your face.
 
Reading the op reminded me that spiders evolved to watch you poop.

Everything now reminds me t hat spiders evolved to watch you poop.
 
Shao Kahn Brewing a Stew said:
So when you sit/shit while surfing the phone, you ensure your shit/sit long enough to watch the while YouTube video, but not long enough for the blood to stop flowing in your legs. Make sure you wipe your butt with your left hand, and make sure you type with your right. Who holds the phone? That's something the internet can't teach. Germs? Pfft, we all know that germs don't spread on the phone. Disinfect your ass instead before you take a shit. Make sure you answer a call while shitting as the phone will prevent germs to enter your ear and mouth while it's next to your face.
Click to expand...

lol

p.s. anyone got some tips on how to breathe properly? Also would like an essay length guide to swallowing my food. Surely some super smart lifehacker on the internet has it all figured out by now.
 
I will never understand the logic behind bringing electronics or reading material (at least anything that you don't intend to dispose of, such as a newspaper) to the toilet. It's unsanitary, and it's not like those distractions won't be waiting for you when you get out.
 
I always drop the poops in like 20 seconds and then sit there for the next 5 minutes just feeling good man. No reading or phones needed, just chill there savoring it all like my avatar.
 
Depending on your household, that can be a satisfying sanctuary to savor, which does sound a little strange. I'm not in a situation like that anymore though, so I'm usually in and out
 
Breads said:
Reading the op reminded me that spiders evolved to watch you poop.

Everything now reminds me t hat spiders evolved to watch you poop.
Click to expand...
You asked for this.
VGQbO.gif
 
Dio said:
I'll never understand taking more than 30 seconds to a minute on the toilet unless you've got some sort of actual bodily issue.

I have a friend who takes 40 minute long shits and it's not even necessarily because they fuck around on their phone, they actually spend the whole time shitting.
Click to expand...
I dont know about you but I take longer than a minute to shit even without a phone in my hand. Why rush it if you dont have to? Take 5 minutes or however long you need to.
 
.JayZii said:
I try to get in and get out ASAP. The thought of getting hemorrhoids terrifies me.
Click to expand...

Lol the stronger you press the more likely you might be to develop problems actually. Simply spending more time on the toilet isn't going to get you hemorrhoids. Unless you spend all that time trying to get it all out..
 
horkrux said:
Lol the stronger you press the more likely you might be to develop problems actually. Simply spending more time on the toilet isn't going to get you hemorrhoids. Unless you spend all that time trying to get it all out..
Click to expand...
Not according to the Mayo Clinic. Sadly, they don't list references. But knowing their colorectal program, I tend to trust what they have to say.

One potential problem in getting hemorrhoids these days compared to, say 20 years ago, is that more and more surgeons want to try playing with this new toy when treating your hemorrhoids:
http://www.medgadget.com/2010/05/covidien_launches_eeatm_hemorrhoid_prolapse_stapler_set.html
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xm9206Prbf8

Enjoy having a PVC pipe shoved up your ass and a ring of permanent staples, if you're unlucky.
 
I always take care of business within the first 5 minutes then spend the next 20-25 reading the interwebs. That way I'm not needlessly multitasking.
 
horkrux said:
Lol the stronger you press the more likely you might be to develop problems actually. Simply spending more time on the toilet isn't going to get you hemorrhoids. Unless you spend all that time trying to get it all out..
Click to expand...
I don't mean pushing harder to get it over with, I mean not spending excess time hanging out because I'm finishing reading something of playing a phone game or whatever. I'm pretty sure just sitting there for too long can result in them, but maybe I'm full of it.
 
How do you even begin to poop and clean yourself in 5 minutes? Takes me a good 15 or more to make sure I'm well and clean using paper. I always end up missing the hose/sprayer I have at home, clean and sparkling in no time.
 
Windtrick said:
How do you even begin to poop and clean yourself in 5 minutes? Takes me a good 15 or more to make sure I'm well and clean using paper. I always end up missing the hose/sprayer I have at home, clean and sparkling in no time.
Click to expand...
Squatties make you lose most of it in less "pushes". Natural position yadda yadda.

anorectal-problemsolution_thumb.png
 
Between work and kids, going for a shit is sometimes the only excusable me time. And I'm going to damned well enjoy it.
 
Phones are for plebs. I prefer to spend my time on the toilet remembering all of the embarrassing things I've ever done in my life and trying not to curl up and die.
 
Sitting on the toilet is pretty much the only time in the day I get some alone time, so I easily sit there for half an hour or more
 
Enduin said:
Ya'll need more fiber or something in your diets. Even though I always have my phone with me it normally takes like 3 seconds for me to squeeze it out. I barely have enough time to unlock my phone most of the time.
Click to expand...

The joys of IBS. Not enough fibre? Constipation city.

Too much fibre? Destination diarrhoea...

With IBS it's basically impossible to find a middle ground.
 
Way too much theory for what is pretty simple. You get distracted and end up focusing less on making the pressure required for emptying of the bowels... or you do it quickly and spend the rest of the 29 minutes enjoying the time for yourself that no one will interrupt.
 
Dio said:
I have a friend who takes 40 minute long shits and it's not even necessarily because they fuck around on their phone, they actually spend the whole time shitting.
Click to expand...

Hey! Is it too much to ask during the goddamn workday for two separate sessions of 80 uninterrupted minutes each of quality dump time?
 
Status
Not open for further replies.

Similar threads

Do you prefer reading books after watching the movie/TV series?
19
268
IDKFA replied
OpenAI is creating a phone - are you interested? Does it have any chance of competing?
28
314
ResurrectedContrarian replied
Hand Soap
43
600
Hawking Radiation replied
Do you have a favorite movie or actor?
2
90
2K
Tajaz2426 replied
  • Locked
If you live in an apartment and you don't pick up your dog's poop... Fuck you bitch.
30
792
kevboard replied
Top Bottom