Unfortunately, the wider market seems to have deemed XO's disadvantages to far outweigh its advantages, at least for September 2014... and eight previous months... consecutively... including the month that launched the only other game to rival Destiny's hype... (Titanfall).
Agreed, but does that make XBO a failure? I'm pretty sure the gap between 360 and PS3 was even worse after PS3 first launched, but Sony figured it out and caught up. MS could do the same.
It sounds like you're going to be turning your PS4 on, more often than you'll prefer to play on your XO, unless XO exclusives are going to be the majority of your game purchases.
This has been true of one or two games this year, but most of the time the XBO experience is "good enough". Multiplayer games are more relaible on Live, and the friends features are better, so that sometimes has been the more important factor. The difference between 900p and 1080p is noticeable for me playing on a 27" monitor at a desk, but doesn't bother me much as long as the framerate is good between both systems. I expect that over time, companies will figure out how to optimize Xbox games better and the discrepancies will be there, but not impact the game themselves as much.
Having to cut corners and compromise a vision in such a way, for the sake of preserving core experience on a weaker platform, is tantamount to reaching for parity anyway. When it's so obvious that a game's development has been geared towards propping up the weaker system at the expense of what could be a better game with the stronger system's capabilities, people are going to have a problem with that even if they don't understand the business reasons for it (avoiding debates and stuff).
I think you can have a version that has extra bells and whistles in it for PS4, but plays smoothly and looks "good enough" on XBO without inciting armageddon amongst gamers everywhere. For example, I bought GTA4 on PS3, because playing GTA games on a dual shock "feels more right" to me. It had less vegetation and I think a worse framerate... or something, but I don't really remember it as a "bad" experience. It was still "good enough".
Similarly, Wolfenstein on XBO was "good enough", as is Destiny, and many others. I bought Mordor on PS4, because the publisher was shady about the concessions made on the Xbox, so I wasn't sure how bad it would be when I preordered. Of course, part of that was GAF rumour that the PS4 was 60 FPS and XBO 30 FPS, when it turned out that both were 30FPS.
In the end, Mordor was probably "good enough" too. I like both systems, and honestly play both pretty equally, but IMO, XBO is a decent alternative to a PS4, and I can see how many people might prefer it, or see them as basically equal with different strengths and weaknesses, as I do.
I will say the most impressive thing on either console to me is on PS4. The install technology is really really cool. Most games are playable within like 10 seconds of putting in the disc. That is NOT the case on XBO.