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Worst reviews EVER

mr_square said:
This always gets brought up, and every time people seem to forget that this image is only half the review. The rest:


I realize a '10' isn't necessarily a perfect game. I never suggested it was. However, there are enough significant flaws in Gears 1 that prevent it from having a perfect score in my view, and while Hsu does a good job of articulating all of those flaws, it seems as though he was able to shrug them of when it came time to give it a score.

The netcode prevented almost any legs the game could have had in terms of serious online play, and the main campaign mode was extremely short. By all means, it's a good game, but it definitely doesn't warrant an A+ given how serious the flaws are.
 

MThanded

I Was There! Official L Receiver 2/12/2016
morningbus said:
Navigatr's Toy Story 2 Review: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h4i6QoWONLQ

The reviewer actually sounds pretty pissed that Disney didn't use "Silicon Graphics Computers," failed to create another Donkey Kong Country, and postulates that this is somehow the Sega Genesis' fault.

I do love these reviews, though.
he is really pissed about these silicon graphics computers.

EDIt: lol im dying here. What is going on?
 
vireland said:
I love the part where Hsu is rambles about knowing how the story will end and talks about how this and that took place
on EARTH.

Buuut, he didn't see the real twist coming - that in Gears you're actually the BAD GUYS who invaded the Locust's planet - at all. One of my favorite game twists of the 21st century.

Cliffy B and crew rocked the house - twice in a row, and schooled Resistance on in-game narrative done right.

And yes, it was a crap review.

When does this happen? I can't remember anything of Gears 2's story, it was just so forgettable.
 

RevenantKioku

PEINS PEINS PEINS PEINS PEINS PEINS PEINS PEINS PEINS PEINS PEINS PEINS oh god i am drowning in them
I swear to God, I love Tim Rogers and aspire to be more like the man in my writings.
 
IGN Xbox's Marvel vs. Capcom 2 review is still the worst review I've ever read.

It essentially reads "No online play and no HD support = shit".

3.9/10.

Aaron Boulding said:
This game is too old to be worth 80% of a real Xbox game and not old enough to get the nod from nostalgic "old school" gamers. MvsC2 is a disaster waiting to happen when a good-intentioned older female relative wanders into a retailer to pick up something "new" for you.

All of this hostility is because it's not an online fighting game as originally promised and instead is just another 2D fighter with outdated graphics on the most powerful home console around. It's not that 2D fighting is dead, but it damn sure doesn't need to be resurrected in this fashion.

IGN PS2 had a bit more sanity, giving it an 8.4.
 

Fantastical

Death Prophet
I don't have any specific examples, but I love when Gamespot contradicts themselves in the "Good" and "Bad" parts of their reviews. :D
 
Zen said:
11t8j6w.jpg
The only bad thing is it might just be TOO GOOD!!! o_0
 

HK-47

Oh, bitch bitch bitch.
Ysiadmihi said:
Gamespot's Radiant Dawn review. It was criticized for having no Mii support :lol

Didnt IGN as well?

My god IGN appear here so much more than everyone else

Anyone post the Jade Empire review? God the number of their atrocious reviews is beaten in shittiness only by Play and equaled in quantity by no one.
 

industrian

will gently cradle you as time slowly ticks away.
1UP's Never Winter Nights 2 review and IGN USA's Football Manager 2009 review. At least the former had the decency of removing that bullshit.
 

Talamius

Member
GTAIV's reviews for me, personally. The game was a borderline 8.

In retrospect, the whole situation seemed to be "hardcore" game mags taking a last stand against the Wii. Back then (as if it was that long ago :lol) people still believed the Wii was a fad and GTAIV would do what Halo 3 could not: end the Wii "fad" and restore the core systems to the top. It supposedly had the mainstream appeal to do so, and with all the glowing oscar-worthy, greatest of all time reviews how could it fail?

That NPD thread was epic, to say the least.
 

Y2Kev

TLG Fan Caretaker Est. 2009
IGN Xbox was the worst reviewing outlet ever to congeal, and IGN Xbox 360 has kept some of its most damning characteristics.

Jeff Gerstmann's "buyer's guide" approach to reviews needs to die off in general. Tim Rogers might not ever be right about anything (and he certainly could use an editor or some self-discretion), but when I read his writing I always think, "Wow, I've never thought about it that way," or, "Why the fuck would I even think about it that way?" And it is that criticism that I find most lacking in nearly every other outlet.

GTA4's reviews were the most frustrating I've seen. Shoe explains why Gears gets a 10 and I've never really understood the anger over that. But GTA4...there's no rational explanation. Every point articulated rings false, from the heralded story, to the deep characterization, to the moral choice, to the "new gameplay elements." Anyone who thinks this is where gaming should be headed (drive around and look at some teetees?!?!) should probably let me know so I can get off the boat.

Thank god for GFW (Shawn Elliot, Sean Molloy, Jeff Green, and Ryan Scott were on that episode I believe) calling the media out on its shit once again. Reviews are supposed to be a conversation. It doesn't make sense to start a conversation when nobody else can contribute. The entire system is broken.

Why do you think games usually start at Metacritic with a 95 or higher and eventually get dragged down over time? It's because people actually have a chance to COMMUNICATE and CONVERSE and they discover that the hyperbole of the first (OMG FIRST!!!) review made a number of claims that went completely unchallenged because nobody could challenge them.
 

mr_square

Member
Private Hoffman said:
I realize a '10' isn't necessarily a perfect game. I never suggested it was. However, there are enough significant flaws in Gears 1 that prevent it from having a perfect score in my view, and while Hsu does a good job of articulating all of those flaws, it seems as though he was able to shrug them of when it came time to give it a score.

The netcode prevented almost any legs the game could have had in terms of serious online play, and the main campaign mode was extremely short. By all means, it's a good game, but it definitely doesn't warrant an A+ given how serious the flaws are.

Oh yeah - I'm not disputing that, but the danger of only showing half the text is that it looks like a review of a D- game magically getting given an A+ score, and just prompts lots of "LOL! Dan Hsu sucks!" comments from people who haven't seen the full review.
 

jarosh

Member
most of the contributions in this thread are garbage (including the op's).

you can't just post a link to a random youtube or unknown gaming blog containing a review you disagree with. if you want this thread to be interesting and insightful then post quotes that contain factually wrong statements, poorly written fluff, hyperbole, laughable comparisons, pretentious anecdotes, horrible analogies, cringeworthy clichés and so on. and then explain WHY the things you quoted are stupid, wrong, embarrassing etc.

the simple act of scoring a game too high or too low (in your opinion) doesn't exactly warrant anything the title of WORST REVIEW EVER.

random gaming blogs and youtube videos should be disqualified. what's the point? might as well link to gamefaqs user reviews. there's millions of barely articulate morons with stupid opinions out there. giving them any kind of attention or even arguing about their inane rambling is tedious and futile.
 

wolfmat

Confirmed Asshole
RBH said:
IGN US's review of Worldwide Soccer Manager 2009.
fixed

Although they pulled it, so few will ever know how bad it was. It was awful, let me tell you that much.
 

Etelmik

Neo Member
The Worldwide Soccer Manager 2009 review is still up!

From http://videogames.yahoo.com/pc/worldwide-soccer-manager-2009/review-1271725 :

What sports fan doesn't want to take control of his favorite team and guide it to a championship, or, better yet, a long string of championships? Well, if it means playing Worldwide Soccer Manager, you can count me in that number.

Worldwide Soccer Manager 2009 gives gamers the chance to manage and coach 5,000 soccer teams from 50 countries around the globe, giving them the chance to manage every aspect of their team's roster, field questions from reporters at their team's press conferences, and coach their teams in real time as each simulated game unfolds. What it doesn't do, more importantly, is provide any compelling reason to keep "playing."

Although the game's database of more than 350,000 real-life soccer players is certainly impressive, only the most diehard fans of the sport would be able to appreciate having such a massive pool of talent to sift through, and the casual fan would almost certainly find the task overwhelming – I did.

The game's incredibly complex menu system is very difficult to navigate, even with the on-screen help box directing you through the process. In short, this game is extremely difficult to simply pick up and play. If you're unfamiliar with the franchise expect to spend a significant amount of time simply trying to figure out how to navigate the menus.

Worldwide Soccer Manager's presentation problems don't end there though, once you finally make it to your team's first game you'll find that the player renderings and animations are awful, and the stadiums you play in lack any kind of personality or detail. Each field is bordered by fences and what appear to be unfinished stands, which don't have any fans in them. And, when the ball is kicked off of the pitch, it passes smoothly through the surrounding fences, right through the stands, and disappears from view only to return to the field in the same fashion, appearing magically from the stands and passing through the fences (and goals) on its way back into play.

Then there's the sound, or lack thereof. There is no soundtrack that plays while you work in the game's menus, which you'll spend the vast majority of your time in this game doing. There is no audio narration to accompany your participation in press conferences, even though your options for how to respond to each question is incredibly limited. There is no audio commentary to accompany the action in the simulated game's you watch/coach. In fact, the only sound we found in the entire game was the tones of fans cheering as each simulated game played out – which only detracts from the game's feel of authenticity seeing as there are no fans rendered in the stands.

As far as traditional gameplay goes, there really isn't any in Worldwide Soccer Manager 2009. Apart from managing your roster and coaching your team, there really isn't anything to do at all. So, unless you really enjoy clicking on menu buttons, you'll find your interaction with this game extremely disappointing.

However, if you're a big footie fan and big fan of sports simulation, you'll be extremely impressed with the depth of Worldwide Soccer Manager, which allows you to control just about every facet of your team and draw from a player pool that is simply mindboggling.

Closing Comments
This game obviously aims to provide the deepest soccer simulation experience possible for the sport’s most passionate and informed fans, but it offers little to nothing that would appeal to a casual fan of the sport or to the average videogame enthusiast. The menus are complex and difficult to navigate, graphics are terrible, the sound is non-existent and there is no traditional gameplay to speak of. I couldn’t imagine why anybody would prefer Worldwide Soccer Manager to FIFA 09 or Pro Evolution Soccer 2009.
 

Zabka

Member
The GTA IV release was the low point for legitimate game reviews. It was a well orchestrated marketing scam that all of these stupid websites went along with.
 
Drkirby said:
12 pages and over 7000 words long o_O

I am not going to read that, but someone needs to teach him the concept of keeping it simple. If all else, write a short review, and link to the 7000 word one as a more in depth review.

Pages? Anyway, Tim Rogers reviews on this site are awesome. But I guess you have to be in the right mood for them...
 

Wizman23

Banned
Private Hoffman said:
I realize a '10' isn't necessarily a perfect game. I never suggested it was. However, there are enough significant flaws in Gears 1 that prevent it from having a perfect score in my view, and while Hsu does a good job of articulating all of those flaws, it seems as though he was able to shrug them of when it came time to give it a score.

The netcode prevented almost any legs the game could have had in terms of serious online play, and the main campaign mode was extremely short. By all means, it's a good game, but it definitely doesn't warrant an A+ given how serious the flaws are.

Do you even own an Xbox? Seriously
 

Link1110

Member
Any Tales game review in Game Informer. I've seen Final Fantasy 7 fanboys give SaGa Frontier fairer reviews than those.

Sorry, but when you're in a printed medium that costs money, I expect better than I do from internet trolls.
 

Y2Kev

TLG Fan Caretaker Est. 2009
dark steve said:
ah, the well entrenched GTA4 hate squad



wait, since when?
I view it like this: no matter how you view reviews-- either as a consumer report or as a communication of an experience-- you are entering into some kind of dialog with the reviewer where you are internally responding to and evaluating a reviewers' claims and statements as you read them. That makes them inherently conversational pieces to me, as opposed to something purely didactic.

I fully understand that people view them differently, but I feel that gives rise to something like GI's PM2 review. This isn't necessarily exclusive to something like GTA4, mind you (and I don't hate the game, I simply hate how the game was covered-- and you'd really have to be very, very sympathetic towards the game to think otherwise), but is an endemic issue with the format that a lot of reviews take.
 

jarosh

Member
Y2Kev said:
I view it like this: no matter how you view reviews-- either as a consumer report or as a communication of an experience-- you are entering into some kind of dialog with the reviewer where you are internally responding to and evaluating a reviewers' claims and statements as you read them. That makes them inherently conversational pieces to me, as opposed to something purely didactic.

I fully understand that people view them differently, but I feel that gives rise to something like GI's PM2 review. This isn't necessarily exclusive to something like GTA4, mind you (and I don't hate the game, I simply hate how the game was covered-- and you'd really have to be very, very sympathetic towards the game to think otherwise), but is an endemic issue with the format that a lot of reviews take.
you're correct. just like good movie or book reviews, game reviews should be/can be regarded as conversations, too. although not quite in the way you mean, not between the different reviewers. most good entertainment and art itself comes in form of a dialog between reader/consumer/audience and the author/artist. if there's no communication between the audience and the piece of entertainment in question, the resulting "product" is usually flawed. the same applies to reviews.
 

ezekial45

Banned
jarosh said:
explain why this is the worst review ever

I just reread the whole thing, after a few years. I won't be able to explain why it's the worst review ever because it's a fairly decent one. I guess i just find the review score a little bizarre, considering i didn't like the game that much. So i take it back.

Thanks for calling me out on that. :lol

EDIT: It seems like all the features described in the review have been grossly exaggerated, because the combat and story telling wasn't nearly as deep as they described.
 

Wilsongt

Member
I'm going to have to say X-Play's "review" of Shining Tears. I'm a fan of the Shining series, but the game wasn't nearly as bad as people X-Play made it out to be. It wasn't unplayable by any means, but it was decent.
 

shintoki

sparkle this bitch
Both ends
Gamespot's review for Perfect 10 with MGS4 and GTAIV.

With stuff like Ign's God Hand which is a crime against humanity

Also dramatic score difference between games like ZoE2 and God of War, Where one is considered to short while the other just right...
 

SupahBlah

Banned
RBH said:
IGN's review of Worldwide Soccer Manager 2009.

Easily.

wmat said:
fixed

Although they pulled it, so few will ever know how bad it was. It was awful, let me tell you that much.

I just wanted to say it wasn't IGN US, but the actual IGN review. If you searched for the game it gave you that review with a link to the UK site.

EDIT:

Regulus Tera said:

This is the first time I've been on Kotaku in a long time, why does the front page now look like ass? :lol
 

Loxley

Member
Dave Halverson's review of Golden Axe, in which he expressed his feelings about anyone who scored the game lower than a 7 (so pretty much everyone aside from him, although he gave it a 9/10):

It's a travesty to Sega fans and gaming that such rubbish is counted on critic sites that for the most part echo the opposite opinions of real gamers. This is why market trends are a disaster. The video game "press" that once was is greatly diminished in this country and game publishers criteria for sending out preview and review code is in need of a complete overhaul. Any review conducted at a "review event" should be noted and they are becoming more and more prevalent (we don't and will not base reviews on a game we played at a kiosk in a room full of media and PR. Real gamers that buy games sit down and master them and that is the only way to properly review a game. The game industry going down the wrong path is greatly influenced by exactly this type of "review" which is happening more and more frequently. Igor is a 3; maybe even a 1 or a 2. But to score Beast Rider below a 7 is just irresponsible.

This guy also gave Sonic the Hedgehog on the 360 a 9.5/10.
 
Whimsical Phil said:
Seriously.

The only one of the three EGM reviewers who give this game the score it deserved was the guy who gave it a 4.5. The other two reviewers actually liked this horrible game.
Only one of the 79 reviews on gamerankings gave it as low as a 4.5. I guess most places reviewed the game on it's own merits rather than letting their butthurt fanboy feelings get in the way of giving it an objective review.
 

truly101

I got grudge sucked!
Any review by PSXtreme back in the mid/late ninteies. I'm not one who gives too much credence when bitter fans start accusing this mag or that website of being paid off to give a good review, but when the mag in question gives Bubsy 3D a 93% and Contra Legacy of War an 87% well...... I think they even gave portal runner a good score.
 

LiK

Member
Whimsical Phil said:
Seriously.

The only one of the three EGM reviewers who give this game the score it deserved was the guy who gave it a 4.5. The other two reviewers actually liked this horrible game.

so wrong Phil. i liked the game and it was fun. but i think it was a mistake for them to tack on the Starfox license onto it tho.
 
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