Do you not understand the question being asked or something?
This first one is before they are in a committed relationship, right? I mean I wouldn't consider that to be the "other" person yet then.
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Would you ever be "the other guy/girl"?
- Thread starter kvothe
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Do you not understand the question being asked or something?
This first one is before they are in a committed relationship, right? I mean I wouldn't consider that to be the "other" person yet then.
Bay Maximus
Banned
Of course. It's not my relationship. Probably wouldn't do if if the BF/Hubby was crazy though.
Kitsunebaby
Member
Never. I'm not interested in casual sex anyway, but even if I was, I'd never do that to another person. I find cheating abhorrent.
Noisy Ninj4
Member
Been there a few times. Repeatedly with one fwb I know, she's not really relationship material but keeps getting into them.
Apparition
Member
Nope. I have actually refused a girl's sexual advances on me because she had a boyfriend at the time (even though I sensed they were going to break up soon, and they did).
Stealing other people's partners is commonplace, it seems. By one estimate, "63% of men and 54% of women are in their current long-term relationships because their current partner stole them from a previous partner" (source)
Stealing other people's partners is commonplace, it seems. By one estimate, "63% of men and 54% of women are in their current long-term relationships because their current partner stole them from a previous partner" (source)
Mechanized
Member
No. Unless she's a 10, like a real 10, then yes.
Maybe not, I dunno, it's hard to say. I wouldn't want to be that guy, and I wouldn't want to have that karma axe hanging over my head. If she'd cheat on her main dude she'd cheat on me. Morally it's fucked up, lots of internal bullshit you'd have to deal with. Not really worth the trouble to be a shitbag.
Maybe not, I dunno, it's hard to say. I wouldn't want to be that guy, and I wouldn't want to have that karma axe hanging over my head. If she'd cheat on her main dude she'd cheat on me. Morally it's fucked up, lots of internal bullshit you'd have to deal with. Not really worth the trouble to be a shitbag.
TAJ
Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.
……forgetit
Member
Well he abused her and was trying to get out, but she was terrified. I helped, we've been together for the past 3 years. In general I'd feel bad, but given the situation I felt fine with it.
Glass Rebel
Member
As long as both her and I know what we're getting into and I'm not friends with her main dude, sure? It's not my job to care about someone else's relationship.
dreamcastmaster
Banned
"stealing" SMH
I've been the other guy. Was seeing a girl at my job back then, and she said that she was engaged to this dude, but she was going to leave him soon. So I went with it, and months down the line, she was still with him. I eventually just stopped calling her. She came around once to tell me I was a dick for just shutting her out, then she came by another time for some fun. The last time she came by, I just looked out the peephole and never answered the door. She got married like two weeks later, I'm told.
Haven't really been with anyone since then. Kind of as a self-punishment for being the other guy, among other reasons.
Haven't really been with anyone since then. Kind of as a self-punishment for being the other guy, among other reasons.
ClosingADoor
Member
No. She'll have to make a choice. I'm not going to be the backup or second choice.
……forgetit
Member
Eh, happened to me before, still won't chamge my answer
Oh hi guys. Yeah I've been cheated on. Yeah the guy knew me. Yeah the ex was a selfish manipulative cow. Don't do this. You end of leaving one person very twisted and broken, unsure of their own self worth and purpose in life.
Ask yourself the question. Would you like it to happen to you? Interestingly enough my ex was cheated on before she decided to flip the script on me. I suppose some people are just cruel.
Ask yourself the question. Would you like it to happen to you? Interestingly enough my ex was cheated on before she decided to flip the script on me. I suppose some people are just cruel.
……forgetit
Member
Most people have I think
peanutbutterlatte
Member
Having been the guy that isn't the other guy, no. What a cunty thing to do.
……forgetit
Member
Once again, I feel like context matters. Never say never until you're in the situation and it's more complicated than you think.
careless mango
Member
If it's just a hook up then maybe, however trying to start a relationship with someone already in relationship I won't do again. Not because of some moral code or whatever, because the only one doing anything wrong is the person cheating on their partner, but that it is just a real shitty situation to be in. A situation from my teen years that I don't want to revisit.
It's simple as fuck. Break it off first, then get together with someone else. Simple. Or if you have some other sort of arrangement with your partner, just follow that!
It's simple as fuck. Break it off first, then get together with someone else. Simple. Or if you have some other sort of arrangement with your partner, just follow that!
In what context would you feel it's okay to sleep with someone who's already in a relationship?
Pankratous
Member
Uh, I don't think I could do so knowingly.
I mean, I might cave in to a one night stand, but I don't think I could do something regular with someone who's in a relationship. And the guilt for that one time would probably kill me too.
I mean, I might cave in to a one night stand, but I don't think I could do something regular with someone who's in a relationship. And the guilt for that one time would probably kill me too.
……forgetit
Member
In my specific situation? He was an abusive asshole who she tried to break up with for half a year but he wouldn't "let" her. US being together helped her finally end it with the dude and we've been together for the past three years.
This isn't what the OP is asking. You weren't the "other guy" - you were essentially saving her from an abusive relationship.
I don't know what "he wouldn't let her" even means. But I can guarantee that what you're describing is not "being the other guy."
Vermillion
Banned
Wow, it looks like maybe/yes is the prevailing opinion among the men here. No women saying yes, though.
(No, I'm in a relationship. If I weren't, still no. Wouldn't trust a cheater like that. Plus it's a cold move lol)
(No, I'm in a relationship. If I weren't, still no. Wouldn't trust a cheater like that. Plus it's a cold move lol)
Always-honest
Banned
Nope. Never.
Trusting what someone was telling me, in my case. In hindsight I can see how dumb it was, but that doesn't fix anything.
peanutbutterlatte
Member
Yeah I can see if the husband is abusive or something and leaving him would put herself or children in jeopardy, but day-to-day? You're not as bad as the person who cheats, but you aren't innocent.
(And I mean the figurative 'you', you were obviously the better person in your situation)
Meh i was 15 at the time, i mean was the relationship really that serious if she wanted to cheat?
Reizo Ryuu
Member
Absolutely.
……forgetit
Member
I see your point, guess my situation doesn't fit, but if it's just a normal happy relationship and the guy had no clue, then nah, can't do that, would kill my conscience. The "he wouldn't let her" is what you'd imagine. If she tried to break up from a distance he'd threaten to kill himself, close up and yeah, basically what you'd imagine, it was a really bad situation.
Still I was technically "the other guy" but she had checked out of the relationship for six months or so and was trying to find a way out.
DistortionOfReality
Member
The bolded is spot on. I think the OP's question is more along those lines, either a normal relationship or one where it's ambiguous or "the other guy/girl" doesn't know anything about the relationship's real status.
I actually support what you did. That relationship was in need of therapeutic help, and since they weren't married and the girl wanted out, a breakup was for the best. Not all breakups happen cordially and sometimes need outside interference for the safety of both parties.
Relativ9
Member
No, and I've had the option with a girl I really liked, but stopped it before it got too far. It was a heat of the moment type thing where we both understood that it was wrong and decided against it because we respected eachother and her current boyfriend too much. She's my roomate too, and the tension is incredibly thick.
I'll tell you what though, if she was single...yeah...
I'll tell you what though, if she was single...yeah...
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