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Dating-Age |OT3| Positivity, Confidence, and Not Being a "Nice" Guy

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N

NotTheGuyYouKill

Member
You know Midnights, you could always try to have something on you to talk about.

Like an eye patch (for example). Walk around with it till someone notices it, lock eyes, smile, and then strike up a conversation about it. Just say you lost a bet.

Don't say you don't have a eyeball under there or something.
 
B

Bam Bam Baklava

Member
I've been trying to make new friends for a while now but it seems to be just as hard, this thread isn't about just the opposite sex for me but about people in general. It would be great if I had a group of friends or something like that but no matter how many people I meet they don't seem to really want to hang out.

I feel like we've discussed this before. My number one goal is to be social and the rest comes after that.

NotTheGuyYouKill said:
You know Midnights, you could always try to have something on you to talk about.

Like an eye patch (for example). Walk around with it till someone notices it, lock eyes, smile, and then strike up a conversation about it. Just say you lost a bet.

Don't say you don't have a eyeball under there or something.
Click to expand...

I don't even know what to say. This seems like something I would do in the past when I was more of a clown, I kind of want to be taken seriously though.
 
N

NotTheGuyYouKill

Member
MiDNiGHTS said:
I don't even know what to say.
Click to expand...

You could say 'yes' and then do it. This is a serious suggestion. It doesn't have to be an eye patch. I'm just saying, if you wanna strike up conversation, have something to strike up conversation about. It could be something on the other person. Like a pretty dress or nice sunglasses or gorgeous blonde hair or something.
 
B

Bam Bam Baklava

Member
NotTheGuyYouKill said:
You could say 'yes' and then do it. This is a serious suggestion. It doesn't have to be an eye patch. I'm just saying, if you wanna strike up conversation, have something to strike up conversation about. It could be something on the other person. Like a pretty dress or nice sunglasses or gorgeous blonde hair or something.
Click to expand...

I do that all the time. I have an eye for fashion and I know a lot of brands so I mention stuff like that. Don't really need an eyepatch.
 
S

SlipperySlope

Banned
Just called Robin again. And... We're officially broken up now.

It basically went like this:
Her: why do you keep wasting time on me?
Me: I like you.
Her: but it's too complicated.
Me: how is it complicated?
Her: too far...
Me: the distance doesn't bother me.
Her: isn't it complicated for you?
Me: the only thing complicated is I have trouble reading you.
Her: so it's complicated...
Me: so you don't want to go out again??
Her: yeah...
Me: alright.
 
D

DY_nasty

NeoGAF's official "was this shooting justified" consultant
MiDNiGHTS said:
I've been trying to make new friends for a while now but it seems to be just as hard, this thread isn't about just the opposite sex for me but about people in general. It would be great if I had a group of friends or something like that but no matter how many people I meet they don't seem to really want to hang out.

I feel like we've discussed this before. My number one goal is to be social and the rest comes after that.



I don't even know what to say. This seems like something I would do in the past when I was more of a clown, I kind of want to be taken seriously though.
Click to expand...

You mentioned you were in college before, is there any way you can talk to professor or someone in the <insert your major or focus here> and maybe get in with those study groups, extra curriculars, projects, etc?

People in those kinds of meets will immediately assume that you're serious (you should play the part regardless) and you'll be able to find plenty of opportunities for small talk and building up things to talk about as you continue.

Also, you can try just asking people's opinions on things - this is money because people love to talk. Someone focusing on something? Ask them about it. Don't rush to make a big "YOU GONNA LOL WHEN I SAY THIS" joke, just keep it going. "That's definitely X... what do you think about X?" (listen) then throw in your two cents. But the thing is to keep people talking. Everyone loves to talk whether they admit it or not. And if you're not talking and they are, then they're giving you all sorts of ideas of conversations that you can hit with confidence without having to go through the trouble of taking shots in the dark.
 
D

DrBo42

Member
Sucks man, sorry. The L-bomb can have that effect. Didn't seem like she's at a point where emotional investment is an option. You'll find what you're looking for, it just isn't her.
 
B

Bam Bam Baklava

Member
DY_nasty said:
Also, you can try just asking people's opinions on things - this is money because people love to talk. Someone focusing on something? Ask them about it. Don't rush to make a big "YOU GONNA LOL WHEN I SAY THIS" joke, just keep it going. "That's definitely X... what do you think about X?" (listen) then throw in your two cents. But the thing is to keep people talking. Everyone loves to talk whether they admit it or not. And if you're not talking and they are, then they're giving you all sorts of ideas of conversations that you can hit with confidence without having to go through the trouble of taking shots in the dark.
Click to expand...

Problem is I'm in junior college so there's very little activity outside of going to classes. I'm sure it will be different when I transfer but I gotta bide my time here.

I'm glad you brought up the part about listening. I really have no problem listening to people and asking questions but it seems like so often I get short answers that basically try to close the conversation rather than continue it. Like they oblige my question to be nice but they don't really want to carry on.
 
J

Jhoan

Member
MiDNiGHTS said:
I've been told that women that don't like being hit on in a place like a gym for instance. I realize I'm only talking to them but even so some people don't want to talk when they got stuff to do.

I go to some of these places because I got nothing better to do. Don't have many friends either so options are limited.
Click to expand...

I'm with you on that. Because it's the summer and school is out until late August, I've been sitting in my underwear browsing GAF/Facebook all day or playing video games because I have nothing to do myself. I don't even like hanging out with the guys from my fraternity despite seeing events that they're going to have. I've been told by people that we should hang out but it never happens.

However in spite of that, I have a work-study job lined up which I'm gonna go take care of tomorrow and go back to volunteering at a theatre that I volunteered at last summer while I find a new place to volunteer at that's more in line with my specific interests. I'm gonna go back to the gym and hit it all four days consistently and get my stuff together because no man is an island. There's a free concert on Friday which I'm gonna go to with my brother and pass up on the fraternity event. EviLore said it best: get off GAF and go do something interesting every day.

Like I told you go to these open mics and read your stuff instead of watching people read their stuff. You'll make friends pretty easily. It's like going to a club to watch people dance but yet you're one of the few people planted on the wall observing. I've been there before man; we're cut from the same cloth but I want you to succeed as well.

Try volunteering at somewhere if you really have nothing better to do and want to do something productive. Or take a new hobby that will make you go outside such as photography.

Hell, seriously consider organizing a GAF meet up so you could network, meet new friends, have fun, and have plenty of wingmen at a bar to help you. At a lot of the GAF meet ups that I've been to, a couple of Gaffers always talking to women. I'm gonna organize another GAF meet up myself next month because I want to. Do things that you've always wanted to do now that you have the free time to do them because not many people have that kind of free time once they start working.
 
N

NotTheGuyYouKill

Member
MiDNiGHTS said:
Problem is I'm in junior college so there's very little activity outside of going to classes. I'm sure it will be different when I transfer but I gotta bide my time here.

I'm glad you brought up the part about listening. I really have no problem listening to people and asking questions but it seems like so often I get short answers that basically try to close the conversation rather than continue it. Like they oblige my question to be nice but they don't really want to carry on.
Click to expand...

Perhaps it's the way you ask them? Do you ask 'yes or no' questions or do you ask them to elaborate or what?
 
D

DY_nasty

NeoGAF's official "was this shooting justified" consultant
MiDNiGHTS said:
Problem is I'm in junior college so there's very little activity outside of going to classes. I'm sure it will be different when I transfer but I gotta bide my time here.

I'm glad you brought up the part about listening. I really have no problem listening to people and asking questions but it seems like so often I get short answers that basically try to close the conversation rather than continue it. Like they oblige my question to be nice but they don't really want to carry on.
Click to expand...

Don't ask yes or no questions.

Instead of "do you come here often?" go with "what is there to do here?"
 
D

Devolution

Member
A bunch of you should consider putting down money for music shows. The last time I went to one I saw many women without men on their arms. And since it's an interest you already got your foot in the door in terms of talking.

"Do you see this band often?"
"Do you go to shows like this?"
"Do you like any other bands similar to this one?"
 
A

Admiral Bone to Pick

Banned
Probably a dumb question, but w/e:

What does it mean if a girl stares at you? That is, just looking at you for 30+ seconds without looking away (not smiling), almost like she's studying you?
 
N

NotTheGuyYouKill

Member
Mr. Serious Business said:
Probably a dumb question, but w/e:

What does it mean if a girl stares at you? That is, just looking at you for 30+ seconds without looking away (not smiling), almost like she's studying you?
Click to expand...

OH MY GOD, I WAS WONDERING THIS TOO.

Went to hand in my midterm, a cute blonde just stared at me as the proctor checked it over. I dunno if me going up disturbed her or what. No smile, she just stared at me. Not angry, just looking at me.

I felt awkward.
 
L

low-G

Member
Devolution said:
A bunch of you should consider putting down money for music shows. The last time I went to one I saw many women without men on their arms. And since it's an interest you already got your foot in the door in terms of talking.

"Do you see this band often?"
"Do you go to shows like this?"
"Do you like any other bands similar to this one?"
Click to expand...

Agreed, but for a group you really like, bonus if they're indie. You'll automatically have at least one thing in common, and probably more. I met the coolest girl in the world at a concert.

Do things you like & talk to people while you're doing those things = magics.
 
M

maquiladora

Member
Mr. Serious Business said:
What does it mean if a girl stares at you? That is, just looking at you for 30+ seconds without looking away (not smiling), almost like she's studying you?
Click to expand...

Data,_2366.jpg
 
N

NotTheGuyYouKill

Member
Liu Kang Baking A Pie said:
How the fuck would we know what some girl is thinking?

This is legit dating or communication advice: if you want to know what someone else is thinking or doing, ask them.
Click to expand...

This is true.

Mr. Serious Business said:
Wow, I always love when I enter a new meta-thread and someone acts antagonistic towards me. I don't know, many there are some female GAfers who can give some insight. Whatever. Just don't talk to me.
Click to expand...

Srs Bsns pls.

It was a toss up between that and 'I know your name is Serious Business, but chill.'
 
D

Devolution

Member
Mr. Serious Business said:
Wow, I always love when I enter a new meta-thread and someone acts antagonistic towards me. I don't know, many there are some female GAfers who can give some insight. Whatever. Just don't talk to me.

Thank you for the advice you did give though.
Click to expand...

Sometimes people stare. I don't really know what to tell you. Maybe she thought you looked like someone she knew, maybe she wants to jump your bones, next time just play off of it or smile back.
 
B

Bam Bam Baklava

Member
Jipan said:
I'm with you on that. Because it's the summer and school is out until late August, I've been sitting in my underwear browsing GAF/Facebook all day or playing video games because I have nothing to do myself. I don't even like hanging out with the guys from my fraternity despite seeing events that they're going to have. I've been told by people that we should hang out but it never happens.

However in spite of that, I have a work-study job lined up which I'm gonna go take care of tomorrow and go back to volunteering at a theatre that I volunteered at last summer while I find a new place to volunteer at that's more in line with my specific interests. I'm gonna go back to the gym and hit it all four days consistently and get my stuff together because no man is an island. There's a free concert on Friday which I'm gonna go to with my brother and pass up on the fraternity event. EviLore said it best: get off GAF and go do something interesting every day.

Like I told you go to these open mics and read your stuff instead of watching people read their stuff. You'll make friends pretty easily. It's like going to a club to watch people dance but yet you're one of the few people planted on the wall observing. I've been there before man; we're cut from the same cloth but I want you to succeed as well.

Try volunteering at somewhere if you really have nothing better to do and want to do something productive. Or take a new hobby that will make you go outside such as photography.

Hell, seriously consider organizing a GAF meet up so you could network, meet new friends, have fun, and have plenty of wingmen at a bar to help you. At a lot of the GAF meet ups that I've been to, a couple of Gaffers always talking to women. I'm gonna organize another GAF meet up myself next month because I want to. Do things that you've always wanted to do now that you have the free time to do them because not many people have that kind of free time once they start working.
Click to expand...

I don't know. I wish I even had the option to be in a fraternity, would be cool to know they want me to be a part of their group. I like your suggestions man, they really appeal to me. I used to actually do photography when I was in high school but I got some negative reactions from people carrying a camera around all the time so I stopped. I also like going to concerts and stuff but it seems like everyone goes with a friend or group, like you got your brother to go with you.
 
N

NotTheGuyYouKill

Member
Oh, okay, well did she squint? Cause if she was squinting, it's possible she thought you were someone else. If she wasn't squinting, then it means something else. You can at least remove one probability.

Other things to consider:

Were you dressed exceptionally well that day?
Were you dressed sloppily?
Were you naked?
Did your hair/face look good?
Did your hair/face look messy?
Did you have something in your teeth/on your face?
Could you have cut her off somewhere earlier?
Could you and her have been in the same location earlier in the day?

Begin eliminating possibilities that involve you. Hopefully, you were dressed and looking good, which means she thought you were cute. If she wasn't squinting a little, means she wasn't trying to place you somewhere.
 
A

Admiral Bone to Pick

Banned
NotTheGuyYouKill said:
Oh, okay, well did she squint? Cause if she was squinting, it's possible she thought you were someone else. If she wasn't squinting, then it means something else. You can at least remove one probability.
Click to expand...

No, mainly referring to a girl you know staring at you. Don't think anyone really had a good answer for it though so I'm not gonna make a big deal of it.
 
D

DY_nasty

NeoGAF's official "was this shooting justified" consultant
Mr. Serious Business said:
Wow, I always love when I enter a new meta-thread and someone acts antagonistic towards me. I don't know, many there are some female GAfers who can give some insight. Whatever. Just don't talk to me.

Thank you for the advice you did give though.
Click to expand...

dude, you're being cray

one of the biggest issues shown by people in this thread is the fact that everyone wants to be mind readers.

and in this case, i don't know how to answer your question by anything other than that girl sounds fucking weird
 
A

Admiral Bone to Pick

Banned
NotTheGuyYouKill said:
Ok, well this is a completely different situation altogether. Dude, you really need to be more specific.
Click to expand...

Was having a group dinner with some friends (all girls). One of the girls, who I'm pretty good friends with, started staring at me like that (basically for an extended period of time but not smiling). Also happened in the past with girls I knew in class or from a job. Again, sort of like they're studying me. If that's exactly what it is, it makes sense.

Nobody's a mind reader though as the above poster mentioned, so yes, in the future I'll just ask even if it ends up being awkward.
 
N

Nerds with Guns

Banned
bluebird said:
Nerds With Guns, I hope you read this.
Click to expand...

No I read your post and I think it's good shit dude. I'm curious since you said you've been in my position before... What happened to that girl?


Jipan said:
I'm with you on that. Because it's the summer and school is out until late August, I've been sitting in my underwear browsing GAF/Facebook all day or playing video games because I have nothing to do myself.
Click to expand...

You live in New York yes?

MiDNiGHTS said:
Like any person I do a bit of it all. I try not to do yes or no as often because it doesn't really help my cause.
Click to expand...

Are you good at holding conversations or are you good at asking questions? There's a difference.
 
N

Nerds with Guns

Banned
Mr. Serious Business said:
Was having a group dinner with some friends (all girls). One of the girls, who I'm pretty good friends with, started staring at me like that (basically for an extended period of time but not smiling). Also happened in the past with girls I knew in class or from a job. Again, sort of like they're studying me. If that's exactly what it is, it makes sense.

Nobody's a mind reader though as the above poster mentioned, so yes, in the future I'll just ask even if it ends up being awkward.
Click to expand...

Next time a girl does that go and ask her why. Dead serious.

Those girls are more than likely interested in you.
 
B

Bam Bam Baklava

Member
Nerds with Guns said:
Are you good at holding conversations or are you good at asking questions? There's a difference.
Click to expand...

Well I have a good amount of knowledge about a variety of subjects so it's not hard to find something to talk about but if I had to pick I'd say I wasn't good at it. Probably because it doesn't come as naturally to me as it would to others.
 
N

Nerds with Guns

Banned
MiDNiGHTS said:
Well I have a good amount of knowledge about a variety of subjects so it's not hard to find something to talk about but if I had to pick I'd say I wasn't good at it. Probably because it doesn't come as naturally to me as it would to others.
Click to expand...

It's not something that has to be natural. It's something that can easily be studied.


Think of it this way:

Say you&#8217;re having a conversation with a girl and she says &#8220;No I&#8217;ve haven&#8217;t been to that new bakery on 9th Street, I&#8217;ll have to go sometime. I always like going to new places and taking in the atmosphere because it reminds me of the restaurant my grandma used to own when I was a little girl.&#8221;

What&#8217;s going on in these sentences? Now you have all the time in the world to sit here and study them. But in a real life situation are you going to be able to pick up on everything? Are you going to be able to keep the conversation going just off that? Or are you just going to say &#8220;yeah that&#8217;s pretty cool, we should go there sometime.&#8221; (Be honest with yourself)
 
D

Devolution

Member
Or just realize women are people and if you've just randomly stared at someone think about why, then apply it. There are several reasons, unless you can narrow it down just drop it.
 
N

Nerds with Guns

Banned
Jipan said:
Yes indeed. Have you been lurking in our famous meet up threads that we've had and keeping up with our antics? :D
Click to expand...

lol Nah dude. But I do remember you mentioning it somewhere.

So let me ask you this, and maybe it's my jealousy talking but HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU BE BORED IN NEW YORK?

like, what?

At worst just go around walking in and out of random stores, making small talk with everybody. You don't even have to go anywhere to meet women. But I simply can't comprehend how someone can be bored in New York. If that's the case there's no hope for anyone, anywhere. (Maybe L.A)
 
D

Devolution

Member
Nerds with Guns said:
lol Nah dude. But I do remember you mentioning it somewhere.

So let me ask you this, and maybe it's my jealousy talking but HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU BE BORED IN NEW YORK?

like, what?

At worst just go around walking in and out of random stores, making small talk with everybody. You don't even have to go anywhere to met women. But I simply can't comprehend how someone can be bored in New York. If that's the case there's no hope for anyone, anywhere. (Maybe L.A)
Click to expand...

I think really big cities can be kind of intimidating and less friendly though. I feel a kind of alienation in big urban centers compared to more toned down areas.
 
S

SlipperySlope

Banned
God breaking up on a Sunday sucks... I've been laying in bed literally all day. Maybe I should get something to eat, but too depressed.

An entire week until I can go out again...

Edit - I haven't even put on clothes. Still in underwear.
 
G

GillianSeed79

Member
MiDNiGHTS said:
I don't know. I wish I even had the option to be in a fraternity, would be cool to know they want me to be a part of their group. I like your suggestions man, they really appeal to me. I used to actually do photography when I was in high school but I got some negative reactions from people carrying a camera around all the time so I stopped.
Click to expand...

Get back into photography, but for the right reasons and get better at it. Carrying a camera and actually being a good photographer is a great way to break the ice and is a conversation starter. It's like carrying a guitar, but much easier to learn to use.

Every woman in my office looks at our photographers as rockstars. Even the 40-year-old, overweight guy has to beat them off with a stick. The thing is he's a nice guy and doesn't shove the camera in people's faces. Once the conversation starts and you are an interesting person they forget all about the camera.

I once knew this photog that would bring his camera to the bar. He'd just sit it on the bar and within 10 minutes he'd have women flocking to him, but only because it was a conversation starter. He was actually very charming. Plus, his photography let him do awesome stuff like being commissioned to shoot a safari in Africa. So pick photography back up, take some art classes, etc. The only downside is unless you are shooting weddings or models, the life of a photographer is akin to a starving artist.

The other advice I want to give you is that you are in junior college. Once you transfer to college, there will be an ungodly amount of easy ways to meet new people on campus. Also, think hard before joining a frat. I had plenty of fraternity friends in college. The actual cool/nice ones joined because they actually liked being in a fraternity of like-minded people and caring for their brothers. The losers and scumbags were the ones that rushed so they could sleep with drunk freshmen girls at frat parties. Frats are no different than clubs. Yes, wearing letters will make you look cool to some people but sometimes the wrong people. If the only reason people like you is because you have letters it's going to be a giant reality check once you hit the real world.
 
D

Deadly Cyclone

Pride of Iowa State
Devolution said:
I think really big cities can be kind of intimidating and less friendly though. I feel a kind of alienation in big urban centers compared to more toned down areas.
Click to expand...

I think it must be all what you're used to. I've lived in a smaller town through high school, and a bit bigger college town since. Went to NYC and Seattle for the first times in the last 2 years and both immediately made me want to move. I get so bored currently, even with some friends around. Just feeling the energy and people in bigger cities was invigorating. I always feel like I have more of a chance for dating when I travel too. Maybe it's just getting out of what I've always known.

Just funny that I can't seem to meet anyone locally, but I always at least start meeting people easier in new cities. I think I get into a routine when at home and just never get the chance.
 
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