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Dating-Age |OT3| Positivity, Confidence, and Not Being a "Nice" Guy
- Thread starter soultron
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Vermillion
Banned
Ehhh, no. I disagree.
But then again, besides me, my family is religious. And insinuating that they can't have loved each other until after they got married is a bit ridiculous to me.
EDIT: And love is an emotion anyways.
Nothing worse than loving someone you have zero affinity with in the bedroom
Vermillion
Banned
Which reminds me of what I heard on a radio program. Basically Christians are to work it out and work at their sexual compatibility.
EDIT: But then again, a good amount of people do that anyways. Starting off with someone you're totally compatible with is pretty lucky.
Glorified G
Member
That's subjective.
You don't necessarily have to have had sex, but you really don't know someone enough after just 2 months.
Vermillion
Banned
I can agree with that part, I guess.
NeOak
Member
Do post updates every now and then. We might catch red flags that you might have missed.
Bam Bam Baklava
Member
I am approaching girls. I pretty much approach them anywhere that's appropriate when I go out. For instance bars, clubs, standing in line somewhere, and so on.
Nerds with Guns
Banned
This is great. You're already doing what most guys wont.
Get out of this mindset. Why? Because there are more places than just bars, clubs, and standing in line somewhere. Anytime you see a girl you want to talk to just do it. Seriously, anywhere.
Do you like going to bars and clubs? Or do you just go because your friends want to and you just want to meet women?
SlipperySlope
Banned
I may not learn much, but if there's one thing I have learned, shorten the phone conversations! Don't want to look like a burden.
Anyway, I called Robin up and told her I'm going to slow things down, that I've been moving too fast. She agreed. So that's one positive at least.
Regarding the no sex thing, we haven't had intercourse but my dick has been in her mouth.
Edit - my last phone conversation clocked in at 3 minutes.
Anyway, I called Robin up and told her I'm going to slow things down, that I've been moving too fast. She agreed. So that's one positive at least.
Regarding the no sex thing, we haven't had intercourse but my dick has been in her mouth.
Edit - my last phone conversation clocked in at 3 minutes.
FelixOrion
Poet Centuriate
I've had those feelings, no doubt. Is it normal? Yeah, probably, but not very good or any of that. I'm kind of a perpetual cynic, so I more or less have these attitudes about different things all the time, but I know what you're feeling. To me, its a signal I need to jsut stop trying and doing something else other than dating/approaching/whatever, because I'm spinning my wheels in the snow, so to speak, at that point.
Devolution
Member
You don't but honestly people are better off, at least in my opinion, if they explore each other mind body and soul before they take the marriage plunge.
SlipperySlope
Banned
Now how do you slow things down??? Problem is she lives in Riverside, about an hours drive from here. It's not lIke we can just do lunch or something.
I'm at a loss...
I'm at a loss...
I think this one is not exactly ready for what you have in mind. I'm not sure a relationship is in the cards. Have some fun with her, keep the conversation light, just have a good time while it lasts.
When I think about taking a break it seems refreshing, but it's also a little scary. So I guess that means I should do it.
I know all the answers to these problems but I keep dragging my feet over so many different things.
It's funny how I can come so far and still be dumb about so much shit (not just dating-related stuff). I think the big lesson is if you're afraid of something that means you should probably try it. It's true for me anyways.
I didn't always recognize self-defeating fear for what it was.
I think slowing things down comes with experience, I don't think it can be taught. All the first girls I fell for on any level I felt like you did, sometimes far worse. In time you'll learn better. I don't think all the logic in the world would have helped me the first time I thought I was in love with a girl and told her.
SuperEpicMan
Banned
Could someone recommend me a good massage oil type thing from ann summers, preferably something flavoured and that will wash out of bed sheets.
Hopefully this is my last question until an update and this one's pretty minor but I just wanted an opinion from you guys. I pretty haven't texted with her at all unless it's functional. On one hand it avoids confusion and the whole annoying texting game although I also feel like we're just disconnected when we don't see each other.
I know how GAF feels about texting and I fully agree, I've always been the most productive when I call her up but she's gonna be partying for a full week now so I probably won't be able to call her unless I want to have an awkward drunk conversation. Besides, I don't really have anything to discuss right now but do suddenly have the urge to start texting to keep the fire going until she comes back.
I know how GAF feels about texting and I fully agree, I've always been the most productive when I call her up but she's gonna be partying for a full week now so I probably won't be able to call her unless I want to have an awkward drunk conversation. Besides, I don't really have anything to discuss right now but do suddenly have the urge to start texting to keep the fire going until she comes back.
Right, cos I'm sure she was hoping to find another father for the kid, rather than just meet someone and have some fun.
SlipperySlope
Banned
Thanks for the advice. The strange thIng is, I know she wants me. I've made a few mistakes along the way, but she is very flirty and one time I was tucking her in so she could take a nap, and she clawed at my chest and reached for my junk.
She has some sort of mental block. Maybe I'm taking things too fast. One time I texted her "You would ravage me if you let your instincts take over, wouldn't you?"
She replied "Yes, thats the prob! Aminal."
Later on I asked "What would you do to me if you got your hands on me?"
She replied "Wudnt u lk to know!"
So many mixed responses from her. Her body wants it, her mind is scared...
What's the problem? If you guys hit it off, it's an instant family.
SuperEpicMan
Banned
I have just dropped by this thread so I haven't read any previous posts, but me and the girl I have been seeing for a couple of months love texting each other and being flirty, if I wasn't texting and talking as much, I would also feel pretty disconnected. We text each other some stupid shit lol.
I wasn't implying she's not into you. I just don't think she's in it for anything non-physical at the moment.
What in the fuck?
Until you're actually doing something, you're just playing around bullshitting. But it can't even be that when you're saying you love someone already. She thinks so little of all this playing around stuff and somehow it causing you to go off a deepend. There's a pretty big disconnect here. You can keep holding and saying that you "know" she wants you, but when it clashes directly with her dancing with other guys you're just going to feel like shit - and look dumb - because you're not singing the same song she is.
I should have said more, heh. We had fun, a true blast. Spent hours together as we were both vacationing in Cancun this past week. She was shy, but it was a good challenge to get her to talk to me and do wild things like zip lining across a sinkhole or drive an ATV. It was all good, but when we begun talking and she said that it was a huge downer for me. I was targeting her for something serious, though I've been single for..... 3 weeks now
.Thing is, I am not ready to be a father nor am I willing to "adopt" someone else's baby, and I feel like just having sex with her is not what I wanted so its been a major disappointment.
Liu Kang Baking A Pie
Member
Are you sure she just doesn't want you to make the first decisive move?
SuperEpicMan
Banned
I dunno whether it anyone else thinks it is a good idea, but it might be useful to give us an idea of the ages of you and the people you are dating. Eg. Im twenty so it could be a fair assumption that I may not be wanting anything too serious.
Texting with her in the past has proven...difficult in the past and her response is always delayed so there's never been any real back and forth banter. I know how that sounds but the last time I saw her has been great and she's always been this way texting, no matter how we're doing at the time. We've also already kissed and cuddled so I'm already past that phase. It looks like I'm kinda answering my own question here since it sounds like a horrible idea but it just seems so empty now that she'll be gone for a week without something as simple as a text
.EDIT: Don't think it really matters in this particular case but I'm 20.
Devolution
Member
Texting with her in the past has proven...difficult in the past and her response is always delayed so there's never been any real back and forth banter. I know how that sounds but the last time I saw her has been great and she's always been this way texting, no matter how we're doing at the time. We've also already kissed and cuddled so I'm already past that phase. It looks like I'm kinda answering my own question here since it sounds like a horrible idea but it just seems so empty now that she'll be gone for a week without something as simple as a text
EDIT: Don't think it really matters in this particular case but I'm 20.
In my opinion texting is great as a supplemental form of communication. It should never be your main line of communication however.
SuperEpicMan
Banned
Texting with her in the past has proven...difficult in the past and her response is always delayed so there's never been any real back and forth banter. I know how that sounds but the last time I saw her has been great and she's always been this way texting, no matter how we're doing at the time. We've also already kissed and cuddled so I'm already past that phase. It looks like I'm kinda answering my own question here since it sounds like a horrible idea but it just seems so empty now that she'll be gone for a week without something as simple as a text
EDIT: Don't think it really matters but since you generally asked I'm 20.
Damn I would feel devastated going a week without hearing from mine, bad enough not seeing her for a week lol
May I ask for a bit of advice? I'm hardly short of confidence when it comes to talking to women, but that comes with an asterisk. If I see a woman that I'm not interested in but somehow feel compelled to speak to because I notice something in particular with them (like maybe a certain book, a certain shirt, etc), i have ZERO problems starting a conversation.
BUT! when it's a woman that I'm attracted to, I'm at an absolute loss for words. I get this mental block where I can't get a conversation going. That's the hardest part. Once a conversation is started, it's easy to go with the ebb and flow and steer it into certain topics. The whole breaking the ice part is where I stumble. Please help me! haha
BUT! when it's a woman that I'm attracted to, I'm at an absolute loss for words. I get this mental block where I can't get a conversation going. That's the hardest part. Once a conversation is started, it's easy to go with the ebb and flow and steer it into certain topics. The whole breaking the ice part is where I stumble. Please help me! haha
What's stopping you from using the same icebreaker that you use on girls you're not attracted to? Commenting on something you notice? It seems like a pretty good way to start conversation to me!
SuperEpicMan
Banned
I think it depends on the situation (where you are, what you are doing etc), but it would probably help by deciding on a topic of conversation before approaching her, if you are both young, ask if she goes to uni etc, if it is a place you go to often ask her if she's from around here because you haven't seen her before.
Nerds With Guns, I hope you read this. I've been in your position before so I know exactly what you're thinking, especially the guilt. This scenario will force you to question yourself morally. The important thing for you to remember is that a no point did you pressure her into making the decision you did. Now some people may debate that you didn't stop it and that you should have - but that, IMO, is wrong. Purely because it's not your decision to make, it was hers. It was her responsibility, and if she was prepared to deal with the consequences, it's her choice. This is why I, and a few others told you not to bring up the BF. You stopping her would have sent off very bad signals and messed her up. Specifically, she wouldn't have taken it as you trying to do the honorable thing by that guy. She would have taken it as you not being as into her as she was to you.
I don't think she cheated on that dude. She broke it off with him right away. She told you why. Whether it's true or not you don't know. What if he was abusing her and she didn't want you to think she was damaged goods? Cheating would have been her stringing him along while seeing you too. She didn't, and that's a good sign for you, cause it means she isn't the type of girl.
I dunno. It really sounds like she was waiting for the right guy to come along, which a lot of girls too. Just like a lot of guys have a few dates and girls lined up in case things go south. She was kind of using that guy as a safety net. If you need any advice I'll be lurking, as I said I've been where you are right now, and I know how much it makes you doubt who you are as a person.
I don't think she cheated on that dude. She broke it off with him right away. She told you why. Whether it's true or not you don't know. What if he was abusing her and she didn't want you to think she was damaged goods? Cheating would have been her stringing him along while seeing you too. She didn't, and that's a good sign for you, cause it means she isn't the type of girl.
I dunno. It really sounds like she was waiting for the right guy to come along, which a lot of girls too. Just like a lot of guys have a few dates and girls lined up in case things go south. She was kind of using that guy as a safety net. If you need any advice I'll be lurking, as I said I've been where you are right now, and I know how much it makes you doubt who you are as a person.
Etrian Oddity
Member
What about when a girl tells you to text her? In my experience, I haven't met any girls who have actually said "call me." Every time they only mention text.
It seems VERY elementary but I get this mental block for some odd reason. Like it's someone I'm not attracted to, I'm filled to the brim with confidence and stay loose and relaxed. Now turn that into a female I'm interested in, I freaking crumble =(.
If you want easy sex, yes its meaningless to a degree. Especially with the super hot airhead girls, but for a girl you really like, where there's chemistry and where there's this certain "other" thing, its completely meaningless as you say.
Bam Bam Baklava
Member
I've been told that women that don't like being hit on in a place like a gym for instance. I realize I'm only talking to them but even so some people don't want to talk when they got stuff to do.
I go to some of these places because I got nothing better to do. Don't have many friends either so options are limited.
That's tricky...I can't really offer any useful advice other than to keep on trying and fully focus on approaching the situation like you would with less attractive girls. I think practice really makes perfect with mental blocks like these.
Devolution
Member
Text but get in the habit of getting her to communicate with you via other means. It's so easy to misconstrue texts or generally read stuff into them that isn't there. I just don't think it's a good habit to get into, especially if you're inexperienced with how these things go.
NotTheGuyYouKill
Member
Thank you, Devo.
For your avatar.
As for texting, fuck texting. It's the worst. I'd rather talk to people over the phone or in person, texts are too often misconstrued. Maybe I'm just lagging behind a generation or something :/
Also, I'm slow at texting and they cost me 20 cents per text.
Yeah, the gym could be a creepy place to hit on girls at. They get hit on all day, no need to add to that by invading their privacy. On the other hand, why "hit" on them in the first place? Like someone else said, a lot of guys go 0 for 3 on the great stuff you seem to have. You could easily have them hitting on you. Not worrying about it can be hard as hell, I know, but maybe you should focus on making new friends? That seems like a big deal to me. I wouldn't go as far as giving the same advice as chinner gave to izick but to some degree it might be right for you?
Edit: As for having problems with hotter women,
http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=9oLFeTXEFp0
That's really easy to say until bites her lip and starts playing with her hair and you forget what day it is and where you work.
My thing has always just been to key on one thing, anything, to make that person seem more human. Anne Hathway? Big mouth. Halle Berry? Can't drive. Etc. Just keep it in your head of course - but things become a lot easier when you're talking to the person with the big nose and not a Brazilian goddess.
Devolution
Member
I've had dudes check me out at the gym with Timedog right next to me. Shit is so skeevy. And yeah I wouldn't be comfortable getting hit on there. The female to male ratio in the weights section is daunting enough.
NotTheGuyYouKill
Member
I'm with my Swedish brother here on this one.
I think some reorientation of your goals is necessary. Go make new friends, instead of just hitting on girls. Build it and they will come.
And don't hit on girls at the gym. They're there to work out and shit, not flirt endlessly with you (though hey, it can happen if you hit it off).
You shouldn't just restrict yourself to bars and stuff though. Have you ever tried to strike up a conversation on the train or bus or something? In a shop?
I'd have to agree with Minamu about making friends. I understand that approaching girls outside of the usual club/bar environment is hard and it's not common at all. I've never really tried it in places like gyms or stores either but other places like school/university/coffee places can be pretty inviting and might suit your style of interacting more. But if you want to be more succesful at meeting girls in clubs and bars having a bunch of fun guys around you is one of the most important things from personal experience. Especially since you can wingman your friends and vice versa. I used to dislike it but now it spices up going out, instead of just sipping on a beer you get to do something fun with your friends and perhaps even meet a fun girl you like
. Perhaps you just have to embrace the awkwardness of it all a bit more and just roll with it, especially if your friends feel the same way.the issue is that a lot of guys key on women at the gym as a go-to because women are dressed down, they're flexing, and they already have a starting point for any conversation
but its played out, very played out
and i don't know about a lot of you guys, but i honestly hate (most) bars and clubs. you can meet plenty of people just by going about your weekly routine. goin to work, stop a news stand, talk to the people there. buying groceries, talk to someone there. looking for clothes? same thing. it shouldn't be a "hit on" mentality so much as "talk to people" for most.
all you gotta do is meet one person, get cool with them, and you've already got your into the door with a new group of people. work from there. hell, that way you make your own wingman/winggirl and they're actively trying to introduce you to people IF you let them know that you're single and you don't come off like douche/look like a clown/have your life in shambles
but its played out, very played out
and i don't know about a lot of you guys, but i honestly hate (most) bars and clubs. you can meet plenty of people just by going about your weekly routine. goin to work, stop a news stand, talk to the people there. buying groceries, talk to someone there. looking for clothes? same thing. it shouldn't be a "hit on" mentality so much as "talk to people" for most.
all you gotta do is meet one person, get cool with them, and you've already got your into the door with a new group of people. work from there. hell, that way you make your own wingman/winggirl and they're actively trying to introduce you to people IF you let them know that you're single and you don't come off like douche/look like a clown/have your life in shambles
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