• Hey, guest user. Hope you're enjoying NeoGAF! Have you considered registering for an account? Come join us and add your take to the daily discourse.

Dating-Age |OT3| Positivity, Confidence, and Not Being a "Nice" Guy

Status
Not open for further replies.
Get back into photography, but for the right reasons and get better at it. Carrying a camera and actually being a good photographer is a great way to break the ice and is a conversation starter. It's like carrying a guitar, but much easier to learn to use.

Every woman in my office looks at our photographers as rockstars. Even the 40-year-old, overweight guy has to beat them off with a stick. The thing is he's a nice guy and doesn't shove the camera in people's faces. Once the conversation starts and you are an interesting person they forget all about the camera.

I once knew this photog that would bring his camera to the bar. He'd just sit it on the bar and within 10 minutes he'd have women flocking to him, but only because it was a conversation starter. He was actually very charming. Plus, his photography let him do awesome stuff like being commissioned to shoot a safari in Africa. So pick photography back up, take some art classes, etc. The only downside is unless you are shooting weddings or models, the life of a photographer is akin to a starving artist.

The other advice I want to give you is that you are in junior college. Once you transfer to college, there will be an ungodly amount of easy ways to meet new people on campus. Also, think hard before joining a frat. I had plenty of fraternity friends in college. The actual cool/nice ones joined because they actually liked being in a fraternity of like-minded people and caring for their brothers. The losers and scumbags were the ones that rushed so they could sleep with drunk freshmen girls at frat parties. Frats are no different than clubs. Yes, wearing letters will make you look cool to some people but sometimes the wrong people. If the only reason people like you is because you have letters it's going to be a giant reality check once you hit the real world.

Damn man I can't believe it. Back when I did what they were doing the only responses I got were "why are you taking pictures" or "are you some kind of creeper taking pics" etc. It's weird man, I do something and people think it's lame and some other guy does it and it's awesome.
 
I think it must be all what you're used to. I've lived in a smaller town through high school, and a bit bigger college town since. Went to NYC and Seattle for the first times in the last 2 years and both immediately made me want to move. I get so bored currently, even with some friends around. Just feeling the energy and people in bigger cities was invigorating. I always feel like I have more of a chance for dating when I travel too. Maybe it's just getting out of what I've always known.

Just funny that I can't seem to meet anyone locally, but I always at least start meeting people easier in new cities. I think I get into a routine when at home and just never get the chance.

In the Bay Area and Portland it's a nice mix of both worlds. There are more cozy places when the big city stuff gets too impersonal.
 
How long together?

Not long, 2 months. I was in love, and told her that yesterday. I also have extreme anxiety - I was in the ER two days ago for what they said was a 12 hour panic attack. That was leading up to me telling her how I thought, which I'm sure added to the anxiety. She responded saying I don't really know her, then later that day I saw her at the dance (didn't know she'd be there), and today the breakup.

Just got up, grabbed a protein bar and some chips and water, and laying in bed again.
 

Deadly Cyclone

Pride of Iowa State
In the Bay Area and Portland it's a nice mix of both worlds. There are more cozy places when the big city stuff gets too impersonal.

Yeah, I could see that. I feel a need to move up though. I've gotten the whole "why would you want to move out of Iowa" from friends, but being here for 20 some years I want to see more of the country, love somewhere new, get into a new dating situation. :p
 
Damn man I can't believe it. Back when I did what they were doing the only responses I got were "why are you taking pictures" or "are you some kind of creeper taking pics" etc. It's weird man, I do something and people think it's lame and some other guy does it and it's awesome.

Believe me, today chicks want to bang dudes carrying 5D's. Personal experience.
 
Get out of this mindset. Why? Because there are more places than just bars, clubs, and standing in line somewhere. Anytime you see a girl you want to talk to just do it. Seriously, anywhere.

I'll be honest, reflex is if a girl says something (anything, really) to a guy that's with me before me I just take it as a no interest.

Like just now, when I was at a store. Probably not a good reflex, but I prefer to talk to girls when I'm alone anyways.
 
Not long, 2 months. I was in love, and told her that yesterday. I also have extreme anxiety - I was in the ER two days ago for what they said was a 12 hour panic attack. That was leading up to me telling her how I thought, which I'm sure added to the anxiety. She responded saying I don't really know her, then later that day I saw her at the dance (didn't know she'd be there), and today the breakup.

Just got up, grabbed a protein bar and some chips and water, and laying in bed again.

Yeah... she kind of did the right thing by jumping ship...
You went way too soon with the "I love you" and she was rightfully weirded out by it. You can't become obsessed so easily man.
 
The thing is, I am not a sane person. I don't respond to things the same way a normal person does. Not good in social situations. So my relationships, however few there have been, are short and very far apart.

In fact, there was a span, from about 2004 to 2010, where I did not go out on a single date. I didn't even approach a girl for a date during that span. Too nervous.

My longest relationship was about 3 months. The one that just ended was my second longest relationship.

I've lately gotten better at the rebound, that 6 year span was insane! But we'll see.
 
The thing is, I am not a sane person. I don't respond to things the same way a normal person does. Not good in social situations. So my relationships, however few there have been, are short and very far apart.

In fact, there was a span, from about 2004 to 2010, where I did not go out on a single date. I didn't even approach a girl for a date during that span. Too nervous.

My longest relationship was about 3 months. The one that just ended was my second longest relationship.

I've lately gotten better at the rebound, that 6 year span was insane! But we'll see.

You have to fix these things before you can even think about dating. These things are fixable but they do take effort to do.
 
Yeah, I could see that. I feel a need to move up though. I've gotten the whole "why would you want to move out of Iowa" from friends, but being here for 20 some years I want to see more of the country, love somewhere new, get into a new dating situation. :p

My problem is that I'm so used to the small town thing that I don't think I could survive in a big city. I spent a semester in Chicago once in college and it was one of the most depressing times of my life. It would help if you didn't need a strategy guide to figure out how the L worked. I just felt completely overwhelmed and isolated. I'm so jealous of my siblings. My dad was in the military, so they were so used to moving around a lot and living in strange new places. My problem is I feel way more comfortable living in the country, but the very nature of it means there's no way to easily meet new people or to date.

For one, our definition of civilization is much different than an urbanite. Unless you go to dive hole shitty bars, there's nothing going on a Friday or Saturday. I'd really love to live in Saint Augustine with my brother. It's Florida without the rednecks and tourists, a university town nearby and beach access within a stone's throw. Alas, I'm stuck in mountain country.
 

Deadly Cyclone

Pride of Iowa State
The thing is, I am not a sane person. I don't respond to things the same way a normal person does. Not good in social situations. So my relationships, however few there have been, are short and very far apart.

In fact, there was a span, from about 2004 to 2010, where I did not go out on a single date. I didn't even approach a girl for a date during that span. Too nervous.

My longest relationship was about 3 months. The one that just ended was my second longest relationship.

I've lately gotten better at the rebound, that 6 year span was insane! But we'll see.

If it makes you feel any better it's been 8 years since my last relationship. :p

Working to change that, and I am so much better at just talking to women now, but still hard to find someone that is interested!
 
I'll be honest, reflex is if a girl says something (anything, really) to a guy that's with me before me I just take it as a no interest.

Like just now, when I was at a store. Probably not a good reflex, but I prefer to talk to girls when I'm alone anyways.

Maybe I'm really tired but I didn't understand any of this.

So if a girl says hello to someone else before you, you assume she's not interested?
 
You have to fix these things before you can even think about dating. These things are fixable but they do take effort to do.

It's not fixable :( My brother has it too, and my father. Even my sister to a lesser extent. It stems from my father's mother's side.

The only thing that helps is medication, which I've been taking for over 10 years. It doesn't fix it, but it's the only reason I'm able to leave the house.

As I mentioned, I had a 6 year span where I didn't even ask a girl out. I didn't do shit during those 6 years relationship-wise. Didn't help.

My condition is only getting worse over time. Eventually it will kill me.
 

Deadly Cyclone

Pride of Iowa State
Maybe I'm really tired but I didn't understand any of this.

So if a girl says hello to someone else before you, you assume she's not interested?

I think I get it, ive had those feelings occasionally. Basically if a good friend and I are together and a woman comes up to both of us, but starts chatting with my friend and sort of ignores me it seems like she's not interested in me at all. It's a shallow way to see that situation, but it does play on your confidence when it happens a lot. Especially at places you go to meet women.
 
On the subject of dating environment: I'm very happy that I'm in college because of all the eye candy... but I just can't find anyone who's attracted to me. Being 23, a non-(weed) smoker, more emotionally mature, and a careful approach to life makes me extremely at odds with most people at this party school.

I know I'm never going to be around as many beautiful girls as I am right now... but it's like it's all for naught, seeing as I can't find anyone compatible or interested in me. :\
 
I think I get it, ive had those feelings occasionally. Basically if a good friend and I are together and a woman comes up to both of us, but starts chatting with my friend and sort of ignores me it seems like she's not interested in me at all. It's a shallow way to see that situation, but it does play on your confidence when it happens a lot. Especially at places you go to meet women.

Trick of the trade - Only bring your ugly friends when you're out scouting.
 
On the subject of dating environment: I'm very happy that I'm in college because of all the eye candy... but I just can't find anyone who's attracted to me. Being 23, a non-(weed) smoker, more emotionally mature, and a careful approach to life makes me extremely at odds with most people at this party school.

I know I'm never going to be around as many beautiful girls as I am right now... but it's like it's all for naught, seeing as I can't find anyone compatible or interested in me. :\

I know how you feel man. Sometimes I just wish I could be like those badass spontaneous guys. I'm not even sure if I would want to hang out with myself, it would be too boring.
 

Jhoan

Member
I don't know. I wish I even had the option to be in a fraternity, would be cool to know they want me to be a part of their group. I like your suggestions man, they really appeal to me. I used to actually do photography when I was in high school but I got some negative reactions from people carrying a camera around all the time so I stopped. I also like going to concerts and stuff but it seems like everyone goes with a friend or group, like you got your brother to go with you.
I'm gonna you a reality check about fraternities: Don't rush one if you know you're not gonna be able to afford it in the long run. Fraternities are a freakin' expensive! I didn't realize that until I got voted in, paid $195 to join, and then learned that there's more crap to pay on top of that. Fraternities aren't gonna make your social problems disappear instantly as I've come to learn; you still have to socialize on your own outside of it.

It's its own government meaning that you get fined for missing meetings, not going to "Brotherhood" events, and shoulder the burden of a massive fine because the chapter was short one member who didn't show up to a conference. It's a hell of a commitment you're making once you pay the money and get pledged in. That said, if you're considering join one, then your college's fraternities will no doubt be out in full force trying to recruit people in the fall.

I'm still thinking about quitting because it's financially demanding, and I feel a little bit like an outsider. But I'm going to try to ride it out for a semester before I make a decision. If I get overwhelmed by it mid semester, I'm going to resign.

Never let people that say negative things or that you can't do something stop you from doing what you want to do. Chances are they're either jealous, insecure, envious, or all of them. There's people that I know that envy me just because I'm fit and ripped; I can sense it. Those are the type of people are people that I don't like to be around because they try to prove themselves to me and try to "Alpha male" me which is not cool.

So take up photography because like any new hobby and skill, you get better with practice. Photography can be a social thing too. Ask people to pose for you and stuff like that.

Or go to a gaming event that it's in your town/city. You'll be guaranteed to meet people there. I met a bunch of new people at a Capcom event a few years ago that I went to on my own. We had a ton of fun, took pictures, and whatnot.
lol Nah dude. But I do remember you mentioning it somewhere.

So let me ask you this, and maybe it's my jealousy talking but HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU BE BORED IN NEW YORK?

like, what?

At worst just go around walking in and out of random stores, making small talk with everybody. You don't even have to go anywhere to met women. But I simply can't comprehend how someone can be bored in New York. If that's the case there's no hope for anyone, anywhere. (Maybe L.A)
New York isn't all fun and roses; it costs money to go out for the most part (there's several free things to do as well that I'm aware of). I barely go out on the weekends because of that and I have social anxiety. I don't have many friends that are willing to go out beyond the fraternity (I don't trust those guys to go out with them).

Like Devo said, living in such a big city feels kind of lonely at times because it can be hard to find friends who the time hang out because they're working most of the time and it's hard to meet people in general. That's why many people turn to online dating websites and forums.

The older you get, the less time people have time to do things. Who do you think has the time of day to hang out on a week day? Not too many people do. It's the same thing when I go volunteer; I have to spend $4.50 on subway fare to go and get myself back. I get "paid" with vouchers and snacks. It's work and it's socializing yes, but it's still work.

I do the things that you're talking about but it's so boring because I'm not really doing anything. I people watch too and draw people. I see what you're getting at though and I agree. Being out in the sun beats staying home but it comes down to getting outside my comfort zone and approaching a woman which I'm afraid of doing. There's some days when I'm sociable, and some days when I'm not.
 
I think I get it, ive had those feelings occasionally. Basically if a good friend and I are together and a woman comes up to both of us, but starts chatting with my friend and sort of ignores me it seems like she's not interested in me at all. It's a shallow way to see that situation, but it does play on your confidence when it happens a lot. Especially at places you go to meet women.

I don't think so. She could be nervous about talking to you, or trying to make you jealous.
 
I'm gonna you a reality check about fraternities: Don't rush one if you know you're not gonna be able to afford it in the long run. Fraternities are a freakin' expensive! I didn't realize that until I got voted in, paid $195 to join, and then learned that there's more crap to pay on top of that. Fraternities aren't gonna make your social problems disappear instantly as I've come to learn; you still have to socialize on your own outside of it.

It's its own government meaning that you get fined for missing meetings, not going to "Brotherhood" events, and shoulder the burden of a massive fine because the chapter was short one member who didn't show up to a conference. It's a hell of a commitment you're making once you pay the money and get pledged in. That said, if you're considering join one, then your college's fraternities will no doubt be out in full force trying to recruit people in the fall.

I'm still thinking about quitting because it's financially demanding, and I feel a little bit like an outsider. But I'm going to try to ride it out for a semester before I make a decision. If I get overwhelmed by it mid semester, I'm going to resign.
Yea, just because you rush a fraternity does not mean you're going to be swimming in pussy. "Fratboy" status merely elevates the already handsome or douchey guys. I can tell you this because I've been in a fraternity for almost two years. :p

The financial burden is huge, no doubt. In fact, I had to go inactive because I just don't have the money and have to start focusing on my own personal finances.

That said... holy shit, the memories my fraternity has given me so far have been amazing. Plus, it compelled me to become a better me, because I looked up to the guys there and wanted to be like them. Lost weight; learned how to dress; they helped me become more social with girls and stuff; etc.

It definitely has its perks... I will never ever regret rushing.
 
It's not fixable...My condition is only getting worse over time. Eventually it will kill me.
Manic depressive? Bipolar 2 disorder? It doesn't have to be “fixable”. You just have to find the right person that will accept you for who you are and love you no matter what, which is easier said then done I guess.

I know there's an anti-med segment of the Bi-polar community. That's fine I guess. Whatever you have, it doesn't have to kill you. I'm going on almost 7 years now since the last girl I fell in love with hung herself because she didn't want to take her meds. I loved her and thought I could save her. I was wrong. On the flip side of your equation is the person that loves you. Someone dying because you weren't strong enough to save them, tell them they needed their meds, or convince them you loved them no matter what is why I haven't dated since. I was nieve to think I could save her and her death is partially my fault. I was too weak to stand by her.
 
Either would be doubtful. And why put up with that bullshit (bolded)?

Yeah, trying to make people jealous is silly. When I was younger and more shy I'd have trouble talking to the guy I was interested in in a group situation, partly out of paranoia the group would realise if I was too obvious.
 
Manic depressive? Bipolar 2 disorder? It doesn't have to be “fixable”. You just have to find the right person that will accept you for who you are and love you no matter what, which is easier said then done I guess.

I know there's an anti-med segment of the Bi-polar community. That's fine I guess. Whatever you have, it doesn't have to kill you. I'm going on almost 7 years now since the last girl I fell in love with hung herself because she didn't want to take her meds. I loved her and thought I could save her. I was wrong. On the flip side of your equation is the person that loves you. Someone dying because you weren't strong enough to save them, tell them they needed their meds, or convince them you loved them no matter what is why I haven't dated since. I was nieve to think I could save her and her death is partially my fault. I was too weak to stand by her.

Oh wow. I'm sorry to hear that :( It's not your fault. Sometimes people are just beyond repair. Please stop beating yourself up over it. Do you think she would want you beating yourself up over it?

Edit - When people want to die, nothing in the world can stop them. There is nothing you could have done.
 
Yeah, trying to make people jealous is silly. When I was younger and more shy I'd have trouble talking to the guy I was interested in in a group situation, partly out of paranoia the group would realise if I was too obvious.

That's what I do (or did, after summer's over I'll figure out if I'm less so), except with the genders reversed :p
 

Lucian Cat

Kissed a mod for a tag; liked it
So I met up with the guy Saturday night. He was nice. We seemed to hit it off well. But I'd already made up my mind that I'd chosen my friend. My friend knew this and wasn't very thrilled with me seeing this guy, but the plans were already made, and I don't like to cancel things.

So now my friend and I are dating so I spose I should refer to him as my boyfriend.

I decided to cut with the guy so I messaged him today. I knew he was a christian so all I had to say was that I was divorced and bam, he got on his high horse that marriage was sacred. I had explained my reasons but he was rude, so that's that.

So I'm happy with my decision, kinda pissed off with this guy, and hopefully things work out well with my boyfriend :)
 
I do the things that you're talking about but it's so boring because I'm not really doing anything. I people watch too and draw people. I see what you're getting at though and I agree. Being out in the sun beats staying home but it comes down to getting outside my comfort zone and approaching a woman which I'm afraid of doing. There's some days when I'm sociable, and some days when I'm not.

Whhhhhyyyyy????


What’s the worst that can happen? I want you to seriously answer this question for me.


Jip Man listen, (I know your name is Jipan, this is what I call you in my head) every time you post something I learn about your life and you sound cool as fuck. And yet you do all these awesome things and don’t take advantage of them. You’re afraid to approach women because... what? Are you afraid you don’t have something to offer them? Are you afraid of rejection? Are you afraid they’re going to laugh in your face? Hell, I’ll tell you the worst thing that will happen. She will say she’s not interested or that she has a boyfriend. That’s it. You’re not going to burst into flames, you won’t die, and you’re not going to get struck by lightning (don’t quote me on that last one). If you’re worried about what to say you can start off by walking up to a pretty girl, saying she’s pretty and walking away. That’s it. Do this for two weeks straight (seriously) and watch as the amount of fucks you give decrease at a rapid pace. It will become so bad to the point where that bores you and that’s where you want to be. Reason? Because it means (for the most part) you can approach girls without having social anxiety. You will be so used to approaching completely random strangers (pretty girls at that) that stopping, having a conversation, and eventually asking one out won’t nearly be as big of a jump. Now I’m not saying your anxiety will be completely gone; your heart will still be racing. But that feeling of being nervous will turn to exhilaration I promise you that.


Either would be doubtful. And why put up with that bullshit (bolded)?

Joker, why do you invite a rain cloud to chill over your head?


I knew he was a christian so all I had to say was that I was divorced and bam, he got on his high horse that marriage was sacred.

I'm sorry but this made me laugh. I hope everything works out with you and your new bf.
 

FelixOrion

Poet Centuriate
So I met up with the guy Saturday night. He was nice. We seemed to hit it off well. But I'd already made up my mind that I'd chosen my friend. My friend knew this and wasn't very thrilled with me seeing this guy, but the plans were already made, and I don't like to cancel things.

So now my friend and I are dating so I spose I should refer to him as my boyfriend.

I decided to cut with the guy so I messaged him today. I knew he was a christian so all I had to say was that I was divorced and bam, he got on his high horse that marriage was sacred. I had explained my reasons but he was rude, so that's that.

So I'm happy with my decision, kinda pissed off with this guy, and hopefully things work out well with my boyfriend :)

That's kinda a low blow in my book.
 

Fëanor

Member
I was telling my mom that I met with some random girl off the internet on friday, and that it went well. I tell her she's white and she smiles, but then she goes "are you sure you don't want to date a Mexican girl?" hahaha.

I suppose she's looking out for me, probably not wanting to see me get burn by dating outside my ethnic group.

Trying to make guys jealous is kind of dumb, but then again my exgf and other girls I knew when working retail did this. It does work, sometimes.
 

subversus

I've done nothing with my life except eat and fap
yeah, DON'T DO IT.

I lost about a year this way in the university and 6 months when I tried it again in my adulthood.

Nobody comes to you, you should be active.
 

Lucian Cat

Kissed a mod for a tag; liked it
That's kinda a low blow in my book.

I was trying to let him down gently but he started getting offensive and rude. It's not my fault he completely changed tone over something that didnt even concern him and got snarky just because he didnt agree with it.
 

Fou-Lu

Member
Maybe in Brenth Smith's alternate reality that will work but I don't think it works in our reality. People don't really come to you.

Well, I'm not going to ignore a girl if I walk into a new class and see someone that interests me, or anywhere else really, but I'm tired of going out of my way for it, to the point where I'll go on a date when I know I should be studying for a final or whatever. Low self-esteem makes you do stupid things, and even now that I have more confidence, old habits die hard.
 
I was trying to let him down gently but he started getting offensive and rude. It's not my fault he completely changed tone over something that didnt even concern him and got snarky just because he didnt agree with it.

I know it sounds cliché but you dodged a bullet there. Good luck with your friend!!!
 

FelixOrion

Poet Centuriate
I was trying to let him down gently but he started getting offensive and rude. It's not my fault he completely changed tone over something that didnt even concern him and got snarky just because he didnt agree with it.

Was using that more a reaction to his rudeness? If so, then I apologize.

I'm not saying he's not at fault. But you brought up that issue as a sort of easy out by assuming something about him (for the record, I'm Christian too, and that wouldn't have acted like that). I just found it odd that you felt good about him, maybe not relationship material and you liked him enough to at least consider it, and then decided to use that method to get out of it.

Anyways, good luck.
 
As to what you should do next, do you like her? If so then obviously you should ask her out to keep the ball rolling. You just scratched the surface my man. I'm happy for you.

Congrats! Just say you had a nice time and ask her if she'd like to meet for a drink sometime. Suggest a day maybe a week or so later.

Aaaand, done: this coming Friday night.

She stayed over the next day and we just chilled on the couch (lazy sunday).
You must have done a couple of things right that lead to that point. Elaborate more on this story so that we can get a better idea.
Well, I was at a restaurant for a mutual friend's birthday party, and she took the vacant seat next to me. We started some small chit-chat and I took the initiative to introduce myself first and we kept talking to each, mostly to each other for most of the night. There was also a little trivia challenge and we had some fun making complete guesses at that.

I saw her again at the bus stop, and we talked some more on the bus. Found out we both got on-campus jobs, and brought up a karaoke night for the same group of mutual friends. At the end of that day, I added her on Facebook, and the next day she messaged me about tagging along with her for an alcohol run for a karaoke night. I started having thoughts, but I thought, "why not?" After the run, she suddenly asked why not make a stop somewhere to eat for dinner for karaoke, and I simply oblige without a second thought. We took our time eating, then went that karaoke night. A few hours later, once both of us sobered up, she saids to its too late at night to wait for the bus to go home, so she asked me if she could walk back with me and crash at my place.
Guess what I said.

We made back to my place, we sat on the couch, and the next thing you know, she resting on my shoulder, holding me.

I have no idea what I've done, if I did anything. I guess she just likes me.
 

Lucian Cat

Kissed a mod for a tag; liked it
Was using that more a reaction to his rudeness? If so, then I apologize.

I'm not saying he's not at fault. But you brought up that issue as a sort of easy out by assuming something about him (for the record, I'm Christian too, and that wouldn't have acted like that). I just found it odd that you felt good about him, maybe not relationship material and you liked him enough to at least consider it, and then decided to use that method to get out of it.

Anyways, good luck.

Ah my apologies. I misread that. But yes I was a bit shocked. Considering it would have been alright to sleep with me. He seemed to only follow snippets of the morals he was portraying. I have no issue against religious people but he just shat me off. Ah well.
 

subversus

I've done nothing with my life except eat and fap
I knew he was a christian so all I had to say was that I was divorced and bam, he got on his high horse that marriage was sacred. I had explained my reasons but he was rude, so that's that.

Nice and gentle.

When I want a girl to leave me alone for good but I don't want to offend her in any way by that I just start talking about eventuality of death or how I don't want children or show her my Heavy Metal comic book collection with a sleazy grin or just start acting like a dork. It's always better this way (for me at least) than just telling a person that I'm not interested anymore.
 

Jhoan

Member
Whhhhhyyyyy????


What’s the worst that can happen? I want you to seriously answer this question for me.


Jip Man listen, (I know your name is Jipan, this is what I call you in my head) every time you post something I learn about your life and you sound cool as fuck. And yet you do all these awesome things and don’t take advantage of them. You’re afraid to approach women because... what? Are you afraid you don’t have something to offer them? Are you afraid of rejection? Are you afraid they’re going to laugh in your face? Hell, I’ll tell you the worst thing that will happen. She will say she’s not interested or that she has a boyfriend. That’s it. You’re not going to burst into flames, you won’t die, and you’re not going to get struck by lightning (don’t quote me on that last one). If you’re worried about what to say you can start off by walking up to a pretty girl, saying she’s pretty and walking away. That’s it. Do this for two weeks straight (seriously) and watch as the amount of fucks you give decrease at a rapid pace. It will become so bad to the point where that bores you and that’s where you want to be. Reason? Because it means (for the most part) you can approach girls without having social anxiety. You will be so used to approaching completely random strangers (pretty girls at that) that stopping, having a conversation, and eventually asking one out won’t nearly be as big of a jump. Now I’m not saying your anxiety will be completely gone; your heart will still be racing. But that feeling of being nervous will turn to exhilaration I promise you that.
That happened to me last semester. I said in my head "That's it?" It was the dumbest thing in the world. I told her "I'll see you around," and proceeded to walk away, my confidence surging through the roof after having done it. Of course, it stung for about a minute or two but then I felt proud of myself afterwards.

In retrospect, I wanted to say "Thank you" because I felt liberated. It was tough building up the courage to do it despite my heart beating at 200 miles per hour. But it's what I really wanted do so I followed my desire, spoke up, and let her hear it. In my younger years, I don't think I would've been able to do it but with age comes wisdom, experience, stories to tell, and maturity.

If you ever come to NY around the same time as a GAF meet up (provided it's not at a bar), I might tell you my real name but it's definitely not "Jipan." I've never met a Hispanic guy with that name.

Basically it's like you said; I kind of feel like I have no tongue. I make eye contact with a woman, I keep walking, I look back, check out her ass, and high with my temporary moment of visual pleasure, I walk on my merry way; rinse and repeat. Obviously I am getting tired of gawking at women and being unable to do anything about it other than just stare and move onto the next attractive woman that comes into my line of sight.

Like any scary thing, I'll consider doing it and get back to you all on that. It just means that I have to take a deep breath, put my thoughts aside, and do it. But since it sounds like a fun objective, I don't see the harm in it.
 
That happened to me last semester. I said in my head "That's it?" It was the dumbest thing in the world. I told her "I'll see you around," and proceeded to walk away, my confidence surging through the roof after having done it. Of course, it stung for about a minute or two but then I felt proud of myself afterwards.

In retrospect, I wanted to say "Thank you" because I felt liberated. It was tough building up the courage to do it despite my heart beating at 200 miles per hour. But it's what I really wanted do so I followed my desire, spoke up, and let her hear it. In my younger years, I don't think I would've been able to do it but with age comes wisdom, experience, stories, and maturity.

If you ever come to NY around the same time as a GAF meet up (provided it's not at a bar), I might tell you my real name but it's definitely not "Jipan." I've never met a Hispanic guy with that name.

Basically it's like you said; I kind of feel like I have no tongue. I make eye contact with a woman, I keep walking, I look back, check out her ass, and high with my temporary moment of visual pleasure, I walk on my merry way; rinse and repeat. Obviously I am getting tired of gawking at women and being unable to do anything about it other than just stare and move onto the next attractive woman that comes into my line of sight.

Like any scary thing, I'll consider doing it and get back to you all on that. It just means that I have to take a deep breath, put my thoughts aside, and do it. But since it sounds like a fun objective, I don't see the harm in it.

I'm surprised you don't try more often. Am I the only here who actually tries a lot but still fails?
 

celebi23

Member
So, I'm back again with some good news this time :D So, literally the afternoon after my date (that resulted in there not being a 2nd date) another girl on OkCupid responded to my message. We chatted back and forth for a few hours, and a bunch today. She then gave me her # so that we could text. Here's one of her last messages

"Yeahhh living at home is probably always quieter than living in a dorm lol. Well so far I like Springfield, although I'm only taking part time classes. But I enjoy them and I like the people that are in my classes :) That's great that you enjoy Hartford so much! You make it sound pretty great :p Also it's great to have people around who you can talk to forever about what you love to do lol. I like talking to you :) I'm going to get off here and get ready for bed, although it's tempting not to ;)"

My response
"That's awesome that you like Springfield :) Yeah, [college name redacted] is pretty awesome. Yeah, I agree, it's nice to have that :) I really like talking to you too :) Nah, don't log off. Stay online a bit more ;)"

Her response
"How about we compromise and I get off here, but give you my phone number so that we can text instead :)"

We then texted back and forth for over an hour :D
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top Bottom